ONEITIS - Lets Be Honest

[TheDoctor]

Very nice post.

I posted a while back about going AFC in an LTR. After reading this, I'm pretty sure I have a bad case of oneitis with my LTR to go along with the AFC behavior.

I've been cutting out the AFC behavior whenever I catch it. It's getting better.

What can I do to internally conquer this Oneitis for my girl? I love her very much so and she loves me as well but I have seen the light with this post. I have realized that I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about her, what she's doing, where she is, etc, etc. I think my obsessive thoughts stem from trust issues with her ( I don't trust women.....PERIOD ) and my own insecurities.

Any ideas for the man in an LTR with a case of Oneitis?

 

[x86]

I have to rip on the list a bit.

Dont have just one girl

It's ok to have one girl. It's not ok to feel like you can't get others.

Dont get EMOTIONALLY involved with ANY girl

Rephrase: Do not get emotionally involved with ANY FB. LTR's is a different game.

Protect your heart

This could line could mean different things to different people. Do not read it as "It is ok not give it it my 100% so I am protected if I fail".

Know that you should be able to WALK AWAY from any relationship without looking back
Dont let your emotions cloud your judgment.
Dont doubt your self, if she goes then no problem, you can go get another better girl(s)
Dont put too much emphasis on girls, we really dont need them as much as you are led to believe.
And for gods sake make your move on that girl!!!!

100% agree.

TheDoctor: Get some hobbies. The more you like them the better. Nothing beats a case of oneitis better for me than going to the gym.

 

[EvilAgenda]

Brilliant post!!!! RESPECT bro.

I too had oneitis once before. NEVER AGAIN!!!

 

[MightyMate]

Just stop talkin to ONEITS and try with others.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

Ive actually had a oneitis that got worse over time before it got better. We were a couple for 2 years, broke up but remained FB's. Then all of a sudden we broke it off again, she initiated it - and i decided to go NC to get over her.

I didnt get any closure as to why she really broke it off because she said she still had feelings for me and still wanted to keep in touch but wanted to figure shyt out. I thought that was a bullshyt reason so I told her cool thats fine, but she broke with me and said she wanted to remain friends, so that made me think it was on her plate to get in touch with me to continue the friendship, if she still had feelings and wanted to keep in touch.

Lo and behold, havent heard from her since lol. Ive moved on, doin my thang - still find myself wondering what she's been up to, rarely but i do. Usually when i sign on AIM and see shes on because she hasnt blocked me or i her. She hasnt blocked or changed her screen name to move on with her life, so why should I? i think doing that would show that it really affected me.

I knew the reason was bullshyt, but i think the not getting closure on why it all happened is what messed with me and made it worse before it got better.

Im sure she'll contact me at some point, likely when i dont really want to hear from her anymore lol. And ill be honest i wouldnt be against hearing from her just to say whats up, i dont have anymore physical or emotional lust for her.

~WA

 

[NeverLookback329]

impressed

I'm really impressed with this thread and for anyone going through this dysfunctional thought process, it serves as good comfort. I'm about 3/4 through my oneitis, and the closer I come out of it, the more rediculous I see how my thoughts have been.. First of all it was only a 3 monther, but she really was mysterious, which is why i think i was obessiing.my curiousity drove me... not too mention a body that was really fun to have and it ended so soon, i was like "aww and I didn't even get to try this thing..", though her face could have been prettier..fortunately i never let out any of these thoughts while I was not in my right mind.. whatver.. here's what i've been repeating to myself...

1) she breaks-up w/ you while your going out to make it easier on her (a cowardly move b/c she can still be w/ u as she goes through her mental breakup) - the guy has to go through it after the fact..

2) She knew it would hurt you and she DIDn't Even Care.

3) I should have known she was trouble b/c I had gone really far w/ her the first time we met... a sure sign of frusteration to come.. - it is an unfair judgement b/c the guy gets an immediate pleasure, but if all it takes is a few drinks to get your clothes off... sorry, all bets are off for LTR,.. you'd be a sitting duck at the bars if i wasn't there...


