online dating - are they stupid?!!

[Yewki]

I understood that looks are important but I thought it would just mean a lower %, not everyone. I'm seriously ****ed if that's the case.

You're not f*cked. Stop putting so much stock into OLD and explore other options. You should definitely put forth some effort approaching girls in person.

 

[Fruitbat]

unless you have some mega high status job or idiosyncrasy that is not readily apparent but you can put in your profile, like a hidden tattoo, car, low income but sexy job, etc, you will do much worse online than in the real world. Probably 95% of men online need to take discounts.

Where the **** do you find them?

No women in workplace.
Try hitting on girls in shops but generally not interested.
Bars - I have no wingman, plus most women I see in bars are 10 years younger and generally trash and want ****heads with tattoos. I don't like women like this.
I'd have to literally walk up to women in the street.
tried infiltrating social groups but there are always, always dudes ****blocking. All my friends are couples pretty much, and the one option I had just played the **** out of me, so don't want to try that again.
Real life seems harder.

I was relying on OLD. I could walk around doing my life for weeks and never be in a social context to hit on someone...the only datable women I meet are serving me in hotels or petrol stations.

Any links to advice on this?

 

[Instinct1978]

1. Hairdressers
2. Restaurant-Bars
3. Women on the street
4. Meetup.com Groups
5. Gym(ok, this is awkward and difficult for me and even for some true to life players I know, but far from impossible...I have had some success there)
6. Church
7. Waitresses
8. Malls
9. Facebook groups
10. Clients

11. Grocery store (I go multiple times a week)
12. Find a community pool
13. Get a dog and go to the park. (Let your pup approach for you)
14. These "Themed runs" Tough mudder. Color run, Spartan race... (Most have forums where you can join a group.

 

[ZTIME]

Where the **** do you find them? They are everywhere! Banks, grocery stores, malls, restaurants, etc. Like seriously everywhere!

No women in workplace. Next to the workplace perhaps?
Try hitting on girls in shops but generally not interested. Maybe work on your game, your confidence, and your cold approaching skills. Then they would probably start to hit on you.
Bars - I have no wingman, plus most women I see in bars are 10 years younger and generally trash and want ****heads with tattoos. I don't like women like this. Get a wingman. If you work with no women, you must work with men, all of which could be a wingman. Also, try different bars. It took me awhile to find the right places to go and avoid exactly what you're describing.
I'd have to literally walk up to women in the street. Which answers your first question!
tried infiltrating social groups but there are always, always dudes ****blocking. Social groups and events are by far the best places to pick up chicks. You should work on this. If you're working out, looking good, and have a good level of confidence, ****blockers won't be able to stop you. women will approach you. All my friends are couples pretty much, and the one option I had just played the **** out of me, so don't want to try that again.
Real life seems harder. Naah! Real life is what you make of it. Hard or easy, your choice.

I was relying on OLD. I could walk around doing my life for weeks and never be in a social context to hit on someone You should change this. Go out more often and meet new people....the only datable women I meet are serving me in hotels or petrol stations. And why are you not dating or banging them??

Any links to advice on this? DJ Bible

Good Luck Sir.

 

[Fruitbat]

Jesus ****ing Christ if it's back into the real world I'm back where I started. You can't tell a ho about your job and talents straight up in a conversation. That, I incorrectly thought, was my ace. Saying that, I've nailed a few one night stands with fairly ok women but not ltr material...def need to work on the physique as I never had looks, and being overweight makes getting anything other than a "**** you" pretty much impossible at present. Even when I was buff I found it ridiculously hard to get decent women, easy lays, fair enough. Just find drunk women.

Annoyingly, I thought the job/flat/ability to play musical instrument/humour/good intellect would be more potent online. if you meet a woman in the street it's EVEN MORE about looks surely....confidence is over rated. Its powerful if you are attractive, but if your not, you're one of those guys women say "he just wouldn't leave me alone"!!

bloody hell, I should have worked out more, put that above everything, **** the career, it's done nothing for me.

I'll keep going, I'll do my best but life's a ****ing cheat if you ask me, for some the game is rigged and it pisses me off. Enjoy the good times some of you, you have absolutely no idea how lucky you are.

You may think "you have no confidence, your attitude is the problem" ...you can have all the attitude you like but it doesn't do **** for some people, it's the reality which causes the attitude, not the attitude that causes the reality.

The dj scene says chicks dig arrogance and confidence. This is a confirmation bias. The guys chicks dig have arrogance and confidence, because chicks dig them.

Raging at the injustice. the nature is that some get more than they can dream of, an abundance they could never extinguish, while others get none. I hope to God there's some point to life because if your in my boat, it feels like a sick ****ing joke. Add to this there are plenty of hot women who enjoy playing you, giving a sniff of the dream and then taking it away, and it's a sicker joke than one could imagine. A hoax. A game with a fixed result.

