Now, this crap really sucks

[jady]

it's frowned upon to date within the first year. But from what i was assuming, either of use was trying to date.


I'm sure if she was a 350 pound fat hag no one would have a problem with me working out with her. The fact that she's not unattractive "throws a loop". trust me at least it didn't in my eyes.

my problem is with crack cocaine. not with women. She had 6 years clean before she relasped. Yes she has a sponser, but i am not on three way when they talk. Shoot I barley talk to her myself. Again you are making the assumption that I went and tried to have a relationship with her. I'm just a guy who likes to go to the gym and had someone follow them there everyday.

Again.. real life here.. someone asks you to help them get in shape.. I don't know about you but I do it. and I feel good about it.

she told me how she was happy being single, hell i'm in a relationship. what hte hell else am I supposed to do? I'm not physo mantis, I can't read people's mind.

You didn't think that you were trying to be in a relationship but she obviously did.

Again bro, I am not saying you effed up but friends made in the process of recovery have many more rules than "real life". there is really nothin you "did wrong" but you could have avoided the situation which I am sure you will do next time

Oh and congrats on kicking the dope :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

 

[backbreaker]

I actually agree with this to an extent, but I don't see a reason to get so offended. You have to remember that all we can do is interpret what's posted, no one here is personally hanging out with you watching how you interact with other people.

You say that something "clicked" when she asked if you wanted get pizza instead of going bowling and you decided to opt out. My opinion is that something "clicked" long before this, I mean dude you had to know she was interested in you, but you probably enjoyed the attention until she tried to escalate just a bit further, then you pulled the plug.

Did you talk about your relationship with your child and GF while you were hanging out with this chick? Her reaction was way over the top especially if she "knew" about your current situation, but then again you said she was bipolar so it's almost like you were asking for trouble.

Whether or not you genuinely wanted to help her is not in question and no one's saying your hanging out with her was necessarily wrong, but you have to take some responsibility for participating knowing what you were dealing with from the start.............a single, bipolar, recovering addict, female.

talked about Joe (my son) all the time. she has an 8 year old. she is recently divorced. talked about my GF all the time. I mean, coming from someone who knows his way aronund women.. I am telling you I honestly didn't see THIS coming.

backbreaker the DJ talking, dont' get me wrong... I'm a good looking guy that has his **** in order. I am pretty sure she didnt' find me repulsive or anything like that. I'm not one to microanalyzie a conversation, epsically when I don't like someone. But nothing really just jumps out at me as saying "man see, that shows tht she liked you". She actually met my GF at a get together I had at my house about a month ago, seemed pretty cool. I mean it was from what I thougth pretty platonic.

I mean there is usually a pattern that a woman who wants to jump my pants follows and this came from left center, assuming she wanted to jump my pants. maybe she was just crazy.


going back looking at it, sure there could have been signs, but again like I tell AFC's all the time, if you have to go and microanalyize a situtation, you are thinking about someone too much. women are pretty good at making it known they want you.


I mean we talked, I'm not an android. She knows about my relationship, she knows what type of women I like, I know what type of men she likes.. rich ones. lol, per her.

there was one situtation, I had an odd dream one day, with my GF and all my friends were in it, she was in it, and everyone got together and tied me up and throw me off the golden gate bridge and I died. lol. True Stuff. And when I saw her and I told her I had a dream and she was in it, and I prefaced it by saying "it's not sexual or anything" and she said "dang".. I didnt' think anything of it then, I dont' think anything of it now, she could have been being sarcastic, hell she probably was.


anyway, it's done and over with, i still feel like a cheap crack *****, but I will live. I do have to be careful about who I open up to, that's a tough lesson learned, but at the same time I dont' think I did anything wrong by letting someone basically work out with me, when you get down to it.

 

[STR8UP]

Yo BB-

Sorry to hear about that man.

I know you know as well as anyone how people can be.

I go through experiences like this and know that all I can do is either chalk it up as a lesson learned, or add it to my "just goes to show you" list.

 

[jophil28]

This just one of those deals when you do what you think is "right" and you get shyte sprayed all over you in return.
YOu did nothing wrong here.
We are not responsible for women's mental illness and we are not responsible for NOt being psychic in predicting thair f*ked up behavior when things do not go their way.
Psycho women are just a hazard of modern living much like a pothole on the freeway.

