ok i got dumped by text, anyway to salvage this?

[pete101]

ok i met up with that girl for a 3rd time yesterday, 3 times since the previous friday. i've been nervous since the 2nd meet with her and i know that's an attraction killer. i felt i was failing a lot of tests and coming across as i was a phoney.

i made the mistake of telling her i got other options and she called me out on this. however yesterday we went for dinner but the date went really badly even though we were making out and what not. im not sure why she feels no attraction but we got naked yesterday and if not for certain issues of time of the month/STD testing it woulda happened.

she wanted me to stay the night and i stayed for a little bit but left after.. i was being way too nice and caring and AFC.

is there any way to salvage this?

she ended it by sending me this long msg please translate and let me know what i should say in response as i feel i need another shot at it:

listen i need to tell you something and apologises for doing this over a text message, i truly believe you are an amazing guy, you tick all the boxes as you have most of the qualities i look for in a man, however, i dont feel any attraction towards you in that way . it's a shame really because we both want the same things. the reason why i went on few dates with you was because i really like your personality and mentality and wanted to see if i would develop any feelings for you (i honestly wanted to feel something towards you but it just didn't happen unfortunately). i wish there was some chemistry on my part as you are very loving and caring... I would love it if we could be friends but if you say no i understand. i am so sorry and hope you dont think i took you for a ride because that was never my intention. i hope we can still hang out as friends.

can someone translate this for me?

i know she still wants my attention i.e. be friends. i wont give it. i was an attraction killler for being nervous etc, i felt i misled her a little by coming across maybe more high value than i was.. i know she wants a more successful guy than me but still i know she had some feelings originally which got lost yesterday. i dont know where i went wrong.

i wrote this really long msg explaining why and how things could be different (but haven't sent it yet) if we spent more time together cos i know there's something there otherwise she wouldn't have met me and showed such high IL, i must have done something yesterday to kill it all. im not gona send this msg cos i know in the past it didn't work cos she's already made up her mind.

what could i send back that would send her attraction back up?

she knows or from what i tell her i got other girls in line so do i need to prove it now by acting unafffacted and send something back like 'it's cool, no hard feelings. x'

and that's it?

cos i think she'd expect me to protest and whine and cry and to say give us another chance. is that probably the best policy?

if i truly have other girls in line then i wouldn't be fretting abotu her even tho i really like her and would prefer to be involved with her for a bit longer.

is there anything i can say or do that would encourage her to let us try a bit more. something is causing her to not feel the attraction and i think it's the nervousness i have which makes me talk a lot that's off putting. she feels that nervousness. i really dont know, any ideas?

 

[shizz702]

You are friend zoned. Nothing you can really do as it is very rare to get out of that one.

Don't even bother contacting her it will just be a waste of your time. A woman can't be reasoned with in a state like that.

 

[oneboy21]

You acted as too much AFC
You cannot bring her back right away
you need to wait and fix your AFC behavior, go NC with her
Go out with other girls and try to contact her later.

ok i met up with that girl for a 3rd time yesterday, 3 times since the previous friday. i've been nervous since the 2nd meet with her and i know that's an attraction killer. i felt i was failing a lot of tests and coming across as i was a phoney.

i made the mistake of telling her i got other options and she called me out on this. however yesterday we went for dinner but the date went really badly even though we were making out and what not. im not sure why she feels no attraction but we got naked yesterday and if not for certain issues of time of the month/STD testing it woulda happened.

she wanted me to stay the night and i stayed for a little bit but left after.. i was being way too nice and caring and AFC.

is there any way to salvage this?

she ended it by sending me this long msg please translate and let me know what i should say in response as i feel i need another shot at it:

listen i need to tell you something and apologises for doing this over a text message, i truly believe you are an amazing guy, you tick all the boxes as you have most of the qualities i look for in a man, however, i dont feel any attraction towards you in that way . it's a shame really because we both want the same things. the reason why i went on few dates with you was because i really like your personality and mentality and wanted to see if i would develop any feelings for you (i honestly wanted to feel something towards you but it just didn't happen unfortunately). i wish there was some chemistry on my part as you are very loving and caring... I would love it if we could be friends but if you say no i understand. i am so sorry and hope you dont think i took you for a ride because that was never my intention. i hope we can still hang out as friends.

