On jealousy

[Divorced w 3]

On jealousy: I have done some reading. Twice in three days my girl was hit on via direct challenges to me. If you know me at all by now you realize how much that I didn’t appreciate it. The first was a guy she worked with that looked like he was on methadone and that was no issue at all. When we got back to her place 30 minutes the second we walked in the door she dropped to her knees without a word, I gave her an orgasm against the wall from behind in that position lifted off the ground. Enough said.

At this wedding Saturday it was different. I am 38 and like her, the best man was 33, highly charismatic and very good looking. He has known her 15 years and he has a long history of cheating on his girl he’s been stringing along the better part of a decade so in the absence of a better idea and given the situation and my role in it, I watched him get super bro friend handsy with her over the course of four hours. When she didn’t fvck me that night and wanted to go back to the after after party I went to 10 internally. I didn’t talk to her for hours the following morning. She slept in the other bed. I finally brought the secs issue up but not the jealousy issue. We addressed the secs issue and i proceeded to give her four orgasms and got two knuckles deep in her butt with my middle finger so you’d figure I’m good. But it wasn’t sitting right with me. In my mind for all I know she’s envisioning that guy and so I see him at breakfast and he and she hug, and he looks down and away and now all doubt is over, she may not have cheated but he absolutely affronted me and so I drive her home for two hours and we touch on the night in general one more time but I never raise the jealousy issue. Sat with it overnight, called my boy and he said I need to address in the moment with her next time -if I am serious about her- .

So here is where I am at. A man doesn’t tolerate another man disrespecting him. If you’d read the laws of power you know that your reputation is everything. But you also say less than necessary, and you court attention at all costs. Conceal your intentions, be the courtier, surrender to fight another day, keep them depending on you, ignore what you can’t have, be formless, master timing, let them come to you, ignore argument and win with action, us absence, strike the shepherd and crush your enemy totally.

Those all apply and so here’s what we are going to do.

Before we went to this wedding she gave me the key to her apartment and she then posted a picture on Instagram of us which is the second most liked one she has short of running a marathon. So I have a lot of leverage.

I am going to let her call me later towards the end of the day, and I am simply going to let her know that his behavior was a direct affront to me, repeat everything she told me and just tell her that if it ever happens again regardless of situation, I am going to crack whoever it may be in the head and she should determine if that’s something that is going to work for her or not.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

I watched him get super bro friend handsy with her over the course of four hours.

If you two are exclusive, and if it was a clear disrespect, why didn't you tell her;

"why the fvck are you allowing that guy to be touching you like that in front of your boyfriend?, Are you that type of girl who likes to be touched by other men like that even in front of your boyfriend?"

If she answers like "oh don't worry he's like my brother", you tell her "put a stop to that $hit right now" if she lets him do that again, you walk cause clearly she doesn't respect you. Happened to me once, she couldn't believe I said that and was all lovey dovey after, it never happened again, cause if it did, I was ready to walk.

 

[Divorced w 3]

If you two are exclusive, and if it was a clear disrespect, why didn't you tell her;

"why the fvck are you allowing that guy to be touching you like that in front of your boyfriend?, Are you that type of girl who likes to be touched by other men like that even in front of your boyfriend?"

If she answers like "oh don't worry he's like my brother", you tell her "put a stop to that $hit right now" if she lets him do that again, you walk cause clearly she doesn't respect you. Happened to me once, she couldn't believe I said that and was all lovey dovey after, it never happened again, cause if it did, I was ready to walk.

Good point. Why risk going to jail?

 

[The Duke]

DW3, what exactly did SHE do that was wrong? Not what the other guy(s) did.

I'm not downplaying what you sensed and felt. We all have different levels of acceptance of what is appropriate.

And you definitely can't expect her to change if you don't discuss this. She can't read your mind. You are showing a little passive/aggressive behavior and that makes it even worse.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

While I agree that something needs to be done, I don't agree with an emotionally charged response. You as the man have to always be in control and not give in to emotions. This woman's interest level in you, while possibly high originally, has clearly taken a hit and she is enjoying the attention she is getting from other men. This isn't tenable - that is clear.

I think the better course of action is to calmly tell her next time you are with her that you don't feel like the effort in the relationship you are putting in is being reciprocated and therefore you feel it is best that you two go your separate ways. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If it is anything other than her practically throwing herself at your feet begging to reconsider you know you just need to move on to other chicks. Chicks who will appreciate you. My two cents.