"THis too will pass."

 

[Mr.Positive]

Psycho women are just a hazard of modern living much like a pothole on the freeway.

Yeah, and the faster you drive, the less chance of seeing that pothole, and avoiding it.

Backbreaker, you absolutely did nothing wrong, but you need to protect yourself from this psycho now.

What did the police say to you when they came to your house? What allegations did this woman claim?

This can be serious stuff...because even just an accusation..can put you on a sex offender list. Depending upon the allegation..

I'll state the obvious again, do not contact this woman ever again. If you see her someplace avoid her like the plague, but if she contacts you, make sure you document the time, place, and exactly what was said.

Protect yourself here.

Man, sorry to hear about this drama. Crazy stuff. Hopefully it will just resolve itself in time, by crazy women for some reason have great memories..and can make life a living hell.

 

[backbreaker]

well when they came it was like they thought it was bull****ish but they still had to follow up. said she had nothing but what she went off of, no scars, brusises and I never actually did anything. they said what you said... stay away for my own sake.. they were pretty cool about it, and said they get alot of stuff like this

 

[penkitten]

said they get alot of stuff like this

theres alot of that around here too.
what is it with a town full of crazy chicks that get epos on the men that they think did them wrong?

 

[thedeparted]

Who already said, "Lay down with dogs, wake up with fleas?"

Your first dog was the crack. This bltch that came along next was just one of the fleas.

I can see you now with that first rock though. You are like, everybody does this, right? This is gonna be fine. It's not a problem. I can handle it.

Whatever. You do the same thing with the girl. Any normal man sees what you are doing. You lie to yourself. And anybody calls you on it, you are all defensive and you did nothing wrong. You said the same thing about the crack in the past.

Truth is, you are gonna live in a flea-ridden kennel the rest of your dog-gone days -- unless you learn some humility and introspection.

"Know yourself, know your enemy." Currently, you don't know Jack.

 

[Phyzzle]

You say that something "clicked" when she asked if you wanted get pizza instead of going bowling and you decided to opt out. My opinion is that something "clicked" long before this, I mean dude you had to know she was interested in you, but you probably enjoyed the attention until she tried to escalate just a bit further, then you pulled the plug.

I agree, and I think you made a small misstep here. Just something to be more careful about, now that you're dedicating yourself to the whole monogamy thing.

I can't imagine that you would accept for one second that your girlfriend is going to the gym with the same guy everyday for four weeks or so, let alone regular lunches, and the occasional gift.

You didn't ask this woman to "follow you around like a puppy dog", but I guarantee you would never accept the same explanation from your girlfriend, if a guy was following her around, and she did nothing to stop it. You would tell her to draw the line a little tighter than that, or you would walk.

I know your girl said she was cool with it, but you need to police yourself. It's possible that your girl is just keeping her mouth shut for fear of ticking you off. All I know is, this is what most people would call very shady behavior from the significant other. More distance would have saved you some trouble.

 

[backbreaker]

call it what you want, but both of you last two posters can shut the F up.

I've been clean 3 years Tuesday. I live a pretty damn normal life. Actually I'm a pretty damn successful person who happened to pick up a very powerful drug. I've been a member of this forum since I was 19, I'm 25. I air my dirty lanundry out for everyone to learn from. where's yours? At least I am man enough to admit what my faults are and try to seek help for them. That really hits a nerve becuase someone tries to not only help themselves, but help others in the process, and **** faces like yourself tries to down someone when they already have admitted they have ****ed up.

On August 12th 2005 don't, sitting in my bed crying myself to sleep because I couldn't' use drugs anymore but I realized Ic ould nto stop using them, when I didn't trust myself anymore when my old oneitis had to literary break in my house to make sure I was still alive and flush all my drug paraphernalia down the toilet and drag me to the nearest rehab against my will, don't you think I had enough? But no, *******s like yourself try to rub it in. I'm well past that point in my life, a speed bump if you wil.. young, a lot of money, and too much time. Again I lived and I have learned. I do what I think is right. I make mistakes, I learn from them.


phyzzle, how the **** do you know what goes on in my daily life and what I do and dont' put up with? Since you are in the business of making guarantees, do you want to sell me car insurance?

