Not giving herself fully into the relationship -- leave her?

[lover4721]

Okay -- so we have been dating since October. We have talked since October, and dated in January...

Well the other day, we got into an argument about how I don't feel significant enough.
She has sorority a lot, and I feel like she sees that as more important.
I know I'm quite important to her.
I'm her first everything...and the first guy to actually 'notice' her.
Basically kiss, actual date, sleep, etc.

Then she told me to leave and I did. Then 20 hours later, she messages me wanting to talk about it and mutually choose what we need to do.
I don't reply yet. Then she says she will always be here for me <3 (she included the heart).

We talk and now she is saying this **** like 'I don't understand on why you want to continue with us when for the next 3 months, I won't be able to give or show you significance.'
Because she will be home for the summer and taking a class and working.



So honestly -- I don't know what to do. Her and I connected SO well, and we have so much together! She says she wants to continue this, but it will be a struggle. She is saying this because she fears I won't feel significant, and I'll leave again.
It's almost like I wish I never said anything.
Because now, she will be anticipating that I will leave her, she won't trust me, she won't put herself more into the relationship...

I don't know.

I just need something. My mind is going a little crazy.

 

[El Payaso]

Her: I don't think I can continue this relationship with you. I'll be too busy.

Translation: I'm getting bored of you. I think I want some different c0ck. I'm going to give you some BS excuse and watch you beg and squirm to feed my ego making me despise you even more.

When a woman says you are not significant and she doesn't want to continue the relationship. You smile, tell her you agree and walk away.

Nothing more, nothing less. Never try to convince a woman to be in a relationship with you. It only helps to solidify her decision.

Just walking away alone will drive her hamster into overdrive.

 

[Suspens]

I'm her first everything...and the first guy to actually 'notice' her.
Basically kiss, actual date, sleep, etc.

lol

Then she says she will always be here for me <3 (she included the heart).

Judge by her actions, not those confusing BS.

 

[lover4721]

It's more like
her: "I want to continue with this, but you don't feel significant enough. You feel this relationship is moving too slowly for you, and you want to date more often. It will be a juggle in the summer because you would become bored again, and you would leave me again because you don't feel significant."

You guys don't know this woman lol. I tried leaving, and she messaged me saying "Being split up is not an option for you and I."

She did it again, but this time, she felt important because I was trying to win her back -- so she did exactly what I did -- pretend I wasn't interested only because I enjoyed the attention.

I don't know.

It's because I said I wouldn't leave, and I did. Because I didn't feel significant and this relationship was going too slow. Now she is saying "Well, it is going to be slow for the next 3 months while I focus on other things in the summer!" Trying to see if she can persuade me to leave, easily.

 

[Lozboss]

You are relying too much on the relationship.

Focus on you- get some hobbies etc. Give her the cold shoulder for a while and she will re prioritise you as important once she starts to miss you.

Stop being insecure and show her what she's missing, she will soon make the time for you over other things.

 

[lover4721]

Yeah I know -- give her time to miss me.

She also said 'For future reference, when a girl tells you to leave or pushes you away, she wants you to fight for her.'

That is why I'm stuck...
Do I tell her "I'm not leaving!" and 'fight' for her every time she say's this relationship would be difficult? OR do I let her go and have her fight for me back, like she usually does... saying "I'm so sorry, I miss you so much! I just want the last two days to be forgotten. We can do this!"

It's her first, and I'm seriously the only guy that even 'noticed' her. Every other one, she says she feels invisible.
Is she really willing to start over? She had a very bad experience with someone, and I was the only one who knew so much about her, made her feel comfortable, etc. We both like the same things sexually. Even I try to find someone else, and no one compares to the relationship that her and I have.

I just didn't think she'd give it up so easily. And honestly, I shouldn't have even ignored her messages.
Everything was fine. She was giving me attention, thought about my kisses (couldn't STOP since last Friday!), wanted to have a picnic Wednesday, etc. Everything was fine. I was just jealous of her not asking me to her sorority dance, because I wanted to go so badly.
I also wanted a commitment, even though she wasn't seeing anyone, the entire time we known each other. She says it was a commitment...



And not to sound pathetic, but she is my inspiration. We inspired each other to do so much... Every day she thinks about what I told her about changing now, not in the future.

I'm nervous for a job -- call center mostly likely, and I'm nervous.

But knowing that in the summer I'll see her, I get over that nervousness. I'll go through the week, to be with her on the weekend.

This is the first time I felt so close to someone, who felt so close to me too...since 2010.

