Not sure what to do

[Bokanovsky]

Currently dating a hot 21 year old, she is amazing in every way but the sack.

She has a lot of anxiety and was raped in the past. We have had good sex in the past (mostly when she is drunk and she doesn’t remember any of it) but she never gives me head or makes the first move. She usually comes onto me when I don’t want it, admitting that the less I want her the more she wants me (not sure if this has something to do with being raped)

I’m getting tired of constantly having to come onto her. It’s literally once every 5 days that she lets me **** her and by the time I do get a chance to bang her I have performance anxiety because she’s not making me feel comfortable. I love the girl and want it to work but not sure how I can make someone less selfish in bed.

oh yeah I’ve tired talking to my fiends about it who suggest I be more “dominant and forceful”. Only little problem is they don’t seem to get it. If I have to ask a girl to suck my **** or touch me it defeats the purpose and immediately turns me off. It’s almost like paying for sexI want her to want to do it on her own.

not sure what to do fellas.

First of all, don't automatically assume that her story about being raped is true. Now I'm not saying that it couldn't be true but it's also possible that it's made up (women make up stories like that for various reasons - to get sympathy, to excuse character flaws, etc.)

I was once dating a girl who was acting the way your girl does (she never said anything about being raped though). The solution was to act like you don't give a fvck about her. It's weird but some women are just turned on by that. Just like some dudes get turned on by weird sh!t, like being cvcked. There's not much you can do to change that.

 

[captain55]

Appreciate all the advice guys. How ironic is it that, I decide at 28 after years of being a single player I no longer want that life and decide I want to get a house and have a family. I suddenly meet the girl of my dreams that ticks all the boxes. Yet I start having sexual problems with her go figure..

I think all these years of banging chicks in Europe, dating strippers and sluts that are freaks, has made me spoiled in the sexual department. I love getting a girl to lick my ass for example, and letting me **** her face....it’s me degrading and owning her. I don’t think that’s gonna happen with this chick

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Currently dating a hot 21 year old, she is amazing in every way but the sack.

She has a lot of anxiety and was raped in the past. We have had good sex in the past (mostly when she is drunk and she doesn’t remember any of it) but she never gives me head or makes the first move. She usually comes onto me when I don’t want it, admitting that the less I want her the more she wants me (not sure if this has something to do with being raped)

I’m getting tired of constantly having to come onto her. It’s literally once every 5 days that she lets me **** her and by the time I do get a chance to bang her I have performance anxiety because she’s not making me feel comfortable. I love the girl and want it to work but not sure how I can make someone less selfish in bed.

oh yeah I’ve tired talking to my fiends about it who suggest I be more “dominant and forceful”. Only little problem is they don’t seem to get it. If I have to ask a girl to suck my **** or touch me it defeats the purpose and immediately turns me off. It’s almost like paying for sexI want her to want to do it on her own.

not sure what to do fellas.

For once, understand why you are really attached to her. Sounds like she is one of those girls that would usually be "out of an AFC league" and hence why you feel the need to continue pursuing her. The truth is girls like that a dime a dozen and that you will find another hottie like that.

Second, she has gone through some trauma in the past, and that ultimately it is NOT up to you to "fix" her. She needs to do that on her own. We all have a path we are walking on and you, are walking your own. Not anybody else's.

Last but not least, move on. Her lack of sexual trust and expression sounds like is damaging your masculinity and your head. This appears to have turned into something toxic for you. Walk away and wish her the best, do not sound or be bitter when you show her the door. Continue on your path and tbh do not commit to an LTR until you have experienced sexual abundance and have a solid mindset. If it helps, go on a road trip or travel to realign your thoughts.

Cheers,
Modern Man Advice

 

[Lookatu]

Appreciate all the advice guys. How ironic is it that, I decide at 28 after years of being a single player I no longer want that life and decide I want to get a house and have a family. I suddenly meet the girl of my dreams that ticks all the boxes. Yet I start having sexual problems with her go figure..

I think all these years of banging chicks in Europe, dating strippers and sluts that are freaks, has made me spoiled in the sexual department. I love getting a girl to lick my ass for example, and letting me **** her face....it’s me degrading and owning her. I don’t think that’s gonna happen with this chick

Dude, she is 21yo first off and she seems damaged already(if rape is true). You are delusional if you think you can have a house and family with any 21yo westernized girls these days. It will only end up in problems, stress, and ultimately divorce.

