Okay, is my game this awful?

[Harry Wilmington]

anyway as it turns out she messaged me back explaining how to pronounce her name. but she doesn't seem to be adding much to the conversation and seems either shy or low interest level. i'm questioning my own interest level as well. maybe i'll just let it sit how would you handle this playas? she messages: "Hahah, it's __________ [the pronunciation]"

This is yet another example of what I'm talking about with texting/messaging. Because she waited a whole day to message him back, now he's questioning interest. True, she could have low interest; but, she could also be someone who does other stuff besides hang out on facebook all day, and wanted to respond when she first saw the message but then had to go do something else.

Either way, we don't know on her end what happened. What we DO know, though, is that, on his end, he got to spend the next 24 hours wondering what her not messaging him back right away meant. Which he wouldn't have had to do if he had just (a) asked her for the number when he ran into her last time, and (b) called her up and asked for a date.

Wanna know how to tell if she has low interest? ASK FOR THE NUMBER. Message her up if you have to - say "Oh, that's great, thanks for the pronunciation. Now that I know how to say your name, I'd love to give you a call some time, so send me your number." If she sends it, INTEREST; if she doesn't, NO INTEREST.

That's it - it's simple. It's the first step, and it's no big deal. You're not going to be chastise by her or her precious social circle if she doesn't give it to you, and you'll know if you've at least got a shot. It's a LOW-RISK way to see if other possibilities - like dates with her, hooking up, etc. - may be possible in the future.

 

[dosquito]

Yep. I'm actually excited to put anti-dump's machine to work here. This is what AD was all about. filtering out girls who aren't high interest. The problem I see with making a call though is that it puts a lot of immediate pressure on forming a plan. I find it a lot easier to form plans through texting. I don't know if I would have a specific date to ask her out on via phone call

 

[Purefilth]

Yep. I'm actually excited to put anti-dump's machine to work here. This is what AD was all about. filtering out girls who aren't high interest. The problem I see with making a call though is that it puts a lot of immediate pressure on forming a plan. I find it a lot easier to form plans through texting. I don't know if I would have a specific date to ask her out on via phone call

Make the plan. then call.

Always have a game plan. Remember the 5 P's.

Preparation
Prevents.
P1ss
Poor
Performance.



Make a plan.
Make the call.

Don't ***** about with texts.
Hey HB lets go for lunch - Monday or Wednesday, which is good for you?

cool I'll meet you at ABC at XYZ.

See you then. *click*

 

[dosquito]

Here's what I'm thinking...

schedule lunch for one of these days where I know I'll have to be somewhere right after...to keep it short and reduce pressure...

then if that goes well, the rest should follow naturally from arranging plans through

but until some intial level of rapport is found, i will lay off the texting

i can see why it's important to demosntrate that you arent afraid of phone calls

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Here's what I'm thinking... schedule lunch for one of these days where I know I'll have to be somewhere right after...to keep it short and reduce pressure...

I'll be honest: lunch dates are usually equated with friendships, not relationships - at least when you're first trying to take a girl out.

U know what's funny? You're doing the same thing I used to do. You're afraid if you ask her on a REAL date it will show her you're interested, and you fear it will scare her away.

Part of the problem is this: you're viewing going out on the date with her as the event where she will have to decide if you two are an item, which results in you adding pressure to this simple date thing having to go well. You need to view a date for what it REALLY: an investigation.

Think about it: you don't really know her; her history; what bad habits she may have... so much is unknown.

When you ask a girl out, she'll know you're interested... but she doesn't know at what level that interest lies. For all she knows, you could have low interest and just want to take her out 'cause you're bored; you could have medium interest but want to see if she's crazy; or, you could have high-interest and be all over her. The unknown factor of how interested you are will usually make her want to go out on at least ONE date with you, so the odds are actually in your favor!

Anyway... so, you don't have to have something planned afterward to try and shorten the time. Be the man, man! Plan something at night time during the week, choose two days and ask her which one works best for her, and go about with the date... AFTER you get the number, of course

 

[marmel75]

First, I have to address this particular comment:

Any advice I give on here is based on a few things: (1) the law of averages, (2) my experience or the experience of those I've observed, and (3) the results of girl-getting activities I've observed here from posters on SoSuave that repeatedly seems to put guys at a disadvantage.

