Okay so my wife and i got in a pretty big fight last night

[switch]

wow,im dating a girl from another race......and bb was like my role model.....so...i wanna see how this turns out

 

[backbreaker]

I mean, we are a pretty normal couple. she's quite headstrong so when she doesn't like something she lets me know. But at the end of the day she'll live.

When she gets back to town i'm going to invite her and her BF over for dinner


I have a pretty good feeling that after Christmas my wife will be just fine lol.

 

[backbreaker]

lololololololololololololol

 

[Married Buried]

wow,im dating a girl from another race......and bb was like my role model.....so...i wanna see how this turns out

What race is she and what race are you? Don't leave us hanging. Leave the PC crap at the door.

 

[backbreaker]

this is why i married the woman beucase she does this. she will get in her feelings but she will always come back and sit down and articulate her point in a rational manner. people are going to fight if you live together. especially if you love each other. it's how you deal with those fights tht counts.


so we were talking this morning and she was like look backbreaker, i don't care about the other girl. that's not the point. i know you aren't physically putting your **** into her. i don't even mind you having female friends. I trust you. what gets me so bothered is that you spend more time with her than you do with me.

And that i had no defense for, becuase she's right. it's a litlte bit more complcated than that, my wife and i have our own lives she oes her thing i do my thing.

she was like when is the last time you just went shopping with me? it's been some months, that whole skinhead incident. we go out to eat all the time, weekly about, but with our son. not that that's a bad thing but i don't just take her out all the time and i can see how she can get in her feelings that this girl is just popping up kicking it with me and my wife is getting the "wife" duties.


she was like, i know you backbreaker and i know your response to our argument was to try to buy me something really expensive (she's right lol) to show me you love me but that's not what i want, i want my man to spend time with me. that made me tear up a little, then we had some really, really good sex lol.


and it's not that i don't want to spend time with her, i just... i mean i just, take her for granted at times i suppose. i buy her ****, she's spoiled rotten, and to me i'm like "see i buy you stuff i take care of you, you live in a nice house, what more do you want" and she's like i want YOU silly lol. \

but it's easier said than done. i run a business and i have hobbies and stuff and i work out and i have a son i am hell bent on spending time with, but still i will figure it all out. I'm not the type of guy that 5 nights a week can just sit in the living room watchinbg TV with the wife i got **** to do lol. i'm making moves, i'm trying to stack this money. even the other girl i mean, it's not like i'm going out of my way to see her she's showing up while i'm working.

bnut again i have to figure this out. i got a few days to come up with a plan as i'm not working this week.

 

[Epimanes]

Good job man.. Merry christmas

 

[zekko]

I think that having opposite sex friends while married is a slippery slope. I mean I have reasonable boundaries, but once you establish that it is okay to hang out with these "friends" solo, it can cause problem, and can lay the groundwork for cheating.

Sure, maybe this "friend" is platonic, and maybe the next ten will be too. But what happens someone wants to hang with you (or your spouse) that you (or she) is strongly attracted to? It's already been established that it's okay to go spend time alone with them. It's asking for trouble IMO.

 

[Married Buried]

I think that having opposite sex friends while married is a slippery slope. I mean I have reasonable boundaries, but once you establish that it is okay to hang out with these "friends" solo, it can cause problem, and can lay the groundwork for cheating.

Sure, maybe this "friend" is platonic, and maybe the next ten will be too. But what happens someone wants to hang with you (or your spouse) that you (or she) is strongly attracted to? It's already been established that it's okay to go spend time alone with them. It's asking for trouble IMO.

Allowing your wife to spend time with some guy alone? Hell to the no. I let her go out with her girlfriends whenever she wants. The most that will happen is some boyfriend of one of her friends comes along, or some beta just tagging along for their amusement. Doesn't bother me at all. I could go to all of these gatherings but I usually am working or just don't feel like going.

