OK guys, I'm frickin PISSED......

[G-Theory]

From my personal experience, once that jealousy seed is planted it becomes a voracious weed that will never be uprooted. This is why, imo, a successful relationship revolves around freedom: the door is always open, its yours and her choice to walk out that door or bring other people through it.

To me if I ever have any doubts, I must really sit down and ask myself the serious sorts of questions, one of which is, "irregardless of whether or not this woman is having sex with another dude, is MY life better with or without her." To be honest with myself I may have to spend some serious time away from the relationship to find out my honest answer.

This may also be a good time to start spinning up the plates so as not to completely revert back into old AFC.

Good Luck!

 

[STR8UP]

Eric is right on. Especially the stuff about her mentioning the dude and making a negative comment about him. Been there, been fukked more than once. Watch out fellas.

There's only ONE thing you need to listen to- YOUR GUT. It has never, ever, EVER done me wrong. You mentioned the facts, but what does your gut tell you? I see some typical rationalization on your part "Oh she probably didn't do anything".

You know what? It doesn't matter whether she "did" anything with this guy. What matters is that you trust bond has been broken, you recognized signs of trouble, and you found deceit.

She better show you at least another 1 1/2 years of a clean track record before you should consider moving forward. Are you willing to wait that long?

I was in a similar situation a couple of years back. Although I doubt she has sex with the guy (rationalization maybe???) I know for a fact that she was seeing this guy and lying through her teeth about it.

Incidentally, the final straw was when I got ahold of her phone records that PROVED she was a lying ass b!tch. She even went so far as to FORGE a copy of the records when I asked for them to prove that she was telling the truth. I'm not proud of spying on her, but I found out exactly what I needed to know, and I would do it again if presented with the same kind of situation.

I'm not gonna tell you what you need to do here because it isn't a cut and dry situation and I don't have the gut to guide me like you do.

Good luck.

 

[jophil28]

Cheating starts whenever one party turns away from their permanent or committed relationship to EXPLORE the possibilty of forming another relationship with a third party.
Triangles mean cheating , dude ! And cheats can never be trusted again. Keep her at the risk of your future sanity...

 

[Scought]

You know what? It doesn't matter whether she "did" anything with this guy. What matters is that you trust bond has been broken, you recognized signs of trouble, and you found deceit.


Good luck.

BINGO.

Relationships are more than 'physical' entities. Therefore, she doesn't have to do ANYTHING physical for her to break the bond of trust.

The fact that she is acting like a single woman(hanging out, late night texts) should point to the fact that maybe she should be a single woman.
If she doesn't like the lack of "freedom" than she can hit the road.

A 1.5-year relationship has a lot more 'conditions' than a short term relationship, a FB relationship, etc.

She has already mentally stepped out.

 

[STR8UP]

Man, I bang guys girlfriends all the time. These guys have no idea. I've banged a girl who jumped out of bed 5 min after we finished to answer her phone. on It was her bf... I was supposed to bang a girl on just this last Valentine's Day who has a boyfriend of 1 year. Unfortunately, it didn't work out because she couldn't get out of work early enough.

Wanted to address this point specifically cause I think it's SUPER important.

NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE is immune to being seduced.

Whatever you do, don't ever make the mistake of thinking that other people will be as loyal of a person as you are. For the majority of my life I made the mistake of thinking that since am such a loyal and faithful person that I somehow "deserved" someone who was just like me. What a crock of sh!t.

I posted a thread awhile back called "Girlfriends gone wild" or something like that where I brought up the inappropriate behavior of women who are in relationships. Unfortunately I can't say that I see it getting any better. It seems like every time I go out it's either some dude's girl hanging on me or someone I know.

Call me pessimistic or cynical or whatever, but this is a big part of what scares the hell out of me about getting serious with anyone. I don't want to be that guy who invests 20 years into something just to find out my wife is fukking another dude. It's like you wasted half your life with a person you only THOUGHT you knew.

 

[STR8UP]

BINGO.

Relationships are more than 'physical' entities. Therefore, she doesn't have to do ANYTHING physical for her to break the bond of trust.

Some guys have a hard time grasping this concept.

I am a firm believer that there IS a such thing as emotional cheating. I draw the line before physical contact.

And there's a difference between your girl "looking" at other men versus "looking around".

If my girl can't appreciate the attractiveness of other men, well, she isn't the kind of girl I would be with. But as soon as she starts looking AROUND you gotta cut that sh!t loose cause there is NO good that can come of it. You think that it's gonna be a one time thing? Hell no. Basically she's has an itch that needs to be scratched and there's nothing you can do about it.

 

[Scought]

Str8up,

I agree.

A lot of people take it personally or that it's somehow a reflection on them--cheating that is.

People are so quick to dismiss it or deny it, if they are getting cheated on.

Men and women step out of a relationship all the time for no good reason.

My point is: A. Don't be ashamed if you get cheated on. It sucks but don't feel like you are a less worthy person. B. Don't think it can't happen to you. Even if you think your game is 'tight' etc., it happens and for no good reason.

