One approach a day challenge: YOU choose how I do it!

[JoeMarron]

Here's a suggestion, practice your approaches over the phone. Use skype (so they won't track your number) and call up some random place. Who knows, she might be bored at work and be willing to talk to you. If a dude answers continue with the approach just for the lolz. Practice in the mirror too. It'll be awkward as fvck which will make you more comfortable with it in the long run.

 

[CaptainSaveAh0]

In my mind Shiva seems to be trying too hard to say the perfect thing.

I personally would like to see Shiva develop his OWN ability to approach anyone--and just say what's on HIS mind--with COMPLETE disregard for any repercussions.

A hot chick KNOWS that men want to take her out and fvuck her. Why delay? Just ask them out. The worst thing she can say is "no."

Envision yourself as a man who has the confidence to accomplish catching a woman's eye--whether it's good, bad, or ugly.

I agree. Being yourself will get you the furthest rather then mechanically reiterating something someone told you to say. Having something memorized ruins your flow and ruins the natural vibe of the pick up.

All you have to do Shiva is smile, walk up directly to the girl and say hi and introduce yourself. Then just be yourself and let the conversation flow for a little. After you do so, excuse yourself and say you have to be somewhere then ask her for her number or drinks after you built up a little rapport.

Rarely will a woman just give you her number if thats the first thing you ask for unless you are a 10/10 in looks. Even then it is not guaranteed.

But keep up the good work and tell us how it goes. I need to start doing the exact same thing as you Shiva. I am very bored of my current plates.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

In my mind Shiva seems to be trying too hard to say the perfect thing.

I personally would like to see Shiva develop his OWN ability to approach anyone--and just say what's on HIS mind--with COMPLETE disregard for any repercussions.

A hot chick KNOWS that men want to take her out and fvuck her. Why delay? Just ask them out. The worst thing she can say is "no."

Envision yourself as a man who has the confidence to accomplish catching a woman's eye--whether it's good, bad, or ugly.

You are entirely right. I'm a thinker, and I analyze things way to much. I always try to find the perfect thing to say, or the perfect timing, but when I do this, I become more and more nervous. That's why I want to do some ballsy approaches, to get rid of this mindset of "finding the perfect thing to say".


At any rate, just did a spontaneous approach, no canned line: I was sitting on the park bench, reading. From afar I saw a girl that sat down with her dog. She looked solid. I won't lie, I froze. I wanted to approach her, but something held me back. Then I thought to myself "You know what? **** this. If I don't do it, I'll regret it later on, and I will still be in the same stage".

So I walked up to her, and my fellow DJs, I am pleased to say I had absolutely no anxiety whatsoever. Mind you, it's because the setting was perfect, with her dog and all, but it's still progress. However, turns out, she was pretty much an HB5-6, not more.

Me: That's a really gorgeous dog
Her: Thanks, she's amazing
Me: I'll bet. What breed is it, bulldog?
Her: It's actually a mix between a labrador and a bulldog.
Me: Oh wow, yeah I can see it now that you mention it.
Her: You know, she's actually up for adoption if you are interested. I'm simply fostering her.
Me: Oh I wish I could have a dog, but being a student and working, I don't have the time.

And we proceeded onto small talk. She's a student at a university in my city, but she is originally from New Hampshire. The conversation was very smooth, and lasted about five minutes. No awkwardness, I was doing pretty good actually. I didn't ask for her number in the end, not because I was scared, but simply because I was uninterested. I'm a busy guy, so I can't start going on dates with HB5-6 heheh

At any rate, final coming up, I'm gonna go study at a local cafe, I might get other opportunities there!


And on a sidenote, my goal is to be able to do some approaches like the guy does. If I can do stuff like that without being awkward as ****, than I am pretty damn sure any type of approach, in any given scenario, will be easy as hell for me. That is why I came up with this idea.


EDIT

As I was walking towards the coffee shop, I saw an HB8 walking a gorgeous dog (it's the day of dogs today!), a Shiba Inu. It's actually my favorite breed of dog. Of course, I had to open her up!

Me: Oh wow, that is a gorgeous dog!
Her: Sorry?
Me (argh, I need to learn to speak louder!: I was saying, this is a gorgeous dog. It's a Shiba Inu, right?
Her, beaming up: Yes it is! It's rare to see people who recognizes them.
Me: Well, guilty as charged, they are my favorite breed. I absolutely love them.

We did a bit of chatter about the breed, how she takes care of him, etc. This time, I had the full intention of asking her number, until she mentioned, you guessed it, her boyfriend. BAM! Shot down before I could ask for it.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Well, Espi, I have to say, you are definitely right. I am way too focused on finding the right thing to say. I need to lose that mindset. Hell, there was this really cute waitress at the coffee shop where I went, I wanted to ask her for her number, but didn't know how to do it, so I didn't do it.