can someone translate this for me?

i know she still wants my attention i.e. be friends. i wont give it. i was an attraction killler for being nervous etc, i felt i misled her a little by coming across maybe more high value than i was.. i know she wants a more successful guy than me but still i know she had some feelings originally which got lost yesterday. i dont know where i went wrong.

i wrote this really long msg explaining why and how things could be different (but haven't sent it yet) if we spent more time together cos i know there's something there otherwise she wouldn't have met me and showed such high IL, i must have done something yesterday to kill it all. im not gona send this msg cos i know in the past it didn't work cos she's already made up her mind.

what could i send back that would send her attraction back up?

she knows or from what i tell her i got other girls in line so do i need to prove it now by acting unafffacted and send something back like 'it's cool, no hard feelings. x'

and that's it?

cos i think she'd expect me to protest and whine and cry and to say give us another chance. is that probably the best policy?

if i truly have other girls in line then i wouldn't be fretting abotu her even tho i really like her and would prefer to be involved with her for a bit longer.

is there anything i can say or do that would encourage her to let us try a bit more. something is causing her to not feel the attraction and i think it's the nervousness i have which makes me talk a lot that's off putting. she feels that nervousness. i really dont know, any ideas?

 

[pete101]

You are friend zoned. Nothing you can really do as it is very rare to get out of that one.

Don't even bother contacting her it will just be a waste of your time. A woman can't be reasoned with in a state like that.

even though we made out and fooled around and pretty much had sex?

usually when you're friend zoned you dont get to have sex?

 

[pete101]

You acted as too much AFC
You cannot bring her back right away
you need to wait and fix your AFC behavior, go NC with her
Go out with other girls and try to contact her later.

i just did, i made out with another hot girl today on my date.. so it doesn't hurt so bad.

im just unable to act afc when it spreads over a longer period of time. it's a shame cos i really wanna get something with this girl, she has her own place, free time etc up until yesterday was texting me all the time, wanted to meet up etc. i def did something yesterday wrong, i think me explaining what i did and my living situation raised some issues.

everything seemed cool. i regret not staying the night till the morning with her now, i think things woulda been different if i did.. cos we were bonding while we were sleeping together.. me vacating after a couple hours must have made her question me etc. i shouldnt have left. is this not significant?

 

[shizz702]

even though we made out and fooled around and pretty much had sex?

usually when you're friend zoned you dont get to have sex?

I don't know man, you tell me what she is telling you then?

Bottom line is she ain't feeling the attraction. It can't be forced. Don't beat yourself up or wonder or worry about what you did, if she don't like you for you to hell with her. Just go NC and move on.

 

[pete101]

I don't know man, you tell me what she is telling you then?

Bottom line is she ain't feeling the attraction. It can't be forced. Don't beat yourself up or wonder or worry about what you did, if she don't like you for you to hell with her. Just go NC and move on.

i think she did, it's something i did yesterday after we pretty much had sex that's made her reevaluate us being together.. me leaving didn't help matters. she had attraction, did all the things a girl with high IL would have, obviously now in this state of mind she only feels what she feels now so claiming she never felt anything seems odd.. maybe she tried to force it. i dont know.

i could either NC her and not even reply which will look like im upset OR i send 'cool, no hard feelings.' which is a kick in the teeth after such a long msg.. she'd question herself whether was i just after s3x which i claimed i wasn't and i do have other girls or would that just diminish her view of me even further that i tricked her into bed?

i know sending a long msg isn't gona help my cause.. so i'll delete it. but i think going NC after i've reacted unaffected it by it will make her think 'huh?' maybe.. i'll send whatever i send tomorrow. make her stew on why i haven't replied yet like i normally do.

 

[shizz702]

I like the cool no hard feelings one, or you could be even more vague with just an ok, or whatever, and NC from there.

Maybe she did feel it bro, but even if she did and you did something to mess it up it is still more than likely over with her. That's just the way chicks are. Lol I am used to it and don't even care about that kind of stuff anymore.