If I had a DJ friend who could come along and pimp the Latinas would be a different story but I don't, so I'm just not really interested in attending.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Backbreaker, you might have a million dollars but you still sound like an idiot. If your wife were one of us, we'd tell her to kick your ass to the curb. If my wife ever came home and told me she bought presents for and started hanging out with a dude, I'd kick her out so hard she'd be sneezing out her anus. That is bvllsh1t behavior on your part, low class and incredibly disrespectful, I wouldn't put it past her to start banging her tennis coach now and I wouldn't blame her at all. You've really dropped the ball dude, like really.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

That is bvllsh1t behavior on your part, low class and incredibly disrespectful, I wouldn't put it past her to start banging her tennis coach now and I wouldn't blame her at all. You've really dropped the ball dude, like really.

I concur.

Girls get just as upset, if not more, when her guy gets "emotionally" involved with another girl, just as a guy would flip if his girl was taking a high hard one from another guy.

Saying that "she's got male friends, so I can have female friends" doesn't hold water in a marriage.

People who value their marriages, and want them to last, tend to stay away from slippery slopes and situations that cause emotional stress to their partners.

Saying you're freedom is more important to you than her feelings sounds like maybe you didn't get into this union with eyes wide open.

Here's a potentially offensive question:

Would you have gotten married had you NOT had a kid together?

Are you sure?

My opinion: The ONLY way to solve this is go no contact with the other woman.

For good.

 

[Epimanes]

I concur.

Girls get just as upset, if not more, when her guy gets "emotionally" involved with another girl, just as a guy would flip if his girl was taking a high hard one from another guy.

Saying that "she's got male friends, so I can have female friends" doesn't hold water in a marriage.

People who value their marriages, and want them to last, tend to stay away from slippery slopes and situations that cause emotional stress to their partners.

Saying you're freedom is more important to you than her feelings sounds like maybe you didn't get into this union with eyes wide open.

Here's a potentially offensive question:

Would you have gotten married had you NOT had a kid together?

Are you sure?

My opinion: The ONLY way to solve this is go no contact with the other woman.

For good.

Well said sir.

 

[backbreaker]

You guys are more than welcome to your opinion it's no skin off my back, however I just find it quite ironic that a forum chalk full of MGTOWers and "Red pill guys" that a guy who has a female friend who he is not going to have sex with people are assuming because she has breasts I want to put my **** in her whereas, if I were a guy and my wife was married to someone else and i was talking to her, I'd be told I have no chance and she's using me for emotional support or other BS. Where's the guys telling this chick that she has no chance with me? Oh she's a woman. nevermind. Even the "hard core" Red pillers can't resist a damsel in distress. my wife is a grown ass woman lol who knows how to communicate with me and can take care of herself and is emotionally intelligent enough to understand I don't want to sleep with this chick and I'm not going to sleep with this chick. She gets that. Yet guys here don't.


I mean, if I really wanted to be a prick about the situation I could just tell my wife she's a client and she is. **** she's probably my best client. We've gotten work on her site and she's sent us a ton of referrals. But I'm honest about my relationship with her the girl and I are pretty cool. And if my wife is silly enough to get in her feelings because another female and I like to swap health recipes and gym tips and talk about what looks good fashion wise (literally this is 95% of our conversations) than we just weren't ****ing meant to be.


seriously this is our "hot and steemy" conversation today


Me: so this is what i do. when i decide i want to watch a movie i have to make sure i'm not wasting my time on the movie so I go online and i read all these reviews and lists and figure out what's a good movie i can watch.

I've been meaning to watch children of men for like a few years now and today is the day I'm going to watch this. It's like on every best movie of the 2000's list ever.


movie is ****ing horrible. Why do all hyped movies suck i don't know.


Her: So true. I guess you just have to go with your gut


Me: does that stuff make you thirsty? I'm thirsty as hell

Her: Lol.. maybe.

Her: I ate like a fat girl yesterday lol. Not too much food but I love my sweets. Do you have food you absolutely hate or are allergic to?
Like I hate caramel and not a fan of cupcakes/cakes.

Me: hate? **** yes lol.

-Carrots
- Broccoli
-Okra
- Pretty much anything green that's not Greens or Green Beans.
- Cheese that's not melted.

