Not so sure anymore

[SoylentGreen]

I dont know if I believe in this "dj" stuff anymore.

I mean, I am UGLY. Not only that, but I am 5'4" and 124 lbs so I'm also TINY. I have a great new ATTITUDE from reading and practising the things on this site. For that I am so thankful.

BUT....I don't believe just because I think "I'm the man" or assume "she wants me" or I "neg" some hot 10/10 girl, that she will go:
"wow this ugly little man just dissed my nails, I want him now" - that just seems ridiculous. I also don't believe that being C&F will make a girl overlook my height and my looks.

Sorry to sound negative, but I have been trying these methods for awhile now and I still see guys that you would call AFC getting girls based solely on their looks.

I know of one dude who gets high all the time, has no cash, he smokes, is always asking for rides everywhere and sits around all day playing video games. He gets tons of chicks. He's tall and good looking.
Then there is another guy, me, who is healthy, works out, is responsible, financially stable, great on the guitar, has read and re-read most of this site, has a great personality and is NEVER getting chicks. I'm short and NOT good looking.

I would love to see an example of a short, unattractive guy scoring girls left right and center while utilizing the advice on this site. I doubt it. Sorry to sound negative but I talked to a large group of women last night about this and I am left to conclude that looks DO matter A LOT. Almost MORE than personality. In my opinion I'm S.O.L. no matter how good my "game" gets.

Please prove me wrong.

 

[Tazman]

First thing you have to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are things you have zero control over so you have to accept them and move forward. There are many things you can do to maximize your attractiveness, if you can honestly say you've done that, than that's a great start.

If you don't change your attitude you will never be successful, and this doesn't just apply to relationships with women, it will hurt other aspects of your life. "Initiative" is key. You will have to become comfortable being aggressive and initiating with women or you will be passed over continuously.

People who aren't naturally attractive have to work harder than those who are, that is a fact of life, and you have to remember that "life" doesn't care about your individual problems, you have to work with the cards you were dealt.

Above all, you never want to appear insecure and/or desperate. This applies to everyone, even guys who have the advantage of good looks. All the guys I know who are decently successful with women and who aren't generally that attractive physically, are "aggressive". Meaning, they don't wait for women to approach them or give them any "signs", they simply go for it and don't worry about being rejected.

I would say that the majority of the advice you find on this site (especially in the archives) is tailored to guys like you. Believe it or not, "confidence" with women will get you far, much farther than you would be without it, which is no where.

*Also, never, never, ever ask women advice about dealing with women, you will not benefit from it AT ALL. Men (generally speaking the ones on this site) know what works and will give accurate advice based on their experience. You will get different opinions, but hear us out.

 

[librito]

dont give up brother, Im 5'5 big teeth, fat, bold and still get laid all the time....how do I do it?
first I had to accept that there were things about me that I was not gonna be able to change and worked on my personality, specially the negative feelings that I had about myself.
women smell a negative man from a mile away and those pessimists beliefs become self fullfiling prophecies.
second, hot chicks love hot guys....that is a proven fact. I had to lower my standards to accept that most women I will have sex with will be regular looking women and not the hot ones....by lowering my standards I became less desperate and then I gained the skills to seduce hot chicks, only sometimes.
third.....I realised that in order to get laid I had to chase pvssies for the rest of my life cause they will not show up at my door and ask me to fvuck them. also, because Im not good looking I have to work harder and be more persistent than the ones who are good looking.
go for the regular chicks or older women and kill the desperation and then the hot chicks will come even if it is by mere chance....

 

[amoka]

Show us a picture of yourself...

 

[SoylentGreen]

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Here is a link to my pics on pof:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member11693178.htm

I am not giving up on the dj tips and lifestyle advice I have heard on this site, I am just a little discouraged at the moment. I am sure that perseverance will prevail in the end. But its frustrating to realize that I have to do TONS of things to get a girl to even NOTICE me, when other guys NEVER have to do these things. Its exhausting going through all this reading material day after day and still NOT seeing results. However, anyone who has read my previous posts knows that I am living in a small town, so maybe that is part of the problem right there. I need more options maybe...

A big part of my problem lies in my height and weight. I'm teeny-weeny. I have started taking protein powder and am actively adding on more healthy calories in an effort to get bigger, but currently, I am small. A small man is historically less able to protect his mate and I think that perhaps on a subconcsious level this is why women have a pre-selection switch that goes on when they see a tall guy and goes OFF when I walk by.

But thats why I am on here; to GET and hopefully one day GIVE good advice. Thanks to librito specifically, you are right about possibly lowering my standards and I thinking I might have to re-analyze my techniques. Your story really uplifted me. Cheers!