1. Law of averages: on average, more guys end up LOSING women to texting mishaps than keeping them around with proper texting (more on that in a minute);

2. My own personal experience has taught me that having more conversations in person with a girl is more helpful in communicating accurately to her than texting has been. It's not about being a LAME texter; it's about the other negative qualities texting gives off: being too available, not being man enough to call her up and talk off the cuff (as opposed to lame pre-planned out text responses), over-analyzing every single thing she says to the point that YOU yourself may misinterpret something she sends you (or vice-versa)... I could go on.

3. If you notice on this board, the majority of posters are posting up situations involving TGB: Texting Gone Bad. They either sent a bad message, or they're worried because a girl suddenly stopped responding, or they're going crazy picking apart every word a girl sent them... these things wouldn't happen if the guy would stop texting/facebook messaging her and call her instead.

Real situation: about a week ago, I saw this hot-looking girl performing on TV with one of my friends (it's L.A., it happens). I hit my friend up and asked about this girl, and she told me to send her a message on Facebook. Ugh, I hate it, but what choice did I have?

So what did I do? In my very FIRST message to her, I basically said: I saw you on TV, you looked cute; I don't know much more beyond that, but I'd like to know more; and - most importantly - SEND ME YOUR NUMBER SO I CAN CALL YOU SOME TIME.

You know what happened? Got a message from her the next day with her digits, saying she hopes to hear from me.

I tell this story to say: for all you guys that are pvssy-footing around hoping you can send message after message as a means of getting her interested, it's a very WEAK way to go about getting girls. Texting with a girl is fine - AFTER you've gone out with her a multitude of times and have established some form of bond or relationship with her. If you're just meeting her, though, or you haven't taken her out, she has NO need for you to be constantly messaging her when you're not around her. It doesn't build up her interest and is a waste of time.

If you DO plan on messaging her, it should be to set up dates ONLY. You can save all the flirty stuff for when you're actually ON the date and can see her reaction to it. Just 'cause a woman sends you a smiley face back to something you said doesn't mean that what you sent her is actually making her like you. Look, I can do it right now: <-- See? Doesn't take much effort, and doesn't really mean anything!

You do have a point, I will give you that. However, in my experience, if a girl is going to flake, she is going to flake regardless of if you texted or called. I work 11-12 hour days where I am either on the phone, doing computer related things or sales. I do not have time to pick up a phone and talk to someone for 15 or 20 minutes. After work, I go home briefly and then to the gym. So from 7:30am to 10pm or later, I am pretty much not able to be on a phone. Taking 15 to 20 mins out of my day to talk on a phone and not be able to do anything else is just an annoyance to be honest. I can, however, text back and forth over the course of a day much easier, so it is my preferred method of comunication. It works for me.

My texting is pretty close to cookie cutter method now.

Opening text is something vague but interesting to get interest piqued and get them asking questions about it and a positive response. Default opener for new chick is from girlschase.com:

"Finding money in the most interesting places today...so, <name>, how's your day/morning/afternoon going? Lucky as mine? ---<My name>"

-I have never failed to get a reply to this text, and in most cases it is a very positive reply asking about where I am finding money, etc, etc...even have some girls text me the next day asking if I have found anymore money, etc...

A few witty, banter style texts

A few sexual innuendo texts

Ask what their schedule is like

Either set up date/time right then if close enough or tell them I will get back to them in a few days once I figure out my schedule if their availability is too far away(like end of week and I am texting on Monday)

Then go ghost until day of date if set up already or set up date a day or two in advance if not til later in week

Day of date send a text early afternoon saying "I might be about 15 mins late, is that cool?" If they are going to flake, it gives them the opportunity to do it now so I can then turn around and set up something with someone else. Also sets the frame that I am expecting them to show up and not "confirming" the date with them as if I am expecting they are going to flake. If they say yeah that's cool, the chance of them flaking is pretty low(still happens once in a while tho).

Go on date and attempt to smash.

Rinse and repeat.

It works for me---is it possible less texting could work better, I guess so, but as far as I can see it hasn't hurt me to this point...my flake rate is pretty low in comparison to some of what I am seeing on here(dude who set up 3 dates on the same day and all 3 flaked, etc), maybe once for every 10 dates...maybe twice at most...