 

[Divorced w 3]

DW3, what exactly did SHE do that was wrong? Not what the other guy(s) did.

I'm not downplaying what you sensed and felt. We all have different levels of acceptance of what is appropriate.

And you definitely can't expect her to change if you don't discuss this. She can't read your mind. You are showing a little passive/aggressive behavior and that makes it even worse.

What I feel was wrong was the allowance and interest she displayed in the interaction. She did the hair twirling, leaned on the wall to learn about the plans for the after party, etc. She wanted to be in this guys company a little longer. I just am having an issue squaring that with posting her Instagram literally two hours beforehand after waiting six months, introducing me to her parents and telling me she saw a future with me like two weeks ago.

Secondly, passive aggressive is not good. Yesterday was Father’s Day and I didn’t want to deal with it other than feel her out on the ride back.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP,

While I agree that something needs to be done, I don't agree with an emotionally charged response. You as the man have to always be in control and not give in to emotions. This woman's interest level in you, while possibly high originally, has clearly taken a hit and she is enjoying the attention she is getting from other men. This isn't tenable - that is clear.

I think the better course of action is to calmly tell her next time you are with her that you don't feel like the effort in the relationship you are putting in is being reciprocated and therefore you feel it is best that you two go your separate ways. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If it is anything other than her practically throwing herself at your feet begging to reconsider you know you just need to move on to other chicks. Chicks who will appreciate you. My two cents.

While I respect and appreciate your response, that does seem a bit much. She did kind of gasp though when I answered her positively after her asking, if I was reconsidering the relationship.

 

[Murk]

if it ever happens again regardless of situation, I am going to crack whoever it may be in the head and she should determine if that’s something that is going to work for her or not.

Rather than threaten to leave her, you're going to threaten random dudes hitting on your girl while she laps it up?

I would have nipped this in the bud asap, I would have said something to the guys, "yo, don't touch my girl like that" with solid eye contact, and to her "don't let XYZ do XYZ" and you wouldn't be feeling any of these feelings.

You're doing it wrong.

From your first paragraph am I detecting that guys hitting on your girlis turning you on? Got pretty matter of fact with your description.

I found the descriptive sex scenes weird too, like banging your gf makes her flirting with other guys ok, nope. She needs to be repelling that behaviour and men should never feel comfortable enough to do that in person, you must give off weak energy.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP.
This girl to fck you up. You cant explain this shyt to these girls.
You are draining your lifes energy navigating and planning.
It drained me reading it. Lol.

Confrontation has its place in protection defense but what you are doing is creepy.
For all who are reading this. Jealousy is a bad emotion and be aware how you show jeousy to a woman.

Let me guess when your girl even smiles at a handsome man you get really irritated dont you?
From your first paragraph am I detecting that guys hitting on your girlis turning you on? Got pretty matter of fact with your description.

Sounds to me like you got some internal things to work on. Like your own security.

No we had the interaction planned out well before I met that first guy. It was a lot of talk leading up.

As for jealousy, there is room for it,I think. At least according to Psychology Today. I didn’t feel good having it at first. I am navigating these waters for the first time in more than a decade, so it’s likely that somewhere between your thoughts and mine are the truth.

You’re saying I am overthinking it? Yeah naturally that’s me in a nutshell.

I also have a date planned for Wednesday for a girl that’s younger and hotter. It felt like the right move to explore a bit.

 

[Murk]

I also have a date planned for Wednesday for a girl that’s younger and hotter. It felt like the right move to explore a bit.

Yes this is definately a good move for your own sanity

 

[Divorced w 3]

These conversations with girls are USELESS.
If it is this in your face and you are still with her on a gf basis you already missed the boat.

As soon as you open your mouth with the above quote you already lost.

The only way to deal with this behavior is NO TALKING only you and other women.
OPs girl is still on the market.he is the only one who dont know it yet because he believes talking is security.

I don’t understand what this means

 

[RazorRambo24]

I see a few things wrong here:
1. You using sex to validate that she gives a fucc. or that things are "okay". Sex is not a predicator of anything but pleasure. Often a woman will give even more sex to a guy that she's cheating on as an example.. because she does not want to raise any questions or doubts.
2. You are not being respected by men or men simply don't respect you and are walking up to your girl and talking to her.. AS if you're either weak in their eyes or not a concern
3. She feels as she already has you/owns you. You became complacent. This is why you dont spend too much time with any chick or live with them or give them sex very often. Why do you guys think I only would see my plates once a week? Why do you think I was able to keep these chicks in my life for 2+years now?

