One on one

[Brooks]

When women have you in a role or position in their lives they dont want to lose you. You may have been reduced to a non sexual friend. But she wants to keep you locked in that position. Having another babe come along and desire you for herself will be met with competition. So they literally not desire you and dont want anyone else to desire you.

I’ve haven’t been reduced to nothing. We have a lot of sex.

I get what you’re saying about having you in a certain position though.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I’ve been reduced to nothing. We have a lot of sex.

I get what you’re saying about having you in a certain position though.

That shyt sucks. Exes try to c0ckblock me in my new situations of they can. They dont want to be the pinnacle of my life.

 

[Glassguy]

No woman would respect a guy who gives her freedom? Lol come on man.

This is a relationship.

Getting her to submit to me would be me doing what exactly? Telling her what she can and can’t do? Punch her in the face? Shag another woman?
What would you suggest?

You don't get it. You shouldn't have to say anything of she RESPECTED you.

I'm out. You cant be helped. Good luck

 

[AttackFormation]

You don't get it. You shouldn't have to say anything of she RESPECTED you.

I'm out. You cant be helped. Good luck

Hopefully at least other guys will find the thread useful.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You don't get it. You shouldn't have to say anything of she RESPECTED you.

I'm out. You cant be helped. Good luck

I get it. If a woman respected you there isnt a massive enforcement of boundaries required. She just wouldn't do certain things. She would know.

 

[sazc]

@Brooks ur defending her behavior despite what everyone here says. Why did you write the post? You seem okay with what she is doing, what's the problem?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@Brooks ur defending her behavior despite what everyone here says. Why did you write the post? You seem okay with what she is doing, what's the problem?

Its a start to cvcking. Unless our guy is a pimp and has other females. Shed do her thing and submit to his desires as required. Shed also shut off activities hes not comfortable with.

 

[ubercat]

OP you are obviously young. If you add up all the guys who have posted here you've literally got decades of experience with thousands of women. We know this won't go well because we've seen it play out hundreds of times. anyway ignore us and come back after the break up when you've been a bit humbled and then you can start learning.

 

[Spaz]

Does this mean I should be the one who is always planning the hangouts/dates?

Ideally yes but not a deal breaker if you don't at times.

A woman can suggest and you can either decide to agree/refuse or counter it with another plan provided you are free and want to go out.

 

[Spaz]

What tests can a man give?

Playing within the masculine frame? Meaning the boundaries I set?


Probably not responding at all, like I did.

I could have told you exactly what I would do, how I would set the tone in a relationship and you could copy it but you'd come off as fake.

The question was placed so that you'd search for the answer within, I would then drill you on it or poke holes with ur answers and by going through the process, self revelation and understanding is thus achieved.

If a man always provides fish to hungry men but does not provide them with a rod and teaches them how to fish, they will be hungry tomorrow.

 

[Brooks]

UPDATE: She didn’t go on the coffee meeting. She bailed.

 

[AttackFormation]

UPDATE: She didn’t go on the coffee meeting. She bailed.

That puts things in a better light. It doesn't seem like you need to be directly concerned about this, just like @RangerMIke said. This guy just seems to be a discount-priced source of entertainment and validation, but the fact that she plays with orbiters like this at all is still not a mature behavior.

 

[Brooks]

That puts things in a better light. It doesn't seem like you need to be directly concerned about this, just like @RangerMIke said. This guy just seems to be a discount-priced source of entertainment and validation, but the fact that she plays with orbiters like this at all is still not a mature behavior.

What are some directions or options I can implement now so these situations don’t arise again?

 

[flowtheory]

UPDATE: She didn’t go on the coffee meeting. She bailed.

I knew it. Test! Good job on not freaking out or paying her gambit any attention; at least in front of her — have to remain impervious to their behaviours such as these.
If you would have assuaged her need for attention in this case, things would have taken a turn in the other direction. Sounds like you’ve turned yourself around from your thread a week or so ago. Keep us updated.

@Glassguy you should teach him a thing or two about masculine frame though. Don’t give up on the youngins

 

[AttackFormation]

What are some directions or options I can implement now so these situations don’t arise again?

Just pound her pvssy and keep doing what you're doing now. You can't control whether she's in contact with orbiters if it's in her personality, but you don't have to be concerned about this one.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Excellent thread! Have been following this one and read every post, great job all (including OP). I didn’t chime in because the advice was all so great and insightful.

Now I will. I have done this behavior of either mentioning other men, saying i may go out with said other dudes “as friends” or intentionally tried to cause jealousy in my partner. (Yes, i have issues i am working through). Let me first say that someone mentioned she was seeing how she felt with another guy or lining one up. It was CLEARLY not that from original post. If she was doing either, she would do it covertly. The only reason to TELL you is gauge your reaction. Your reaction for something she wants to know... which could be many things.

