On the precipice of a breakup

[lifeislearning]

I am getting so tired of the GF bringing up past escapades. I know she had her fun like I did, but I have told her repeatedly: I don't bring up my past, I don't want to hear about hers. I have no illusions of her as a pure maiden or anything else, but some things I've learned are difficult to get out of my head.

More and more I find myself wary of us drinking together, as it often results in her telling another story that I just don't want to hear. Most of my friends think she is so sweet, her freaky side is seldom seen in public, but lately they have been learning more from her stories. I find this extremely disrespectful, and she knows it.

I care deeply for this girl, and usually she is a close friend, great companion, and wonderful woman, but little by little these stories are building against her positive attributes. Additionally I have heard some rumors that suggest her stories may not be the unique occurrences she alludes to. I KNOW there are many stories about me out there, but as personal preference, I have never been as promiscuous as I could be, or as these stories indicate. The stories about her could be rumors also, but regardless, they are painful to hear about someone you care for, especially when they indicate your GF has not been as selective as you have.

Other than that our relationship is pretty good, nothing too crazy to report, but...
The past 3 days have witnessed 3 instances of these grievances, despite my repeated objections, and despite mutual holiday plans I am seriously considering a breakup. Discussions of moral codes, male VS female promiscuity, and the Madonna/Wh*re complex aside, is my impulse valid?

 

[Pair A Dice]

Your impulse is valid and it seems as if you've already made up your mind. Plus, you're only looking for validation from us to complete the task you've already set out to do.

Go out, end the relationship, let her know you felt disrespected and move on.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Life is learning,
Though I generally agree with our Man with the dice,I feel you should just let things run their natural course...I feel she is just testing,I think I would just ignore and enjoy,but keep something on the side.

 

[dankane]

The past 3 days have witnessed 3 instances of these grievances, despite my repeated objections

I don't like that part alone.

But don't do anything rash. Although I have a feeling this relationship is already over, the question is when will you accept that she is not respecting your standards. In my eyes, if you have to "repeatedely" object you should EJECT. :wave:

 

[Buddha_Mind]

How long have you been with her?

I consider these sort of things to be nasty $hit tests. She is testing your ability to tolerate her past wh0rishness. The problem I have with calling it a $hit test is that you are then "trained to make the move that will keep her interest".

Sometimes, interest is not worth keeping, especially for someone who was a wh0re. My personal opinion is that this will forever bother you, as it should. Nobody wants the town ride as their committed woman, no matter how many men (even on here) will rationalize said wh0rishness and "forgive, accept and save her".

My friend, you do not have to compromise your desires for a girl that does not have the fortitude to keep several dozen men from pillaging her goods over the course of her party years.

There are women out there (although difficult to distinguish or prove) who are not complete wh0res and do not look to take advantage of their situation to fvk the alpha horde and never worry that a man will still buy her when she is ready to settle down.

Congratulations, you are coming to terms with what women really are. The question is, what is more important to you?

1. Commiting to a woman who you can fuk daily regardless of what her past is? Or.....
2. Keeping your sanity, self-respect and strength to not commit to a woman unless she truly meets your standards?

This is so well articulated I've got to give you some karma after this reply. I feel you 100% on this.

Lifeislearning -- my past LTR was this exact way...little by little the truth came out and you just to look in the mirror and say: Can I accept to be with a woman with this past?

In some ways, I have noted a tone of pride too in the stories these women tell...not much different then men brag of their sexual feats...

However, this is not what a relationship wants to hear, or for most. Most certainly when the woman you are with keeps telling you about her experiences with other men. Not only would that make 99% of men uneasy, but it just is it what is. That is who she is and was, whom she takes pride in, and you just have to ask yourself -- is she worth keeping?

Sometimes, interest is not worth keeping, especially for someone who was a wh0re.

^ I wish I had this statement tattooed upon my flesh a year ago ^

But I understand when you care about someone things are not always so easy.

