Okay, is my game this awful?

[dosquito]

So basically there's a cute girl I had a class with last year.

I ran into her a few times since then and she always went out of her way to show high interest.

Then a couple of days ago I ran into her as I was leaving the library. We chatted for a bit and I played the angle of "what are we?". basically I was like "Oh hi, my math semi-acquaintance ...or are we friends? I'm not sure"
and teased her about it for a bit before we split ways

later that night I actually ran across a picture of her on facebook so I added her and, when she accepted, sent a message saying:

"Well there's no debate about it now. According to Facebook we are definitely friends"

She saw it a half hour later, but then waited a few hours to reply

"hahaha, guess we can formally handshake in public now, right?"

to which I replied (she has an ethnic name)

"Whoa don't you think we should slow down a bit? First teach me how to say your name =]"

I thought that was a clever response but now I am wondering, did I just kill off near-certain interest with just two facebook messages? Obviously if she doesn't reply (it's been 24 hours) I am not in a position to say anything else at this point without looking like a *****

 

[Kbomb]

i dunno, i don't give name until a girl has earned it.

 

[DavenJuan]

I think youre definitely over analyzing this. Your reply was witty and off the cuff. Playing the waiting game for texts however is a complete waste of time and will not make a difference either way. trust me.

I dont know if you want to keep referring to yourself as a friend, because inevitably, thats were you will be.. the friendzone. If you are trying to send a message, that message should indicate that of which you would like to be percieved... and Im sure thats not "friend".

alot of men on this forum are sooooo overly concerned with saying the wrong thing, doing something stupid. Stop thinking so much. .....

YOU CAN DO NO WRONG as long as you control your own frame. You make no exeptions or give excuses for what you do. she either gets it, or she doesnt. Her loss. ....and if you believe this way of thinking, you will see so much more opportunity open up.

Instead of spending time thinking about what you said being wrong or right, you will have free'd up time spending it on how to make youself a better person, and the rest will come.

 

[dosquito]

I appreciate your advice Dave. It's the exact type of general advice I've been soaking in over the last couple months on this forum. But game gets down to the nitty gritty too...You wouldn't believe how unfavorable the marketplace I am in is. Girls arent gonna be flocking to me without any effort on my part. Just being realistic. but yeah, I get the mentality. If she doesn't bite, it's her loss. But when a decent female is so rare it's hard to keep that mentality of abundance. They know they got the guys by the balls here. But that doesn't change the fact that, if I could have done it differently, i would have preferred for her to bite than not!

Im getting frustrated that I'm wasting the best years of my life studying

 

[Harry Wilmington]

To answer your question directly: yes, your game is awful.

You're coming across as the "girl" in your interactions with her. Asking her "what are we??" That's what the GIRL should be doing. Sending her FB messages? That's what the GIRL should be doing. (Note: texting/messaging a girl constantly KILLS relationships.)

In short: you're playing the "wait for her to say she likes me" game... but, aside from a few flirty interactions, she has NO reason to show her hand. You haven't even asked her for her phone number yet, let alone on a real date!

Want to improve your game? Simple things:

1. Ask her for her phone number. This should be the first step you take with ANY girl you've just met. If the convo is going good, ask her for the number. She'll either give it to you right away or say "um, I dunno... look me up on facebook" (translation: not interested).

2. Wait a few days, then call her up for a date. If she accepts, there's some interest there; if she gives some kind of excuse why she can't go on the day you mentioned and doesn't counter-offer (i.e. "no, I don't want to go out with you" - girls rarely say the word "no"), she's not interested.

3. At the end of the date (or, if you're feeling the vibe, during the date), go in for the kiss. If she kisses you back, she's interested; if she turns her head, gives you the cheek, backs away from you or says something like "whoa, I need to go slow," she's NOT interested. Yes, people will argue about this last point, but from personal experience I have managed to continue dating most girls I've kissed on the first date, and NONE of the girls who didn't.

3 simple things to gauge her interest. In the meantime: with this girl I wouldn't say it's over, but I WOULD suggest you stop messaging her like one of her girlfriends (or any of the other punks she's ignoring) and do the steps above - at the very least, you'll be able to find out QUICKLY if she has interest in going out with you vs. dragging it on.

Hope this helps!