I did this behavior because men are sometimes so hard to read because they are so logical, don’t discuss or show emotions much. I did it when I was curious, questioned or wanted to know his level of interest in, how much he cared (or didn’t) about the relationship. Of course this is a horrible technique. Not only is it immature but when he would react with jealousy while i got the answer i was seeking, it hurt his trust in me and damaged the relationship. If he didn’t react (as you didn’t) then I would take it as “he doesn’t care about the relationship, is not an invested in it as i am and doesn't care if i date other men.” Which of course would hurt me, make me distant and start to stray and see the other dude more until he did give a jealous response.

It’s a no win situation for the man when a female does this. I have stopped this behavior after doing it to the same person over and over for six months to “test him.” Eventually i caught on that it’s harmful and doesn’t prove anything to me other than i am behaving like a child.

My sidebar question is: if him not reacting is the best move (and i agree) and she is testing him for that reason, how can he show her he cares without her going to these extremes? How do men show their IL besides spending time with a female? I feel like it’s two different languages spoken.

OP, does your girl seems distant or disappointed that you didn’t react with jealousy?

 

[Brooks]

OP, does your girl seems distant or disappointed that you didn’t react with jealousy?

No. She’s been much sweeter since I’ve started behaving different and being more emotionally strong, 2 and a bit weeks ago.

She texted me earlier today. “Blah blah blah hope your day is good ” I responded. She responded. I called 1.5 hours later to set up our plan/day tomorrow.

Over the phone she brought up that she didn’t go to see phaggot yesterday. Brought it up herself. I didn’t acknowledge at all. She then said she had a full night and had schoolwork to do and there just wasn’t any time or she couldn’t have been bothered; sped through it. I didn’t say a word. She quickly moved on and the conversation and we talked about her girlfriend who she’s seeing tonight.

I suggested our plan for tomorrow. She was really excited about it all. Then she said “well since I’m gonna be in the area it makes more sense for me to probably sleep over at your place tonight? Rather than have to go home and then come back out tomorrow.” To which I agreed and said cool. Talked for 20 more mins and then she said she’d message me later after she sees her girl friend.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Sounds great, i am glad it worked out for you! Nice work keeping your composure like you did this time. Thanks for the updates and this thread. Super interesting to follow.

 

[flowtheory]

if him not reacting is the best move (and i agree) and she is testing him for that reason, how can he show her he cares without her going to these extremes? How do men show their IL besides spending time with a female? I feel like it’s two different languages spoken.

A man has to know there will always be tests. Women are insecure and this is the best way to see his disposition in the relationship without overtly asking him, as that’s confrontational. It’s smart for women to do it this way; as he unveils his inner state. Women need to feel safe following his lead.

We can’t control what a woman will do or actions they may take in life. The tests she will throw out and how she acts; it’s out of a man’s control.
A man shows his IL and care by giving his time and attention. If he’s planning dates and continually courting the woman.. he’s interested. Pure and simple. Women know that. Words of affirmation and physical touch are all indicators that he cares also. It’s about being receptive to her when she reaches out with planning experiences that they can relish in.

If a woman is always playing mind games to the detriment of the relation, the the man needs to address these disturbances. If she is unwilling to drop the charade, he removes his time and attention. Put her on time-out. Sets a boundary that that will not fly. The man leads the relationship.

 

[Brooks]

Excellent thread! Have been following this one and read every post, great job all (including OP). I didn’t chime in because the advice was all so great and insightful.

Now I will. I have done this behavior of either mentioning other men, saying i may go out with said other dudes “as friends” or intentionally tried to cause jealousy in my partner. (Yes, i have issues i am working through). Let me first say that someone mentioned she was seeing how she felt with another guy or lining one up. It was CLEARLY not that from original post. If she was doing either, she would do it covertly. The only reason to TELL you is gauge your reaction. Your reaction for something she wants to know... which could be many things.

I did this behavior because men are sometimes so hard to read because they are so logical, don’t discuss or show emotions much. I did it when I was curious, questioned or wanted to know his level of interest in, how much he cared (or didn’t) about the relationship. Of course this is a horrible technique. Not only is it immature but when he would react with jealousy while i got the answer i was seeking, it hurt his trust in me and damaged the relationship. If he didn’t react (as you didn’t) then I would take it as “he doesn’t care about the relationship, is not an invested in it as i am and doesn't care if i date other men.” Which of course would hurt me, make me distant and start to stray and see thr other dude more until he did give a jealous response.

It’s a no win situation for the man when a female does this. I have stopped this behavior afterwards doing it to the same person over and over for six months to “test him.” Eventually i caught on that it’s harmful and doesn’t prove anything to me other than i am behavior like a child.

My sidebar question is: if him not reacting is the best move (and i agree) and she is testing him for that reason, how can he show her he cares without her going to these extremes? How do men show their IL besides spending time with a female? I feel like it’s two different languages spoken.

OP, does your girl seems distant or disappointed that you didn’t react with jealousy?

Thanks for the super open response. Glad a woman around here can be honest.