As I mentioned before, as a very staunch alpha male.. I can smell out beta's a mile away.. and you're one of the dudes I said I feel is a beta male.. which explains alot of this behavior. Stop using "i did this to her or we did this or she immediately got on her knees" sexual stuff as some kind of validation for anything.. Its really not at all. It reminds me of dudes who try to relate sex to a girl loving them just to be heartbroken when she leaves and is suddenly in another relationship 2 seconds later.

The thing you have to realize is you're like her comfort animal when you give her everything she wants and she feels she has you. She will feel excited to talk to other, younger, hotter men who have more charisma and alpha traits.. and yes,given the right circumstance, she would def cheat? Why? A girl who loves sex and feels like she has a man who will never go anywhere and she completely owns him, will easily take chances if she knows she wont get caught.

The difference between Alphas and Betas: Women never feel like they truly have the Alpha male.. They constantly chase us because of this and can't see anyone past us.

 

[Barrister]

While I respect and appreciate your response, that does seem a bit much. She did kind of gasp though when I answered her positively after her asking, if I was reconsidering the relationship.

Based on what you described I wouldn't consider this "a bit much" by a longshot. Women aren't stupid contrary to a lot of opinions around here. They KNOW when they are crossing boundaries. Your problem isn't the charismatic 33 year old - your problem is your woman. Because if is isn't this guy, it will be another that she bathes in attention from.

I agree with Murk that the guy definitely deserved to be called out by you for a feel that was done right in front of you, but the bigger issue is that you were in that position in the first place. The woman, your LTR, should have set a clear boundary with the guy after the first pass he made. That it kept happening is all on the woman and a major red flag here.

 

[Gamisch]

As i mentioned before: jealousy =anger.

On top of that it's a rather feminine trait too. There's a saying that says; a beautiful woman is never yours alone. There are many, many layers to handling a hb7 and up.

I get it though. The trick is that YOU must come out of this as a better man with yet another valuable lesson learned. Because in the future your next gf will do the same if not worse things.

These conversations with girls are USELESS.
If it is this in your face and you are still with her on a gf basis you already missed the boat.

As soon as you open your mouth with the above quote you already lost.

The only way to deal with this behavior is NO TALKING only you and other women.
OPs girl is still on the market.he is the only one who dont know it yet because he believes talking is security.

Dont you think he shouid call her out to some degree? At least let her know how he prefers to roll?

If the tables were turned, and she would be like; look homeboi, you flirting with your long term bff hb8 friend in front of me? That's where I draw a line!"

Wouldn't that actually say something about her sense of self respect?

 

[RazorRambo24]

I see a few things wrong here:
1. You using sex to validate that she gives a fucc. or that things are "okay". Sex is not a predicator of anything but pleasure. Often a woman will give even more sex to a guy that she's cheating on as an example.. because she does not want to raise any questions or doubts.
2. You are not being respected by men or men simply don't respect you and are walking up to your girl and talking to her.. AS if you're either weak in their eyes or not a concern
3. She feels as she already has you/owns you. You became complacent. This is why you dont spend too much time with any chick or live with them or give them sex very often. Why do you guys think I only would see my plates once a week? Why do you think I was able to keep these chicks in my life for 2+years now?

As I mentioned before, as a very staunch alpha male.. I can smell out beta's a mile away.. and you're one of the dudes I said I feel is a beta male.. which explains alot of this behavior. Stop using "i did this to her or we did this or she immediately got on her knees" sexual stuff as some kind of validation for anything.. Its really not at all. It reminds me of dudes who try to relate sex to a girl loving them just to be heartbroken when she leaves and is suddenly in another relationship 2 seconds later.

The thing you have to realize is you're like her comfort animal when you give her everything she wants and she feels she has you. She will feel excited to talk to other, younger, hotter men who have more charisma and alpha traits.. and yes,given the right circumstance, she would def cheat? Why? A girl who loves sex and feels like she has a man who will never go anywhere and she completely owns him, will easily take chances if she knows she wont get caught.

The difference between Alphas and Betas: Women never feel like they truly have the Alpha male.. They constantly chase us because of this and can't see anyone past us.

