No, you do NOT love her...a comprehensive REALITY check!

[coaster]

I must say that this says it all...that was me for 3 years, and at the end I looked like a fool that is what started the journey for me, it is funny when people respond to us how we react. we love it when they swing on our balls..boost our ego..but that is not what this it is about, all of this stuff on this message board is about living life without on our terms, not on terms others want us to, especially women

 

[shumon]

Oh for the love of Pete you guys...

yes, blueangel is wrong...can't you just tell her she's wrong without throwing in the other stuff?

and shumon, stop hitting on me...I could be a guy for all you know.

that'll be okay :|

 

[shumon]

good night wyldefire :|

 

[ketostix]

Listen and listen good fellas...this is going to save a lot of you from a lot of heart ache, foolishness and pining away over women.

To LOVE another person requires time and going through both good and bad times together...you do NOT love someone after only a few weeks or even months knowing them. Hell, it usually takes AT LEAST 6 months or better for them to let their guard down enough for you to START to see their flaws.

Infatuation...let's take a nice, hard look at how this works. When you are infatuated with someone you feel "in love". Those feelings are NOT feelings you have FOR the other person. It's all about how YOU feel about YOURSELF when you are with that other person. If a woman is fun to be around, it will make you feel like you are fun too. If a woman is sexy, it will make YOU feel more sexy. If a woman is a good conversationalist, it will make you feel like a good conversationalist. If a woman laughs at all your jokes, you will feel like you are a funny guy.

If a woman no longer makes you feel good about yourself, most of you will hang on for dear life to the way she used to make you feel and be convinced you've lost some great love. Nonsense! You just need to learn how to elicit those feelings FROM YOURSELF and NOT rely on women to make you feel them.

Yes, how brilliant. We will all become buddhist monks and never have or need for any woman to make us feel good, because god forbid a guy expect a female to act in ways that make him feel good.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yes, how brilliant. We will all become buddhist monks and never have or need for any woman to make us feel good, because god forbid a guy expect a female to act in ways that make him feel good.

Oh come on...where did I say that? Rather than look first at who wrote something...how about looking at the post itself first?

I'm not telling anyone not to date and get involved with women...and I'm certainly not telling anyone NOT to enjoy it when being around someone leads you to feel better about yourself. I'm simply saying that if you mistake this feeling of infatuation for love it makes it very difficult to let go when you should. Understanding how infatuation really works will make it much easier for those guys who get hung up and can't let go when they should have long ago to recognize they aren't really losing "the love of their life" in the vast majority of breakups.

On a side note...it's kinda ironic that the only other person who posted in disagreement with me was blueangel...another woman. What an uncomfortable position for you to be in...you have to side with one of the chicks about this post. Which one is it gonna be?

 

[flippinfreak]

I believe you are a high maintenance hypocrite Wyldfire, hypocrite being the key word...

higly advanced trolls

highly advanced dry wit

highly devout philosophers

highly doubtful self methodists

you ma'am are a

highly skilled keyboard jokey

 

[Friendly Otter]

Why are you saying that, flippinfreak? Wyldfire is right, and even if she wasn't, there's no need to insult her.

Basically, what Wyldfire is describing is the difference between a chemical reaction caused by phenylethelamine releasing endorphines in your mind, and truly appreciating someone instead of just enjoying the endorphines.

(Although, even when your mind is in the game, what love is is this chemical reaction, but now released slower and by a deeper and truer appreciation. The chemical effect tends to lose its strength after about seven years, which coincidentally is a time period common in divorce cases.)

 

[flippinfreak]

I'm talking about the boredom and the mind numbing regularity that accompanies the slower release of phenyl's into the crevices of the mind. The slow leaks, and the subtle surprises taht can be attained from holding your child in your arms.

Love is the deeper reaction? What happened to the constant thrall of feeling the first throes of love? Of escaping your boundaries and exploring what you never before imagined you could feel?

I guess we must ignore the possibilities, and rely on the inevitable...

Those who don't want to change, will not change...

The mind is a tricky thing, but science brings us closer and closer to knowing that nothing is sacred, and life is simply allowing chemicals in our brain to control us...

Yeah love, divorce, I'm sure those two points really coincide nicely...

I thought it was after the mother raises the child and her hormones kick in again for her to start a new family?



I wonder, more subtle mind control, more things to fear women for?

No, I wasn't asking the above at all. I was just looking for some friendly jabber. Thanks for the thoughts though.

 

[The Juan and only]

"Why are you saying that, flippinfreak? Wyldfire is right, and even if she wasn't, there's no need to insult her."

If you'd been here longer, you'd know just how much crap wyldfire talks. Sometimes she's on-base but generally speaking, that isn't the case..... she's also stupidly stuborn and dogmatic, refusing to change her opinion even when she's clearly talking sh!t.

yes, she seems like a nice enough person and occasionally gives out some decent advice. however, [and this is general advice] I wouldn't trust a woman to give you dating tips, in any context. I also wouldn't trust ANYONE but yourself to decide whether you love a person; it's up to you...maybe you'll realise later on that it wasn't love, but that's something you need to find out for yourself.

if you THINK you love her, and you want her..then that's more than good enough, so go get 'er!

p.s flippinfreak didn't insult her, he simply said that he thinks she's a KBJ; which is entirely different from throwing out insults (i.e "wyldfire is a bytch", "wyldfire is a *****", "wyldfire is a fat slag", "wyldfire smells bad", "wyldfire is old", "wyldfire has sex with little boys", "wyldfire is ugly", "wyldfire is a moron who talks crap", "wyldfire... need i go on? I think you get the idea).

