No, you do NOT love her...a comprehensive REALITY check!

[The Juan and only]

Yes it did, and that's astoundingly good advice. I agree with everything you said there, however you know as well as I do that they won't listen. No logical argument will make some of these guys see sense.... they're convinced they love the particlar girl in question and not much will change their mind.

one good example is this pathetic thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=97794

No harm in trying i suppose.

"if you work on building your confidence in yourself and bettering yourself that you won't feel so dependent on having those feelings" - damn right, and I suggest anyone who feels hopelessly "in love" with a lost cause seriously consider that sentence. Being secure enough within yourself as to not need to cling hopelessly to someone is certainly what you should be aiming for.

good post

 

[Wyldfire]

Yes it did, and that's astoundingly good advice. I agree with everything you said there, however you know as well as I do that they won't listen. No logical argument will make some of these guys see sense.... they're convinced they love the particlar girl in question and not much will change their mind.

one good example is this pathetic thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=97794

No harm in trying i suppose.

"if you work on building your confidence in yourself and bettering yourself that you won't feel so dependent on having those feelings" - damn right, and I suggest anyone who feels hopelessly "in love" with a lost cause seriously consider that sentence. Being secure enough within yourself as to not need to cling hopelessly to someone is certainly what you should be aiming for.

good post

Yeah, there are posts like that on here every single day and I was actually inspired to start this thread after reading a bunch of them today. If there is one problem that affects more guys that come here the most and worst...this is it.

No, not all will get it...but I think a lot will. And if only one benefits from this thread that's a start.

 

[Wyldfire]

I'd kinda like to see this get discussed a bit more, so I'm gonna bump it up.

 

[Nighthawk]

I love strawberries, am I allowed to say that?

Sure, love is a spectrum and there is a world of difference between the love you have for your family and what you feel for a new partner, but we need words to convey our feelings and 'I am infatuated with you' just doesn't cut it.

By all means have your guard up and don't fall in love with the first girl who is nice to you, that's dumb and will lead to trouble. But equally, if you never take a chance and trust your feelings you may miss out on something special.

But get her to say it first.

 

[shumon]

I'd kinda like to see this get discussed a bit more, so I'm gonna bump it up.

hey baby, why dont i bump u up :|

 

[syncmaster]

This is also called one-itis. Once you become infatuated with a girl, obsessed with her, your chances of keeping her become close to nothing. You loose control and your perception is skewed. Cut it off at the head and stop idolizing. You end up building up the girl so much that she's not even realisitic anymore. You search for an image of her, a representation of what you belive she is and you inflate it. Don't let it happen.
- Sync

 

[Egoist]

I love strawberries, am I allowed to say that?

you are such an AFC! :nono:

 

[Wyldfire]

I think about every guy on here has been hung up on one girl before...and more often than not, they're in their "love affair" all by themselves.

 

[Wyldfire]

True, with infatuation it's a one way thing.

Well, technically two people can be infatuated with each other at once. When that happens they usually get together and once it fades one of them will typically bolt. That tends to leave one person trying desperately to hang onto the feelings they used to get from being with the person because they actually believe they are losing some huge glorious love. All they are losing is this perception and feeling they only got when they thought the other person was crazy about them. If they realize once that's gone it's gone it's a lot easier to get over those heart wrenching bouts of oneitis and "my baby left me" blues.

 

[penguin]

Unfortunately I know the difference well. Over a year later and I'm still thinking about my ex. Not obessively or anything, but you'd think you could just forget about someone and feel nothing. Nope, the thoughts hang around.... and hang around some more, and then just as they're leaving, they turn around and come back and yell "just kidding!"

 

[Wyldfire]

The trick is finding some way to get them out of your system, another girl being a good way.

You get pretty much the same infatuation with whoever you get with next...to varying degrees. If you remind yourself that you will probably feel just as good if you get out there and move on it should make it a little easier.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yes, I'm bumping my own thread because you just can't remind people of this enough...especially around here.

 

[flippinfreak]

Is that you Shumon? More one liners that make no difference to people and are just annoying craps on the board with no thought depth?

I got you banned

VVVVVVVYour welcomeVVVVVVVVVV

 

[user2]

thx for havin me banned >>>>> SHUMON!!

 

[resilient]

Getting back on the infatuation topic, some questions:

What about female players who are addicted to conquering men during the infatuation phase and don't stick around to develop a healthy relationship? Non-commital monkees who swing from branch to branch. Is there a way to know they'll stick around when the times get rough or entering comfort phase before bumping him off for one of the many sharks circling her AFC bf(me)? I've been lead on many times that I'd have a good LTR when they jump ship when in comfort phase.

I find when I always recover from the infuation phase and ready to establish a LTR, I get NEXT'd for the next guy which she later cheats on anyway. Oh, and these girls I've dated were young when I was young 18-22.

Mind you, these are unhealthy girls who come from broken homes and divorced and remarried parents. The only smart tip I've heard in this regard is to look at their parents because that's what they will become one day. I know Rollo T would tell me that these girls are too young and immature to have a lasting LTR or know who they are.

 

[Wyldfire]

resilient...the problem you're having probably has a lot to do with the types of girls you go for. A lot of guys tend to make a bee line for girls they think need "rescuing". If you do that as well, you will end up with girls who tend to sabotage any healthy relationship they have. If you focus on trying to avoid that urge to "rescue" you'll have better luck in your relationships.

 

[resilient]

Ahh.. yea that's totally it!!!!! I always try to play the role of the rescuer since I've got giant heart that always tries to play the role of the shrink. I think one member on here called AFC guys like me "Captain-save-a-h0" :crackup: After going through these baggage girls a few times, I'm learning not to put the cart before the horse. I just have a hard time attracting the good ones out of the box. I think pook said, the unfinished world will get unfinished women. Love can't save them when they need professional help. Worse even if I try to force them to change to become better for the "both of us," which will only leave them resenting me for emotionally blackmaling.

 

[Wyldfire]

Ahh.. yea that's totally it!!!!! I always try to play the role of the rescuer since I've got giant heart that always tries to play the role of the shrink. I think one member on here called AFC guys like me "Captain-save-a-h0" :crackup: After going through these baggage girls a few times, I'm learning not to put the cart before the horse. I just have a hard time attracting the good ones out of the box. I think pook said, the unfinished world will get unfinished women. Love can't save them when they need professional help. Worse even if I try to force them to change to become better for the "both of us," which will only leave them resenting me for emotionally blackmaling.

Virtually everyone has at least a little baggage. You aren't going to avoid that completely. I think if you focus some attention on overcoming the compulsion to save and rescue women that it will help you with your relationships considerably.

 

[saki]

How can you tell infactuation from love?
Simple., infactuation goes away after you have played with her pvssy for awhile and get tired of it. Been there done that syndrome
Love is unconditional. You could literally watch that person squeez a turd out of their azz and you would still want to be with them. Wlydefire is right, infactuation is what the other person makes you feel. You feel ALIVE, AWOKEN from the dead. Deep down you find that lost person you once knew in yourself. Suddenly, you think you are fun to be around, and a confident, lively guy. Then you find out she was just playin wit ya, and it is time to go back in the cave.

 

[saki]

Hmmm, I've had the feeling before but it wasn't something I could consciously control. Once it's gone, it's gone. I don't think it's possible to "re-infatuate" yourself. Infatuation happens on it's own, I don't think you can maintain that feeling after you've been with someone for an extended period of time. You may grow closer and/or develop a bond with someone but the infatuation period WILL end. I've only had that butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling a few times in my life.

dead on