NoFap challenge for personal growth

[Lynx nkaf]

it's been 22 days since my last smoke(i haven't smoked cigs in years, this was weed).
3 days since my last fap.
this was my plan, to stagger the cessations. i've gone cold turkey on multiple at once and it's absolutely brutal on the body/mind and unnecessary.
the days have been dragging by in an agonizing fashion, which i've learned is good for me...

i went on a retreat to a beach city for a week to kickstart the detox, didn't smoke or drink. contemplated life, worked out on the beach. this was after smoking daily for months as shown by this thread. i had a good time seeing the sights and talked with a bunch of people. two days into the trip i wrote up and sent a long email to the ex about my thoughts about the relationship. she had wanted clarity but then refused to meet up so i thought this was a fair compromise. i wasn't expected a response and said as much in the email. a few days later she responded with an email just as long. i actually made a separate thread about the encounter that happened as a result.

Unrequited Love?

I had my ex over last night. TLDR: we had sex and i felt great for an hour or two after she left but then i felt weird and violated or something and i'm not sure where that feeling is coming from. has anyone had similar and has found out why? The relationship had ended over a year ago and it...

www.sosuave.net

sending that email was a result of the weakness that comes from detoxing after months of smoking. the weakness usually lasts a couple weeks while i readjust and start taking better care of myself. sadly i had her over while in that state as well, so i probably wasn't the sexiest thing in the world. i keep replaying how i could have made the sex better by enjoying myself rather than getting caught up in my head and how feminine i came across in some of my actions(things i would otherwise never think about with other girls, pedestal thinking, the cure is to date other women). i have no intention to reach out to her as the last response i gave her was an open door. i actually saw her across the street on my way home the other day, which is pretty crazy considering this is a city of millions. she noticed me with a glance at a distance just before i noticed her and she acted as if she didn't. she looked away, didn't make eye contact, and began walking briskly in the opposite direction. she may have not actually seen me but i'm pretty sure she did. this avoidance behavior pretty much confirmed what i concluded in that other thread. i will gladly oblige her and give her no attention. always look at actions, not words. i have no intention to reach out to her, but i still have an agenda if she reaches out, to make her submit. her only option to be in my life is to come back submissively, the way i like it. the thing to remember with my ex is transience. she will not be in my life forever no matter what i do, so i need to remember to simply enjoy her when she comes by and quit overthinking things, this is a constant mindful practice at this point. anyway talk about a small world.

another girl that has been testing me for months finally caved and texted me that she wants to fuuck. we had banged once a few months back and i wasn't impressed. over these months i passed all her tests by being playful and never initiating, always doing my own thing, and never meeting her out or otherwise working around her schedule, her only option was to work around mine. once she realized this she directly stated what she wanted, to bang. she gets lots of attention and is super picky about who she sleeps with(or so it seems), and tests hard. but tests are easy to pass when you don't care about the outcome. most of them are passed by being playful or not responding at all. i let her come over and gave her what she wanted but i wasn't really into it. she's slightly older and looks good but has a bit of a prissy attitude.

the last sexual encounter before this was with the ex, who is a much more fun lay, so naturally i'm comparing all lays to what i last considered the best.

two dates lined up for this next week from OLD. one is two years younger, the other 2 years older(although has a rockin bod, beautiful face and a very sweet in comms). i intend to get a photographer for some good pics so that i can appeal to a wider spectrum of younger girls(they tend to be more fickle but some are absolutely great all around packages). i may set the age range higher until i have the new pics up so as not to waste swipes.

i've been doing yoga consistently and my nerve pain is virtually gone. i've been able to start working out again and my weakened arm is slowly recovering back to where it was. the plan is to never stop working out ever again. when i'm feeling down or an urge to fap i go for a jog or workout. a sustained elevated heart rate seems to always pull me out of a down mood. and when the urge to fap passes i feel accomplished. i'll continue dating new women at a rate of at least two per month until i stop putting my ex on a pedestal.