I definitely do not text them 100 times a day, I skip days in between contact...sometimes 3,4 or even more, and I keep the conversations fun and flirty...rarely do I talk about anything of substance(ie, job, about me/her, etc...) so all that sh!t can get done face to face...basically most of the stuff I send is fun, feel good stuff...again it works for my style, others it might not work so well for...a lot depends on the individual and the situation...

for instance, here is another convesation I was having today, after default opening msg:

Her: Not nearly as lucky....trying to fine tune our security system at work

Me: Whoa...that sounds like some James Bond sh!t right there! I better be careful around you...you sound dangerous...lol

Her: Hahahaha gotta keep you on your toes ;-) where r u finding dollars? How much?

Me: This is gonna be awesome! We can get into all sorts of trouble together, and you can get us out of it with some well placed booby traps, <name>! How exciting! ;-) Found $10 in a pocket of a jacket I haven't worn since last year...

Her: Ha!! So ur gonna use me for my sly skills so u can cause trouble?!? What am I getting out of the deal? It always bothers me when I find more than $5 in clothing...means I had money & didn't even notice it went missing.

Me: Lol! Absolutely...I can be pretty devious so you better be ready...you get to come along for the ride, <name>! Just like the Bond girls...hahaha ;-)

Her: Ha! <my name>, I'm sorry for you, but I'm not the "go along for the ride" kinda girl, unless of course it pays well. Otherwise I need to drive every now & again...

Me: Lol...oh, I definitely pay well, and how much you drive depends on how good you are when your in control, <name>...hahahah

Her: Oh, don't you worry <my name>. ;-) I'm good.

Me: Hmmm....well, I can be a very "hard" judge, <name>, so I guess we will see...

I have found using comments that can be interpreted in a sexual way, are almost always interpreted by the women in that way, whereas you can then always say you were just having a normal conversation and then make it seem like this whole thing was their idea...one of my favorites is telling them "well that's good, I need a woman that can handle me"---almost always gets a sexual related response...they always seem to run with it too once its out, lol...make it super easy to keep escalating a little more and a little more until the stuff is pretty blatant...keeps you from coming off as the creepy dude who "only wants sex" in their mind too...easy to bring this stuf back up while on the date and jump right back into the sexual conversation, except in person you go more direct and blatant a lot quicker...

 

[Purefilth]

nice marmel, very nice

 

[Harry Wilmington]

@marmel75: I don't doubt that your texting method works well for you. The difference between you and most of these guys, though, is you know the proper way to go about using texting. You yourself said you set up the date, then go NC until the day of the date.

The majority of guys on here are hitting her up and NOT asking for the date, waiting for her to ask if they want to do something. On top of that, even if they DO ask for a date, they spend the days prior to the date continuing to text her, most of which are boring text that don't do anything to pique her interest.

The problem, though, lies in the fact that they don't have enough practice attracting girls in person to know how to translate that into texting; nor do they know how to pace themselves. At least if they suck at pacing themselves in person it's not documented; with texting, the amount of text sent, combined with the wimpiness of said text, only helps them sink their dating chances with a girl quickly.

That's why I advise guys not to rely on texting so much. Even with your text game "on point," you'd have to agree that the ultimate goal with it is to communicate with them in person. That's the game guys need to be getting better at, the "in person" game, not the "text" game. Again, this is especially true for a girl they're just meeting. If they don't know the girl well enough, their sexual innuendo text can come off as creepy, gross, or just plain rude, especially when you can only assume what her reaction is vs. being able to hear/see it in person.

Ironically, once they get better at relating to girls in person, they'll know how to properly use so-called "text game." Heck, I got girls that initiate text with me all the time - I'll send them a couple of texts back to be cordial, then I go ghost again. I much prefer NOT contacting them when they're not around so they can continue to think about me and ponder if i'm thinking about them, thus building up their interest in me.

 

[Plutoman]

My 2 cents on the texting from my (limited - yes, definitely limited) experience;

A guy can be good with texting and benefit from it - most guys will not, and most guys will struggle to genuinely get good with it (in attitude as well as how they do it). Thus, the best advice to give to most guys is to simply not do it, as it would be difficult for them to properly catch the nuances of it.

There's both sides of the argument, and in a sense I'd say you are both entirely correct.