My GF and I have a very good understanding. we are alike in that we are extremely sure of ourselves. She knows i have no problem getting antoher woman and I know she has no shortage of males in line to answer her every whim, baby and all, if I were to fall off. She jogs 5 miles a day, is my personal weight watcher when it comes to what I eat, she's educated, has class and is hot. She knows she's a catch and so do I. However we also know that we really, really, really dig each other. We've been at it for almost 2 years now and we still can't wait to see each other everyday.

she understands that another woman is just that in the simplest form.. another woman. She gets male attention. Alot of it. She has AFC friends that she had before i came on the scene. I know some of them, and could care less.

And as much as i like her, if she were to go out there, she can go. And I"m sure she feels the same way about me. But, and I think I can speak for her here, we both realize what we have in each other. Again, it would take a hell of a woman for me to even think about doing something like that, and a hell of alot more than just someone who looks good in a skirt and has nice legs. my GF and I are on a different playing field than that and she looks pretty good in a skirt herself.

 

[Mr.Positive]

well when they came it was like they thought it was bull****ish but they still had to follow up. said she had nothing but what she went off of, no scars, brusises and I never actually did anything. they said what you said... stay away for my own sake.. they were pretty cool about it, and said they get alot of stuff like this

OK...I wouldn't sweat over this then. It'll blow over, at this point, she is just bitter, and now you have a police record of it. That's good, everytime the police get called out, there's a paper trail.

Live and learn, and make sure to stay away from her. In a few days, this will be old news!

 

[Phyzzle]

phyzzle, how the **** do you know what goes on in my daily life and what I do and dont' put up with?

You don't put up with . . . massive levels of disrespect? I thought? Maybe not anymore. Maybe it's now okay for your girl to try on swimsuits with some dude that she hangs out with everyday, as long as he's her 'friend'. The reverse situation seems to be okay. I would definitely not accept that from my current girl, but different strokes for different folks.

It's quite possible to disrespect one's relationship without actually getting physical. Certain things are proper in monogamy and certain things are not.

 

[backbreaker]

she is bullimc who has relasped 5 times over her weight, trying on two peice swimsuits. Yes I went with her to try on swim suits, it wasn't a sex thing, it was a you don't look overweight in this swimsuit thing.

My GF understood the situtation and even recommended a couple of nice stores, since I don't go bathing suit shopping every day.

MY GF does not have petty problems like that becuase she knows simply, I don't want to **** her. I didn't want to **** her. i want to **** my GF. She knows I was doing nothing more than trying to help her over come her fears.. even at 115 she thought she was overweight.

 

[jophil28]

Jophil wrote >>>
I am absolutely sympthetic to what happened to you. That woman is seriously deranged. You certainly did not deserve the treatment that you decribed . I am appalled.

However sometimes we do the "wrong thing for the right reasons."
Recovering addicts frequently make poor "boundary " decisions.
I think that you made one with this shrew.

I fully understand the use and application of mutual assistance in the 12 Step program.THis is at it core. IT is what gives 12 step work it its power. A recovering addict can help another addict recovery where outside counselors are impotent and ineffectual.
However , perhaps in this case you went a tad too far by taking it upon yourself to "help her overcome her fears " ? Both AA and NA focus on substance abuse recovery only. There is no direct assistance given or offered to clients in dealing with their other issues. Fear and anxiety issues belong in private therapy.
Eating disorders are also a personal problem which usually require separate and additional treatment outside AA rooms.
You stepped into the role of "therapist" in a way..I understand your willingness to help her, BUT looking at the outcome ,was it a wise decision ?

 

[backbreaker]

that's what I am saying man....it's easy to go back and say was it a good decision. hell we can all do that and I'm pretty sure we all had some pretty screwy decisions in the past.

if you live, **** will happen. I promise you. sometimes good ****. sometimes bad ****. but that doesn't mean you stop living and start questioning yourself.

 

[cedd]

why are you so "upset" ?
people here are just giving opinion on what you've posted first. they are simply giving their thoughts about because they are experienced.

When i read this it took me 5 sec. to see what would be the end of the story.
That could be a good start for a thriller movie scenario, couldnt it ?
Seriously, I think you did nothing wrong except being a bit naive about that "recovering female addict". ok Shes a recovering addict but shes a woman first and dont be surprised of her reactions after giving her the attention she was seeking. Even if your actions were unselfish.