 

[perseverance]

You're friend-zoned, Pete and I don't think you're getting out. Very rarely can a man get himself out of that zone once he is placed in it. It's not impossible, but it's like pulling a rabbit out of the hat. It's an uphill battle here.

If the chemistry is not there, it's not there. It's not a reflection on you personally, so don't take it to heart. Just accept her decision, decline her offer of friendship and wish her all the best for the future and then just give her a Jonny Wilkinson conversion kick out of your life.

 

[pete101]

You're friend-zoned, Pete and I don't think you're getting out. Very rarely can a man get himself out of that zone once he is placed in it. It's not impossible, but it's like pulling a rabbit out of the hat. It's an uphill battle here.

If the chemistry is not there, it's not there. It's not a reflection on you personally, so don't take it to heart. Just accept her decision, decline her offer of friendship and wish her all the best for the future and then just give her a Jonny Wilkinson conversion kick out of your life.

but it's strange the attraction was there, at some point on 1st 2 dates.. she behaved like a highly interested girl.. i dont know what went wrong, maybe i became too available too nice etc.. we got naked together.. i really doubt she forced it or didn't feel anything i must have DLV'd, it's frustrating cos i was banking on her being my constant lay for the next few months.

i feel like if i did stay till morning she'd feel more of a bond.. did i make a mistake of contacting her after last night?

i.e. i felt i should send a hope you're ok text and that mighta been nail in coffin, if i didn't send anythign she'd question was i BS'ing the whole time to get her into bed or was i genuine? i dont honestly know exactly where i went wrong.

i knew it was f'd when she said 'you're a nice guy' and i said 'what? no im not.. nice guy is bad there's no sexual attraction' and that's when we went to bed together. very strange.

 

[perseverance]

I think you're major mistake was saying "you had other options" and she intelligently called you out on it. I think that was probably your major mistake. She even went as far as telling you to pursue your other options. I think that was her subtle way of telling you that she wasn't interested.

You said you were being way too AFC and way too caring, now usually these things harm your chances, but they won't necessarily always harm your chances providing there is high interest on her part which I don't think there ever was on the part of this girl. You were right not to spend the night with her, why spend the night with a woman when there isn't going to any sexual intercourse etc?

You have also said that the date was going badly, that should be indication enough that things aren't working out. If I was you, I'd take my advice and just next this girl. You don't turn her on, you don't bake her cake or float her boat, so just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.

 

[pete101]

I like the cool no hard feelings one, or you could be even more vague with just an ok, or whatever, and NC from there.

Maybe she did feel it bro, but even if she did and you did something to mess it up it is still more than likely over with her. That's just the way chicks are. Lol I am used to it and don't even care about that kind of stuff anymore.

she's sent this at 9pm on a saturday night, she knows i go out to pick up girls.. and this is my mistake telling her this rather than letting her guess.

if i dont reply, i look butt hurt.. if i do then it's gona be either later on tonight or at like 3am or tomorrow morning. should i tell her i was out?

'sorry for the late reply, i was out last night. it's cool, no hard feelings.'

i think this communicates that not only is it fine that im not gona sit around and cry about it and actually move on?

knowing what i know about her she doesn't want to lose me and my attention so if i want to go NC, she's gona ask me some question to get my attention.. if i dont reply she'll think im butt hurt. do i just reply to these late with 1 word like 'yeah' or 'ok' or really are you suppose to NC?

cos it just seems like me not replying will make me look bitter.

 

[pete101]

I think you're major mistake was saying "you had other options" and she intelligently called you out on it. I think that was probably your major mistake. She even went as far as telling you to pursue your other options. I think that was her subtle way of telling you that she wasn't interested.

You said you were being way too AFC and way too caring, now usually these things harm your chances, but they won't necessarily always harm your chances providing there is high interest on her part which I don't think there ever was on the part of this girl. You were right not to spend the night with her, why spend the night with a woman when there isn't going to any sexual intercourse etc?

