Not confident-checking guys out

[The Irish Tongue]

I think you got your wires crossed, someone cracked a joke about giving blow jobs. But I ment I will be more obvious giving out flirtatious signals such as longer eye contact and smiles to get the guys attention. If he still hasn't noticed (supposing he hasn't chosen to deliberately ignore me) of course I will give up.

Whatever happened to just walking up, introducing yourself, and starting small talk? Thats how I met one of my best gf's. She approached me at closing time at a bar and initiated a conversation. We ended up talking all the way back to our cars, exchanging numbers and the rest is history.

I think women are so brainwashed that guys will do all the work, they forget that it takes their active participation in a convo with someone new to keep it flowing to the point that a picky guy finds you interesting, not just sexy.

 

[krd]

Originally posted by The Irish Tongue
I think women are so brainwashed that guys will do all the work, they forget that it takes their active participation in a convo with someone new to keep it flowing to the point that a picky guy finds you interesting, not just sexy.

That's a very good point. I'd say this is the best method of getting a guy to notice you. Smiling and eye contact will only get you so far. If you want him to get a sense of what kind of person you are inside, and not just see you as a pretty face or nice body, then striking up a conversation is probably your best bet. Even if you don't have model good looks or are absolutely gorgeous, a nice personality can get you noticed by guys who otherwise might not give you a second look. But they'll never know unless you talk to them.

Although I'm not denying that looks matter. You're dealing with guys after all. If you're ugly or very overweight--the reaction you get will most likely be different. However, guys are probably less picky than you think.

 

[cestmoi]

Originally posted by krd
That's a very good point. I'd say this is the best method of getting a guy to notice you. Smiling and eye contact will only get you so far. If you want him to get a sense of what kind of person you are inside, and not just see you as a pretty face or nice body, then striking up a conversation is probably your best bet. Even if you don't have model good looks or are absolutely gorgeous, a nice personality can get you noticed by guys who otherwise might not give you a second look. But they'll never know unless you talk to them.

Although I'm not denying that looks matter. You're dealing with guys after all. If you're ugly or very overweight--the reaction you get will most likely be different. However, guys are probably less picky than you think.

There's just one problem with the girl initiating. She will take it REALLY REALLY seriosly. From all of the girls that initiated convo with me, every single one wants to shoot me now. This is because girls take every non-sucess as very very personal rejection and insult. Hell I had a GF when some of these initiations occurred and at other times I just wasn't in the mood. So I didn't turn it into anything more than a nice chart and I didn't flirt with them, that doesn't mean I didn't find them attractive. But they seem to think you not following on their initation is the same as you implying they're butt ugly and undesirable. Even though you might actually just be in a relationship.

What's up with girls thinking that all they want in love is a god given right in them. Why is that they assume if they like a guy its somehow a divine right of theirs that they should have him. And if they don't get him they get pissed off.

And i'm not talking just girlsyou don't know initiating convo. I'm talking all girls. Like girls you regulary see (job,college) which would at some time give you a few signals and unless you act upon them they will threat you like **** and be real rude and mean whenever you have to cooperate (bussiness, academmia).

 

[MysteryWoman]

Originally posted by krd
That's a very good point. I'd say this is the best method of getting a guy to notice you. Smiling and eye contact will only get you so far. If you want him to get a sense of what kind of person you are inside, and not just see you as a pretty face or nice body, then striking up a conversation is probably your best bet. Even if you don't have model good looks or are absolutely gorgeous, a nice personality can get you noticed by guys who otherwise might not give you a second look. But they'll never know unless you talk to them.

Although I'm not denying that looks matter. You're dealing with guys after all. If you're ugly or very overweight--the reaction you get will most likely be different. However, guys are probably less picky than you think.

As for my looks I'd say I am above average, but not stunning.
Although once one of my closest friends say I have the potential to be a stunner, but I'm just not skinny enough (I'm slim, I'll just have to work harder to get that model figure). Despite all this I still need to work at my confidence level.

 

[The Irish Tongue]

What's up with girls thinking that all they want in love is a god given right in them. Why is that they assume if they like a guy its somehow a divine right of theirs that they should have him. And if they don't get him they get pissed off.

