OFFICIAL: Online Dating (OLD) Thread

[EyeBRollin]

My thoughts. If you aren't interested, why even waste your time with a response? Feels like it gives her power? It was the first time I have had this sort of encounter.

Say something snarky back then block her. She'll see the block when she responds.

On another note... I usually don't confirm dates, but I have drive 30 mins to see a different girl... What's the best approach to make sure I don't get stood up, or will most women at least flake beforehand? We setup this date on Thursday... I set it, she confirmed... guess it is just a chance I take? I would say we setup pretty good text rapport

The best thing you can do is be meticulous with the planning. Pick a location that you'd like to check out anyway and expect her not to show up. You have to get comfortable with being stood up to really exude the confidence of not giving a ****. Trust me. Her standing you up saves you time and money in the long run, since you know immediately where you fall on her list of priorities.

You have to get comfortable with losing before you can win. Being stood up seems like a waste of gas, but 95% of men will text her to confirm, then rationalize their way into asking the same chick out again in a few days after she flakes. This prevents you from even knowing where you stand, thus blowing more time and money on a woman that doesn't give a **** about you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Re: Online dating.

I got 7 lays in January all from OLD, including the current girlfriend. Be algorithmic in your approach. Quick rundown of my strategy. As you guys already know, the pictures & profile are more important than anything. This is the game strategy only.

Messaging

The script always looks like this. I was active on 4 apps, did the same pitch every single time.

Me: Hey how are you
Her: Good, u?
Me: I'm well, just got back from the gym. How often do you work out?
Her: <answer>
Me: Oh. What's your name?
Her: <name>. U?
Me: Eyebrollin. Nice to meet you <name>. Let's get to know each other over drinks.
<wait for response>

Easy friendly intro. Nothing cheesy or offensive. No punctuation in the first message, but spelling and grammar remain correct. The gym line is a qualifier I look for so I know where she stands. It's also an open ended question. The answer isn't all that important to the process. The name exchange is just to lengthen the conversation with a "formal" introduction. If she responds that she doesn't drink I'd always follow up with coffee, then tea. What to do on the next response (assuming she responds, some don't which means they're out).

Scenario 1: Compliance.

Her: Sure
Me: What days are you free this week?
Her: <schedule>
Me: Ok, let's meet at <location> at <time>. Does that work for you?
Her: Yes sounds good.
Me: Great, I'll see you there. <phone number> if you need to reach me
Her: ok <phone number>

It usually goes smoothly like this. If she gives you exact days, choose one and make it work. If she gives you an open schedule answer like "any day after 6," give her two days of options (i.e. Monday at 7 or Wed at 9) and ask which one works better for her. She'll choose.

At this point the date is set up. I don't call or text to verify. You should already know where you stand if she flakes. If she texts you beforehand, 90% of the time it is to see if you still plan on showing up (and now you have her number if she didn't leave it in a message).

Scenario 2: Non Compliance

Her: I'd prefer to chat more before meeting
Me: Sure we can talk, what is your phone number?

In this scenario, she will give you the number which you will send a "ping" text with your number, then call her on the phone for 5-10 minutes to ask her out. But what if she doesn't?

Her: I need to know more about you before I give you my number.
Me: What would you like to know about me?

I got a few of these. Believe it or not this will build rapport since it forces her to inquire about you. After you answer a few of her questions, go back to asking for her phone number so you can call her up and ask her on the date. Don't ask for the date a second time on the app. Don't think you're out if you get to this phase.

The strategy is get to the point of making the date as soon as possible, by establishing frame. If they don't play ball with this template their interest level just isn't high enough or they are just too rigid to waste time on. They will put up blockades on every advance you make. There is no need for elaborate questions or witty text game. The direct approach works with women, especially if you mass message as many women as possible.

Remember, if a woman stops answering your messages she is not interested. If she answers, she has some interest, even if it isn't where it needs to be at that point in time.

 

[Roober]

Good stuff above. Feel like I need templates with some things just to get me started...

To add, getting them on the phone seems like you get a bigger commitment from them. I think it is super rare for guys to actually call these days.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Good stuff above. Feel like I need templates with some things just to get me started...

To add, getting them on the phone seems like you get a bigger commitment from them. I think it is super rare for guys to actually call these days.

Yep. The goal is to get the date, not to chit chat. I've substituted phone for face time. The only reason you're calling is to build rapport, which is only required if she specifically says she needs to talk more. You simply cannot sell her through texting. Texting is for orbiters. Your prime objective online is to physically get in front of as many chicks as possible.