Girls that young are still discovering and growing. They don't know what they want. Hell even girls in their 30's don't know what they want yet but at least they've gone through a good amount of discovery phase over time.

Also remember you can turn a housewife into a ho but not the other way around. Don't think with your d1ck and try to wife up a ho just because she fulfill's ALL your sexual needs.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Appreciate all the advice guys. How ironic is it that, I decide at 28 after years of being a single player I no longer want that life and decide I want to get a house and have a family. I suddenly meet the girl of my dreams that ticks all the boxes. Yet I start having sexual problems with her go figure..

I think you are lying to yourself OP. She does NOT tick all your boxes. You wish she did. You keep trying to convince yourself she does. Truth is you are hoping you can somehow change her, so maybe...maybe then she would. As is...she doesn’t.

The straight up truth is...She does NOT actually tick all your boxes. Anything else is your fantasy or hope.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Sex with a woman, who desires you sexually and matches you sexually, is exponentially better, than sex with a woman who shows up sexually mostly because it’s what you want or expect of her.

 

[captain55]

For once, understand why you are really attached to her. Sounds like she is one of those girls that would usually be "out of an AFC league" and hence why you feel the need to continue pursuing her. The truth is girls like that a dime a dozen and that you will find another hottie like that.

Second, she has gone through some trauma in the past, and that ultimately it is NOT up to you to "fix" her. She needs to do that on her own. We all have a path we are walking on and you, are walking your own. Not anybody else's.

Last but not least, move on. Her lack of sexual trust and expression sounds like is damaging your masculinity and your head. This appears to have turned into something toxic for you. Walk away and wish her the best, do not sound or be bitter when you show her the door. Continue on your path and tbh do not commit to an LTR until you have experienced sexual abundance and have a solid mindset. If it helps, go on a road trip or travel to realign your thoughts.

Cheers,
Modern Man Advice

Brother I’ve lived the player life and while it’s amazing in some ways it will cost you in the end especially financially. Guys want the player lifestyle. The few that finally get it and don’t realize how expensive it is to juggle multiple women that are 8 pluses in any big city.

Business slowed down for me. I just want one chick I can build a life with, so I can work 60 hours a week and stay focused on my business.

your advice isn’t wrong I actually agree with it. But it applies to a guy wanting to bang lots of hot women and never have a family. Not an ex player that wants a family.

I think you are lying to yourself OP. She does NOT tick all your boxes. You wish she did. You keep trying to convince yourself she does. Truth is you are hoping you can somehow change her, so maybe...maybe then she would. As is...she doesn’t.

The straight up truth is...She does NOT actually tick all your boxes. Anything else is your fantasy or hope.

Brother I’ve been with over 60-70 women. The chick before her I dated was a stripper. She will never find any of this out.After the stripper I went to a restaurant and saw her. Said damn she’s a 10 if I get her I’m good and hanging it up. I did and she fell in love with me. I hung it up.

will never let her find any of this out ever. I decided after my fall out with the last chick I was with I would retire from being a ajar.

I think you are lying to yourself OP. She does NOT tick all your boxes. You wish she did. You keep trying to convince yourself she does. Truth is you are hoping you can somehow change her, so maybe...maybe then she would. As is...she doesn’t.

The straight up truth is...She does NOT actually tick all your boxes. Anything else is your fantasy or hope.

So....had recently come off a fling with a stripper, and after my 28th birthday said dude you have to grow the **** up. I went out on a Sunday, and my friends pointed out this absolute 21 year old beauty. I told myself damn, if I get this chick I’m hanging it up. I went up to her and sure enough pulled her. Not many guys can say that has happened to them. I got skills but of course some luck was involved there. It’s one thing to bang one, but hard to get a hot 21 year old to commit.


6 weeks later she was in love with me. I play it cool and her interest level is still a bit higher than mine I would say. She’s hot as **** so of course I love banging the **** out of her. Who wouldn’t? But do I miss doing things I used to do with other women? Yes. I miss doing 69. I miss girls giving me rimjobs. I miss ****ing in the shower and getting *******s in bathroom restaurants. I miss *******s in the car.