I need to teach myself to just open up to strangers, simply greeting them and forcing a conversation from there. I think it's the best way. Sure, it'll be awkward as hell at first, but the more I do it, the quicker on my feet I will be.

 

[The_411]

Shiva,

Women rarely care about some line. In fact unless your ultra smooth a line is going to come off as forced and contrived.

As a fellow Francophone, I wouldn't dismiss French that quickly unless you're really not that confident in your French skills. Women swoon listening to French. Granted, since you're in Montreal French isn't a novelty and may not work as intended. (Damnit, I need to get to Montreal)

As for opening try to think about being positive, playful, and don't worry about being too brash.

I too sometimes try to be too clever and ultimately you get so wrapped in saying something clever that you say nothing at all.

The key is to get her talking, laughing, and even to playfully hit you. Women love to talk about themselves and they love to be teased.

Follow what Espi said, smile laugh and make eye contact and that will trump jazzy openers 99.9% of the time.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

I find that approaching while a girl is walking, whether its the same direction or opposite, is a lot harder. If it's the same direction, the challenge lies in not appearing creepy or spooking her. If it's opposite, than the challenge is to make her stop in her track so she will talk to you.

I did an approach in the former, which I am kind of proud. I'm writing from my phone so I'll keep the FR rather simple:

To grab her attention, I commented on her purse. She gave a tentative "thank you", so to make things less awkward I told her that as weird as it sounds, I actually enjoy the purse design. I then made a joke about how shameful there is a social stigma for men wearing purses, because otherwise I would totally wear some! That made her laugh a bit, so off to a good start.

So we walked side by side a bit, I asked her about her day, small talk like usual. After a few minutes she got in front of her place, told me she had to get going inside, so I asked her for her number. The usual answer " sorry, I have a boyfriend "

Whatever, I'm still proud!

 

[Mr Wright]

IMO you lost her when she said, "I've gotta get going."

When I hear that, I know I've overstayed my welcome. I NEVER want to attempt a number close after a chick says that.

L

I've found that in daygame girls say that because they feel like they have to be busy. No one really wants to admit that they're shopping and not really in a rush without being prompted to do so. Just think how many times you've probably left a situation prematurely just because of the social pressure. If the OP says something like "one more thing before you go," you give her the option of staying in the conversation without it becoming awkward for her, you can start a new thread and roll on from there. If she then becomes insistent that she has to leave, then you should let her go but the first time is usually just an auto response.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Very solid input, Espi, I appreciate it! I won't lie, I won't be able to apply everything this very instant, but I will keep it in mind and work towards it. However, for now I feel much more comfortable doing a situational approach, even if its as silly as the purse one I did. I will try to do it like you suggested, getting out of my comfort zone is how I will grow, but it might not happen overnight!

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Which is?

And dude, make a suggestion! Think of anything goofy, I don't care what it is

experience love, dating and relationships, sex in your early youth, beginning of sexual peak

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Ugh. Today was bad. So many missed opportunities. There were two hot girls, yet I hesitated too much, and just like that, gone. At least I am becoming more and more aware of these opportunities, and I hate myself for not taking them. However, I did get an approach. And no, Espi, I haven't applied the tricks you gave me. I need to kick myself in the arse and do it!


Me: Hello there
Her (hesitant): Hi?
Me: This may sound weird, but I'm in a very big dilemma right now, and I need the opinion of a complete stranger
Her (still hesitant): Yeah sure, what is it?

By then I could see she was struggling with English, so I switched to French afterwards

Me: So I'm seriously debating whether I should move in with two of my close buddies, or move in solo in an apartment
Her (at that point she opened up): blablabla

She eventually mentioned her BF. Hence, this was my cue to eject rapidly. She wasn't that cute, she seemed prettier from afar.

I'm at a point where, right now, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I know it's baby steps, and I'm most likely slowly improving, gaining confidence, etc. Yet, I still feel like I'm always way too hesitant. I need to shift gears, and fast. I had set myself a goal to become fully comfortable by mid May. At this rate, I don't know if it'll happen.

 

[The_411]

Ugh. Today was bad. So many missed opportunities. There were two hot girls, yet I hesitated too much, and just like that, gone. At least I am becoming more and more aware of these opportunities, and I hate myself for not taking them. However, I did get an approach. And no, Espi, I haven't applied the tricks you gave me. I need to kick myself in the arse and do it!


