PL&M,
good post. A couple of things:
Do I smell oneitis? Please tell me no. Keep your eyes open... seems like this girl has yet to give you a reason why she's more worth your time than any other girl.
IMPORTANT: If a girl WANTS to get drunk with you ALONE --> SHE WANTS YOU. A girl will only drink alone with a guy if she's comfortable, feels safe, and is attracted. Why? Because she knows what happens when she gets alcohol into her system, and she wants to be in an environment where she's free to express her feelings for you (the biggest factor is that no one else is around).
SO: I think you just didn't have what it took to make your move on her. You say that laying her after 14+ beers would have been taking advantage? I agree. But that's missing the point: If you're AWARE of what she's feeling (horny and wants your nuts), then you don't NEED 14 beers to make your move. Hell if you're good, you can do this whole thing sober.
You didn't even get a tonguedown. You COULD have gotten a lay-- SOBER-- with her more than willing.
Anyways I don't mean to come off harsh. But your original post smelled of major AFC and oneitis, TBH. you just didn't put that sh1t into gear.
I would have had a beer, then when she asks for another just use role reversal ("are you TRYING to get me drunk?" , "you know, i'm not THAT easy", "okay one more but NO taking advantage of me" etc), then make your move. She would have put up NO resistance AT ALL. THEN, take it as far as you want.
If you wanted her, you could have had her. She OPENED THE DOOR and gave you a chance. Now you're saying that you're both confused about your relationship? I wouldn't have expected anything less. She's confused because she thinks that she opened up and you didn't quite DO anything to make it clear how you felt about her. You waited... and 14 beers later you "kissed" her.
(yes this is long let me finish with some constructive advice
If you want to keep her, my friend, let her know ASAP. DON'T TELL HER, SHOW HER. Let her know subtly but surely that you're still interested, because if you "play it cool" and act aloof, she'll convince herself that you don't like her, and drop you. This can be as small as EC, kino, playful chat or full-on dinner date and concert. Start off strong, show her your interested, then when she's hooked back off and let her guess.
I PROMISE YOU if you play have DECENT game and play this right, she'll be more than happy to drink with you again. At which, you'll do what I said above and get whatever you want (sans relationship... read WTFman's reply).
Hope that helps.