I have this hot 21 year old chick, that wants me to bang the crap out of her every time on her terms without putting anything in (no head) I am turned out but I always feel like I’m under pressure to have a porn star performance ....instead of letting it just happen naturally as it did in the past for me. I think it’s very hard to have an amazing sexual relationship with a girl that doesn’t give head. Your also bigger and harder after a chick giving you head that’s a fact.

 

[Epimanes]

She has a lot of anxiety and was raped in the past. We have had good sex in the past (mostly when she is drunk)............ admitting that the less I want her the more she wants me.

Sounds exactly like my ex of 25yrs ... together from 15 n 16 til 41 and 42 (her and me).... loved her to bits... had 2 kids together... sex was rare after kids n marriage... she had an issue with touch... said the same things to me our entire marriage.... sex eventually was only good drunk or high... she left me for a way older guy who likely couldn't get it up(was 12yrs older than me and 13yrs older than her) but out financed me and left me with the kids...

Broken goods man.. if this is how she is now i promise it wont get better unless she seeks professional help and wants to get better... if she plays the "im fine as i am" card and refuses to seek help... your in for a long haul of complications .. especially if kids ever come into play.

Good luck

 

[LiveYourDream]

I think it’s very hard to have an amazing sexual relationship with a girl that doesn’t give head. Your also bigger and harder after a chick giving you head that’s a fact.

First, so you are aware, I am a woman. I understand the making of LTR’s lots. I understand that is what you are desiring in your life now. My advice to you came from that place.

You are a highly sexual man. That is not going to suddenly disappear. If your goal is to be happy and satisfied, in a LTR, it is super important that you feel sexually compatible with your woman, in terms of frequency and the type of sex you like.

You like bl0wjobs lots!!! She is not a fan. You aren’t going to suddenly grow into not wanting one. You may care a little bit less if she meets everything else you desire. You will still remain sexually unsatisfied, by her alone.

If you were a man with a very low sexual appetite not getting any bj’s might be more tolerable and less significant to you. You are not that man.

You are a man who would be better suited with a woman who satisfies you sexually, including with bl0wjobs. Don’t mistakenly think her desire to give you bjs is going to get any better. You are in the honeymoon phase right now.

I get you want her to be the one and life to all work out for you two. That would be ideal. It is a fantasy, not reality. There are red flags everywhere saying you are headed for LTR trouble. I know that is not what you want to hear. Better in my view to cut your losses with her, before you become even more attached, or you accidentally get her pregnant.

I understand it is hard for you to imagine walking away from her. That’s been the case with many women you’ve posted about here and later walked away from. You’ve always been better off for it. You saw it more clearly in retrospect.

If you truly want a happy and sustainable LTR, you need to remind yourself that there is much more that goes into sustaining one, in a satisfying way, than initial chemistry and feelings of love.

She may be a great person. Understand I am not against her as a person. I am here supporting your desire for a happy LTR. That means finding a suitable match, to truly give you the best elements, to create a happy and satisfying LTR.

Despite all that seems right with her, to you, she is not a good LTR fit for you, imho.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

First, so you are aware, I am a woman. I understand the making of LTR’s lots. I understand that is what you are desiring in your life now. My advice to you came from that place.

You are a highly sexual man. That is not going to suddenly disappear. If your goal is to be happy and satisfied, in a LTR, it is super important that you feel sexually compatible with your woman, in terms of frequency and the type of sex you like.

You like bl0wjobs lots!!! She is not a fan. You aren’t going to suddenly grow into not wanting one. You may care a bit less if she meets EVERYTHING else. You will still remain sexually unsatisfied, by her alone.

If you were a man with a very low sexual appetite not getting bj’s might be more tolerable and less significant. You are not that man.

You are a man who would be better suited with a woman who satisfies you sexually, including with *******s. Don’t think her desire to give you bjs is going to get any better. You are in the honeymoon phase right now.

I get you want her to be the one and life to all work out for you two. That would be ideal. There are red flags everywhere saying you are headed for LTR trouble. I know that is not what you want to hear. Better in my view to cut your losses with her, before you become even more attached, or you accidentally get her pregnant. I know it’s hard to imagine walking away from her. That’s been the case with all the women you’ve posted about here and walked away from. You’ve always been better off for it.