women enjoy when i come with no clear agenda other than to have a good time with plenty of charm. when they hint at sex i subtly capitalize by acknowledging their advances and encouraging them, but make few of my own advances until given very clear signals, and even then i tease. this gives them exactly what they want, a sort of grind to make the eventual sex that much more satisfying.

without the smoke in my system i'm finding my brain is getting less foggy every day. i'm performing better at work and with all my hobbies.

what i'm slowly rediscovering and coming to terms with is how constantly challenging myself and being in an uncomfortable state is what keeps my mind sharp and calm. i relish in the controlled chaos i create for myself because that's where i draw my strength. one issue is how do i determine the ideal intensity of this self challenge? it seems so contextual. the other problem is this is where i start to rationalize dating a less than ideal partner. the strongest man can date the craziest woman, but should he? this was my rationalization for the ex but i slowly started to consider an LTR with her. otherwise what was i doing with her? biding time? more like wasting it.

rather than date crazy women a strong man will naturally date strong women. they will challenge him in healthy ways, rather than in debilitating ways. they will challenge him to make plans together with open communication and stick to those plans. he will feel challenged but at the same time supported and satisfied. a crazy woman will not be able to communicate effectively with her words and will instead be passive aggressive/dramatic with her actions and misleading with her words. but who is to say which challenge is detrimental? can't i benefit from all of them? isn't that why men here remind us that walking away is a powerful and useful option? obviously this isn't binary, women run the gamut between both extremes. women can also move across this spectrum depending on how a man is coming across. again this seems so contextual and multi-dimensional, how can i possibly generalize it?

in these strange contradictory thoughts i begin to humble myself to such an extreme that i begin to doubt my cognition and conclusions. i forget that i'm 205 pounds at 11% body fat, towering an athletic frame over 6 feet, gifted where it counts, with a deep understanding of many sciences, and a useful emotional acuity. it's only when i'm around others or compare myself to others that i have a point of reference, but why is that point of reference so valuable to me? is that not the epitome of external validation? so far a sustained elevated heart rate is the only thing that can reconcile these silly questions. the answer is a care free yet ambitious attitude. willing to own any decision and the consequences there of without hesitation, while not becoming careless.

so it's not enough to challenge myself. i must always be thinking of how to best leverage the challenges available to me. which ones would benefit me most and when is walking the right answer... but this begs the question, what is my goal? indecision is crippling. i have to polarize myself to one path at the expense of another, there is no way to go down both. why is this so hard to accept sometimes? am i afraid of that responsibility? but the freedom of that choice is a luxury!

a sustained elevated heart rate brings me so many answers it's mind boggling. the above was written after a lot of sedentary activity. maybe for my next update i'll go for a jog before posting and reflect on this one.

Congrats, keep everything going, you've got this!!
Jan 2 to present: cigarette free for me.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

tomorrow will be day 30 of nofap and day 29 of no weed. the no alcohol counter is up at 66. some profound thoughts came to mind recently that I wanted to make note of.

Self Worth and Awareness

nofap is rewiring me to think more long term. it makes sense since i've stopped the most short term gratification available. i notice that my attention span and patience have increased dramatically. with the short term gratification gone i'm being forced to trust in myself in two ways.

1 - trusting in my ability to know what will make me feel satisfied.
2 - trusting in my ability to follow through despite setbacks and manifest that reality.

we talk about being self validated but our sensory experience is a mechanism for that self validation. the two points above will only be true if i make progress in my reality as i expect it to occur per the plan i've laid out for myself, so my self validation still relies on the feedback of external reality.

i have had feelings of uncertainty and doubt since cessation that would otherwise not be as obvious, but those feelings have pushed me to change my life. it's not bad that i have those feelings, rather i'm grateful for my ability to feel them so strongly. a couple weeks ago i pushed for a change of job title at my company because i felt my talents could be better leveraged in a more involved and challenging role. i took a risk because i believe i deserve better and i believe in my ability to get me there and keep me there. after being put through some trials and passing some challenges(both work related and personal/emotional) i've been granted that new role. the new role comes with an almost 60% pay increase.