I will give it the next 12 months of hard work in the gym. I'll give this a last try then I'm giving up for good. Find some chick from a poor village in Asia. It's not ****ing right that a decent, honest hard working man can't get a 6. I'm not ****ing deformed. I'm not socially inept. I work in a sales industry where I'm constantly creative, good with social skills. I don't vent this **** in real life by the way. It just seems that the top 20% of genetically fortunate males take the entire cake. It's not been this way throughout history, it's not like this in other cultures. such a basic need of human beings not being met. I don't want a ****ing hareem, just a ****ing simple girl who's not leagues below, but truly these stupid bints would rather be in a hareem for a guy who thinks of them as little more than *** rescepticles.

Might put this on my OLD profile ;-)

 

[Fruitbat]

Just needed to get that out of my system. See how I feel after a year of hard work. Just doesn't seem that hard for some lucky ****s who just have that **** given to them. I know one must work on one's self, but if it doesn't come off I'm finished. Constant rejection kills you. I'll darken someone else's webpages, you aren't social workers. I don't even belong here until I sharpen up.

 

[ZTIME]

You may think "you have no confidence, your attitude is the problem" ...you can have all the attitude you like but it doesn't do **** for some people, it's the reality which causes the attitude, not the attitude that causes the reality.

Well bud, I hate to tell you this, but it is attitude that creates reality, or your own perception of who you are today. Reality is malleable which means you can shape it into whatever you want. Hell with the right tools and the right attitude you can create a reality that makes you soar high above others.

Let's be honest. Did you start this thread to whine about the pitfalls of the dating world, or did you start it seeking advice?

All of this should have, would have, and could have, mentality will never help your cause, it will hinder your growth. At 32 years old, you have plenty of time to make the proper adjustments to live a happy life.

think of life and women like a poker hand. You told us what your holding (job/flat/ability to play musical instrument/humor/good intellect), which is like carrying trip 8's. Its not a bad hand, and could win a few hands at some tables. Wouldn't you rather be playing with a full house, four of a kind, or a royal flush?

You already know what needs to be done, but are you willing to put in the work to accomplish it? If not, you will constantly live in THIS reality that you have created.

Start with working out, grooming, and wardrobe. These are all natural confidence boosters. When a guy knows he looks good, he feels good. When a guy feels good, he becomes more confident. When a good looking, confident male walks into a room, store, restaurant, grocery store, etc. Women will notice.

Free yourself of all this negative energy. Or sit in misery complaining how unfair reality is. It's your choice. Just remember your reality is your choice also.

 

[Fruitbat]

You may think "you have no confidence, your attitude is the problem" ...you can have all the attitude you like but it doesn't do **** for some people, it's the reality which causes the attitude, not the attitude that causes the reality.

Well bud, I hate to tell you this, but it is attitude that creates reality, or your own perception of who you are today. Reality is malleable which means you can shape it into whatever you want. Hell with the right tools and the right attitude you can create a reality that makes you soar high above others.

i understand this to an extent. But what about people who lose a leg? What about ghose who lose an eye? etc i bought into this ideology long ago, but have bought out. Most of the chaps i know who are v succesfull with women had it from birth. I understand from working is sales that attitude is everything....but in the dating scene, this logic stops working, when i see totally poorly developed males, with zero skills, people who never worked on themselves doing fairly well. Of course to be very successfull you need both.

Let's be honest. Did you start this thread to whine about the pitfalls of the dating world, or did you start it seeking advice?

a bit of both, and a bit of letting off steam as i am pissed off!
All of this should have, would have, and could have, mentality will never help your cause, it will hinder your growth. At 32 years old, you have plenty of time to make the proper adjustments to live a happy life.
i hope youre right
think of life and women like a poker hand. You told us what your holding (job/flat/ability to play musical instrument/humor/good intellect), which is like carrying trip 8's. Its not a bad hand, and could win a few hands at some tables. Wouldn't you rather be playing with a full house, four of a kind, or a royal flush?
if you arent scorimg on looks, you dont get to play
You already know what needs to be done, but are you willing to put in the work to accomplish it? If not, you will constantly live in THIS reality that you have created.
i cant take respomsibility for everything. Luck plays a role, but granted defeatest thinking doesnt help
Start with working out, grooming, and wardrobe. These are all natural confidence boosters. When a guy knows he looks good, he feels good. When a guy feels good, he becomes more confident. When a good looking, confident male walks into a room, store, restaurant, grocery store, etc. Women will notice.
Seriously mate,you cant become good looking. You can get all the others. Think of women you know...arent there some who just wont ever be hot. We both know that is true
Free yourself of all this negative energy. Or sit in misery complaining how unfair reality is. It's your choice. Just remember your reality is your choice also.