You have also said that the date was going badly, that should be indication enough that things aren't working out. If I was you, I'd take my advice and just next this girl. You don't turn her on, you don't bake her cake or float her boat, so just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.

it's weird.. she was doing things a high interest girl would have.. i mean if she has high interest you can still kill it by acting afc? like the way she was treating me, texting me.. pleasing me.. it just screamed of a high IL girl.. i think made mistake of tryna arrange next meet up, i.e. too clingy/needy.. even a high IL girl is gona get turned off by this esp 1 who pretends he's a guy with options.

the date went badly cos i let her choose where to go for dinner and then the bar i wanted to go to was close. i feel like she was attracted to me, and now she doesn't feel it for whatever reason.

she pretty much couldn't give me intercourse cos she needs to have a test next week (not STD) so she gave me a hand job while i was on top of her as compromise cos she couldn't. i stayed a bit we cuddled.. i feel like if i did stay and was there in the morning she'd feel closer to me.. i knew when i left it mighta been a mistake.

it's funny cos on weds she said to me 'you're really touchy' i said.. 'thats cos i dont want to be in the friend zone.' stupid i know.. but her response was 'i have enough friends' then gave me a big smile..

 

[shizz702]

she's sent this at 9pm on a saturday night, she knows i go out to pick up girls.. and this is my mistake telling her this rather than letting her guess.

if i dont reply, i look butt hurt.. if i do then it's gona be either later on tonight or at like 3am or tomorrow morning. should i tell her i was out?

'sorry for the late reply, i was out last night. it's cool, no hard feelings.'

i think this communicates that not only is it fine that im not gona sit around and cry about it and actually move on?

knowing what i know about her she doesn't want to lose me and my attention so if i want to go NC, she's gona ask me some question to get my attention.. if i dont reply she'll think im butt hurt. do i just reply to these late with 1 word like 'yeah' or 'ok' or really are you suppose to NC?

cos it just seems like me not replying will make me look bitter.

You have got to look at this objectively and stop worrying about what she thinks, or worrying about the perfect thing to say or do. Think about it, if there is a good 99% chance you will not be with her again what does it matter what she thinks?

Me personally I would probably just text back whatever and leave it at that. Show her you don't care and this doesn't faze you. That is the only way to get back interest anyway is for her to think you don't care and that you do have other options, wondering why you don't care and all.

 

[Jaylan]

OP, I can see where this chick is coming from as I have been in her position. A girl I hooked up with last year ended up getting friend-zoned by me actually, after we already hooked up.

Basically we hooked up twice, with me going down on her both times. The first hook up, after I got done finishing her off, without me even asking she says "sorry, I feel bad that I dont have anything to give you" Basically her telling me giving head isnt her cup of tea. I never ask for sex or sexual favors, and always leave it up to the girl. So i respected her decision, but I was really frustrated at not getting any.

The second hook up, same thing, but we almost had sex. I just made up a BS reason not to smash cus based on her not giving head again, and her body language during oral, I could tell she was the inexperienced kinda girl whos only concerned about her getting off. I like a girl who knows how to take control and also please a guy. I was just getting super "this is gonna be a lame dead lay" vibes.

Im different than a lot of guys and I would rather fvck my hand and have a great orgasm than screw some lame in the sack broad wholl barely participate. Especially when I could go meet other girls who know their stuff

So yeah, I think this is what happened with your girl. Along with the awkwardness of the dates, and the lack of really projecting yourself as a sexual being, she lost interest.

This is not to say I did not see the girl I hooked up with at later dates and reconsider, because I have. I just never felt as strongly as to act on it like I did when we first met.

Be bold next time dude.