And deep down inside, I know she doesn't have what it takes to just disappear and leave me lol. I know she doesn't want to.

I'm relying on it a lot because it feels amazing...

 

[lover4721]

And if I give her the cold shoulder, she would only say to herself "Wow, he left me again!" and then really turn her away from me!

So I'm stuck.

 

[Tiguere]

Go read book of pook... She got you acting like a lil b1tch. All confused and sh1t. She is manipulating you without you even taking the hint.

 

[El Payaso]

You guys don't know this woman lol. I tried leaving, and she messaged me saying "Being split up is not an option for you and I."

We already know because ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME. Repeat that over and over and let it sink in.

"Being split up is not an option for you and I" is code for I need you as an emotional tampon and to give me emotional validation and because I haven't found another branch to swing onto yet. Once I do, best believe I will be dumping your sorry a$$. I am making this decision not just for myself but for you because you're a big wuss of a man to do anything about it.

Dude, you're being manipulated and you don't even know it.

 

[lover4721]

How is she manipulating me?
I played my cards perfectly with her. I didn't leave her manipulate me the entire time. She even had problems and I even told her that I wouldn't be an emotional tampon.

I'm just over thinking things. If I don't message her back, she would be right about me leaving again.

She isn't manipulative.
She had a lot of people leave her, and her family too. So she is fearful of that. I don't know how to proceed.

 

[Jaylan]

She wants new men. Just because youre a girls first does not mean she'll want to be with you forever or that she is relationship material. My ex was a 19yr old virgin several years ago when we dated in college, and this same stuff happened.

She wasn't ready for a relationship as serious as ours was, and she ended up being interested in new guys. My being her first didn't matter...nor did all the times she said she loved me before. Her actions said she wanted out and wanted to be young, care free, and date new people.

Go no contact OP. It's the only way.

 

[lover4721]

Well she even said she has been fully committed to me the entire time, and even wanted this forever. She said there is no point in dating if you don't want to be with them forever.

I don't know. I understand what everyone is saying, but I think this woman is slightly different from the rest. I'm not sure.

 

[Jaylan]

Actions > Words

You'll stop making excuses eventually. But only after she really cuts the cord.

 

[lover4721]

Her actions are wonderful. You'd be surprised.
I guess you're right. If it's more actions, what am I worried about?

Her words are terrible but actions are a lot.

 

[Roni_88]

Her actions are wonderful. You'd be surprised.
I guess you're right. If it's more actions, what am I worried about?

Her words are terrible but actions are a lot.

So why are you here for advice ?,, you make no sense..

 

[Igetit!]

I don't know. I understand what everyone is saying, but I think this woman is slightly different from the rest. I'm not sure.

I see. So out of all of the billions and billions of women in the world,you just happened to find THE ONE that's different from all the others.

Hmm. OK...

Well...if you don't mind my asking.....

Why are you here? What is it you're "confused" about?

You want her,that's clear. And she wants you...right? Ok,umm....then what's the problem? What's the holdup?


You want her.....she wants you.....THE END. So go be together.

What's causing the conflict?

 

[lover4721]

I see. So out of all of the billions and billions of women in the world,you just happened to find THE ONE that different from all the others.

Hmm. OK...

Well...if you don't mind my asking.....

Why are you here? What is it you're "confused" about?

You want her,that's clear. And she wants you...right? Ok,umm....then what's the problem? What's the holdup?


You want her.....she wants you.....THE END. So go be together.

What's causing the conflict?

I meant she is different from the casual women that are dating. She doesn't go along with the 'all women are the same!', 'she is looking for another man!', etc. Every time I ignore her and 'leave her', she goes back on the dating site. When her and I are doing good, she is offline and it is usually deactivated. So I know she isn't looking for someone else. That is what I mean she is different -- and yes, I like her. I'm 22 -- not 10.
We have a lot of common personality traits, hobbies, etc.
I want to give this relationship my 'all' -- but not sure if I should pretend nothing happened, OR go cold a bit and see if she starts to miss who we were, or something! This is after I basically 'left' and ignored her for a day because I didn't feel significant and I wanted her to fight for me. I was testing to see where she was in the relationship. Now she says all of this "I want to do this, but if you don't feel significant and important now, it's going to be much more difficult in the summer because I'm working and taking a class."


I'm here because I'm not sure if I should 'fight' for her, OR leave her and let her miss me and realize what she has been missing, as someone else mentioned.
How I should bring those old feelings back and play this politely.