You can thank feminism for that, and the vast majority of problems in dating over the last 20 years. They have taken a good idea, and turned it into a monster that has seriously injured gender relations by mucking up each gender's natural strengths and the way they compliment the other.

www.savethemales.ca

 

[krd]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman
As for my looks I'd say I am above average, but not stunning.
Although once one of my closest friends say I have the potential to be a stunner, but I'm just not skinny enough (I'm slim, I'll just have to work harder to get that model figure). Despite all this I still need to work at my confidence level.

I wouldn't worry about it. Above average will get you far. The whole idea that women should be really skinny is mostly pressure that women put on each other. Guys aren't as critical about whether a woman is a size 6 or a size 10. Although, I noticed you are from England. Maybe the rail thin look is more popular with the men over there, I don't know. As for gaining confidence, that's really tough. That's why sites like these exist. It's tough for guys, and we're the ones who have to develop a thick skin in the dating world. I can only imagine what it's like for women, who aren't as accustomed to rejection.

 

[cestmoi]

Originally posted by The Irish Tongue
You can thank feminism for that, and the vast majority of problems in dating over the last 20 years. They have taken a good idea, and turned it into a monster that has seriously injured gender relations by mucking up each gender's natural strengths and the way they compliment the other.

www.savethemales.ca

No arguing from me here. In fact i was saying just about the same thing in a college debate a few days ago.

Nice link. Thank you!!! It really serves my quest for finding more serious publications dealing with this issue i find of great interest.

 

[mahon83050]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman
As for my looks I'd say I am above average, but not stunning.
Although once one of my closest friends say I have the potential to be a stunner, but I'm just not skinny enough (I'm slim, I'll just have to work harder to get that model figure). Despite all this I still need to work at my confidence level.

Ooh, you sound hot, how about posting your pic? I have been to London and England three times, many of the girls are cute with not too many stunners. However, cute is good enough for most guys and what some prefer. I love the history of England, but I think the weather would make me hang myself. I have also heard English guys are a shy bunch.

 

[cestmoi]

Originally posted by mahon83050
Ooh, you sound hot, how about posting your pic? I have been to London and England three times, many of the girls are cute with not too many stunners. However, cute is good enough for most guys and what some prefer. I love the history of England, but I think the weather would make me hang myself. I have also heard English guys are a shy bunch.

/\ /\ /\ AFC ? /\ /\ /\

 

[mahon83050]

Originally posted by cestmoi
/\ /\ /\ AFC ? /\ /\ /\

How do you figure that?

 

[A1SteakSauce]

How women have gotten my attention

* Hair toss w/long hair, remove holder thingy, toss over head, rearrange, put back in holder thingy (hot chick at work) ***

* Come over and talk to me in crowded cafeteria about random stuff and think of some reason to tell me where to find you tonight in case I'm not busy (college) **

* Rest head on my shoulder (taxi, college) ***

* Reboot my computer for no reason (college, pissed me off)

* Stand next to me for five minutes, look up, smile, look away, look back again, finally say, "Are you gonna say something or what?" (bookstore, wtf!)

* Chase me down at street corner, smile, catch my eye (street) ***

* Grab my tie and ask for a ride (high school, though, but hard to miss) *

* Kiss on the lips (crowded club, she was French, the kiss was not) **

* Kiss on the cheek, sexy british accent (hottie, high school reunion, but she never spoke three words to me in HS) ***

* Say, "Goodnight" in seductive voice and slight smile, then turn and walk away, look back once as door closes (elevator) ***

* Ask to see my apt. (apt. building, we knew each other for all of 5 seconds at that point, I said no thanks)

* Smile at me coming out of bar late at night, empty street **

* Pull over car, honk, shout out of window and open car door offering a ride (street, summer) **

* Grab my ass (dance class, didn't like it and stopped going)

* Ask to borrow my bathroom shoes (you are in a towel)

* Sigh, ask if I'm gay (hottie, elevator, rude)

* Tell me I've got the best arms she's ever seen (weight room, they are not that great)

* Stare at me (comedy club, a bit scary actually)

About half of these moves are too agressive and a big turn off. The seductive ones are best. I put stars next to them. Some women think they can get a shy guy by being aggressive. WRONG. Guys don't want women wearing the pants. If they cross the line it kills all interest. Also, don't leave your number on my answering machine. That is weak game and reveals low confidence. And don't ask your friend to ask me if I'm single. Ask yourself if that's your approach.