 

[perseverance]

it's weird.. she was doing things a high interest girl would have.. i mean if she has high interest you can still kill it by acting afc? like the way she was treating me, texting me.. pleasing me.. it just screamed of a high IL girl.. i think made mistake of tryna arrange next meet up, i.e. too clingy/needy.. even a high IL girl is gona get turned off by this esp 1 who pretends he's a guy with options.

the date went badly cos i let her choose where to go for dinner and then the bar i wanted to go to was close. i feel like she was attracted to me, and now she doesn't feel it for whatever reason.

she pretty much couldn't give me intercourse cos she needs to have a test next week (not STD) so she gave me a hand job while i was on top of her as compromise cos she couldn't. i stayed a bit we cuddled.. i feel like if i did stay and was there in the morning she'd feel closer to me.. i knew when i left it mighta been a mistake.

it's funny cos on weds she said to me 'you're really touchy' i said.. 'thats cos i dont want to be in the friend zone.' stupid i know.. but her response was 'i have enough friends' then gave me a big smile..

Acting AFC will have different outcomes, it depends solely on the girl. Some girls will let it slide if they have a high interest level and it will kill attraction in another woman with a high interest level. It's never good behaving like a boyfriend when you are only in the dating stage. It comes across as clingy, desperate, needy and all the other negative connotations you can possibly think of. You need to exercise self control. I think you're problem was you tried too hard to impress and were too scared of 'messing up'. In doing so you shot yourself in the foot.

You let her choose the date and what you were doing? C'mon Pete, if you ask a girl out on a date it's your responsibility to organise what you'll be doing, it's down to you take charge. The girl won't care what you do if she is interested in you because she'll just be happy spending time with you. Decision making is the sign of a mentally strong person. If you can't make a simple decision on where to take a girl without needing her input then how are you going to wear the trousers in a relationship? How are you going to be the man and lead?

You also should never, ever, ever judge a woman or a man for that matter on what they say, what a human being says and what a human being will do are two entirely different things. Judge people on their actions, not their words. Talk is cheap Pete, talk sounds nice, but talk doesn't get things done, actions get things done.

There's a lot of things for you to learn from this Pete, I hope you do learn from your mistakes and I hope the next time you meet a girl you'll have better fortune than with this one. I think you should chalk this up as a missed opportunity, you should read back through it, see where you went wrong and ensure you keep a level head and a good sense of composure in your next encounter with a woman you're interested in.

 

[pete101]

Acting AFC will have different outcomes, it depends solely on the girl. Some girls will let it slide if they have a high interest level and it will kill attraction in another woman with a high interest level. It's never good behaving like a boyfriend when you are only in the dating stage. It comes across as clingy, desperate, needy and all the other negative connotations you can possibly think of. You need to exercise self control. I think you're problem was you tried too hard to impress and were too scared of 'messing up'. In doing so you shot yourself in the foot.

You let her choose the date and what you were doing? C'mon Pete, if you ask a girl out on a date it's your responsibility to organise what you'll be doing, it's down to you take charge. The girl won't care what you do if she is interested in you because she'll just be happy spending time with you. Decision making is the sign of a mentally strong person. If you can't make a simple decision on where to take a girl without needing her input then how are you going to wear the trousers in a relationship? How are you going to be the man and lead?

You also should never, ever, ever judge a woman or a man for that matter on what they say, what a human being says and what a human being will do are two entirely different things. Judge people on their actions, not their words. Talk is cheap Pete, talk sounds nice, but talk doesn't get things done, actions get things done.

There's a lot of things for you to learn from this Pete, I hope you do learn from your mistakes and I hope the next time you meet a girl you'll have better fortune than with this one. I think you should chalk this up as a missed opportunity, you should read back through it, see where you went wrong and ensure you keep a level head and a good sense of composure in your next encounter with a woman you're interested in.

yeah you're right, i was very wary of the actions rather than words but i got confused.

for instance the fact she wanted to meet up with me and said yes every single time. i maybe made the mistake of becoming too available too soon even though she said yes. see her actions said she really wanted to see me.. but my actions showed availability? she had high IL, i never dated a girl who was so on me so quickly so soon who changed her plans just to see me etc.. so her actions indicated high IL but then again it's a test to see how available i am.

this part was quite significant.. she told me on friday during the date 'if you ignore me you will lose..' as in if you start to ignore me.. you'll cave in after a few days.. she'll ignore me for weeks and weeks until i apologise or something.

generally they say you should ignore women cos that p1sses them off i.e. give them silent treatment.. now this is what she 'says' so does that mean that's exactly what i should do.. ignore her?

