Not Invited to Social Circle Party Because I Hit on Girls

[DonJuanjr]

He isn't getting easy lays obviously from it and he is alienating himself from potential lays with his socially out of time behavior.

Social tact means something still no matter how much people want to pretend it doesn't.

Well, yeah, it's obvious he isn't getting lays after the fact. He didn't know that in the moment...

 

[Barrister]

What if he's just using the social circle for sourcing easy lays? They're not his true social circle, more like an acquaintance circle that he doesn't care about? Like the quote indicates?

At the end of the day it isn't worth it. Your social circle is a valuable tool in that it offers social proof. You stand to gain more women from having high social proof and looking elsewhere than you do trying to mack on the 1-2 attractive females in your social circle. And if you end up becoming a pariah as "that guy" - it is really difficult to shake that rep. It takes time and in the meantime it can hinder you with other women.

I actually experienced this a long time ago when I was in law school. Not a good experience and it took awhile before I wasn't radioactive anymore socially.

 

[lgbs2004]

In a club or bar you can do all that but in a social circle guard your reputation at all cost, it's very easy to ruin it

Why? As a man, he can do whatever the fock he wants.

Probably, one of the guys at the party got jealous and bad-mouthed him to the rest.

It's better to be seen as a sleazy player than a beta loser!

 

[Bingo-Player]

I disagree, girls talk about low value guys all the time. “Remember the creep from last night”? Yeah, don’t wanna be that guy

pretty much summed it up

i've been through this myself in my early 20's i made the mistake of hitting on every single girl in the group thinking i was some kind of baller

Nobody likes it

The art of seduction is subtle not in your face

 

[SW15]

What if he's just using the social circle for sourcing easy lays?

At the end of the day it isn't worth it. Your social circle is a valuable tool in that it offers social proof. You stand to gain more women from having high social proof and looking elsewhere than you do trying to mack on the 1-2 attractive females in your social circle. And if you end up becoming a pariah as "that guy" - it is really difficult to shake that rep. It takes time and in the meantime it can hinder you with other women.

I actually experienced this a long time ago when I was in law school. Not a good experience and it took awhile before I wasn't radioactive anymore socially.

Social circle game isn't for increasing notches. Social circle game is for finding an extended girlfriend.

Most social circles have a blue pill ideology for relationships. @kavi noted the female-centric social circles earlier in this thread. The gynocentric social order that Rollo Tomassi defined is the general perspective that is present in most circles.

Women also receive some privileges from dating outside of social circles. When a woman ghosts/flakes on a man she met from a swipe app, a social media DM, or some in-person approach, her social circle is never informed of her bad behavior. I think that many women find this element very appealing, as it gives them the freedom to conduct their early stage dating efforts without judgment from their friends.

 

[kavi]

It is true that women also cause problems. They do exhibit one type of behaviour within a social circle and one outside. Most women do hookups outside of social circles, but never display that side within the circle, thereby decreasing the value of the social circle.

Hence I was not too criticial of OP hitting on girls in the party. It's better for men to interact with women romantically within a social circle rather than outside it. Most men experience women differently within a social circle compared to within an app. The polarization of behaviour has to be merged into one unified social system for social circles and relationships to improve.

Thus for any social system or large circle to develop, men have to believe that women are doing hookups within that system, otherwise they will tnot value the system. For men to respect social systems they need to know that guys at the top are getting the most hookups from women. If it is some guy from Tinder then those men will not respect the system.

A small social circle doesnt work well but a larger social system or network of circles where romantic relationships are more private and less political and men are emotionally close to multiple women is the best system for male to female romantic interaction and social circle development.

 

[Solomon]

Why? As a man, he can do whatever the fock he wants.

Probably, one of the guys at the party got jealous and bad-mouthed him to the rest.

It's better to be seen as a sleazy player than a beta loser!

You clearly have not been part of a social circle where the average person is making 6 or 7 figures
Sure you can be a "sleazy Player" with friends who are bums or at the trailer park but if we are talking about the higher middle class or beyond were you can network and make connections with other businessmen(that could help your revenue reach 6,7 or even more figures), athletes and D-list celebrities go ahead and try that and tell me how being a "sleazy" guy works for you and your reputation

 

[lgbs2004]

You clearly have not been part of a social circle where the average person is making 6 or 7 figures

That's not the kind of social circle the op is talking about, he's talking about college!