Personally, I'm a fan of text game - it allows my wit to shine, especially when I'm given that extra time to think on it. I'm fairly good on my feet, but I can really shine when given some thinkin' space. It tends to only work with women on or near my level of intelligence, though - anything lower and it tends to screw my chances, as they don't get the humor. It's a screening process for me, though, so I'm okay with that. If she's not able to catch my humor, then I'm not interested enough to bother. I don't text too often, either, but I make sure it counts when I do.

thanks man I will try to take your wisdm to heart. But personally I get very self conscios in this respect. I don't want to have a bad reputation

Remember that if you hesitate, try alternative methods, it's going to come off a lot creepier than if you just go straight out with it. If you feel natural about it yourself, it's going to come across naturally. If you dance around the subject, be shy about it, be self-conscious - it's going to come across as creepy and that's when she'll talk about it to her friends. Well, either way, she'll talk about it to friends - but you'll get a more favorable review in the first case.

 

[backbreaker]

lol you are the Jacksonville jaguars of game my friend. good lord lol

First, I have to address this particular comment:

Any advice I give on here is based on a few things: (1) the law of averages, (2) my experience or the experience of those I've observed, and (3) the results of girl-getting activities I've observed here from posters on SoSuave that repeatedly seems to put guys at a disadvantage.

1. Law of averages: on average, more guys end up LOSING women to texting mishaps than keeping them around with proper texting (more on that in a minute);

2. My own personal experience has taught me that having more conversations in person with a girl is more helpful in communicating accurately to her than texting has been. It's not about being a LAME texter; it's about the other negative qualities texting gives off: being too available, not being man enough to call her up and talk off the cuff (as opposed to lame pre-planned out text responses), over-analyzing every single thing she says to the point that YOU yourself may misinterpret something she sends you (or vice-versa)... I could go on.

3. If you notice on this board, the majority of posters are posting up situations involving TGB: Texting Gone Bad. They either sent a bad message, or they're worried because a girl suddenly stopped responding, or they're going crazy picking apart every word a girl sent them... these things wouldn't happen if the guy would stop texting/facebook messaging her and call her instead.

Real situation: about a week ago, I saw this hot-looking girl performing on TV with one of my friends (it's L.A., it happens). I hit my friend up and asked about this girl, and she told me to send her a message on Facebook. Ugh, I hate it, but what choice did I have?

So what did I do? In my very FIRST message to her, I basically said: I saw you on TV, you looked cute; I don't know much more beyond that, but I'd like to know more; and - most importantly - SEND ME YOUR NUMBER SO I CAN CALL YOU SOME TIME.

You know what happened? Got a message from her the next day with her digits, saying she hopes to hear from me.

I tell this story to say: for all you guys that are pvssy-footing around hoping you can send message after message as a means of getting her interested, it's a very WEAK way to go about getting girls. Texting with a girl is fine - AFTER you've gone out with her a multitude of times and have established some form of bond or relationship with her. If you're just meeting her, though, or you haven't taken her out, she has NO need for you to be constantly messaging her when you're not around her. It doesn't build up her interest and is a waste of time.

If you DO plan on messaging her, it should be to set up dates ONLY. You can save all the flirty stuff for when you're actually ON the date and can see her reaction to it. Just 'cause a woman sends you a smiley face back to something you said doesn't mean that what you sent her is actually making her like you. Look, I can do it right now: <-- See? Doesn't take much effort, and doesn't really mean anything!

this is ****ing gold. bravo.

the bottom line, rather you text, facebook IM or whatever the ****, email, call the entire point, the entire agenda of the conversation is to set up a personal meeting. nothing else. the problem isn't that you are texting the problerm is WHY you are texting.. you are texting beucse you are unsure if she likes you and you assume that the mroe she likes you, the more she responds to your **** the better shot you have of getting attraction from her.

it all comes down to buffers, and that's all texting is. not beucse you are afraid of picking up the phone, but beucase you are trying to 10000000% figure out if she likes you enough through a series of texts and that's where the game goes wrong. you assume the sale. if the girl gives you her number assume she is inters ted go for the kill and make her tell you no. sending witty messages about what you are drinking or what you are doing or trying to play cool all that **** is buffers, you are hoping she respnods in a way that confirms what you hope she feels about you.

that will work for girls who have already determined they want you. it won't work on normal girls who you still have to make an impression with.