while i was initially elated for the bump i quickly came back to earth and started thinking about next steps. what ELSE do i want to fulfill, how will i invest this new financial capacity? i also thought about how much those emotional challenges affected me, how much i identified with them, and so i stay wary. it's said that if you want an entrepreneur to be successful you shouldn't pay him anything. while the pay is great, i must never be completely dependent on it. my emotional response of anxiety during the trials told me that i'm identifying very strongly with how my company identifies me, which i need to focus on reducing. meditation, proper health, diet, exercise, and rest are at the forefront of my mind.

the role being granted has confirmed what i believe about myself. i put out into the universe that i believe to be worth more to the company, and naturally the universe was required to confirm my belief through trials. the money is great but i also did it because it's work that i'm very interested in. i'm willing to bet what i find in the new role will be wildly different from my expectation.

i don't think this role change would be happening had i stayed in a comfortable bubble of fap and weed. i would be too content. the more positive feedback i receive from my hard work of working through the negative feedback, the more self control i feel i have.

awareness manifests self control which manifests self mastery which manifests confidence which manifests abundance, freedom, and creativity.

Congrats on the 60%. That's killer.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

checking in exactly one month later.
59 days nofap, 58 no weed, 96 no alcohol.
Currently reading, 'Give and Take' by Adam Grant

Waking up with viscous boners every morning. It makes me think of the on-demand sex I'm missing by not having a partner, but then I channel that energy into my other endeavors and begin to feel that I'll have plenty of chances for such partners down the line, in fact I feel I'm getting pickier, which seems counter-intuitive. It's only been 60 days but feels like a year. When I realize it's only been TWO MONTHS I stop thinking about looking for girls, they'll just manifest in my busy life as they always have, there's absolutely no rush.

I started my new position this week and have been going through a large range of emotions. At first it was overwhelming as the team is very top heavy(meaning lots of experienced senior level staff) but that is slowly tapering off. At first I had a bit of imposter syndrome since everything felt so alien and so much is expected of me. At certain moments I felt that I'm on a road to being canned, I felt I was going to develop stomach ulcers or some other medical condition from the stress, but as my communication with senior staff continues it seems they completely understand that the information is daunting to a newcomer. They are great mentors and I'm very happy to have the opportunity to learn from them. In those moments of feeling overwhelmed and stretching my brain to understand what seem like complex concepts I catch myself and remind myself that this is the exact environment I thrive in, that I grow the most in, that I'm grateful for when I look back.

I'm noticing just how much my outlook affects my reality. All of my current stress is entirely self conceived. I have a job I'm interested in at a growing company that provides immense freedom, pays very well, that I can do from anywhere, and I have no set hours. I live well below my means in a big place in a decent part of town and am able to save thousands a month. I have a healthy diet, workout religiously, and am slowly becoming happier as I'm realizing I no longer have to perform the duties of my old role, that I'm finally doing what I want to do.

Rather than thinking in terms of having a social circle I see myself as being able to socialize with anyone at any time without issue, although I feel I should work to cultivate closer friendships(and here I ask myself, is this for selfish reasons?). I seem to be moving slowly into a more and more abundant mindset, but my ego seems to demand perfection, an unattainable thing, and that is one of the reasons I've casted people away in my past, because they're not 'perfect'.

In my one-ness I'm not lonely or sad, but socially bored. I believe sociability is a muscle and mine could be improved. I also have a chip on my shoulder from a tough upbringing and some friction prone mannerisms(like 'jokingly' dissing others), which plays into an egotistical personality and feeds that silly perfectionist mindset in toxic ways. Now that I feel more content with my trajectory this social imperfection is more noticeable. And here again I catch myself thinking I should have a perfect social life despite not knowing what that looks like. I hang out with friends on the weekends and am applying to a couple places to volunteer to have more opportunities to socialize. In my free time I'm reading mindfulness books and slowly this facade of needing perfect people is falling away. There is no perfect person, everyone is flawed in some way.

