Adventuretime!
This could be a long entry. I never got to write it, well, because Ive been fairly exhausted and it's a lot to get through.
LSD is crazy.
Was intending to take it with Tommy and Tyler, but Tyler did it 2 days prior, so it was only me and Tommy.
Rule #1: Always be more than 2, but less than, say, 8.
It's crazy how powerful such a little tab can be. We took two each. Ate breakfast and chilled in his apartment with his roommate. Tyler came by. We're playing Fifa and CoD. Lots of fun. Go outside and toke up a bit, because we're feeling extremely jittery. I took some notes on my phone that I'll include. Be ready for some weird ****, looking inside my mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlxkJXeH8gg
"The floaters in my eye can disrupt the extra lights from the christmas lights.
The lights have shadows. You see things that were always there, just not obvious
If I look at them [the lights] through phone screen then I can see rainbow colors red and green mainly. We're like 40 min in. Bit jittery. Lightheaded. Sober guy keeping me down. Scheistanger! (from fifa).
Hour 10 min. Light energy going throigh bodym light i feel so light! Best music.
20. Cinema club radio. 1975 Heart Out. Everything is happening to me at once. Im so happy. Tommy: I feel like butter
Its like Tommy and I have the same voice. The same mind. Everything is lik"
At this point Tyler and the room mate have left and it's just me and Tommy in the room. We're pretty much sprawled on the couch and floor. Acid taking effect. It's very hard to describe. All your senses are supertuned. Youre extremely affected by your environment. People's emotions become your emotions. You live the music you listen to. You understand it on a completely different level. I was feeding off Tommy so much that I had to put in headphones and tune him out.
#2 ALWAYS have music available. Calm and enjoyable music. I listened to Explosions in the sky radio.
With the same inputs and feeding off each other, Tommy and I had the exact same thoughts and did the exact same things. We started voice recording at the exact same second. It's ridiculous actually.
I included a part of the audio recording. Doesnt come through well through the PC, but it's aight.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1gzngRio5F6
I continued trying to take notes on my phone, but at this point, my thumbs wouldn't move fast, but rather very structured and to the beat. Phone screen started being weird.
"Im acting like I am in a cartoon.
Perfectly sane. My thumbs are acting like theyre not in my control. Tommy says hes not in this world.
Are things happening slowly
322pm. Emotions are one. Music is a nice way to touch. Writing doesnt work it all wants control. Im learning while traveling.. one of the most beautiful things of understanding if disbelieving."
It goes on, later:
It just doesnt work. Shades eberything is shifted 1 to the left. Perfect sense in future. Seeing how insecure he is makes me see myself. How we should give up on that. It comes in waves. Right now I can see the blood and tone of this when im writing it imaginging it and future gkove s9meone else this is ours confine from reality. Emotions key to everything. Emotions on basic how the music plays. Ill tell this. INCREDIBLE. LOST REALITY WHEN I LOSE Music. Amazing. So powe"
Obviously this makes no sense. Most amazing things happening inside my head though. Listening to music is so powerful.
However, things got weird with Tommy, so I decided to get the **** out of there. Called up Phil, but he was busy for another 30 min. Got hold of Tyler and met with him outside his dorm. Chill with im for like 5-10 min until Phil comes. Talk a bit with both of them outside. They look so alien. The colors in their faces are so exaggerated and it's disturbing. They look like they're poisoned and will die. Im so sensitive to colors. Sometimes they dont look human. I see how animals can view us and think we're weird. Check up on Tommy and then Phil and I head to his car.
Now, Phil has done this many times before, so he knows exactly what I'll enjoy. We talk a lot and he helps me try to explain the things that Im visualizing. It's impossible to talk, because you lose grip of what you were saying as you're saying it. We talk about thoughtloops. Amazing nature and lights. Great music. You have tonnes of knowledge, but you can't get it out. I see the birds in the sky and I can see the pattern they're flying in. Not only the patterns of a group of birds, but the whole flock, in a 3d formation. Truly amazing. I somehow linked it to polar orientation. At another point I either saw electricity flowing through those wires that carry a lot of electricity, or it was colors from the sunset. I realize how Im not 'the main character' in reality. It's rather that Im part of reality, where I have a certain perception of it. It kinda peeled away some of the very integrated beliefs I had, made me realize that even thought I think I know so much, Im bull****ting myself. I realized how I was rationalizing my stupid actions by my past excellence.