 

[Solomon]

That's not the kind of social circle the op is talking about, he's talking about college!

Fair point but the same applies for college not all college social circles are the same

Hot chicks/Sorority girls=Top Tier Social circle
Regular girls= Middle-Class social circles
Fat chicks/Loser chicks=Bottom tier social circles

Obviously in college money doesn't matter as much but looks and social status matter if not moreso (especially status)

 

[kavi]

In London where I live these social circles (into their 40s+) exist with mostly white middle class. These people might be liberal middle class white urbanites, they tend to congregrate around expensive or up and coming trendy areas, but usually close to multicultural areas. The other types of people you dont often see out in these groups.

They have lots of hot girls too lols, but it is the usual female-centric social circles where the men are just married and trying to make ends meet or do the couple thing. But honestly I think like everyone else it is not all rosy on the inside. Such groups often have single females or divorcees or whatever and in general I think the men are not strong enough in these groups so that can present opportunities.

 

[tksniper]

So I was at a house party a week ago and was having a good time and drinking. I wasn't heavily drunk, but definitely enough to get my game gears into overdrive. I was teasing girls and giving them a hard time. They were touching me and hitting my backward cap off.

Then I went to the couch and there were 2 girls sitting there. There was another girl standing. I was testing the 2 girls on the couch, both of which had BFs, asking if they did sports. They said they played badminton. Then I asked if they were winners or losers. They said losers. I pulled in standing friend and asked her too. She seemed pretty emotional and said "yeah, I'm a winner!". I proceeded to keep hard teasing her. We made heavy eye contact several times, after which I would move my arm to make her blink, telling her "you lose!". She was having a good time. One time we had a staring contest for 20 seconds and at the end she tried to make me blink but I was super stoic and didn't move a muscle. She was pretty surprised about that.

I didn't think I would pull her, but I just enjoy teasing girls. It was a fun time. When she left, I was facing away from her. She punched me in the arm and said "Aren't you going to say bye?". So she must have enjoyed my teasing.

So now it's a week later, and I hear there is a party next Saturday. But then my friend who let that slip out is immediately silent and doesn't give me any info. I see the girl in the hallway who's hosting it (I've gone out with her and kissed before) and I asked if I could come. She says "Oh, but will you hit on girls again?! There's my younger friends there and I don't want that happening". It seems like the girl crew gossiped and now they "know" about me. I didn't get to talk to her about it much more because she had class immediately after I saw her.

What's the best move here? What should I tell the host who doesn't want me hitting on girls?

You are not low value. If you were, no woman would be reactive to you. But you are also not as cool as you think you are either. You’ve just been reading too much seduction material and have very little social calibration. You can’t just step over everyone’s egos. If you were a real player - you’d have an underlying understanding and connection with women. And you’d also be cool and high value enough that social circles aren’t trying to ostracize you. What you are describing is a guy who is trying to “game” women. The real players don’t try. They just be themselves. They have qualities that naturally attracts people rather than repels people.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why? As a man, he can do whatever the fock he wants.

Probably, one of the guys at the party got jealous and bad-mouthed him to the rest.

It's better to be seen as a sleazy player than a beta loser!

And it's better to be seen as the smooth operator than the thirsty dude hitting on everything that moves.

 

[tksniper]

And it's better to be seen as the smooth operator than the thirsty dude hitting on everything that moves.

Yeah I remember I was the guy who was hitting on every chick at a Norwegian party back in college. I thought I was the man. But at the end of the day I realized I was just serving a purpose- validating chicks. That was when I realized that if I’m not getting anything in return, I’m just giving away free validation. And women love it. There’s a place for guys like me. Until you actually get actual value from women m, you aren’t really accomplishing anything.

 

[Fruitbat]

Interesting discussion. This sounds incredibly weak but when I set up parties, I did the same. I had several good looking mates. Some were just decent guys - guys guys. They might pull, but they were mainly there to hard drink with the guys and they might get a girl but totally respected the rules.

I had other friends who were good looking but they were very much into the women. To the extent if YOU were with a woman or trying they would always try a little flex. The kind of dudes who are all for the lads when it’s just guys but as soon as women walk in they do the a-hole act because they’re wedded to the idea they have to be the dominant male.