the killer 'you're a nice guy' speech frightened me.. and then her actions: she came over to me and suggested we go to bed.. so this confuses me. actions, words?

i arranged to go to dinner elsewhere but she said she wanted to go somewhere else as in location rather than specific place and when we got there i assumed that she knew where she wanted to go.. it was all a mess really. i guess these things were DLV's and attraction killers.

maybe the nail in the coffin was me sending a text the next day? (it wasn't anything big just 'hope you're feeling better today'. must have come across needy and clingy.. i should have let her stow on the thought of 'hes been saying hes not just looking after s3x etc but why hasn't he called me yet?'

i thought it would have backfired but i see now that mighta been a safer move.

in any of this.. if she HAD high IL, and now i just dont contact her see my other options is she gona question herself? like did she make the right decision? i felt in some of it she was testing me to see if i had other options.. i said i did.. and i do.. BUT i didn't show it, not yet, not until now anyway. i dont know if she had enough emotional investment for her to really care and will just walk away.. i wouldn't be surprised either if she contacts me soon to hang out.. but in a friendzone way.

they say NC, is just giving 1 word answers sufficient? otherwise i'll just seem bitter and butt hurt.

 

[pete101]

ok so i sent 'sorry for late reply, i was out. it's cool, no hard feelings. x' this morning about 10.30am.. obviously i didnt know what response i'd get so couple hours later i get a text saying 'cool xxx'

now im furious cos i feel as if ive agreed to be friends and maybe i should just not have said anything?

i should be offended that she ended it by text message, given how lazy that is. she called me a 'nice guy' and i feel the text i did send which i was hoping would look like i wouldnt care actually appears afc.

i know you guys are saying it doesn't matter what i send cos it's over in 99% of cases but end of day i dont wanna look like a chump, like if i protested and asked to meet up 1 more time to see if we had something like i used to do wil just look weak and validate she can have me. (even though i reck if i did see her once more i could turn it around she wont give me that opportunity)

secondly cos we ended it where we pretty much had s3x and i stayed with her for a bit before leaving.. god knows why she didn't feel anything, she did all the things an interested girl would do.. it's almost like fake IL and fake interest.

im wondering if whether the fact that i got intimate with her and seem to be so cool about accepting her ending it would play on her mind that i was only after 1 thing? the prob is cos we never actually had sex it dispels that cos theres some element of i didnt go all the way so theres nothing to walk away from.. so i think this wouldnt work.

im very angry now, and despite that i have another option im still furious i didnt get this 1 cos i was setting it up as a regular bang cos it's been so difficult and long sarging that i finally started to have some success.. it's been exhausting and i was just happy to not have to keep sarging so much for a while, and now i have to go back on it. i was hoping that if i started getting some it would help me get more and more easily. fvck.

last note, cos we didnt do it, she said to me 'this must be torture for you' i said 'no it's not that important' and that's when i left.. i think it might have inferred i could get sex elsewhere if i wanted tho she did ask me when did i last have sex and i said a few weeks ago.

 

[housedejacques]

Drop that girl, Pete.
Girls are often very vague about how they feel. And this one told you straight-up "I don't feel any attraction towards you"

You know what that means, coming from a girl? It means there's no way you could salvage it.

Sorry.

 

[pete101]

i forgot to decline her offer of friendship.. is it too late now after sending her 'sorry for late reply, i was out. it's cool, no hard feelings. x' and her sending back 'cool xxx'? like can i send something else after or do i have to just leave it?

i feel so afc for sending that nice guy text.. but i guess it's better than a protesting one saying to give us another chance.

i was considering sending 'p.s. btw in regards to hanging out as friends, thanks for the offer really but no thanks, i have enough friends i dont do the friendzone remember wish u all the best. x'

does this make me seem bitter? like cos she wrote 'cool' i've thrown my toys out of the pram.. i should have mentioned it in my last msg about no hard feelings. now it seems like im cool with being friends which im not. is it too late and will i look butt hurt?

if im ignorant enough to hang out with her again and think i can change her mind then i should consider it but really the statement above will dispell that.