Also, if you are going to chase a guy who's out of your league, do not talk **** about him to your friends if you don't get what you want. That backfires. And don't expect to get more than you give. God gave you a fine bod so you could get a man. Use it!

But most of all, MysteryWoman, don't get upset if a guy passes you over or ignores you. We're not all *****s. And some of us are kind of busy (except on Sat. night, boo hoo). My whole life women chased me and NONE ever got me. The one that I chose displayed ZERO interest in me and that's what I liked most. I had to win her over.

Like Woody Allen said, "The only women I want are the ones who won't have me."

Go figure. And good luck!

A1

 

[Ofus]

According to a scientific study by researcher Monica Moore, these are the 5 most effective nonverbal solicitation signals that women use to successfully make the first move with a man:
(listed in order of effectiveness)

1) Smile at him broadly
2) Throw him a short, darting glance
3) Dance alone to the music
4) Look straight at him and flip your hair
5) Keep a fixed gaze on him

She even says that women initiate two-thirds of approaches.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by The Irish Tongue
You can thank feminism for that, and the vast majority of problems in dating over the last 20 years. They have taken a good idea, and turned it into a monster that has seriously injured gender relations by mucking up each gender's natural strengths and the way they compliment the other.

www.savethemales.ca

My favorite quote from that website is:

"Modern men see women as 'castrating, vengeful, power-hungry and obsessed by men's sexual performance,'" a recent study by the French Edition of Elle Magazine concluded.

The study based on four 12-man focus groups found that Frenchmen believe that women are out of control. They feel belittled by the constant overvaluation of women and dazed by demands to adopt feminine traits yet somehow remain virile.

The 25-35 age group felt that women "consume men and abuse them sexually" while the magazine characterized the 20-25 age group as "subjugated and feminized."

 

[cestmoi]

Originally posted by mahon83050
How do you figure that?

Oh it's just most of the ones I know talk like that to women they like. Go ahead re-read what ya wrote

But hey this is a forum so it doesn't really have the same meaning

 

[cestmoi]

Originally posted by Ofus
She even says that women initiate two-thirds of approaches.

Other studies conclude that is as high as 9/10 of approaches.

 

[MysteryWoman]

I think what he means is that women initiate the approaches by sending out the signals to a man, and if the man likes what he sees he will approach. According to Leil Lownders (How to Make anyone fall in Love with you), Men often believe that it was they who noticed the woman before making the approach (even when the woman blantly sent out signals0.

 

[cestmoi]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman
I think what he means is that women initiate the approaches by sending out the signals to a man, and if the man likes what he sees he will approach. According to Leil Lownders (How to Make anyone fall in Love with you), Men often believe that it was they who noticed the woman before making the approach (even when the woman blantly sent out signals0.

I found Leil Lownde's book on love very interesting, especially since I study at college the scientific sources she's quoting.

Another book from Leil that just came out is USS. Its specifically about the signals women send to men. Since its very much directed at man - getting it might not be for you. But if you do see it in the local bookstore, do pick it up and browse it. It does cover (to your interest) which signals most get picked up by man, which intimidate and which go unnoticed. But since you can bet that most guys (97.6% according to Leil) can't really notice the signals unless they're blatanly obvious, you could go with the more noticed ones.

The book aims to make men aware of women's signals. If all goes well its reader the next time they see someone like you sending them sidelong glances in addition to acting abit nervous, should find themselves approaching.

 

[MysteryWoman]

Yes if the book comes out in the UK I will check it out. I think it is a must for all D.J's to buy this book. As many of them complain that they never get checked out, unless they are really repulsive-the chances are that they are getting checked out a lot. They just don't notice it.

 

[vectorz]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman

What is the best way for a girl to get your attention and when are you most likely to notice her checking you out.

Smile and wink.. it's foolproof. You should NOT do any approaching. You will immediately lose power and respect. If you've smiled directly AT him with eye contact AND beyond that winked, sheesh.. there's nothing more you should do. If he doesn't approach you after THAT, than he's probably scared ****less.

 

[Ofus]

Originally posted by cestmoi
Another book from Leil that just came out is USS. Its specifically about the signals women send to men.

Sounds like a good addition to my wish list. The title of the book is USS? Is that right? I went to amazon.com and couldn't find it.