 

[sodbuster]

If she's not doing those freaky things with you...she's gone. If a woman has had a threesome with another guy,you get one, if she's done anal,you get it.... or else she's not treating you as well as some FB from the past...couldn't put up with that.

THAT alone may shut her up

 

[imarockstar]

dude ive been having this same problem with the girl whom im currently involved. even worse, ive known this girl for years, so i personally know a few of the guys shes been with. the way i deal with this is i think about my drunken escapades and how ive made mistakes. it doesnt really work though.

has this turned you into a jealous person? for me it definately has, and im not normally a jealous person. this is the realization i had after our most recent fight. ive never been jealous before, ive never gotten into fights with my gf when im wasted, so im not the problem, the new gf is.

its easy for people to say "find a new girl, ditch this one", its pretty hard to actually do it. me personally, the small town i live in, theres not even a handful of women id date. it took me forever to find a girl i wanted to start a LTR with, and i guess i just kind of deal with her past because of my lack of options.

the best advice i can give is detach a little. keep your eyes and options open. i wouldnt dump her because at least for now your getting sex on the reg.

one other thing i can tell you; i dated a girl for 4 years, she was a saint. super hott, good personality, i was her 2nd fvck. problem with this type, very narrowminded, and ultimately boring. no passion between us. my current girl is pretty exciting i must say, but kind of a know it all b*tch and been with more guys than ive probably been with girls.

my personal opinion, every woman ive been romantically involved with has let me down in one way or another, or not lived up to the expectations i have. i know its not always going to be perfect, but there is a level of respect you should have for your partner and i dont feel like it exists between she and i. good luck man, let me know what you do, im contemplating a breakup as well.

 

[pdx1138]

OP, does your relationship with her feel like a roller-coaster ride?

if so, get off at the next stop, before the ride falls to pieces.

 

[Slickster]

What kind of "past escapades" are you talking about here lifeislearning?

 

[window]

the problem in the op is that the guy has set a clear boundry with the girl. i.e I dont want to hear about your exes or past flings period. She has tested it naturally but the guy hasnt enforced it well enough. She'll be losing respect for him. Remember if you set a boundary dont let her cross it. She wont like it but will love you more for it.

 

[AAAgent]

i just experienced this. I had a really strong attraction to this girl and even ended up in her bed but at that point i couldn't even get it up as i realized she had turned me off so much. i just left it at that and haven't talked to her since.

we had met earlier and a week later setup our first date which she told me about all her exes and people she dated.

 

[Warrior74]

You told her how you feel. She ignored it. Hmmmm. What would you tell another guy to do?

Personally, I would disappear on her until she tracked me down and asked what was going on, then I would tell her it was over and wouldn't bother to explain why. I don't need explanations anymore and I don't give them anymore. When it's done, it's done. I don't even say goodbye anymore. I'm a complete prick. Deal with it.

 

[Colossus]

Life,

I've kinda been where you're at, and my hunch is her past indiscretions will always bother you if you stay with her. I am curious as to what they are, but if it bugs you it bugs you. Who am I to judge your moral leanings.

Personally I think it's really distasteful. I NEVER bring up my sexual past unless it's very pertinent to the relationship (i.e health), and I expect the same from my girl.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss. When you try to figure out a girl's sexual past you are opening a door you cannot close. You may be ok with it, you may not. That's why it's better not to ask....but it sounds like in your case she is betraying the details herself. Plus, you've asked her repeatedly not to, so she isnt respecting your wishes. I dont think you are being unreasonable by asking, so as far as I'm concerned you have a good case for dumping her. And to be honest I wouldnt even give her an explanation unless she asks.

 

[Jitterbug]

The freaky past aside, she's repeatedly violating your boundary despite your warnings. She's testing you to see how strong your conviction to your principles is. What do you say to that?