Me: Hello there
Her (hesitant): Hi?
Me: This may sound weird, but I'm in a very big dilemma right now, and I need the opinion of a complete stranger
Her (still hesitant): Yeah sure, what is it?

By then I could see she was struggling with English, so I switched to French afterwards

Me: So I'm seriously debating whether I should move in with two of my close buddies, or move in solo in an apartment
Her (at that point she opened up): blablabla

She eventually mentioned her BF. Hence, this was my cue to eject rapidly. She wasn't that cute, she seemed prettier from afar.

I'm at a point where, right now, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I know it's baby steps, and I'm most likely slowly improving, gaining confidence, etc. Yet, I still feel like I'm always way too hesitant. I need to shift gears, and fast. I had set myself a goal to become fully comfortable by mid May. At this rate, I don't know if it'll happen.

Shiva,

Remember that lots of women use I have a boyfriend as a test when they don't have a boyfriend. You should push through that point jokingly and only heed it when you here it a second time. The second time is the cue for you get lost the first tends to be a test to see if you can push through her defenses.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

So this is probably my last update of the week, I'm going back country hiking for the week afterwards

Two things. First off, I noticed I am far more sociable. I was visiting an apartment today along a dude that I had never met. And I started a conversation with him, which I was able to make last, without seeing forced or awkward, for about ten minutes while we were waiting the landlord.

What's the deal, you ask? Before my LTR, and actually even during my LTR, until we broke up, I would never do something like that. I would have simply waited in silence, probably staring at my phone. Not this time though. I believe something has changed in me, I think I'm slowly getting out of my shell.

Second thing. I visited an apartment today, turned out it was absolute ****. However, this is where it gets interesting. The girl who was doing the visit was solid. A latina (I have the latina fever) with a gorgeous ass, and the rest of the body was quite generous too. However, I wasn't in game mode or anything, I was more concerned about visiting the place, so I didn't do anything special, just tried to be my usual charming self. In the end, I told her I'd text her to let her know if I am interested.

Fast forward a few hours later, here is the text conversation I had with her:

Me: Hey so I talked with my friends and we won't be taking the apartment, it's too small. Now that that's out of the way, I would like to invite you for coffee sometime next week.
Her: Sure no problem. Let's get together after exams if it's ok.
Me: That works! I'm going back country hiking for the weekend, so I'll call you when I get back
Her: Cool, enjoy!

Honestly, the flake potential is probably high, but it's a start

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Shiva,

Remember that lots of women use I have a boyfriend as a test when they don't have a boyfriend. You should push through that point jokingly and only heed it when you here it a second time. The second time is the cue for you get lost the first tends to be a test to see if you can push through her defenses.

Mmmh good point, so what would you say from there?

 

[The_411]

Just embrace the comment and make a joke about it. Don't show anger frustration, shock or any emotion. Just try to integrate it as if she told you she had toast for breakfast.

As an example

Guy: ....
Girl: ...
Guy: ...
Girl: ...
Guy: ...
Girl: I have boyfriend:
Guy: So do I ... or that's cool he's welcome along or ... I have two girlfriends so you need to catch up.

Or you can completely ignore it as if she told you that has no value.

Anything works as long as it feels spontaneous and not forced and your not being negative about her having a boyfriend.

The only way to fail a girl telling you she has a boyfriend is to stop and leave.

You'd be surpised how many women use this line that don't have boyfriends or do but are about 2 seconds away from leaving or want to get down.

Worst case is that she says it again or gets upset but that rarely happens unless you're really obnoxious or not picking up on extremely negative body language.

 

[om1xr]

Girl: I have boyfriend:
Guy: So do I ... or that's cool he's welcome along or ... I have two girlfriends so you need to catch up.

Or you can completely ignore it as if she told you that has no value.

That's one way to play it!
but for me when it comes to the boyfriend thing it depends on her tone, body language and such.
That means if she say firmly and didn't hesitate and it doesn't look like a nother lie or **** test i reply with something like this:

Girl: I have boyfriend:
Guy: Who said i'm interested in you that way (romantic way). I'm just curious and wanted to see if you are interesting person so we can hangout as friends sometimes. That's it.

this kind of reply mess with their heads especially if they are lying and now you have the advantage and honestly you can take her number and never contact her if you are not the kind of guy who have girls as friends or don't want her as your female friend but if you played your cards right you can fvck in no time.

but if she is **** testing you then you can just play it cool and ignore or change the subject until you get a firm rejection.