Either way, its crap being negative, but its not a choice, its a result. I can still improve so ill give it everything but i expect nothing

 

[Fruitbat]

**** I know you're right mate, talking myself out of any chance of success really.

 

[ZTIME]

Borrowed this from one of GURU1000's posts. It'll help you to understand how a great attitude can overcome lots of things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJvEoLPLIg8&app=desktop

as for you saying you can't become good looking. I'd only ask you that right now are you 100% in the best physical condition you can be in? Are you right now at the peak of your confidence level? And if the answers are no, then right now could you be working toward change?

Yes I know plenty of women, some that I would never consider hot, but truthfully they could work on themselves and look better.

I hope some of this helps. Watch the video, it's pretty powerful stuff.

 

[sodbuster]

FIRST thing I'd do is go online and see What physical signs a woman who is hitting on you gives off..... then start looking for them. When a woman walks by and brushes her boobs against you,,,, and she COULD have missed you because there was room.... it was ON PURPOSE. When she rest's her hand on your ass while talking to you, it's ON PURPOSE.

I've had women grab my d!ck in a bar.... I HOPE you don't need that direct of a hint.....

 

[Fruitbat]

48 approaches
4 responses
2 who cut off randomly (hotter of the 4) not really anything I said, can't see how anything said could red flag a woman.
1 from probably the lowest smv I messaged and not really that interested
1 date from a 4 or a 5. She is actually very, very interested and texts me everyday, pretty but overweight and has a kid. So maybe not even a 5 on that based.

No cut and paste, but my approaches have improved the first few were lame.

Every single approach except the first 5 was an observation on something on the profile, made some joke about it then asked a question. I've sat there HOURS doing this, only to get the profile view, and nothing back. The only messages I get are from old or fugly women.

Almost run out of women to approach in local area now!

Genuinely think it's photographic presentation. I have 2 pretty standard headshots in a t shirt, one picture of me in s group shot looking taller and bigger than friends, 1 funny pic in suit on phone.

Seriously need to hit gym and do some activities which may produce some good pictures.

 

[Fruitbat]

Guys,

I took advice above and put my best clothes on. Decided to exude confidence today....went to the doctors for some blood work.

Stood tall, spoke clearly, was chatty.

The nurse who took my blood was cute. She was asking me what I did for work, did I live locally. Big eye contact.

This was SO unexpected. it's amazing what it does for you, showing confidence.

My massive regret is I didn't have the balls to ask her out. The thing that stopped me was a voice that said "this is a place you need to return to sometimes so might be awkward"

I was beating myself up, wondering how many chances I will blow by not grabbing my balls and asking her out. What's the worst that could happen?

I can do the confidence up to this point but I seem to seize up at the moment of truth.

Anyway, thanks for the advice above. I now know what confidence can do.

I now need to work on actually plucking up the courage to ask out. It was SO unexpected to get this interest I think it took me by surprise!

 

[Fruitbat]

Guys, I was on my arse last night. Sorry to bring you down. Just reading back what a ****ing beta phaggot I was.

Indeed correct that why would you want to live your life believing the worst. Life is more fun believing the best, even if you aren't perfect, nobody, certainly not women, are going to believe the best if you don't.

This is a mother****ing turning point for me!!

 

[kingwilliam]

Ive been messing around with online dating for about 6 months and for about the last month Ive been really tweaking my efforts....

Like someone above said, go to the gym... improve yourself. Not just for the women but it will make you feel better overall.

2 things I did that completely changed my online game:

1. I hit the gym really hard for about 6 weeks and leaned myself out some. Ive always been fairly athletic, but I toned things up. I put a shirtless picture on my profile (not the main pic, but something they would see after they click on my profile). I am not exaggerating when I say that I almost immediately started getting messages from the top women on the sites (and I feel like Ive seen all of them)

2. Get a good opening line and use it OVER AND OVER AND OVER after you find that it works. Dont just copy and paste an opener that you find online... invent YOURS. Try to think of something that fits your appearance and your description of yourself. (Im not revealing mine that Ive perfected)

ALSO- Online dating is a numbers game. Youve got to put your time in. Youve got to message dozens if not HUNDREDS of women and statistically you will get responses. At that point it is up to you to reel them in. Dont open with things like "you're beautiful" or "I like your profile" Thats what they hear from hundred of idiots who have no game.

If you are on the sites quite a bit, it will show you as "online" and your profile will appear more frequently.



As for me, I have had the most luck on Tinder.

work out
get a tan
keep your hair looking good
Message the hot women too.... dont set your bar at a 6