 

[xstang77]

Have you ever thought about this being a fake profile and someone just having fun jerking people's chain?

I gave it thought but I found her on fb just to make sure so she's real, got a message from her this morning lol (Im sorry I didn't flake on you my grandma ended up going to the hospital im sorry I understand your mad at me) haven't decided what I'm gonna do with it yet or even message her back.

 

[Roober]

Re: Online dating.

I got 7 lays in January all from OLD, including the current girlfriend. Be algorithmic in your approach. Quick rundown of my strategy. As you guys already know, the pictures & profile are more important than anything. This is the game strategy only.

Messaging

The script always looks like this. I was active on 4 apps, did the same pitch every single time.

Me: Hey how are you
Her: Good, u?
Me: I'm well, just got back from the gym. How often do you work out?
Her: <answer>
Me: Oh. What's your name?
Her: <name>. U?
Me: Eyebrollin. Nice to meet you <name>. Let's get to know each other over drinks.
<wait for response>

Easy friendly intro. Nothing cheesy or offensive. No punctuation in the first message, but spelling and grammar remain correct. The gym line is a qualifier I look for so I know where she stands. It's also an open ended question. The answer isn't all that important to the process. The name exchange is just to lengthen the conversation with a "formal" introduction. If she responds that she doesn't drink I'd always follow up with coffee, then tea. What to do on the next response (assuming she responds, some don't which means they're out).

Scenario 1: Compliance.

Her: Sure
Me: What days are you free this week?
Her: <schedule>
Me: Ok, let's meet at <location> at <time>. Does that work for you?
Her: Yes sounds good.
Me: Great, I'll see you there. <phone number> if you need to reach me
Her: ok <phone number>

It usually goes smoothly like this. If she gives you exact days, choose one and make it work. If she gives you an open schedule answer like "any day after 6," give her two days of options (i.e. Monday at 7 or Wed at 9) and ask which one works better for her. She'll choose.

At this point the date is set up. I don't call or text to verify. You should already know where you stand if she flakes. If she texts you beforehand, 90% of the time it is to see if you still plan on showing up (and now you have her number if she didn't leave it in a message).

Scenario 2: Non Compliance

Her: I'd prefer to chat more before meeting
Me: Sure we can talk, what is your phone number?

In this scenario, she will give you the number which you will send a "ping" text with your number, then call her on the phone for 5-10 minutes to ask her out. But what if she doesn't?

Her: I need to know more about you before I give you my number.
Me: What would you like to know about me?

I got a few of these. Believe it or not this will build rapport since it forces her to inquire about you. After you answer a few of her questions, go back to asking for her phone number so you can call her up and ask her on the date. Don't ask for the date a second time on the app. Don't think you're out if you get to this phase.

The strategy is get to the point of making the date as soon as possible, by establishing frame. If they don't play ball with this template their interest level just isn't high enough or they are just too rigid to waste time on. They will put up blockades on every advance you make. There is no need for elaborate questions or witty text game. The direct approach works with women, especially if you mass message as many women as possible.

Remember, if a woman stops answering your messages she is not interested. If she answers, she has some interest, even if it isn't where it needs to be at that point in time.

Just curious. What is your response if your schedules don't line up that week? I have found with 50% custody, I only have 1-2 free days per week. Seems like if I can't set something up right away, it is usually a lost cause.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Just curious. What is your response if your schedules don't line up that week? I have found with 50% custody, I only have 1-2 free days per week. Seems like if I can't set something up right away, it is usually a lost cause.

I go for the number if I can't match up her schedule right there.

Me: Those days won't work on my end. Let's chat in the meantime. What's your number?

Send the ping text, then have a 5-10 minute phone conversation. Don't ask her out since you're busy, but tell her you'll be in touch and ghost until next week when you can try again.

 

[9Volt]

I gave it thought but I found her on fb just to make sure so she's real, got a message from her this morning lol (Im sorry I didn't flake on you my grandma ended up going to the hospital im sorry I understand your mad at me) haven't decided what I'm gonna do with it yet or even message her back.

So you pretty much know the chick is real. It could be a BS story, but saying your grandmother's sick to not meet up is the sign of a screwed up chick. It "could" be true that he grandmother went to the hospital. I'd be skeptical but just reply: "Sorry to hear that. Family is more important than some random dude. Hope everything is ok."