This happened one time and he started just like low key dissing me and I ended up fighting him (and winning).

No guy wants another guy there who’s a total DJ but also, aggressive and ruthless in his pursuit.

One example is a former friend whom my wife told me he’s always kind of staring at her, she showed me a bunch of photo she took and stupid a-hole is on camera giving her “the look”. The dude has cheated on his pregnant wife and also nearly every women he’s been with has been someone’s else before they got together.

My wife is pretty hot and he kept trying to invite himself over to our place, and I just kept saying I’ll meet you out in a bar. Relentlessly wanted it to be in my home. I know why. So I’ve cut him loose.

so yeah, you have to be subtle and everyone will hate you if you’re overtly just hitting on women left right and centre.

 

[member160292]

Why? As a man, he can do whatever the fock he wants.

Probably, one of the guys at the party got jealous and bad-mouthed him to the rest.

It's better to be seen as a sleazy player than a beta loser!

Dude, you are so full of yourself. Have some self-awareness

 

[Divorced w 3]

And it's better to be seen as the smooth operator than the thirsty dude hitting on everything that moves.

You have to let life come to you.

 

[Divorced w 3]

OP, I just want to chime in… texting that you know she didn’t invite you and that you can’t make it anyway, is something you should never do. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t say a thing, now she and they all know they got you. IMHO, just take the L, (happens to us all), learn from it (always learn), and move on. This circle is in your rear view… best part about college is you can form another. Throw a fvcking rager kid. If you want help planning it I am happy to.

 

[lgbs2004]

There's a lot of talk around here that a man should do what he wants and shouldn't care what others think about him.

Nothing in the post indicates that the op was being disrespectful to the girls. He was just trying to pick someone up. Isn't that the intention when approaching a girl?

At no point did he lift any of their skirts or say obscenities to them. At no point did he put his hand on someone's girlfriend's ass.

Nothing, I mean, nothing, indicates he was being disrespectful. So what's the problem?

It's funny to see some members shaming a man who was just trying to get laid!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Interesting discussion. This sounds incredibly weak but when I set up parties, I did the same. I had several good looking mates. Some were just decent guys - guys guys. They might pull, but they were mainly there to hard drink with the guys and they might get a girl but totally respected the rules.

I had other friends who were good looking but they were very much into the women. To the extent if YOU were with a woman or trying they would always try a little flex. The kind of dudes who are all for the lads when it’s just guys but as soon as women walk in they do the a-hole act because they’re wedded to the idea they have to be the dominant male.

This happened one time and he started just like low key dissing me and I ended up fighting him (and winning).

No guy wants another guy there who’s a total DJ but also, aggressive and ruthless in his pursuit.

One example is a former friend whom my wife told me he’s always kind of staring at her, she showed me a bunch of photo she took and stupid a-hole is on camera giving her “the look”. The dude has cheated on his pregnant wife and also nearly every women he’s been with has been someone’s else before they got together.

My wife is pretty hot and he kept trying to invite himself over to our place, and I just kept saying I’ll meet you out in a bar. Relentlessly wanted it to be in my home. I know why. So I’ve cut him loose.

so yeah, you have to be subtle and everyone will hate you if you’re overtly just hitting on women left right and centre.

If a guy is only out for himself and only cares about himself, he will soon find himself by himself. OP wants to have his cake and eat it to. It doesn't work like that. OP is learning a hard lesson in reality.

 

[Divorced w 3]

There's a lot of talk around here that a man should do what he wants and shouldn't care what others think about him.

Nothing in the post indicates that the op was being disrespectful to the girls. He was just trying to pick someone up. Isn't that the intention when approaching a girl?

At no point did he lift any of their skirts or say obscenities to them. At no point did he put his hand on someone's girlfriend's ass.

Nothing, I mean, nothing, indicates he was being disrespectful. So what's the problem?

It's funny to see some members shaming a man who was just trying to get laid!

This is irresponsible or ignorant, wrong either way. You don’t just go hit on every girl at the party. I mean you can, but then they say that dude is just here to try and get ass, brings nothing interesting socially, drinks to the point of being a lush and pisses us all off… let’s not invite him back.