Online Bumble Message/Date Advice needed...

[harrison9876]

So...to keep it short...

Matched with a really cool girl...athletic, rock climber, artist...veeeeeerry interesting.

The past few matches I have had, after a few humorous/C&F messages back and forth, I have always casually told them to shoot me their number, and I'll hit them up. However...in every case, I have gotten a, "follow me on Instagram"; or "I'd like to get to know you better first"...or some other variant. My interest usually comes to a complete END...or I take it as a rejection and just move on.

So...with this one, as an experiment, I have let the messaging go on a bit longer than I probably should have...and in the course of that (as I hate messaging), I started to get a bit bored...and my own IL dropped slightly. It also seemed like her IL was also dropping...as the messages back and forth were a bit short and meaningless...

Anyway...today, I told her I wasn't really into messaging, but if she wanted to chat, to just shoot me her #.

Her response was:

"You know ...I am not that much of a fan of speaking on the phone...but I am down to meet for a cup of something or a walk if you'd like".

To be honest...I have never once met a girl from an online match...so it feels a bit odd...but I can see advantages in both scenarios...

Thoughts on how to proceed on this?

TIA

 

[Kotaix]

Don't IM with women, meet them in real life. IM'ing is for orbiters. The fact that she wants to meet you for coffee is a sign of a quality woman, and you have very little to lose. Rock climbers are a special breed.

girls who want you to follow them on instagram are just hypergamist thots looking for more validation, you seem to have actually met someone worthwhile. Rock climbers are a special breed

Play her game and come up with a cool first date idea. Something original that one ups her walk/drink idea.

 

[Artifice]

Done it before. Worked out great, even though she told me on the date she thought I was going to ghost her since I never asked for her number.

Advice above is solid. Also be careful not to care too much about this one girl...might drop your confidence a little. Hopefully you have others in line.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

My rules for OLD success and no wasted time:
1. Only send a max of 10-15 msgs back and forth through the app after match. Then YOU ask her to meet in person for the date. You don't need to ask for her number. Most girls would rather meet you than give you their number at first. They give their number after they meet you in person and are interested in you. You can communicate through the app and it's easier for them to stay more anonymous this way, and block weirdos easier than if they give you their number.
2. If she declines the date request because she wants to "get to know you better," that's a lie. She just wants a penpal orbiter. Same for IG follow request. She will never meet you. Respond by saying politely that you aren't looking for a pen pal, that there is no risk to meet in a public place for a drink or cup of coffee to get to know each other better, and tell her to reach out to you if she changes her mind. Then never initiate contact with her again. I've gone on hundreds of in-person dates with girls from OLD using these tactics.
3. Don't talk on the phone to get to know a girl. Get to know her in person.

 

[harrison9876]

Hey guys...

Thanks for the replies...

Soooooooooo...I am meeting this girl today...but she wants to keep it to a day date. Basically meeting her for a coffee this afternoon. Not really what I am used to...

 

[AttackFormation]

Hey guys...

Thanks for the replies...

Soooooooooo...I am meeting this girl today...but she wants to keep it to a day date. Basically meeting her for a coffee this afternoon. Not really what I am used to...

Get her to a park-like place and at some point get her adrenaline running (pick her up and spin her, race her, ambush-scare her, something like that, and you can combine them). The adrenaline increases arousal. Kino her after. Easy peasy...

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

So...to keep it short...

Matched with a really cool girl...athletic, rock climber, artist...veeeeeerry interesting.

The past few matches I have had, after a few humorous/C&F messages back and forth, I have always casually told them to shoot me their number, and I'll hit them up. However...in every case, I have gotten a, "follow me on Instagram"; or "I'd like to get to know you better first"...or some other variant. My interest usually comes to a complete END...or I take it as a rejection and just move on.

So...with this one, as an experiment, I have let the messaging go on a bit longer than I probably should have...and in the course of that (as I hate messaging), I started to get a bit bored...and my own IL dropped slightly. It also seemed like her IL was also dropping...as the messages back and forth were a bit short and meaningless...

Anyway...today, I told her I wasn't really into messaging, but if she wanted to chat, to just shoot me her #.

Her response was:

"You know ...I am not that much of a fan of speaking on the phone...but I am down to meet for a cup of something or a walk if you'd like".