And leave it like that. Let her hit you up to re-schedule, if she does. Fine. She may be also testing you by telling you "I know you're mad". Whay would any sane person be mad if someone's family member was sick unless it's a "tell" that she's BSing and wants to see how you react. Again just reply: "Sorry to hear that. Family is more important than some random dude. Hope everything is ok." and leave it be. She may come around but don't wait.

 

[xstang77]

So you pretty much know the chick is real. It could be a BS story, but saying your grandmother's sick to not meet up is the sign of a screwed up chick. It "could" be true that he grandmother went to the hospital. I'd be skeptical but just reply: "Sorry to hear that. Family is more important than some random dude. Hope everything is ok."

And leave it like that. Let her hit you up to re-schedule, if she does. Fine. She may be also testing you by telling you "I know you're mad". Whay would any sane person be mad if someone's family member was sick unless it's a "tell" that she's BSing and wants to see how you react. Again just reply: "Sorry to hear that. Family is more important than some random dude. Hope everything is ok." and leave it be. She may come around but don't wait.

Here's what i said: Wish you would have just shot me a text to let me know, it's all good. Her:I didn't even have my phone with me I left I in the car not even thinking im sorry tho I owe you big time. Me:
Well Maybe you can cook
For me sometime sooner then later, her:I can do that, me: ok when?. Her whenever your free. I said I can do a night this week when your certain without a doubt it's good to go, she said ok so I'll see what happens. 2 flakes is about full on my shet meter though.

 

[9Volt]

Here's what i said: Wish you would have just shot me a text to let me know, it's all good. Her:I didn't even have my phone with me I left I in the car not even thinking im sorry tho I owe you big time. Me:
Well Maybe you can cook
For me sometime sooner then later, her:I can do that, me: ok when?. Her whenever your free. I said I can do a night this week when your certain without a doubt it's good to go, she said ok so I'll see what happens. 2 flakes is about full on my shet meter though.

Ask her about her grandmother. Ask if she's ok. Show "concern" and ask if she went to see her. If she cuts it short or seems like BS you'll know. It doesn't hurt to show you "care" about her grandma. I'd skip talking about the dinner and "make it up to me" bs as all you're doing is avoiding her possible BS story to have another flake. I'd go with "concern" for granny. It could be true. And if so she may be playing "cool" but going to flake regardless because you completely avoided her grandmother issue. Just show "concern" and see how it goes with that story. If it's real you look like a "good guy". If you sense it's BS? Then you know she's going to pull some more BS in the future and I'd just drop it.

 

[Glassguy]

I gave it thought but I found her on fb just to make sure so she's real, got a message from her this morning lol (Im sorry I didn't flake on you my grandma ended up going to the hospital im sorry I understand your mad at me) haven't decided what I'm gonna do with it yet or even message her back.

It takes 15 seconds to text saying something came up and offer another time. She didnt.

I wouldn't have sent her another message until she reached out.

I don't buy the "left my phone in the car" excuse. Nobody does that. Especially in an emergency situatuon. Refuse to let her play you. Next and ghost unless she reaches out and I mean reaches out HARD!

 

[EyeBRollin]

2 flakes is about full on my shet meter though.

So.... she flaked on you twice and you're still expending mental energy on her? She nexted you before the first flake. What's she got to do to keep you from coming back for more?

She's out. Interested women do not flake.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yes, I also got the 'my grandmother is sick' excuse a couple of months back. Beautiful girl, but there had been previous excuses and only one meeting. So unless she reaches out to me....

 

[xstang77]

I'll add another to this thread, old has been stale with anything worthwhile or responses so I messaged this one on okc who I'd deff bang but under the impression I wouldn't get a response and boredom I opened with "hey you seem like you have a slight attitude we should get along fine" To my suprise i get a response, her"no I have a massive attitude and I don't think you'd be able to handle it" me"I guess I used slight to start off friendly and you'd be surprised" her" no I wasn't questioning your competence it's a matter of I wouldn't let you" I replied with a lmao emoticon then a little later replied "bravo there's one with a little spark amongst all the single moms on here looking for hand outs,ill let you return to your quest for the next deadbeat as will I" kind of dumb I guess but figured I'd share since I got humor out of it especially when I found out later she's a single mom.