 

[Atom Smasher]

As usual, when Harry gets online before me he does my dirty work for me, so I'll simply co-sign on both his posts.

The only thing I would change is "asking" for the number. I think asking has a weakness to it. I say always TELL her to provide the number, or just silently hand her the phone while you're talking together and casually say "Number" as you then go back to what you were saying.

A man should never, ever ask a women "where this is going". This is strictly the role of the female. She wants to be swept off her feet with the illusion of being "pursued", and when a man puts the ball in her court to determine the definition andy dynamics of the relationship a woman's heart will sink down to the ground in disappointment. She also wants to wonder and speculate with her friends, "Does he like me? What does he think? What are his intentions?" All that excitement deflates when a man asks her that question.

No worries playa, it sounds like you're going to ride this one out to see if anything develops and then forge ahead with newfound knowledge.

Regardless of how a woman responds to a man's expressed desire, the aftermath is strictly up to the man. If he is embarrassed, she will be embarrassed. If he is cool and friendly, she will reflect that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Oh... Texting...

Harry is right. Texting is a sometimes effective but more often than not it gets a man into deep doo-doo. The majority of times it backfires on a man. The fewer words the better. No "chit-chat", just a witty remark here or there. Chit-chat makes you common and kills attraction. You become another common girlfriend to her.

Remember this:
For every text, a definite purpose.

If you find yourself texting about important subjects or having an exchange more than 4 or 5 moves, you're flirting with danger.

Handle with care. Be scarce. You're too busy to be sitting curled up in a chair tapping away into your cute little phone. Isn't she supposed to be imagining that you're out slaying dragons when you're apart?

 

[Plutoman]

The only thing I would change is "asking" for the number. I think asking has a weakness to it. I say always TELL her to provide the number, or just silently hand her the phone while you're talking together and casually say "Number" as you then go back to what you were saying.

I'd venture to say that tone is the most important part of this. There's two different ways to say "What's your number" - one ends with a question mark, the other ends with a period.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'd venture to say that tone is the most important part of this. There's two different ways to say "What's your number" - one ends with a question mark, the other ends with a period.

Yes, I agree with that.

I consider your framing to be asking what her number is, not asking if she'll give her number. Nothing wrong with asking what's her number. I just don't like to ask as if she's doing me a favor. Asking what her number is is actually a command.

 

[dosquito]

well yeah, im just realizing how little game i actually have right now. im also starting to diagnose my problem better in that I think lots of girls see me as a really friendly cool guy who they want to be, well, friends with because i'm funny and interesting. but i am bad at converting that into attraction...

sent girl from OP a message saying she should give me her number if she wants to catch up some time.
that's dead. no reply all day. did I kill interest or was I just delusional?
either way I feel a lot better for asking. I mean I know its going to be awkward if i ever see her, ever, but at least I know now. She isn't into me! It's kind of a relief in a weird way. It at least shows there's progress to be made

went on a "date" with another girl tonight. at least I thought it was probably going to be a date. it basically wasn't. this girl flaked on me a lot then at the beginning of this school year started asking to hang out but i was busy. I think she wants to be friends. in this case i'm actually cool with that cause she at least knows lots of girls.

so yeah overall im feeling kind of ****ty right now.

 

[marmel75]

well yeah, im just realizing how little game i actually have right now. im also starting to diagnose my problem better in that I think lots of girls see me as a really friendly cool guy who they want to be, well, friends with because i'm funny and interesting. but i am bad at converting that into attraction...

sent girl from OP a message saying she should give me her number if she wants to catch up some time.
that's dead. no reply all day. did I kill interest or was I just delusional?
either way I feel a lot better for asking. I mean I know its going to be awkward if i ever see her, ever, but at least I know now. She isn't into me! It's kind of a relief in a weird way. It
.

Next time try
"Lets go grab a drink sometime this week. What's your schedule like?"

That will usually get a reply, even if its a negative one.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

The game is weak because your loitering around this female. All this friend talk is just straight up B.S. Get to the point. Your interested in the girl. Let her know your interested so you can keep it moving or get rejected. Don't waste your time trying to "game" no chick. Life is too short to be wasting valuable time that you can't get back.