Same case with the AFC who wants to date that HB. Though she LJBFed him he continues asking her out. So blind he is...She, naive, doesnt see any objection about keeping on seeing him around. After all he is nice and a good company. OneItis is coming next...

As we use to say in french language : "donnez-leur le doigt, ils prendront le bras"

You have to be more careful and protective about yourself specially with female buddy if you really want to protect your family and the new life you had hardly built.

cheers

 

[sodbuster]

You need to step up,man up, whatever you want to call it. I "just happened" to do an addicting drug. I "just happened" to hang out with a psycho witch for a workout partner. BULL ****!!!! You made some bad choices, and we are supposed to congratulate you on beating drugs.Next feel sorry for you with the whole girl deal[ok, I do on that one] Make damn sure you don't I "just happened" your way through life. Like I tell my sons"excuses are like AZZHOLEs,everyone has one,but I don't want to hear yours". My 15 year old understands the concept, my 12 year old argues with me. You. I really don't care what you do. Not like you screwing up your life will affect me in any way,shape of form.

 

[ketostix]

I don't blame you at all for the outcome BB. But what probably seems strange to some readers is that it seems like you didn't know she was trying to hook up with you and that you didn't expect some bad dramatic outcome from trying to befriend a former addict. Although what she did was a little extreme and unexpected, right away from reading your post and her asking to workout together I could tell she wanted to hookup.

 

[Matt Rogers]

That is pretty crappy what she did to you. I know your motives were entirely pure and altruistic. But there is always going to be danger when you get involved with damaged women even if you treat them like friends. With this type of girl a man who is nice but masculine and strong can be irresistible and seem like a lifeboat in a storm. If she has an addictive personality it is clear that you became her new addiction.

I like the analogy one of the guys made to a beautiful girl making friends with an AFC. Even if she does nothing to lead him on, just by being beautiful and nice there is a chance that the AFC will fall for her.

Don't beat yourself up but in future I suggest you stick to helping guys even gay guys. Less shyt can go wrong

 

[backbreaker]

I don't blame you at all for the outcome BB. But what probably seems strange to some readers is that it seems like you didn't know she was trying to hook up with you and that you didn't expect some bad dramatic outcome from trying to befriend a former addict. Although what she did was a little extreme and unexpected, right away from reading your post and her asking to workout together I could tell she wanted to hookup.

well you are the better DJ of the two of us, becuase I honestly couldn't. Not like I was scoping for signs or anything but still.


I never implied that I "just happened" to use crack. I'm a freaking crackhead. You don't get 3 years clean on just happened. Trust me. I had to accecpt the fact that I have no control over myself when I use and that when I use the drug puts my life on auto poliet. I do things I normally would not do when I use.

what I meant by saying "just happened" is that someone before implied that I was a a piece of **** person, when i'm not. I am a very well rounded person who "just happened" to have a drug addiction that took me to my bottom. I'm very successful finanically, I have and even had good relationships with women (Because of this forum ), I'm a pretty smart guy, I'm very healthy. The drug in itself did not make me a peice of ****.



another thing, when I made this post, I have had 3 pages of people pointing out the ovbious. I mean NOW of course I can see that she had to have some type of attraction, I'm just saying at the time I didn't see it. Why in the hell am I getting beat up side the head over something that is now clearly obvious?

really more than anything I'm just ranting. the **** sucks. Again like i said in my first post here, i had been depressed and I fell very used.. that's what I am trying to deal with, that was why i made the post, this isn't a "did she or didn't she like me post". It's clear now but I really dont' give a damn regardless. I just outlined the issues that lead me to my current state.


I guess that's why I am getting so fustrated, simply because it's like everyone is getting hung up on the wrong issue. I have a GF that I haven't had sex with in about 2 weeks, I just don't feel it right now. I mean man I am OUT of it. She's georgous but this **** is really effecting me, and all i am getting is "man how did you not see that". now do you see why I am getting fustrated? Becuase I am having some real life consequences behind this that are not getting addressed.

3 pages of " you suck dude, how did you not know she liked you" is not making me sleep better at night.