 

[ThisNThat]

Oh cool...an official OLD dating thread. Well, although, I read earlier that some people can tend to get 3 to 5 dates online, with disregard to meeting people out and about organically, seems to be bit far fetched, but maybe it's location, location...location. I think if you're in a highly densely populated area, I can see that happening...but with the majority of blogs, online dating reviews, and of course message boards, most men seem to tout they rarely get responses.

Even me...I'm lucky I can get 5 dates a year...and these are first time meets.

Anyway, but I also wanted to point out...I keep seeing these same picky women that I've emailed, and sometimes on more than on occasion, only to be ignored...but these same faces I keep seeing, through the years...well, you'd figured they'd start giving guys that had emailed them before a shot before they become permanent fixtures of the online dating world.

I recall taking a year long break from POF and then returning to see these same spinsters. Some of them over 40, never married, no kids. I live in a more smaller area...and well, these ladies really cannot afford to be too picky...unless..they are looking for some occasional tall, dark , and handsome "drifter' mosey into town...and on the online dating site, because you cannot really meet people in public...as most are married or spoken for where I live.

There's about 2 or 3 women I keep seeing another I recall that is a mid-40s horse trainer/owner out in the country. Hot cow girl type, mid-40s, never married, no children. Usually if a 40-something woman is still "hot"...where I live, it's due in part of not having been married, no having kids...they tend to make you age faster. LOL

Anyway, she said in her profile, "I'm back on here, trying this again...looking for someone LOCAL!"...now where we all live, we live in counties where small towns tend to have distance between them to begin with. Sometimes at least a 30 min ride between towns...so she's limiting herself. Apparently, being a horse owner you have to stay local...per her profile.

Anyway, that's just an example, and a few others have been on these sites forever, rejecting men. You would figure if you live in smaller towns, your limited geography would kind of "force" you into "settling"? Before the Internet, you were limited geographically to who was in town, married, them and learned to like it. lol

But yeah, the same faces, over and over..after my year long reprieve from the site, coming back and seeing the same women...I thought, "Should I even bother trying them again? Will they even remember me...because if they do, they say, "Ew, that guy again'" and block me. llol

 

[Roober]

Got a second date tonight with a girl I met from CMB. We are going indoor climbing, then I am thinking food and drinks. I know the climbing place is like 10 mins from her house, 30 mins from mine. Kiss closed on first date, and has initiated texts every other day or so, very responsive on the phone.

After climbing, would a good approach be something along the lines of "Let's get some takeout and go back to your place?" or is that too direct? My physique is definitely starting to take shape, so I am hoping good kino and taht should get her to initiate, but we will see...

 

[AlphaNate]

Probably. I usually qualify women and say stuff like "What are you looking for?" And if she says something casual like friends, seeing what's out there, etc, I'll say "Oh cool, me too. We're on the same page". And "If we were to hang out, what kind of fun things do you like to do?"

My success rate with getting women to describe what they like to do and then relating and finding some common ground (building rapport) usually leads to better results then just "Hey I just saw your profile. Let's do friday at 8 pm."

You want to give off the impression that you are screening women and have 5 prospects so she has to pique your interest with her "fun hobbies" before you escalate to a meetup. You want her to invest. This makes you come across as high value with abundance, and less needy.

When it comes to online dating, you only escalate when SHE makes an effort to express herself to you. That is the only way you can justify being interested in her (because you have standards). Otherwise, you look desperate.

Remember that one of the tenets to solid game is being a challenge and you have to follow that principle regardless of what platform you are using to communicate with women.

My first time reading this post, and I now realize a glaring mistake I've been making in OLD. Thanks for this.

 

[Roober]

second date last night... rock climbing, then a couple bars, 5 mins from her house... lots of kino both ways. Teasing back and forth. At one point, she is laughing, grabs me and kisses me on the cheek. Another point, has both hands on my legs. I thought I was in for sure... Anyway, get back to her car, make out pretty heavily, and I say... "text me your address"... "Why do you need my address?"... "I want to see what your couch looks like, cause your sleeping on it" Anywho, can't remember the rest, but it didn't happen. She said "It's not going to happen tonight"

Still fun regardless, and she texted afterward saying she had a great time and had lots of laughs... oh well, maybe date 3 or maybe not...

Still going to say I have met the best women on CMB so far... met some pretty crappy ones on the other sites, POF and OKC

 

[Juanto]

What's CMB, Roober?

 

[Glassguy]

What's CMB, Roober?

Coffee meets bagel