Sometimes they are just 'crimes of opportunity' and are never a reflection on the type of person you are or are not.

 

[2Cool]

I've been there also. My problem many years ago was putting GF on a pedestal and investing all my time and emotion into her, and nothing else. She couldn't handle it.

Anyway does she have an idea that you plan to propose? If she doesn't think that there is a possible marriage coming out of this relationship, then she may be thinking about what else is out there.

Anyway, you have to be willing to walk away if you can't trust her, but it is something that you are going to have discuss in some mature way with her. Trust is key in LTRs. Additionally, take your time and don't rush to the immediate conclusion that she is messing around. As someone said earlier, everyone is susceptible to seduction.

 

[kyphan]

I'm glad a few of you are trying to talk some sense into him - realistically, this relationship does not have the future he is looking for and he needs to move on. You do not trust her, speed dawg. The worst thing any of us can do is say, "Oh, THAT change in behavior was just a blip on the radar, nothing more." It will happen over and over, trust me. It's her biggest FLAW, do not like to yourself and deny that fact. Is it something you can live with? I know the answer based on what you wrote, and I want you to be honest with yourself.

Can you spend the rest of your life with a woman who is willing to have girls' night out and flirt with another man?

Maybe she does it for attention, and maybe it's for more than attention. It's up to you if this is an acceptable FLAW, because it will happen again. I'm sure you're thinking, "If I'm always a DJ, no, it won'ts, it turned back around." She started this behavior as soon as things were a little rocky. You think it will never get rocky again?

Trust your gut and be honest with yourself. Is this acceptable? Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with her and take a chance on what she's doing?

 

[Mr.Positive]

I'm going to disagree with the point that everyone could be seduced. There are quality women out there that would NEVER cheat in a LTR...these women are rare though. These women actually have respect for themselves, their mates, and would not throw away a 1.5 year relationship because some "metrosexual" guy was hitting on them.

Also, keep in mind that some women have a natural flirty friendly way that sometimes guys misinterpret as interest. Speed Dawgs gal may be that way, it could be totally innocent. Also remember that not all guys are as straight forward as people on this board may be. This 'metrosexual' guy may have been sneaky and tried a "friends" approach to get in the door, she found out about it, and put an end to it.

I agree with most of the posts here, but Speed Dawg, make your own decision on this one. Trust your gut.

 

[joekerr31]

1) its totally AFC to look at the situation in terms of physical cheating versus emotional cheating. who cares if shes cheating or not?! the ONLY question that matters is whether you are still happy with her? if you are worried that she is or will cheat you obviously cant be happy. so why are you with her? probably for a bunch of emotional reasons that have nothing to do with your own best interest.

2) yes, anyone can be seduced. but that said, there are women out there who realistically will never cheat on you. but under the right circumstances with the right opportunities - anyone will cheat. maybe you had a bad month and you called her nasty names and then she goes to a rolling stones concert with a friend and mick picks her out to suck his d*ck - she might cheat. haha. the question becomes just what circumstances and what opportunities need to be present to get someone to cheat. for some the odds that the two will ever align and cause them to cheat are very very low. for others all it takes is opportunity.

3) important to remember in all this is that both men and women face the same issues when it comes to the relationship game. the ONLY difference is that men are more honest with themselves about what is actually transpiring. because 'drama' is typically always a part of a womans life (or at least mindset) they never really take the time to figure out why things went wrong. and blaming the guy at every turn is widely supported in the world at large. but the reality is that there are just as many unhappy, hurt women out there as there are men.

anyway, i think everyone is always searching for life to fixed by someone else. which is why we latch on to others. but i cannot agree with the previous poster enough - TRUST YOUR GUT NOT YOUR ****.

human beings have an amazing sense of intuition. its VERY hard for someone to trick you if you dont trick yourself! but we arent raised to listen to our gut. in fact the opposite. we are raised to ignore it and just follow the herd.

they say women are intuitive, but trust me, men are just as intuitive if they would listen to their gut.

if you're getting a vibe that something aint right, and that vibe aint going away, then whether you ever know what caused it or not - something was not right.

you dont need to "proof" to walk away from someone. not being happy anymore is enough reason.

but then again 99% of guys know this, but are slaves to their d*cks.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Whatever you do, you keep checking the phone records and you do not tell her about it.

Some guys think it is unmanly to check up on your girlfriend. There is no reason for that except some political correctness bullsh1t.

Spying is such a negative word, but every government on the planet carries out covert intelligence. The CIA and the National Reconaissance Office are taping every open phone conversation on the planet. Their supercomputers are montioring every website on the planet. If it was so unmanly, why would the Alphas running the government keep using it. Because it works. And the CIA doesn't give away its sources does it.

And there is no reason for your girl to be texting some guy till 2:00 am. Even it was for attention only, it would still be unacceptable.