I must simply choose to focus on their strengths, their beauty, and show it to them in a very selfless, genuine way. In this way they'll show more of it and I'll see them more than skin deep. I think the best mindset is that of a king. How would I rule others? Wouldn't I want to inspire them with my words? To make them feel like royalty? To bless them with my presence and attention in the most impactful way by genuinely listening? genuinely questioning? and genuinely affirming their beliefs in themselves?

It's such a delicate balancing act to pursue goals relentlessly, to push for perfection, while at the same time accepting how things are and accepting that perfection will never be attained. I've mentioned this in previous posts but with sociability it seems even stranger. How can I try to be more genuinely positive with others when being genuine involves no trying? Doesn't the meta of thinking about being more genuine actually make my words less genuine? I could easily come off as a try hard, a kiss ass, a fake. It seems to boil down once again to complete vulnerability, since genuinely validating someone is being vulnerable myself. It's putting my reputation on the line. It can't be fake if I believe it completely, and in so having my complete belief it IS genuine.

The universe reflects back what we are. Be bitter you will be met with bitterness. Be fake and people will be fake to you. Be genuine and you attract the genuine in everyone. You attract what you are, and all these mindsets are self feeding, self affirming, so changing from one to the other can be incredibly difficult.

To improve my social mannerisms I have to be mindful of what I say and how I say it. For my entire life I've made 'jokes' at other's expense to their face. This is even normalized in movies and shows, but is quite toxic. In my mind I'm laughing at their weaknesses to make them laugh at them too, but all too often people take these 'jokes' seriously, and understandably so. If someone joked about my insecurities and it hits a nerve I would react the same way and feel great aversion towards that person. This simply must be changed. Rather than repel I must cultivate a force of social attraction, with subtle, genuine, positive affirmations of other's character, the king's mindset.

The powerful king appoints others, inspires, delegates, and keeps his hands clean. Never angry, only stern when needed. He does this with a unique and unshakable belief in his own authenticity. And through this confident authenticity he manifests true natural power. I'll never be this perfect king, but I can strive to come as close as I can.

rules to remember,
- Never give unsolicited advice

- Act like a good king to be treated like one

- Show patience in all things, as though you have what you need and will get all you want in time

- Accept your mortal limitations and imperfections but consciously choose to focus on your strengths and beauty, do the same for others.

- Pursue goals with a relentless aggressive positive attitude, truly challenge yourself in these pursuits

- Remember your past successes daily, set aside 30 min if you have to. They can be simple like tying your shoes, but focus on the good, let that fuel you.

- Raise your heartrate for at least 20 minutes at least three times a week

 

[Lynx nkaf]

more thoughtful than before(full of thoughts)
Keep it all going.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

No fap for me eventually leads to better erection quality for me. The downside is I ejaculate super fast.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I don't watch porn. I still fap. I enjoy blowing on a girls face. Money shot ftw.

 

[derby1]

I do short stints of nofap, and ive noticed female attention in shops , they literally smile at me , then look at the floor in a feminine manner
usually its me doing the smiling first

what the hell is all that about, surely there is no 6th sense?

 

[SW15]

A few years ago, I started no porn and no fap. I have the occasional slip up (about once a quarter). Here's what I've noticed about it:

1. More frequent morning wood.
2. Generally feel better. I also have combined this with diet factors, exercise factors, and psychotherapy.
3. Definitely a little more aggressive with in person approaching, which is important since I do mostly non-bar daygame and can't rely on alcohol. High testosterone is crucial to be able to do this style of approaching.
4. My last testosterone test, which was in 2019, was above average and above median.

No porn/no fap is easier to do while getting laid on a regular basis.