 

[AGBourne]

Highs and lows.

But

Never give up. One of the key things is to surround yourself with people who are positive and are after the same thing in life. This forum is one of those places.

One thing that is counter-intuitive but it works is to stop focusing on the girls. It is time to focus on yourself.

-workout
-eat well
-expand your social circle

Start changing yourself.

 

[Unprez]

looks matter only if u got nothin else, why are ppl here so clueless... how bout i use an equation: power+money+respect> looks .... lil wayne that 5'4 ugliest fker alive gets girls how???

 

[SoylentGreen]

Unprez, thanks but this is a bad example.

I am NOT clueless. I am also NOT:
a worldwide chart-topping rapper and a millionaire.

Please people, lets not compare ourselves to celebrities, because this is a whole different category of human being. If through my guitar playing I got famous enough to play large stadiums and had a video on mtv and a bunch of teenagers copying how I dress and act then I wouldn't even be on this site. I would be somewhere SUNNY like Margarita Island, with a bevy of spanish hotties and a whole bunch of liquor, pot and condoms. I would have my entourage with me and I would be the MAN. But I'm here in Canada, its cold and I'm short and un-famous.

Do you want to know why Lil Wayne is not on here complaining about HIS height? He's rich and famous, and RICH and FAMOUS; that in itself is VERY good-looking, that alone is enough to get almost ANY woman. That should answer the question: "he gets girls how?"

I do see your point about looks only being ONE aspect in regards to seducing a woman, and I do have other things going on for me besides my appearance...BUT...I'm NOT a celebrity! I don't have loads of money and power, just my **** and balls and a smile.

 

[hover411]

you don't look that bad dude. You definitely need to put on some muscle though.

you are like a pre-Style Style.

 

[Jitterbug]

I would love to see an example of a short, unattractive guy scoring girls left right and center while utilizing the advice on this site.

Most guys, even the tall & good-looking ones, do not score girls left right & center.

If you have that fantasy in your head, you'll never get out of your current dry patch. A friend of mine, a tall-ish, fairly good-looking fella who's read all this game, is still getting sh!t all tails coz all he has in his head is that with his Game, he deserves to get ONSes just by flicking his finger.

 

[wait_out]

If you define your self-worth through your ability to pull chicks you're f*cked before you're even out the gate. As well as letting others define you... short, ugly, tiny, whatever -- don't let them in your head. Ever.

You're not responsible for your 5'4 frame. Think of it as a shell that enables you to affect the world -- show you have a strong will inside that frame and that will make SOME people respect you. As for the rest, accept that not everyone will like or respect you. Their loss.

Don't expect girls to make informed decisions either... most of them are really... well, something. They follow what other women are supposed to like, like sheep. Most people are conformist -- you're going to have to break other people's expectations, and make them take notice of you.

The bright side of this: if you don't let all this negativity hold you back, the thought follows -- "wow, this little guy must really have something going on if he didn't become a loser like he was supposed to."

The other thing -- if you do start getting becoming really attractive to women, do you really want all these girls who treated you dismissively your whole life, rather than the ones who treated you like you were human? Consider yourself lucky to have insight into their personalities and devote your life to the people who give something back to you. And I would give up on internet dating... it's the worst for the shopping list mentality of women. Super shallow.

And as for what constitutes success... out of all the amazing people in the world... are Neil Strauss or Mystery up there? Pfff.

I think all you really need to do is give yourself a break. There's a lot to be said in having self-worth that's not dependent on others. If you *need* the affirmation of women in your life you're setting yourself up for a fall, even if you get them. Peace man

 

[Jeffst1980]

Most guys, even the tall & good-looking ones, do not score girls left right & center.

If you have that fantasy in your head, you'll never get out of your current dry patch. A friend of mine, a tall-ish, fairly good-looking fella who's read all this game, is still getting sh!t all tails coz all he has in his head is that with his Game, he deserves to get ONSes just by flicking his finger.

^^This is truth. Don't measure success in PUA terms--and keep in mind that a great deal of the guru's prowess is exaggerated, anyway. I have personally seen a well-known PUA get rejected by a steady stream of women and later found out he released video footage of the one successful approach he had that night.

PUA tactics are not magic bullets, and all the video game analogies that go into analyzing such encounters only serve to further isolate the budding PUA from reality. I get the sense from watching many PUAs that they are SO calculated in their social interactions that they are completely devoid of empathy for other human beings. Personally, I don't think that's any way to live your life.