 

[STR8UP]

1) its totally AFC to look at the situation in terms of physical cheating versus emotional cheating. who cares if shes cheating or not?! the ONLY question that matters is whether you are still happy with her? if you are worried that she is or will cheat you obviously cant be happy. so why are you with her? probably for a bunch of emotional reasons that have nothing to do with your own best interest.

Yea, it doesn't matter what she's doing. All that matters is that you are cool with the situation. Pretty hard to be cool with things if you are always going to have to be looking over her shoulder.

2) yes, anyone can be seduced. but that said, there are women out there who realistically will never cheat on you. but under the right circumstances with the right opportunities - anyone will cheat. maybe you had a bad month and you called her nasty names and then she goes to a rolling stones concert with a friend and mick picks her out to suck his d*ck - she might cheat. haha. the question becomes just what circumstances and what opportunities need to be present to get someone to cheat. for some the odds that the two will ever align and cause them to cheat are very very low. for others all it takes is opportunity.

Anyone CAN be seduced, but not everyone WILL.

Some people go their entire lives without being unfaithful. Hell, I have never cheated on anyone. But I can't say that I would never do it.

That's the problem. There are always things that can give you clues as to a woman's level of integrity, but there isn't any way to know for sure.

human beings have an amazing sense of intuition. its VERY hard for someone to trick you if you dont trick yourself! but we arent raised to listen to our gut. in fact the opposite. we are raised to ignore it and just follow the herd.

I have been saying for years that there are no secrets....women tell you EVERYTHING you need to know, you just need to learn how to understand the language. Some of it is verbal, some is non-verbal, but the communication is always there.

they say women are intuitive, but trust me, men are just as intuitive if they would listen to their gut.

if you're getting a vibe that something aint right, and that vibe aint going away, then whether you ever know what caused it or not - something was not right.

If you get "that feeling", it's game over. No ifs, ands, or buts. When you are in the situation sometimes it's tough to recognize it because you don't want to believe it's true, but it always is.

you dont need to "proof" to walk away from someone. not being happy anymore is enough reason.

That's my problem. I always need hardcore proof to justify walking away. I'm going to try to be more conscious of this in the future.

Good thread!

 

[STR8UP]

Some guys think it is unmanly to check up on your girlfriend. There is no reason for that except some political correctness bullsh1t.

I would never do it unless I have a VERY, VERY good reason for it, like when I know she is doing something wrong but have no physical proof.

Snooping around when there isn't anything out of place is just being paranoid.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Why do dudes on this site blames themselves when a hor's interest level drops??? If she is horing with you then she is horing with other men!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quit being a fool speedy boy -- is this the hor who grinded with another dude when you were in her presence??? Your girl is a hor!!! And yeah - hairdressers get phone calls at 2 am from their customers!!

Wake up kid, The Hor Matrix has you!!!!!

 

[joekerr31]

im too lazy to go back through this post, but how did this guy get her number to start with?

if your gf is giving her cell phone number out to customers then youve got some serious problems.

what shes basically doing is looking for a new job while collecting a pay check at her current job. ie. shes looking to upgrade from you, but wont actually do it until something better comes along.

some women are like this. they may have caught a fish, but they dont see any reason to take their lure out of the water in case an even bigger fish comes along and take a bite.

 

[styles07]

dump her...she's horse****

 

[Phyzzle]

She said, last summer I think, when this guy first called, "How did he get my number?". She called a girl that worked with her and the girl said she gave it to him because he called the Salon looking for her. Who knows for real.

Sorry dude, but you're a moron if you believe that.

Right now, call up that hair salon, introduce yourself (as some friend of hers) and ask for her personal cell number. See if they give it to you.

I can't answer for her interest in you now. In fact, it appears this guy screwed up somehow, he's in the friendzone now, and she's all about you. But yeah, she definitely gave some guy her # while dating you. That's a fact. Conclude what you will.

 

[woods]

My ex used to say that sh*t all the time. It was always "someone else" giving her number away to dudes. Dont EVER believe that sh*t! One of these dudes busted down my door while I was in the shower, and tried to stab me. He pulled a shotgun right out of my hands. Apparently, He just had a thing for her, "but thats it," and "someone else" told this guy where I lived.
Anway, there's no reason for phone calls or texts late at night. Its her duty to tell that guy straight up, to lose her number immediately if by some chance someone else did give her number away.

 

[joekerr31]

My ex used to say that sh*t all the time. It was always "someone else" giving her number away to dudes. Dont EVER believe that sh*t! One of these dudes busted down my door while I was in the shower, and tried to stab me. He pulled a shotgun right out of my hands. Apparently, He just had a thing for her, "but thats it," and "someone else" told this guy where I lived.
Anway, there's no reason for phone calls or texts late at night. Its her duty to tell that guy straight up, to lose her number immediately if by some chance someone else did give her number away.

thats some crazy sh*t.

just goes to show, messing around with f*cked up chics can damn near get you killed.

also goes to show there are a fair share is psycho men in the world as well.

be high quality and only let high quality into your life. thats my advice.