Allergic

- Dr Pepper
- Watermelon (spare me the jokes I've heard them all lol)
- Ivory Soap (not a food but I'm allergic to it)


Her: WATERMELON LMFAO. My dad loves watermelon and grape soda. He's way blacker than you


Her: Coconut is really good for you. The organic kind. I cook and stuff in coconut oil and use shredded coconut in my treats and smoothies.
You don't taste the organic kind as much it is just healthy.


Me: i tried some coconut water and it's the nastiest crap I've ever had in my life.


Her: Ya that tastes like **** lol. I'll even admit that and I love coconut. When I make my protein balls
I use shredded coconut and chia seeds. I put it in my green drinks with pineapple too


Her: leaving work in 10 min and phone is just about dead. Do you have the example of what the site will
be restored to look like?


Me: no. i don't but i'm not showing it to you


Her: Wait why not. Is it that bad


Me: it's broke on my server i moved some stuff to make room so it doesn't look right so I don't want you looking at because you are going to throw a hissy fit. It's one of those issues that looks worse than it really is.


Her: Ok I'll trust you. Just prep me on what I will need to do once it's ready and when that will be so I can schedule to work. I have off till next Thursday!! Awesome I know.


Me: My wife is hogging the TV I want to watch the godfather . She's like you have seen it 20 times. I'm like so! it's the godfather!

Her: I know rite




Her: Can I offer the sale code for Tuesday and Wednesday? And should I work on updating the products on there or will it be taken away and changed?


Me: XXXX Go Home You're durnk lol


Her: Lmao no ur drunk. I'm having a panic attack inside. Ok will follow your lead


Her: I woke up and had a Godiva truffle. I'll prob lose weight I'm so stressed and not hungry


Me: Stop nibbling on **** lol


Her: Dad just left for the gym... Finally. He had dr pepper and Milano cookies prior. Lmao


Me: lol that reminds me of the dude that comes to the gym every saturday morning like clockwork, with his cowboy hat on and his cowboy boots, hung over, dude doesn't even bother with gym clothes dude looks like he just came from the club off an all nighter and just goes straight to the bench press, unbuttons his shirt lol, and does like 3 sets of benches and goes home


Me: how was the workout


Her: Good did an hour of cardio and half hour weights


IF my wife has a problem with that, that's her problem. ABout as platonic as it gets.

 

[Bible_Belt]

IF my wife has a problem with that, that's her problem. ABout as platonic as it gets.

It seems like it is yourself that you're trying to convince. You can get all the emotional intimacy that you want outside of your marriage, but that's not going to help your marriage.

 

[jafyk]

I mean, we are a pretty normal couple. she's quite headstrong so when she doesn't like something she lets me know. But at the end of the day she'll live.

When she gets back to town i'm going to invite her and her BF over for dinner


I have a pretty good feeling that after Christmas my wife will be just fine lol.

You are just wasting your time. Inviting her and her BF over won't fix your wife's insecurity or prove anything. I have a friend who's sister's husband was having an affair with her friend. They all used to hang out. The sister, her husband, her friend and her friend's husband. Being around all them they seemed like a happy group.

The way I see it your wife seems like the typical insecure American woman whose value seems to come from her relationship with her husband. I think your wife is going to end up losing you because insecurity is not an attractive trait. Besides how long is a guy going to keep reassuring an irrational woman.

Honestly, I think your wife's major complaint is that she feels left out. It doesn't have much to do with trusting you. A lot of times the mundane conversations one has with friends is what the wife wants to have with you to still feel like she's involved in the game. It's like you are confiding in her about things and that makes her feels valued. In your case it seems your lady friend is playing that role and she's feeling left out. So, that leads me to think you both don't talk much about certain kinds of things or she's not a very interesting person to be bothered by your one friend.

From your situation. I understand why men keep things (including female friends) from their wives/girls, because of all the drama they make up in their head, even where there's none. You are just gonna have to let this girl go and find ways to make new guy friends. If you have female friends it would make sense for them to be hi/chit-chat at the location type friends as opposed to people whose contact info you have/exchange gifts with. I'm fairly confident you can interact with your lady friend without anything happening but you would do so with the risk of your wife leaving you. I know at the same time if you let this girl go who is more interesting than your wife you will be feeling miserable, bored and resent your wife for putting you in that situation.