To the OP: Your situation really isn't that bad at all, you're just comparing yourself to others too much. Define success on your OWN terms--after all, how many women do you really need?? One quality woman is ultimately all you need, and that is WELL within your grasp. If you're chasing the fantasy of having a harem of women, you're probably after the validation more than anything else, and such validation is always going to be temporary.

Remember that it's a numbers game, and that you are ALWAYS going to have to face rejection, no matter WHO you are. That's part of being a man. I have little doubt that if you psyched yourself up and spent a couple of weeks making approaches left and right, you'd generate some tangible options for yourself. If you didn't, it wouldn't have anything to do with your looks, (as I have seen guys FAR worse off than you get chicks) only your approach style and how you presented yourself.

Looks are but ONE factor in attraction--don't place any significant emphasis on them. Most guys do NOT look like models. That doesn't mean women won't find them attractive on other levels. Don't ask WOMEN for their opinions on such matters, because you'll hear what they THINK they want. Very few women actually date their professed physical "type."

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Where and under what exact situations do you play your guitar? How exactly do you sing? how do you play?

If you have the balls to sit on a street corner and belt out tunes, you'll get chicks. No question. The secret is to sing becuase you like and enjoy it, and you don't give a fukk what anybody else says.

Start doing this every friday and saturday for a couple hours. No excuses.

all that ****y and funny/neg technique crap is just an shallow outer example of solid inner game. Faking it doesn't count. work on inner game, the rest will follow.

Work on inner game, do what you love, IGNORE outer game technique crap, and EVERYTHING will fall into place.

 

[Tazman]

Dude, lol, I just looked at your pics. Looks are not your problem, it's your self defeating attitude. The "unattractive" guys I referred to in my previous post aren't on your level of attractiveness.

I'm actually the same size as you, 5'5/130 lbs, and I've not had any problems attracting women in general. I think the only advantage I have is my face, but I still won't get women who want tall guys because I don't fit the criteria.

There are pleeeeeeenty of hot ass women who are even shorter than we are. Also, I've had many women interested in me who were actually taller than I am, forget about your height, it's not a significant factor. The possibilities for a confident guy with your looks are limitless, seriously.

I thought you were going to look like Quasimodo or something.

 

[Jitterbug]

I still won't get women who want tall guys because I don't fit the criteria.

The criteria are just there for show. Few women stick by their guns. My recent lay is a woman who told me to my face that she wants tall, strong guys (we're the same height, 5'8" and she was wearing high heels - she even told me how tall she felt as she walked next to me and I just laughed at it), but the real message is that she told me it's coz she wants to feel safe & protected. Guess who whispered in my ears that she felt safe & protected as she laid there on my chest breathing heavily after a couple of hours romp that night?

 

[edger]

Yeah, Soylent, I agree with the others, there's nothing wrong with the pic. you posted. As much as some might knock it(cold-aproaching), I still say do it. What especially gives me the affirmation, is, I know these 2 guys in the club scene who cold-approach left and right, and always ending up pulling some hottie by the end of the night. But I consider these guys "cheaters", because they need alcohol to do it. Luckily, I can do it without the alcohol.

A few weeks ago, I cold-approached a hottie who responded real well to me, but I f*cked it up because I didn't follow up enough with more conversation due to being uncomfortable the way her friend was looking at me.

 

[edger]

Most guys, even the tall & good-looking ones, do not score girls left right & center.

If you have that fantasy in your head, you'll never get out of your current dry patch. A friend of mine, a tall-ish, fairly good-looking fella who's read all this game, is still getting sh!t all tails coz all he has in his head is that with his Game, he deserves to get ONSes just by flicking his finger.

Ah, somebody agrees with me....lol.

 

[Jitterbug]

Ah, somebody agrees with me....lol.

Not really, I don't. The tall, good-looking guys can score regularly if they have good game, and my definition of good game doesn't include waving women over or ignoring them when they want to dance with you.

 

[edger]

Not really, I don't. The tall, good-looking guys can score regularly if they have good game

Yeah and you said these guys have "good game" too.

and my definition of good game doesn't include waving women over or ignoring them when they want to dance with you.

I can't understand how you would think "waving" a chick over is a bad tactic since afterall, it shows you got BALLS/confidence, and puts you above her. And again, what woman doesn't like a guy that projects that?

 

[librito]

your looks are regular.....your main problem is living in a small town and most probably most girls that you like already know you from a long time ago...
you gotta move out man, I cant stress this enough...you gotta move out or travel to the closest big city where nobody knows you and start having fun as a cool guy....if you travel to a big city to have fun then start making male friends first, that is a must. then your confidence will grow and you will feel more confortable when you start seducing women.....I lived in a small town in nc and had to travel 55 minutes in order to meet new people and nice bars/discos. travel, travel and travel