NorwegianDJ
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2010
- Messages
- 2,562
- Reaction score
- 83
2/2
Imagine me, reading this book and several other books, and listening to two gurus, and checking in with myself, and being in the midst of becoming / having just become an adult. And more. No wonder I am manic.
It's confusing because the messages have subtle conflicts and I am trying to pick up on them and resolve them.
The punchline is that my efforts are unnecessary. I think that I am only to exist. Be calm, create space, and find joy. The rest will take care of itself.
But it is in that very concept, which is not a concept, to "just exist". It implies to untangle myself of everything I've entangled myself into in my 25 years. And the confusion is that it is possible to do that in this very moment, "given the right formula and explosiveness". And that is what I am experiencing. I am fundamentally different and I can never go back to how I used to be. Is that an awakening? I also experience moments where I am just existing, but I am not sure if "that's it". It so silly to write about. I feel as though even though in those moments I am, I am also retaining the personality and its concerns. I am chasing it. I know what it can be like. Being immersed in life, fresh, anew, joyful, full of love, and being connected to all. I have experienced that, but not in sober states. I'm experiencing that there is a peaceful space within me. That joy, peace, and to some degree, love, that spring from letting go of illusion. But I am so occupied with myself. I am witness to some of these experiences in my everyday life. The rest I am promised from the people in my life that I trust the most. I am also pointed this way by grace.
**** me, you know? I'm just gonna do my best to sit back and relax.
It's also a neverending process.
And it is probably happening because I have found a way to quiet myself.
That ability I discovered in being loved. And in that love, letting go of all my fears and worries and concepts.
And losing love strengthened me.
It started with pain, self-consciousness, and sorrow and loss. I cried for 60 days straight.
I moved out and witnessed my burdens fall away.
I watched as so much of my desire for "more" dissipated and also transformed into other desires.
I've been full of joy, caged in sadness, and all these other passing states.
And sometimes, my mind doesn't stop running. It doesn't stop, because I identify with it and latch onto it. I latch onto it, because I identify with the thought, desire, or idea that it is going on about.
It is this very identity that I am holding onto. My desires, my past, my conclusions, my formulations, my methods.
I suppose I can be thankful that they won't go away when I let go of them.
So I am obviously quite occupied by this desire to become free. It is so entangled with itself! It's a Catch-22.
Here! Here's the path! You should walk this way! But do it effortlessly and without purpose.
This is where faith comes in.
It'll resolve. Just live. Have love for yourself.
What does it mean to emulate love?
Take responsiblity for yourself. Have compassion for yourself. Be patient with yourself. Be humble.
This innocent and patient quality breeds creativity. And creativity is the method.
Catch-22.
Ironically, I'll reference back to one of my favorite books, God Calling, a Devotional Diary by Two Listeners.
That's the feeling I have now. Just take it easy. Let's rest right here on this plateau. I am good enough.
Focus on being still. Being happy. Letting go of fears, worries, all shame. Be joyful.
"Strength is a child of rest"
"Let go of the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow"
"Cultivate the silence. In it, God speaks. Quiet his kingdom comes. Listen in the silence."
"Happiness is borne of peace. Let patience work its quiet gift in you. Don't be tense."
"Say thanks for each truth bestowed on you."
"You must learn equilibrium, balance, and harmony. It is the daily toll that counts."
"Learn to disconnect in my presence, and you have the things you desire. That's your job. Keep your inner life undisturbed. Nothing else matters. Leave everything to me. Be calm in my vicinity."
"When self-obsession, fear, and worries dissappear, the gifts of the spirit immediately take their place."
Imagine me, reading this book and several other books, and listening to two gurus, and checking in with myself, and being in the midst of becoming / having just become an adult. And more. No wonder I am manic.
It's confusing because the messages have subtle conflicts and I am trying to pick up on them and resolve them.
The punchline is that my efforts are unnecessary. I think that I am only to exist. Be calm, create space, and find joy. The rest will take care of itself.
But it is in that very concept, which is not a concept, to "just exist". It implies to untangle myself of everything I've entangled myself into in my 25 years. And the confusion is that it is possible to do that in this very moment, "given the right formula and explosiveness". And that is what I am experiencing. I am fundamentally different and I can never go back to how I used to be. Is that an awakening? I also experience moments where I am just existing, but I am not sure if "that's it". It so silly to write about. I feel as though even though in those moments I am, I am also retaining the personality and its concerns. I am chasing it. I know what it can be like. Being immersed in life, fresh, anew, joyful, full of love, and being connected to all. I have experienced that, but not in sober states. I'm experiencing that there is a peaceful space within me. That joy, peace, and to some degree, love, that spring from letting go of illusion. But I am so occupied with myself. I am witness to some of these experiences in my everyday life. The rest I am promised from the people in my life that I trust the most. I am also pointed this way by grace.
**** me, you know? I'm just gonna do my best to sit back and relax.
It's also a neverending process.
And it is probably happening because I have found a way to quiet myself.
That ability I discovered in being loved. And in that love, letting go of all my fears and worries and concepts.
And losing love strengthened me.
It started with pain, self-consciousness, and sorrow and loss. I cried for 60 days straight.
I moved out and witnessed my burdens fall away.
I watched as so much of my desire for "more" dissipated and also transformed into other desires.
I've been full of joy, caged in sadness, and all these other passing states.
And sometimes, my mind doesn't stop running. It doesn't stop, because I identify with it and latch onto it. I latch onto it, because I identify with the thought, desire, or idea that it is going on about.
It is this very identity that I am holding onto. My desires, my past, my conclusions, my formulations, my methods.
I suppose I can be thankful that they won't go away when I let go of them.
So I am obviously quite occupied by this desire to become free. It is so entangled with itself! It's a Catch-22.
Here! Here's the path! You should walk this way! But do it effortlessly and without purpose.
This is where faith comes in.
It'll resolve. Just live. Have love for yourself.
What does it mean to emulate love?
Take responsiblity for yourself. Have compassion for yourself. Be patient with yourself. Be humble.
This innocent and patient quality breeds creativity. And creativity is the method.
Catch-22.
Ironically, I'll reference back to one of my favorite books, God Calling, a Devotional Diary by Two Listeners.
That's the feeling I have now. Just take it easy. Let's rest right here on this plateau. I am good enough.
Focus on being still. Being happy. Letting go of fears, worries, all shame. Be joyful.
"Strength is a child of rest"
"Let go of the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow"
"Cultivate the silence. In it, God speaks. Quiet his kingdom comes. Listen in the silence."
"Happiness is borne of peace. Let patience work its quiet gift in you. Don't be tense."
"Say thanks for each truth bestowed on you."
"You must learn equilibrium, balance, and harmony. It is the daily toll that counts."
"Learn to disconnect in my presence, and you have the things you desire. That's your job. Keep your inner life undisturbed. Nothing else matters. Leave everything to me. Be calm in my vicinity."
"When self-obsession, fear, and worries dissappear, the gifts of the spirit immediately take their place."