I need somewhere to over-think and people to understand.
For a while, this place used to be helpful. Someone suggested that she has been giving herself to me, and I didn't notice it, etc.
I thought I'd get more of that advice

But I've been proved wrong.

 

[gravityeyelids]

By the time she's showing signs that she's losing interest it's too late. It's something that happened a bit ago and now she's just trying to find rationale and reasons for letting you off.

You've placed too much of your happiness on her and have given her too great of a role in your life. You've become too available. No girl wants a guy that is available to hangout constantly and is always waiting for HER to be done with activities so he can hang with her. They want a guy who has his own sh!t to do; a guy that is trying to fvck the world and get to the top. Someone who has not quite enough time for her because he's busy improving himself.

You need to withdraw attention IMMEDIATELY. And you can't fake it either. You have to occupy yourself. Spend time at the gym and the library and pick up a new hobby that you can become good at. Make less time for her and quit fvcking bothering her until she starts hitting you up to hangout.

Girls are busy. That's understandable. But if a girl is really into you she will MAKE time and make sure that you are the one that she's hanging out with when she has free time.

 

[lover4721]

By the time she's showing signs that she's losing interest it's too late. It's something that happened a bit ago and now she's just trying to find rationale and reasons for letting you off.

You've placed too much of your happiness on her and have given her too great of a role in your life. You've become too available. No girl wants a guy that is available to hangout constantly and is always waiting for HER to be done with activities so he can hang with her. They want a guy who has his own sh!t to do; a guy that is trying to fvck the world and get to the top. Someone who has not quite enough time for her because he's busy improving himself.

You need to withdraw attention IMMEDIATELY. And you can't fake it either. You have to occupy yourself. Spend time at the gym and the library and pick up a new hobby that you can become good at. Make less time for her and quit fvcking bothering her until she starts hitting you up to hangout.

Girls are busy. That's understandable. But if a girl is really into you she will MAKE time and make sure that you are the one that she's hanging out with when she has free time.

Funny -- I haven't placed my happiness on her. If I did, I never told her.
Because I may lose this, is why it seems I am placing happiness on her.

Trust me -- I ignored her for days, and she kept hitting me up to hangout.

I played ALL and each card perfectly right...

And she has been dying for me to show her attention and take her out, and so I did.

Is it really her problem?
I've been jealous every time she went to sorority. I withdrew attention each time.

She thinks I have SO many women in my life (Friends) and she doesn't compare.

I left her, and now I want her back.
Now she feels like I did -- "I'll just tell him things to scare him off because it gives me power."

And there has been NO time I've become too available. I have rejected SO many of her date requests. I barely (ever!) ask her to hangout -- how was this becoming too available?

She messages me 1PM and I reply back 1AM...

She has told me that she will make time for me, and she has!
She said she will try in the summer too -- but she is just saying she won't be able to show me a lot of significance in the summer. Basically, we date every weekend, and sometimes Wednesday, and Friday. She thinks this is not enough for me, because I don't feel like it is. And that is what started it all. She is saying she wants to continue to date, BUT before we get into this again, we should know that we can only date during the weekend since she will be busy.

And if I leave her, completely... this will only really make her leave!
I want to continue to date her, but I screwed up by basically telling her that her efforts to see me (HUGE EFFORTS!) were not good enough.


I don't understand the logic.

 

[gravityeyelids]

"we got into an argument about how I don't feel significant enough.
She has sorority a lot, and I feel like she sees that as more important."

"My mind is going a little crazy."

"It's her first, and I'm seriously the only guy that even 'noticed' her. "

"Even I try to find someone else, and no one compares to the relationship that her and I have. "

" I was just jealous of her not asking me to her sorority dance, because I wanted to go so badly. "

"I think this woman is slightly different from the rest."

"I meant she is different from the casual women that are dating."

If you can't tell via your quotes that you are completely blind and trying to rationalize and defend this girl, then i don't know how much more we can do for you. This girl is NOT DIFFERENT. She's not your precious little butterfly. She likes to get d!ck. She likes to toy with guys and enjoys the attention they give her all while playing the precious innocent girl. Does she seem so innocent while she's moaning and riding your c0ck?? It's blunt but think about it.

Girls are wired the same. they're predictably unpredictable. They are consistently inconsistent and they are very manipulative in ways that make you blind to how manipulative they are. I'm not trying to women-hate here. I love women, but they're infuriating crazy and manipulative.

Instead of rationalizing and trying to defend her honor to a bunch of people on an online forum, take an OBJECTIVE look at the situation and how much of your feelings you have wrapped up in this girl.