On the precipice of a breakup

[iqqi]

If she is coming clean and reminiscing about these things when she is drunk, then I think that she is missing this kind of action in her life in the present.

Beware. She sounds like a wh0re and is probably soon to be adding chapters to that book.

 

[Knight's Cross]

OP set a boundary, she willingly crossed it. She now know's she can continue to cross OP's boundaries. Unless he's willing to hold his ground she's got frame and the future of the relationship is all downhill. Whenever I've let a chick bust a boundary it's always ended poorly for me. When I've held ground, they may not like me, but they've respected me, and if I had to walk away, I did so with pride attached.
You've got to be willing to walk, and she has to know that. I'm curious to hear the outcome.
KC

 

[zekko]

Since when is it insecure to want a woman who could restrain herself?

Nothing wrong with that.
But the irony is that DJs expect the girl to give it up right away, or she is deemed not worth waiting for. I think that's one of Rollo's Iron Rules.
Kind of sends conflicting signals, doesn't it?

 

[Nutz]

I am getting so tired of the GF bringing up past escapades. I know she had her fun like I did, but I have told her repeatedly: I don't bring up my past, I don't want to hear about hers. I have no illusions of her as a pure maiden or anything else, but some things I've learned are difficult to get out of my head.

More and more I find myself wary of us drinking together, as it often results in her telling another story that I just don't want to hear. Most of my friends think she is so sweet, her freaky side is seldom seen in public, but lately they have been learning more from her stories. I find this extremely disrespectful, and she knows it.

I care deeply for this girl, and usually she is a close friend, great companion, and wonderful woman, but little by little these stories are building against her positive attributes. Additionally I have heard some rumors that suggest her stories may not be the unique occurrences she alludes to. I KNOW there are many stories about me out there, but as personal preference, I have never been as promiscuous as I could be, or as these stories indicate. The stories about her could be rumors also, but regardless, they are painful to hear about someone you care for, especially when they indicate your GF has not been as selective as you have.

Other than that our relationship is pretty good, nothing too crazy to report, but...
The past 3 days have witnessed 3 instances of these grievances, despite my repeated objections, and despite mutual holiday plans I am seriously considering a breakup. Discussions of moral codes, male VS female promiscuity, and the Madonna/Wh*re complex aside, is my impulse valid?

Reminds me of RT's buddy in this story:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/good-girls-do/

 

[st_99]

Hey Des,


Since when is it insecure to want a woman who could restrain herself?

the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. thats no lie.

but yeah, its all relative. once you've been with enough girls you get a sense for whats 'normal' 'borderline' or 'unaceptable' behavior. It will come back at some point. why chance it .

 

[zekko]

Of course as we all know, the trick is in being able to discern this information without actually asking.

One of the biggest advantages I've found in being older, is how much better I am at reading women. I suppose it's just accumulated experience, but if I can be around a woman for awhile, I can do a pretty good job of figuring out whether or not she's the type of girl I would get on with, that would meet my standards, that wouldn't get on my nerves, etc.

That's the advantage to social game over cold approaching. You have some idea of what the girl is like. With cold approaching, all you know is that you like the way she looks. Personality wise, you could be walking into anything.

 

[Desdinova]

They way I see it, if you're dealing with a North American woman, you're going to have women with dumb 5hit in her past. It really depends on how ingrained it is in her personality. Women who do stupid things once or twice shouldn't be dismissed because of those things. Women who make it a regular part of their lives are the ones to avoid at all cost. Every woman over the age of 22 is going to have things in her history that are going to offend you. Women love emotional fluctuation and if what they're doing brings them excitement, they're going to do it. She banged ten guys because each of them felt 'right' at the time. She fvcked a married man because that felt 'right' too. She gave oral to her best friend because it made her feel sexy.

If you can fulfill the needs of a woman, she won't need to look elsewhere for these kinds of emotional charges.

It also depends on what you want to do with these women. If you're looking for marriage, you're going to want a woman with the cleanest slate you can find. If you're just wanting a romp in the sack, a STR or even a LTR, this 5hit isn't going to matter a whole lot. If you're not in it for marriage, she's not going to be legally bound to you and you can kick her ass to the curb if she starts repeating the 5hit from her past.

Women are very trainable creatures. If you don't like a certain behavior or action and you put your foot down about it, she's not going to do it especially if she has a high amount of respect for you. If she DOES cross that boundary, you have the freedom to kick her to the curb.

 

[Burroughs]

If you can fulfill the needs of a woman, she won't need to look elsewhere for these kinds of emotional charges.

I'm not here to fulfill a woman's needs...she is here to fulfill mine.

 

[highSpeed]

Danger, right on brother. Amen, I just wish we could take these types of discussions more mainstream without being marginalized as sexist pigs, that's always the label that gets tossed out the moment that we even hint at a return to traditional values that just plain work the best.

Women in this country and men were at their happiest when we fufilled the gender roles that we naturally gravitate towards. I don't have any links but I know that I've seen studies that show women/girls gravitate towards the more feminine while men gravitate more towards the masculine automatically.

Why we try to fight what nature has put into us is beyond me. What we end up with is exactly what we have today in this country. A bunch of entitled, borish, flaky, me first mentality females that are told by the media that their actions are ok. And at the end of the day, females today are more unhappy than they have ever been, I see some of the articles that have been posted here and is only further proof to what we can see with our own eyes.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Having been in this situation I gotta side with the Iqqi and other's advice: this ain't no self-respecting lady -- and he's mindfvcking you and thinks that's fine and okay not giving a dam.n how it makes you feel. Forget that man, it'll only get more fvcked up! Trust me on that! Find a ch.ick who doesn't just let any dude use her!

Zekko -- you hit the nail on the head with how we expect chicks to put out right away -- hah man, this is exactly what another thread I started reflected -- this concept that mostly I have been with chicks who wanted to get sexual RIGHT AWAY, but by doing so I've been magnetizing myself to wh0res. This hasn't been working out so great. Find a woman whose got a bit of self-respect and won't put out instantly at our command. I'm not saying sex shouldn't be a great thing to enjoy -- but for sure, does the DJ mentality attract a certain type of woman simply by the frame we are perceiving/acting?