Forgot to mention, women usually know not to talk to other men when they're with an alpha male. That's because Alpha males really really quickly in the relationship hit them with the rule book.. Not like literally sit down and heres a rule book.. More like Yeah im cutting you off.. Because, heres what you did wrong. and here's where we dont click. The girl who usually already likes the guy alot and enjoys the sex and sees him as high value then tries to tell him reasons why they should still work.. and the guy, will be like "alright i mean i did enjoy <moment> wiht you, and that time we did <thing> at <place>.. and try to soften it up as if hes giving her another chance.. and then hit her with some sht like "yeah ill think about it.. im still on the fence because all these things i told you, you should have already known.. if i have to tell you, what does that mean? that you dont know how to treat a guy like me.. etc" .. The girl panics and the fear sets in that she wont meet another guy like him. and the anxiety builds up as he hasnt made a decision on whether to keep her in his life..

usually after this, the chick knows how to behave. Personally for me, I'm at a point I can cut a girl off in seconds so the same theme usually occurs and girls learn to comply to my way of things real fast. Ofc some dont and just get ego hurt and move on but some girls have no problem finding other capable alpha males.

With that being said, I agree with @All_Kindz_Of_Gainz -- Its never too late to lay down the law and be ready to walk away at any moment.. She will respect you more than she does now for sure.

 

[Murk]

If the tables were turned, and she would be like; look homeboi, you flirting with your long term bff hb8 friend in front of me? That's where I draw a line!"

Wouldn't that actually say something about her sense of self respect?

Good point, twice in 3 days she’s watched her man stay silent while other men touch and eye fvck her in front of him. Slippery slope to cucksville.

 

[Gamisch]

Good point, twice in 3 days she’s watched her man stay silent while other men touch and eye fvck her in front of him. Slippery slope to cucksville.

I am curious which direction this thread will go. Strong arguments for staying silent and aloof. Also strong arguments for calling her out when necessary...

 

[Divorced w 3]

I appreciate everyone’s opinions. I am not someone that takes a back seat, I am just navigating so many things again for the first time. Yeah is my confidence way off of being a father of three young kids, of course. I also take the truth as it is, life is full of hard lessons and I don’t shy away from them. I’m leaning more into what Rambo is saying, you need to hit them with the book quick, and I think seeing her Thursday night for this concert / work event needs to get pulled after a conversation stating that what happened isn’t acceptable.

And also right treating this like a kid in a candy store like some teen getting laid for the first time. No argument there. 13 years with the same woman and the conditions above you’re right. I gotta toughen up. I really appreciate everyone’s two cents.

 

[Gamisch]

Based on what you described I wouldn't consider this "a bit much" by a longshot. Women aren't stupid contrary to a lot of opinions around here. They KNOW when they are crossing boundaries. Your problem isn't the charismatic 33 year old - your problem is your woman. Because if is isn't this guy, it will be another that she bathes in attention from.

I agree with Murk that the guy definitely deserved to be called out by you for a feel that was done right in front of you, but the bigger issue is that you were in that position in the first place. The woman, your LTR, should have set a clear boundary with the guy after the first pass he made. That it kept happening is all on the woman and a major red flag here.

I missed the part where she was approached by another dude in front of OP.

I know this dude in my gym I did maintenance work for. He rented rooms ect. ABSOLUTE 100% RAW ALPHA. Yeah yeah yadiya alpha doesn't exist. Untill you meet such a guy.

Well , not only is it hard to imagine a another man approaching his hb8,5 in front of him..if it happens he WILL repsond with a high kick to the face. I am not advocating violence by the way. Just saying that the same dude who approached OP his gf would think 12 times before doing this if the man she's with is more intimidating. And this "being intimidating " is due the fact he WILL call a man out at best to back the F off, but also because as far as I know him he'll just get violent right away.

 

[Divorced w 3]

As i mentioned before: jealousy =anger.

On top of that it's a rather feminine trait too. There's a saying that says; a beautiful woman is never yours alone. There are many, many layers to handling a hb7 and up.

I get it though. The trick is that YOU must come out of this as a better man with yet another valuable lesson learned. Because in the future your next gf will do the same if not worse things.


Dont you think he shouid call her out to some degree? At least let her know how he prefers to roll?

If the tables were turned, and she would be like; look homeboi, you flirting with your long term bff hb8 friend in front of me? That's where I draw a line!"

Wouldn't that actually say something about her sense of self respect?

‘Males shouldn’t be jealous, that’s a female trait.’ Jay Z