Phil asked me to try his glasses on. I have an epiphany. Wow. The world is not supposed to be this clear. What? WHAT? I have perfect vision, or so I thought. Turns out I don't. Everything is SO.. Clear. Crisp. Amazing. Made me realize how two people can look at the same thing and view it differently, without it even occurring to them.
Driving around with the fresh snow was beautiful. I kept trying to explain a certain epiphany, I still dont feel like I get it, but it makes a lot more sense.
At one point we got stopped by the police. Im freaking the fvck out. If I was in the driver seat, I'd be driving asap when the cop came up to the window. I felt how it was to have a panic attack. Nothing worked for 10 seconds. However, I handled it very nicely and just sat back, acting like a shy kid. The policeman was handed his mom's info (her car) and went to check it. We closed the windows and just went with it. Phil turned up the music and the red and blue flashing lights made it seem like a rave. We were jolling! I want to learn to produce music just to convey something like that.
We step out at his old school. Walk around and Im just finding everything so magnificent with the improved vision. Was so interesting thinking how different creatures view the world. Difference in senses and vision creates such different realities. Moreover, putting on glasses made 3D movies make sense. I always thought they looked a bit unrealistic, but with glasses, everything was like 3D in the movies!
Rule #3: Go with the flow. Be a yes man. Have an adventure.
He takes me for some food and then eventually back to the dorm, cause he has to set up for a party later that night.
Rule #4: Spend time in nature.
Intersting observations: Are socially awkward people oft wearing glasses, or are they socially awkward because they're wearing glasses? We noticed how wearing glasses makes you feel seperate from other people, puts up a barrier, and may make it hard to read body language and get eye contact.
"Before enlightenment, carry water, chomp wood; after enlightenment, carry water, chomp wood."
End of 4 hour Audio recording.
Rule #5: Let go of control.
Bad trips are learning experiences and happen when you fight the present.
The present is the only thing that exists. Thinking of anything else is completely absurd and even maddening. I had to stop writing notes because I couldn't deal with the idea of the future.
I kept having another realization. Leading and confidence and improvement. You have to actually take that jump instead of looking for favorable conditions; you have to start talking more and loudly, you have to risk it and do what you're afraid of, be it jumping in on the dancefloor alone. You have to do thing you dont want to.
I realized how that just because Ive done amazing things in the past, doesn't mean I can get away with not doing amazing things in the present.
Back in my dorm, Im disgusted. I don't like the air, it's stuffy. It's messy. I figure I don't have a choice but to stay here, no one else is available to have me over anyway. I can't trust myself to go outside at this point, Im still peaking. I take off my clothes and lay in bed with my headphones.
The colors and images appearing in my head are marvelous. I completely understand how inspiration and creativity comes to you. I saw the crazies concepts in artistic form. At times there was a rave inside my head with all sorts of colors and light patterns. The time passed unbelievably quickly. 2 hours passed. Roommate came back, left, came back. Bothered me a bit, but was fine. I noticed how I could talk to him and act fairly normal, even though I told him I was tripping. This meant I was starting to come down from my peak.
After he left I spent another hour or 90 minutes on the computer, listening to music and chatting with BPH and Pyro.
I talk about how the thought of going out right now is SCARY, since I work from moment to moment and cant predict how things will affect me. I know I'll be fine once I reach where I want to go, but going there is scary.
I look out the window, and it just appears to me. I visualize passionate life. I visualize myself being passionate every single day. Getting **** done. Learning new things, having a newfound zest. It's beautiful and it's simple. I realize that I need to enter that state of being.
I also realize how Im being a ***** with my newfound beliefs. Just because being relaxed with girls and being friends with them is great, doesn't mean it's acceptable. I need to be more forward and show intent with girls I like. It's like Ive regressed 2 years back. Show intent and girls will follow.
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