To be honest...I have never once met a girl from an online match...so it feels a bit odd...but I can see advantages in both scenarios...

Thoughts on how to proceed on this?

TIA

I'd say #nextSet until she responded to coffee or something of a meet up. Proceed.

 

[harrison9876]

Okay...well this went.....odd.

She basically took control and kept if VERY safe. I know...I am going to get FlaK from everyone for not taking control...but this whole online dating thing is really odd for me.

Normally when I am out with a girl...I already have a rapport. In this case, there was NO rapport...it was like meeting a total stranger.

She was very cute and interesting...convo went well...but as I said...it was very "safe". We hit it off as "people"...but I did not feel a major "damn I want this girl" vibe. It really felt like 2 friends hanging out...which sorta sucked.

She commented on how well the date was going, and hinted at a second date. Quite honestly...I think it was only an hour or so...and at the end "she" initiated a hug...and that was that. I did NOT push for a second date at that time. As we were talking about music, she ended up sending me a link to something she really liked, after I left.

This happened on Sunday.

As it was a long weekend, and I was otherwise pre-occupied with other things...I figured I would reach back to her today.

I know she was still in my match list last night...but...when I went into my account today...she was gone (she deleted me at her end).

Obviously there is a lot I should have done differently...

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Sounds like many of my early post-divorce OLD dating experiences.

Did you express romantic/sexual intent in any way? With words or how you looked at her, or through touch?

Sounded like she was into you, based on her comments about a second date and her reaching out to you. She likely unmatched in response to your not replying to her post-date text. No big deal there, so long as you weren't interested.

I guess I'm trying to figure out your concern here? From your description, it sounds like you went on a first date, weren't into her, and when she realized that she unmatched. No big right?

 

[harrison9876]

Honestly...I don't even know where my concern is.

Kino felt like it was near impossible (and I also didn't even feel like attempting), as she seemed very guarded. Maybe I wasn't attempting, as I was not that into her...

My mind also went into overdrive for a couple of things.

1) she was my age, and has 2 kids...13 and 16. That is not necessarily a deal breaker for me...but I always wonder if a girl like that is looking for someone to play daddy and be financially supportive. So for some reason it bothered me, I guess.

2) I am also used to being around younger women. Even though we were the same age...I felt like I was out with a MUCH older women..

3) Cute, artistic, amazing body, fun, interesting...spiritual...yet...I wasn't that into her. Huh? That is new for me.

I am guessing that if I really WAS into her...none of my above concerns would even be relevant...I would have set up a 2nd date...and initiated kino.

 

[Murk]

Don’t ask for their number. I say:

“18283727117 here’s my number, WhatsApp me”

And I never respond again. I’ll get a “hey” on WhatsApp that day, next day or maybe a few days later but they will message. Then I get the msgs, calls and banter going to a point I can side step 14 year old day/park/coffee dates that children go on for real evening alcohol fuelled fun meet ups where you can get their pvssy wet and your balls empty. That’s what we really want right? I think I’ll post some OLD screenshots soon.

 

[John9999]

So...to keep it short...

Matched with a really cool girl...athletic, rock climber, artist...veeeeeerry interesting.

The past few matches I have had, after a few humorous/C&F messages back and forth, I have always casually told them to shoot me their number, and I'll hit them up. However...in every case, I have gotten a, "follow me on Instagram"; or "I'd like to get to know you better first"...or some other variant. My interest usually comes to a complete END...or I take it as a rejection and just move on.

So...with this one, as an experiment, I have let the messaging go on a bit longer than I probably should have...and in the course of that (as I hate messaging), I started to get a bit bored...and my own IL dropped slightly. It also seemed like her IL was also dropping...as the messages back and forth were a bit short and meaningless...

Anyway...today, I told her I wasn't really into messaging, but if she wanted to chat, to just shoot me her #.

Her response was:

"You know ...I am not that much of a fan of speaking on the phone...but I am down to meet for a cup of something or a walk if you'd like".

To be honest...I have never once met a girl from an online match...so it feels a bit odd...but I can see advantages in both scenarios...

Thoughts on how to proceed on this?

TIA

Messaging should only be used to set up a face-to-face meeting. Trust me on this one. There are women that will message you for ever but never meet in person. They’re just looking for some validation