If you truly want a happy and sustainable LTR, you need to remind yourself that there is much more that goes into sustaining one, in a satisfying way, than initial chemistry and feelings of love.

She may be a great person. Understand I am not against her as a person. I am here for you finding a suitable match, to give you the best elements, for a happy and satisfying LTR. Despite all that seems right with her, she is not that woman, imho.

When you both want to be there and value it similarly its not a huge effort because its something you want to do.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

I love getting a girl to lick my ass for example, and letting me **** her face....it’s me degrading and owning her. I don’t think that’s gonna happen with this chick

well most women arent into porn star sex. I get the appeal to us men but they don't. Least in my experience anyways.
I recently had to let one go cause she was a dud in the sack. Said she wanted to learn and try new things but when push came to shove she couldnt even talk dirty. Lifes to short. To bad too cause she checked most all my boxes cept that one

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Brother I’ve lived the player life and while it’s amazing in some ways it will cost you in the end especially financially. Guys want the player lifestyle. The few that finally get it and don’t realize how expensive it is to juggle multiple women that are 8 pluses in any big city.

Business slowed down for me. I just want one chick I can build a life with, so I can work 60 hours a week and stay focused on my business.

your advice isn’t wrong I actually agree with it. But it applies to a guy wanting to bang lots of hot women and never have a family. Not an ex player that wants a family.

Thanks for the feedback. We totally hear you, you are tired of spinning plates. And you want to settle down. Without knowing how old you are and what you do, it is ultimately your decision and yours alone. You know where you stand in life and your career. If you feel like you have everything set up then yea it's not a bad thing to settle down. Just do so with a girl that actually makes you feel good. If we are being honest, this girl is more toxic for you than positive. You have probably heard this, but a woman (even a woman you want to settle down with) should only be a complement to your life, not the focus of it.

Let us know if you have any questions,
Modern Man Advice

 

[Black Widow Void]

You have been dating her 3 months and you love her? Cmon man. Slow down and stop falling for every woman that lets you put your d!ck in her. Get a hold of yourself.

The sousuave community has to be hard up for Mods... if this is all that they could get.

 

[Black Widow Void]

There's no 'one-size-fits-all' as to how women react after being raped. I'll tell you the story about a gal I dated when I was much younger.

At 16, a neighbor asked to use their phone (father at work and just she and her mother at home). The mother (being way too trusting) allowed him inside (this was way before cellphones). At some point, he tells the mother to give him her wedding ring. When she refused, he told her that he'd cut her finger off if she didn't. She gave him the ring. Before leaving, he made the 16 year old (my later girlfriend) go down on him. I don't know if the mother was in the same room, but either way, it was traumatic.

She graduated at 17. I was 21 and had my own place. That summer, some friends brought over a few friends (she was one of them). Her best friend later told me the details. I took her out for over two months before the first lay. I never pressured her or even brought up the aspect of her going down on me. It was somewhere around eight or nine months, that she'd 'dry' go down on me (basically her cheek and lips sliding on my clothed body) . We could be watching a movie and making out (both clothed) and this occurred several times for about a month. Then... one night, she voluntarily did the deed.

Again, the above situation is not a time-frame on what you should expect. I share the above for you (or anyone else reading) to have an idea of things.

My suggestion (and I can expect some flack from some members here ... but like I care about a stranger on sosuave) is to provide an atmosphere that will have zero reminder of her bad experience. If she likes candles, light them up, if she likes certain soft music, put it on. Give her loads of foreplay before hand. If it still doesn't work, don't act butt-hurt and make a scene. If you react negatively, you'll re-awaken some bad thoughts in her (she'll look at it as you conning her and with only one motivation in mind). Instead, just continue at her comfort level. Your situation is a hell of a lot different than a woman being a pr!ck tease.

This might improve things for you and then again, it might not. I know it's frustrating. I dated a girl that went through this. Ordinarily, I'm not one to advocate cutting women too much slack. This is different. Your girl hasn't lived an "ordinary" life. Treat her more like the exception - rather than the rule.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The sousuave community has to be hard up for Mods... if this is all that they could get.

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