 

[dosquito]

Thanks. I think one thing you older guys forget though is that college game is a lot more centered around social circles. If this was some random girl I met in public I would naturally have no objection to asking her number straight up, because I would have nothing to lose. But that's not the case here. I don't go to some massive school. It's important to have some level of discretion and walk the line between being aggressive in a creepy way and demonstrating interest. Because I'm not involved in this girl's social circles, I thought the best compromise would just be to chat her up on facebook and see if she's really interested. I think that was a right approach and that asking her # would be too upfront, but I think my execution failed. oh well. She's a 6 or maybe 6.5 so it's not a big deal

 

[marmel75]

Harry..
stop saying texting kills you...

LAME TEXTING KILLS YOU

Flirty, fun texting definitely does not kill you and can actually help you.

 

[VladPatton]

Harry is right. The more you pu$$yfoot around with Facebook crap and not going on a date to see where you stand, the more time you waste, and the more time you waste, the more you begin to second guess everything, over-analyze things, and become more and more uncertain in her interest level towards you.

While you are wasting the weeks away, some dude is jack hammering her twice a week who doesn't give a shyt about any tender social college circles that you care too much about. He just manned up and scored.

There is no shame in stating your interest in a girl.

 

[NewAndImproved]

Thanks. I think one thing you older guys forget though is that college game is a lot more centered around social circles. If this was some random girl I met in public I would naturally have no objection to asking her number straight up, because I would have nothing to lose. But that's not the case here. I don't go to some massive school. It's important to have some level of discretion and walk the line between being aggressive in a creepy way and demonstrating interest. Because I'm not involved in this girl's social circles, I thought the best compromise would just be to chat her up on facebook and see if she's really interested.

This is just straight self-rationalization here.

It's JUST asking for her number.... it's JUST taking her on a date.

Nothing to do with whether you're in college or in a retirement home, whether the girl is in your social circle or a random bar.

If she rejects you, sure it might be a little awkward if you see her around campus but that's about the extent of it. In fact, *****footing around the issue and trying to gauge interest through extended Facebook messages (aka being afraid of making a move) is much creepier than simply going for what you want quickly and being OK if she rejects you.

 

[Plutoman]

If she rejects you, sure it might be a little awkward if you see her around campus but that's about the extent of it. In fact, *****footing around the issue and trying to gauge interest through extended Facebook messages (aka being afraid of making a move) is much creepier than simply going for what you want quickly and being OK if she rejects you.

+1.

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. If you keep it natural, take a no in stride and give a smile in return, it's not a big deal by any means.

I'm at university myself. All it comes down to is that you thought she was an interesting enough person to ask out - she decided, for any one of a dozen potential reasons, that she didn't want to, but it's not anything personal against you. There's no reason it should be awkward, unless you think it is awkward yourself.

 

[logarithm]

About Harry's post, from my personal experience :
1.Some girls give Facebook first and after some nice text session, agree for a date.
2.If the girl doesn't accept the date or counter-offer, she's not interested, for sure.
3.If she doesn't accept the kiss, may just want it slow - sometimes even the girl initiates the next date.
4.Little fun/flirty texting now and then isn't bad in my opinion.
About dosquito's game - his responses are quite witty in my opinion, especially the Facebook ones. Maybe the initial frame wasn't the best possible, but as long as you keep it cool, it's just a way to make some fun while achieving the goal.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Thanks. I think one thing you older guys forget though is that college game is a lot more centered around social circles. If this was some random girl I met in public I would naturally have no objection to asking her number straight up, because I would have nothing to lose. But that's not the case here. I don't go to some massive school. It's important to have some level of discretion and walk the line between being aggressive in a creepy way and demonstrating interest. Because I'm not involved in this girl's social circles, I thought the best compromise would just be to chat her up on facebook and see if she's really interested. I think that was a right approach and that asking her # would be too upfront, but I think my execution failed. oh well. She's a 6 or maybe 6.5 so it's not a big deal

Asking for her # would be too upfront? Wow.

Bro, you can't put this self-imposed thoughts in your head for how you would assume she might react to things you might do.

When you attract a girl to you, she will throw caution to the wind and follow her feelings because that's how women think.

I don't agree with all of Harry's rules either, but the general consensus of what he's saying is right.







PIMP

 

[dosquito]

anyway as it turns out she messaged me back explaining how to pronounce her name. but she doesn't seem to be adding much to the conversatoin and seems either shy or low interest level. i'm questioning my own interest level as well. maybe i'll just let it sit

how would you handle this playas? she messages:

"Hahah, it's __________ [the pronunciation]"

 

[dosquito]

+1.

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. If you keep it natural, take a no in stride and give a smile in return, it's not a big deal by any means.