4) the girl in my mind is not her,.. she doesn't exist..... ///


- the thing is though I have to be in the friend zone since we have mutual friends and to completely break it off, would make it awkward next I run into her...She does stay in touch and asks me to hang out from time to time,... if we do,.it will be on my terms - I'd rather her just know that she lost a really great guy and she can enjoy getting used by whatever pick-up artist from this site finds her hhaha

 

[lalahaha]

my one-itis took a long time to cure
but basically what i did was make my working out into a habit, it makes you feel good whether you do it late at night when everyone's sleeping or right early in the morning when you just get up or whatever, it gives you like a temporary high that makes the rest of your day seem better

i also started hanging out more with my friends, going to birthday parties, becoming more social instead of just obsessing about a girl and in the process i've even improved my social skills, and my going on these outings i even met a few girl friends of my friends' and we flirt a little, and although i didn't really do anything to push it forward, it really helps when curing your one-itis and improving your self-esteem

 

[Lexington]

This thread popped up at just the right time for me. It's reassuring to know that lots of other people have gone through what I'm going through. A few days ago, I fully and completely accepted that I'm in a state of oneitis.

For the longest time, I knew that I had all the classic symptoms of oneitis. But my emotions overcame my logic. I thought, oh maybe if I do just this one more thing for her, she'll want to be more than friends. I thought, "this girl is different."

It's funny that I could come on here and easily diagnose a case of oneitis for other people but I was in a state of denial about myself. That's just the thing about oneitis. It can completely override your logic and your reason. It truly is a mental illness in many ways.

I'm not over my oneitis yet. But I have, after several months, accepted that I have a problem and I've finally committed myself to taking steps to rid myself of it. I've cut off ties with this girl. I don't want to see her or hear from her. I'm cutting her out of my life and moving on.

 

[Rebound Material]

Oneitis after you've been LJBF'd....is indeed a living hell...

 

[RayHessel]

Great post.

I'm going through oneitis right now and I find myself coming back to this thread to read it again.

This feeling sucks.

 

[wunnaBsmooth]

I have oneitis right now!!

I feel like a hopeful alchol recovery participant... but I have oneitis right now!
It makes me sick that I feel the way I do. but I also know it's because I haven't allowed myself to experience other options.

This feeling of constant wonder and desire is making feel almost sick at my stomach... How disgusting?

My problem isn't that I spend a ton of time with the girl.. I work out and I have a life... but it's the constant thinking that's killing me.....

This is an awsome post and I hope it helps me get through this painful situation...

Are the ladies that oblivious to this stuff?


Thanks

 

[Sedop]

While I hate to admit it, I'm still recovering from Oneitis. When I really think about it though I realize it has a lot to do with sex. My last LTR, the cause of my oneitis, resulted in some of the best sex of my life. So now when I feel my worst: I go out and try to get laid.

And if I don't succeed and am still in hell I'll take care of buisness myself. Hey, it's better than contacting her...

 

[Lusterkx2]

Im going through this right now thanks. My story is I seen her all the time 4 days a week in math class in college. She would help me pass test and what not. She give crazy mix signals. One week she wont talk to me and then she talks to me next week. Basically pushing and pulling me, that made me go on an emotional roller coaster ride so maybe that's why I started feeling her. Then I got a bad news that my grade was low so I had to withdraw from my math class. Now shes all I think about and wonder what could I have done better. But thanks this the post I needed, I'll recover.

 

[Avn_0903]

Im really desperate rite now. My this oneitis has been going for 6 months now n I dont know how to get rid of it. Yesterday I sent her a text saying that I won't ever bother her anymore. Now I feel like ****!!!!!!!!!! The good thing is since I sent that msg, I won't ever come back to her anymore... or hopefully. This girl has been in my mind constantly for 6 months every fuking day now...... **** this life (lol I know, such AFCness). Anyway, just wanted to rant a bit since it would make me feel better.

 

[R19]

AFC tried to have a ball.
AFC had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put the vibe between the AFC and the chick together again.

 

[TizZle]

This is a refreshing thread if you think you are developing oneitis or already have it

 

[Blue Phoenix]

The "truth" about the one

I thought this would complement this thread!