Bottomline you are not wrong for wanting some level of freedom and your wife is not wrong for wanting a level of connection. It just has to be a healthy balance on both sides. Which ever sides pushes more ends up causing the other to resent them. Personally, if your wife is not ok with you having a friend of the opposite sex. She should have male friends either. Anything other than that is just control issues. Being in a marriage is not a license to become the average "yes dear domesticated male". Each time I see guys like that it just makes me wanna throw up. I see so many unmarried men so uncomfortable and trying to fake happiness in front of strangers for their insatiable wives. Ugh!

 

[SamTheHobit]

I don't really see anything wrong with your friendship with her.

But If the tables were turned I wouldn't be comfortable at all.

Maybe it's because men are more trust worthy than females imo

 

[backbreaker]

You are just wasting your time. Inviting her and her BF over won't fix your wife's insecurity or prove anything. I have a friend who's sister's husband was having an affair with her friend. They all used to hang out. The sister, her husband, her friend and her friend's husband. Being around all them they seemed like a happy group.

The way I see it your wife seems like the typical insecure American woman whose value seems to come from her relationship with her husband. I think your wife is going to end up losing you because insecurity is not an attractive trait. Besides how long is a guy going to keep reassuring an irrational woman.

Honestly, I think your wife's major complaint is that she feels left out. It doesn't have much to do with trusting you. A lot of times the mundane conversations one has with friends is what the wife wants to have with you to still feel like she's involved in the game. It's like you are confiding in her about things and that makes her feels valued. In your case it seems your lady friend is playing that role and she's feeling left out. So, that leads me to think you both don't talk much about certain kinds of things or she's not a very interesting person to be bothered by your one friend.

From your situation. I understand why men keep things (including female friends) from their wives/girls, because of all the drama they make up in their head, even where there's none. You are just gonna have to let this girl go and find ways to make new guy friends. If you have female friends it would make sense for them to be hi/chit-chat at the location type friends as opposed to people whose contact info you have/exchange gifts with. I'm fairly confident you can interact with your lady friend without anything happening but you would do so with the risk of your wife leaving you. I know at the same time if you let this girl go who is more interesting than your wife you will be feeling miserable, bored and resent your wife for putting you in that situation.

Bottomline you are not wrong for wanting some level of freedom and your wife is not wrong for wanting a level of connection. It just has to be a healthy balance on both sides. Which ever sides pushes more ends up causing the other to resent them. Personally, if your wife is not ok with you having a friend of the opposite sex. She should have male friends either. Anything other than that is just control issues. Being in a marriage is not a license to become the average "yes dear domesticated male". Each time I see guys like that it just makes me wanna throw up. I see so many unmarried men so uncomfortable and trying to fake happiness in front of strangers for their insatiable wives. Ugh!

my wife is british she's not from here.


I agree with the last paragraph alot. If I honestly got the cheating vibe I would cut the girl off but it's not like that. I just wnat to build my own network of friends, not just friends my wife has that know me.

 

[zekko]

I just wnat to build my own network of friends

Made up of all hot chicks, no doubt

 

[backbreaker]

i wouldn't complain lol

But seriously, people like to say what if the roles were reverses.. they aren't. nor could they be. My wife does not work from home 12 hours a day, **** she doesn't work at all. My wife gets to go get her nails done, my wife does my nails lol. My wife gets to go to get her hair at the beauty salon done I cut my own hair and my sons.

The avg person on this forum cannot possibly contemplate how much I don't get out the house. I do literally just about everything from home. And now that I"m married, i REALLY don't have a reason to get out the house. I used to make myself go out to meet women but now I don't even do that.


So I meet someone through my job that I get along with and I can talk to that's not my wife. It's not like I go to a 9 to 5 and I have all these office guy friends and I'm just befriending this chick at work and trying to be cute on the sly about being platonic friends. We get along, she's cool, my wife has even had to admit i've been in a much better mood the last month


I'd kill to have guy friends. But It never works. They get jealous or they start asking for money / favors or they just suck in general. I have one guy friend that's cool, again I met through work one of my graphic guys is my homeboy.