I'm at university myself. All it comes down to is that you thought she was an interesting enough person to ask out - she decided, for any one of a dozen potential reasons, that she didn't want to, but it's not anything personal against you. There's no reason it should be awkward, unless you think it is awkward yourself.

thanks man I will try to take your wisdm to heart. But personally I get very self conscios in this respect. I don't want to have a bad reputation

 

[dosquito]

This is just straight self-rationalization here.

It's JUST asking for her number.... it's JUST taking her on a date.

Nothing to do with whether you're in college or in a retirement home, whether the girl is in your social circle or a random bar.

If she rejects you, sure it might be a little awkward if you see her around campus but that's about the extent of it. In fact, *****footing around the issue and trying to gauge interest through extended Facebook messages (aka being afraid of making a move) is much creepier than simply going for what you want quickly and being OK if she rejects you.

good advice playa...very true

 

[marmel75]

thanks man I will try to take your wisdm to heart. But personally I get very self conscios in this respect. I don't want to have a bad reputation

A bad reputation for what? Acting like a man and asking for a number and a date? Have things really gotten to that point these days that that is what gives you a bad rep?

I don't know what else to even say here....

 

[Fly By Night]

A bad reputation for what? Acting like a man and asking for a number and a date? Have things really gotten to that point these days that that is what gives you a bad rep?

I don't know what else to even say here....

I think what he's trying to say is:

He doesn't want to get rejected and have her tell her friends that he is lame/creepy/etc., thus ridding him of other potential prospects on campus.

I feel what he's going through. It's like you don't want what happens in one approach to affect what happens in another.

 

[dosquito]

Yeah man exactly. Maybe it's not the most rational fear but it's a small world out there

 

[logarithm]

Trying to pick up a girl, no matter what the result is, is natural and doesn't give any bad reputation (as long as you are respectful, of course). It is more likely to get bad reputation if you are too timid and don't act confidently. Don't care too much, if you don't feel awkward, she won't feel awkward too. You may try your luck one more time and if she still doesn't respond adequately, leave it. Good luck!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

First, I have to address this particular comment:

Harry..
stop saying texting kills you... LAME TEXTING KILLS YOU. Flirty, fun texting definitely does not kill you and can actually help you.

Any advice I give on here is based on a few things: (1) the law of averages, (2) my experience or the experience of those I've observed, and (3) the results of girl-getting activities I've observed here from posters on SoSuave that repeatedly seems to put guys at a disadvantage.

1. Law of averages: on average, more guys end up LOSING women to texting mishaps than keeping them around with proper texting (more on that in a minute);

2. My own personal experience has taught me that having more conversations in person with a girl is more helpful in communicating accurately to her than texting has been. It's not about being a LAME texter; it's about the other negative qualities texting gives off: being too available, not being man enough to call her up and talk off the cuff (as opposed to lame pre-planned out text responses), over-analyzing every single thing she says to the point that YOU yourself may misinterpret something she sends you (or vice-versa)... I could go on.

3. If you notice on this board, the majority of posters are posting up situations involving TGB: Texting Gone Bad. They either sent a bad message, or they're worried because a girl suddenly stopped responding, or they're going crazy picking apart every word a girl sent them... these things wouldn't happen if the guy would stop texting/facebook messaging her and call her instead.

Real situation: about a week ago, I saw this hot-looking girl performing on TV with one of my friends (it's L.A., it happens). I hit my friend up and asked about this girl, and she told me to send her a message on Facebook. Ugh, I hate it, but what choice did I have?

So what did I do? In my very FIRST message to her, I basically said: I saw you on TV, you looked cute; I don't know much more beyond that, but I'd like to know more; and - most importantly - SEND ME YOUR NUMBER SO I CAN CALL YOU SOME TIME.

You know what happened? Got a message from her the next day with her digits, saying she hopes to hear from me.

I tell this story to say: for all you guys that are pvssy-footing around hoping you can send message after message as a means of getting her interested, it's a very WEAK way to go about getting girls. Texting with a girl is fine - AFTER you've gone out with her a multitude of times and have established some form of bond or relationship with her. If you're just meeting her, though, or you haven't taken her out, she has NO need for you to be constantly messaging her when you're not around her. It doesn't build up her interest and is a waste of time.

If you DO plan on messaging her, it should be to set up dates ONLY. You can save all the flirty stuff for when you're actually ON the date and can see her reaction to it. Just 'cause a woman sends you a smiley face back to something you said doesn't mean that what you sent her is actually making her like you. Look, I can do it right now: <-- See? Doesn't take much effort, and doesn't really mean anything!