 

[The_411]

That's one way to play it!
but for me when it comes to the boyfriend thing it depends on her tone, body language and such.
That means if she say firmly and didn't hesitate and it doesn't look like a nother lie or **** test i reply with something like this:

Girl: I have boyfriend:
Guy: Who said i'm interested in you that way (romantic way). I'm just curious and wanted to see if you are interesting person so we can hangout as friends sometimes. That's it.

this kind of reply mess with their heads especially if they are lying and now you have the advantage and honestly you can take her number and never contact her if you are not the kind of guy who have girls as friends or don't want her as your female friend but if you played your cards right you can fvck in no time.

but if she is **** testing you then you can just play it cool and ignore or change the subject until you get a firm rejection.

Om1xr,

I'm with you brotha.

 

[The_411]

My thought is, If she says she has a BF, she's now in control of the frame--and that's when I walk away.

Don't get me wrong--I have absolutely no issues with fvucking a woman who has a BF. But she better not tell me that she has one, and she better not talk about him, in my presence.

It's very unlikely that I'll ever make any effort to jump through hoops to convince a chick that it's OK for her to have a BF. "Oh you have a GF? Oh no problem I still like you and will date you. No problem!" That reeks of desperation to me.

Would she be OK with your saying that you have a GF?

Women who are HIGHLY interested in me hardly ever say (at the least in the initial phase of attraction), "Well I gotta get going" or "I have a BF." Think about the chicks who were really seriously interested in you, and think how often any of uttered a single fvucking word about boyfriends or busy schedules.

I say WALK AWAY when they say they're taken. She may actually have a BF--I don't give a fvuck if she does or doesn't; but I'm not gonna let her use it as a way to test me or to get me to jump through her hoops. There are TONS of (smart) women out there who may have BF's but won't say anything about it to me--and there are tons who don't actually have BF's--those are the ones I'll prefer to go for.

Espi there is certainly merit to what you are saying. It's all a matter of context. If a girl is saying that and looks like she's trying to get away from you then yes there's no point in pushing forward, but some women will use the I have a boyfiend line in a similar vein to the ASD line, "I'm not going to sleep with you", and it's becomes a challenge to seize frame and by not seizing frame you've automatically lost.

Getting that line does suggest you're not being received well, but it's not a death knell. To me it can mean several things 1) I have a boyfriend 2) You're losing my attention 3) Your game needs work 4) your game is smooth and I want to make sure you're not a player 5) I like your game but I want to test you to test for congruency.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Boom. Just did the ultimate cold approach

Ultimate in the sense that it has been, by far, the hardest for me. First, this was in no way situational. Second, she was listening to music, I always find it harder to open a girl in that setting. Third, she was at least an HB8.

Mind you, it was awkward. It was bad. I've done much, much better. But, the fact that I actually did an approach like this one is a huge stepping stone for me.

Although to be honest it took me a lot of time to muster the necessary courage. I almost backed down a few times, but in the end, the thought that if I backed down, I'd be immensely disappointed in myself won over, and I went over and talked to her. She was sitting down on the grass, so

I walked over to her, sat right next to her. That got her attention, so she removed one headphone.
Me: Hey there
Her: Hi
Me: I'll be honest, I tried to figure out the best way to come over and talk to you, and that's pretty much what I came up with.
Her: Well, that does the trick.
Very small moment of silence/hesitation - I had already lost her there
Me: It's a gorgeous day today uh? Perfect for lazying around in a park.
Her: Yeah, a lot better than yesterday
Me: Oh was it? I wasn't in Montreal yesterday, I was out in the mountains hiking
Her: Oh wow that's cool, where did you go?

Anyways the rest was back and forth, but it wasn't very fluid, there was constant hesitation on my part. In the end, I decided to ask her for her number, even if I knew she would say no. However, I had a blank as I was about to ask her, and ended up mumbling something. However, I quickly laughed it off by saying "Does it show that I'm not doing this often?

Anyways, her answer to it was, you guessed it, she has a boyfriend.

I will eventually have to work hard on my conversational skills, but for now that is not the focus. My focus remains, for now, being able to approach comfortably in any setting. Today was a big step for me.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Actually, on a side note, I'm getting somewhat frustrated. It seems like I have such a hard time at this, I don't understand how it can be so difficult when I can so easily have a conversation with people I remotely know. I feel like I'm not even improving in terms of my communication skills

 

[Mr Wright]

Actually, on a side note, I'm getting somewhat frustrated. It seems like I have such a hard time at this, I don't understand how it can be so difficult when I can so easily have a conversation with people I remotely know. I feel like I'm not even improving in terms of my communication skills

It's because you're approaching aimlessly, going in without an action plan.

- Notice something about her and compliment her on it(preferably a clothing choice)
- Make assumptions, don't ask questions(you look like you're from out of town)
- Use light teasing and breaks in rapport(saying things like 'shut up' once you get her talking)

3 simple daygame things that you can use and work on.