I'm slowly building a nice little network of real friends. These 2 people are the only people I consider real friends. If I can get 2-3 more I'd be golden

 

[LiveFreeX]

There is nothing worse than someone who is in the wrong, trying hard to justify it. Dude, you are disrespecting your wife AND taunting her. I'm not coming to your wife's side at all, I think she was an idiot for marrying you.

The way I see it, if my wife were to hang out with a guy, get pissed at me when I called her out about it and then brought him over to hang out with me (which I obviously don't want), my wife would be getting a black eye for insulting me, he'd be getting his head smashed through a brick wall and I would throw all her sh1t on the street, drain every bank account and be gone the next morning.

Your wife sounds like a BETA and eventually when she discovers her 'game' which will come in the form of feminism/divorce court, she's going to kick your disrespectful ass to the curb, and financially rape you. And the funny thing is, no one here will feel bad about that happening because you are egging her on and being a **** about the whole thing...

She is your FAMILY, when you marry, you are family. You are disrespecting your family, what is your son learning from all this?
She has to come home to your ignorant ass every night, for better or worse and put up with that?!? Sorry man, you disgust me on so many levels, the only back you are breaking is your own.

It's not like I go to a 9 to 5 and I have all these office guy friends

I'm just befriending this chick at work and trying to be cute on the sly

I thought you said that you owned the business? So its not a chick, its a client and now you are mixing biz with pleasure. So which is it biz or pleasure?

The avg person on this forum cannot possibly contemplate how much I don't get out the house.

I'd kill to have guy friends. But It never works.

Sounds like there is something wrong with YOU. I have ONLY guy friends and I have ALOT of them, I don't see the point in hanging around with a woman unless I intend to fvck her, nothing good can come of it. You don't sound like the kind of person a guy would want to have around as a friend. If you treat your own family with disrespect, I bet you don't fair very well around friends either.

 

[Epimanes]

Dude..... Listen. No one ever (or hardly ever) PLANS to have an affair. By allowing this woman to meet your need to socialize and such your on a slippery slope. Period. Your married. You can convince yourself all you want but its plain as day to me and obviously others how dangerous is CAN GET. It is statisiclay proven that those that think I couldn't happen to them are the first it happens to because they lack boundries. You conversations over time will inch towards talk your wife would not approve of and before ya know it your meeting up with her and going on dates (yes a lunch outing is a date. Any recreational interaction with someone of opposite sex is a date).

This woman will create what's called a "contrast effect". Meaning you will eventually compare your interactions/conversations with this fantasy chick to your time/conversations with your wife and as your wife complains more because you dismiss her feelings and fuel her insecurity it will escelate and not in a good way and you will be rolling deeper towards incompatability and addicted to the other woman.

Its your life man.. You may have won or convinced your wife THIS time but you just reassured her insecure mind she has to keep worrrying. Your wife may play along now silently but inside she realizes you don't care how she feels and that my friend will catch up to you. Maybe not this year.. Or the next. But as I said in my earlier posts tell us 5 years from now how your marriage is. If your still madly in love like you used to be and if you guys have still kept your spark alive.

Been down that road man.. Your preaching to the choir and only convincing yourself. The rest of us see the slippery slope. Then one day some guy will come along and admire your wife and give her the conversation she needs/values and boom her feelings will slip from you and your wife will be giving you the same story while you bark up a tree and wonder why your sex life is slipping away and she no longer admires you and wants to hang with you. She will come up with all sorts of excuses and claim "I do a lot for you and put up with a lot of your behavoirs I don't like. I'm not budging on this guy friend, after all you got your girl friends so I am allowed to have my guy friends. We are "just friends".

And then she returns the disrespect and you have a war. Or you will likely tell her "ok go have your guy friend, I'm keeping my girl friend" and you find yourself liking the new girl cuz she's not complaining (cuz you talk to her and confide in her and meet her need for openess and honesty) and the guy friend meets your wifes needs for conversation, affection and admiration and you go your seperate ways and hurt your son in the process.


Good luck.