The problem. Many of us don’t know who or what we’re looking for in a relationship. Ask your average person what they want and most reply: “I’m looking for ‘the one.’ Someone with a good sense of humor, attractive, good chemistry. I’ll know it when I see it.” Yeah, that really narrows it down. If you don’t know what you want, how will you know where to look, much less recognize it, if you’re ever lucky enough to stumble across it? Common values, emotional styles, and shared life goals are more important than “instant” chemistry, similar interests and leisure pursuits, but most people don’t know it. Instant chemistry is often nothing more than the recognition of finding that “perfect” someone with whom to recreate unresolved childhood issues.

If you enter a relationship thinking you can change them, you’ll become frustrated and the other person will feel bad about not living up to some “ideal” he never was in the first place.

Source>http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/are-you-my-soul-mate-defining-the-one/

 

[Serg897]

Its good that Blue Phoenix revived this - this is a great thread.

Oneitis is a mental disorder. It literally sucks the life out of you.

 

[starplayer]

oneitis with a missed opportunity

When you have oneitis with a girl that HAD feelings for you at one point
and doesnt have them anymore whilst your feelings for her GROW. This is very very painful, ive been through it
,its like she just 'cast her spell' and left you hanging. If i remember this head of oneitis crossed over to the next more deadly form which will truly destroy you if you dont get out of it quickly...

I've had real bad oneitis twice and both fall into this category.

The first one I got LJBF after i got attached to some slvt who I slept with and who originally chased after me. It was pure luck I happened to act like a total alpha without even knowing it, which made her go crazy for me. But then I became totally obsessed with her and ended up begging her after she rejected me, and she treated me like complete sh!t - this was easily my biggest AFC moment.

The pain of that led me to find the community and grow a spine so I gotta thank her for that.

I see photos of her now and she ain't all that but I was infatuated at the time. It's obvious now there was nothing special about her at all and I must have been out of my mind to chase after her. I only properly got over the first oneitis when I went total no contact and met my second oneitis.



With the second one, again the girl went after me, but this time I purposely gamed her. But then I got attached and she disappeared. She came back months later and was interested again and we slept with each other again. I was still attached and I tried to hide it but she realized so she disappeared again.

I knew her before I had oneitis for her so I know she's quite hot and it's not just in my mind. But she's totally unsuitable - she's quite easy to lay, a total flirt, an attention wh0re, she can't be trusted, she lies, we haven't got much in common, and the circumstances are far from ideal. I know I don't want to be with her forever or anything like that, but I still really like her and want her bad even though it's never gonna happen. Even if she came back again I'd have to turn her down because she's fvcked me over. Going no contact right now.

The pain of the second girl led me to find sosuave so I gotta thank her for that. But I still have oneitis for her right now and it hurts. I don't even want to think about her with another guy but sooner or later I'm gonna see it so gotta prepare myself for that.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

De-programming

Oneitis is a mental disorder. It literally sucks the life out of you.

ABSOLUTELY! I used to feel like life was numb without a great love in my life. No wonder I always felt cheated, I was never fulfilled. Happiness must come from you not from others. If you expect others to lead your life, you´re in for a heartache.

Most people are brainwashed by the idea of love. I believe most "love" is no more than co-dependency where one sucks dry the other, where the guy expects to be baby-sitted by a parentified partner or where he thinks that money can buy affection or where the guy lets the girl set the frame. No wonder many marriages end up in divorce!! See the songs from Bon Jovi ("I’d Die For You" lyrics) which, although beautiful on paper, are horrible in real life. Being in love = suffering.

Being in love is good, but "too much love" is actually not love, but obsession and it borders on mental illness. You´ve turned this person into your savior, crutch, purpose in your life. This is a recipe for disaster. Being unable to let her go is a bad signal too. See the amount of crime of passion after a break-up.

TOO much love/attraction means something is wrong WITH YOU. Actually it scares people away.

Am I wrong???

Garbage Song from the movie Romeo and Juliet.

I would die for you 2x
I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine

I would cry for you 2x
I will wash away your pain with all my tears, I'm drowning on fear

I will pray for you 2x
I will sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talkin'
You will believe in me, and I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, you're just like me

Violate all the love that I'm missin'
Throw away all the pain that I'm livin'
You will believe in me, and I can never be ignored

I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you,
Take the cross for you
Make me a part of you
Because I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you

I love this song but it´s unreal.