 

[change11]

This is my exact problem with my current girlfriend. Slowly bit by bit the truth came out. Lots of family problems while growing. Drank all the time (literally, ALL the time, before/during/after school, etc). Everyone in her part of the state is like this. Everyones parents are alcoholics, etc. Dated Guy A for a while. Guy A was an *******/cheated/whatever, so she sleeps with Guy B (guy A's friend). Now years later and no longer drinking like that, it's "a mistake, regrets it but values friendship with Guy B.

I like to think that people can change and slutty pasts do come to an end. Not that I am qualified to be saying all this but it does seem to be important to have played the field for a period. But I think the problem is that when you hear these stories, you do start to see the person differently. And the biggest issue is that it is impossible to KNOW 100% that a person has a changed. So in the back of your mind you will think of these stories of the girl and always ask yourself "hmm has she really changed?". No one wants to be the guy whose girl ran around behind his back for months. But you also want to be fair to people. Just an all around ****ty situation that will drain you mentally (at least it has drained me mentally).


So...how do you a dump a girl (because of these reasons) but minimize any potential drama from her? (Like in my case, trying to sleep with someone who knows me lol).

 

[Zunder]

Tell her your own stories - make em up if need be, something like how you fvcked two co-ed room-mates and got caught by the other.....give her her own sh!t tests back.
Then once youve told her - bend her over and bang the living sh!t out of her.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Tell her your own stories - make em up if need be, something like how you fvcked two co-ed room-mates and got caught by the other.....give her her own sh!t tests back.
Then once youve told her - bend her over and bang the living sh!t out of her.

Yeah but then you're in a relationship laced with lies and mis-truths and all sorts of sh!t like that...I don't have friendships even that way so just plain BSing is no fun -- but fvck I do hear you when a woman drops those bombs with pride why not pull out some story and shock and awe her ...

The truth is, if some girl is ranting about her slvtty past in those ways....think about who you are dealing with.

Isn't the DJ mentality to keep it cool?

Does anyone really want to hear all of your crazy fvck stories?

Lesson I have learned: just keep past relationship stuff to a minimum -- I wouldn't mention it willingly, and I would be very vague and general and shift topics if the subjects are brought up.

Neither party wants to hear about those things -- it instantly disconnects a person from the moment and you're both suddenly in the past with some other dude in your place...

But yes people can change and grow up -- but you don't have to wait for that necessarily -- nor tolerate what truly bothers you.

 

[Zunder]

Yeah but then you're in a relationship laced with lies and mis-truths and all sorts of sh!t like that...I don't have friendships even that way so just plain BSing is no fun -- but fvck I do hear you when a woman drops those bombs with pride why not pull out some story and shock and awe her ...

Fake it till you make it...

 

[Desdinova]

I've learned that worrying about this 5hit is completely pointless. Unless the woman's history is full of lies and deceit, the rest is just what made her the woman she is today. It's all in the past, and reflecting on our past can make us better people.

So what if she fvcked five guys before you? So what if she got drunk and lifted her shirt for the entire bar? How young was she? How immature was she? And now the $1,000,000 question... what stupid 5hit did you do?

To sit back and look at the dumbass 5hit you did in your past, laugh at it, and learn from it makes you a better person. As long as she's not doing that 5hit now, there's no reason to worry about it. If she DOES do that 5hit again, you know you can dump her and go get another woman who WON'T do that 5hit.

Quit being so damn insecure by taking your women's past so seriously. Focus on her present and future. If she respects herself and respects you, she won't repeat any of it.

 

[Jitterbug]

That's something straight from the Blue Pill playbook, Des.

She's already not respecting him by telling everyone and their dog about her past, despite his asking her not to.

Besides, perhaps he never did any dumb sh1t when he was younger (plenty of people never did) so he's entirely justifiable in asking the same from his LTR.

A woman's past must be taken seriously. That's the only reliable indicator of what you'll be dealing with, since she may be lying to you now and you can't read the future.