 

[Tazman]

People lose the feeling of infatuation because they get lazy, basically. Early in a relationship you make more effort to elicit those feelings in each other. If you don't make the effort to keep that alive it will pass.

Hmmm, I've had the feeling before but it wasn't something I could consciously control. Once it's gone, it's gone. I don't think it's possible to "re-infatuate" yourself. Infatuation happens on it's own, I don't think you can maintain that feeling after you've been with someone for an extended period of time. You may grow closer and/or develop a bond with someone but the infatuation period WILL end. I've only had that butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling a few times in my life.

 

[Wyldfire]

And some people wonder why I don't waste my time posting Tips or general advice hardly at all anymore...

Because some people would rather have pissing contests than have any decent content on here.

Yet another well intended and otherwise damn good thread hijacked by morons.

Have at it guys...it's all yours. I'll just stick to the sarcastic, snarky comments and keep this kind of stuff to myself.

 

[The Juan and only]

And some people wonder why I don't waste my time posting Tips or general advice hardly at all anymore...

Because some people would rather have pissing contests than have any decent content on here.

Yet another well intended and otherwise damn good thread hijacked by morons.

Have at it guys...it's all yours. I'll just stick to the sarcastic, snarky comments and keep this kind of stuff to myself.

oh for fvck sake, nobody is starting a "pissing contest". If you read my post properly you'd see that I actually said you seem like a nice enough person.

and btw, the list of insults at the end was a JOKE.

I like you wyldfire, but I'm really beginning to tire of your attention whoring.

 

[flippinfreak]

And again wyldfire... run away

read my post over again

it was a direct response to the thread before it

which was a response to mine

in which I responded to blueangel and your responses to your initial comment.

There are about 10-15 pointless posts in this thread, in which the childish Shumon and yourself flirt(useless to Sosuave),

and another 10 posts where people can only say "brilliant thread".

You say you enjoy healthy debate...

 

[Wyldfire]

oh for fvck sake, nobody is starting a "pissing contest". If you read my post properly you'd see that I actually said you seem like a nice enough person.

and btw, the list of insults at the end was a JOKE.

I like you wyldfire, but I'm really beginning to tire of your attention whoring.

It wasn't really you I was referring to. This thread is about THIS thread, not any other threads. However, someone feels compelled to try to continue the same tired and lame old crap here that I got sick of responding to elsewhere. Now I've had to utilize the damn ignore feature twice in one thread. Once for some troll trying to disrupt and actual decent thread by hitting on me and now because someone can't leave issues in the goddamned threads they belong in.

Sorry about that...that wasn't your fault either...your post was just f*cking convenient.

And I'm not a goddamned attention wh*re. I am controversial which attracts attention regardless of whether I want it or not. Now could we please at least ATTEMPT to discuss the subject...or would you rather go answer yet another question that you've already answered or seen answered a million times over?

 

[tobby]

I've said this plenty of times and in essense I'm pretty ironic still posting here, but here's my reply. Most people (or everyone here ) whether they like it or not are here to try and fix a problem that he/she has with relating to the opposite sex. Some people want to have more lasting relationships. Some people want relationships in general (e.g a boy/girlfriend), and others want a combination of these things. (ONS, lays, etc.)

Since whatever they're doing intrinsically isn't not working, they're looking for advice or something to give them an edge. You can be at this site and post questions, take advice from other people (or the bible), read about what other people have done to succeed (FR's), but ultimately you have to experiment and figure out what works for you.

Information's always helpful in finding an answer or giving you a place to start, but it still always comes down to the person. Until people get this, there will always be useless/unessary arguments to every post.

To make this clearer, I'll give an example. When we go to school, we get various types of information (how to do math, science etc.) The information we get from school is a tool to help us figure out what works in the real world. Each person still has to take that information and figure out what works for them in life. This site's works basically the same way.

 

[italostud]

This thread made baby jesus cry.

 

[The Juan and only]

ok, I shall comment on the subject at hand:

I certainly agree that we become attached to how a person makes us feel more than the actual person themselves. And I think that's a fairly important point too - i.e trying to show a woman how great YOU are ("oh look sally, I just got 3 As on my exams") is a mistake -- you should instead concentrate on making her feel good, because that is the key to attraction.

However, all this about learning to make yourself feel good without a woman....well to be honest I'm not sure how what you said will save us a lot of heart ache or time or anything? actually I really don't see your point. Are you saying we should all stay single, ignore women and learn to be happy on our own?

help me out here, what are you saying we should do exactly?..

 

[Wyldfire]

ok, I shall comment on the subject at hand:

I certainly agree that we become attached to how a person makes us feel more than the actual person themselves. And I think that's a fairly important point too - i.e trying to show a woman how great YOU are ("oh look sally, I just got 3 As on my exams") is a mistake -- you should instead concentrate on making her feel good, because that is the key to attraction.

However, all this about learning to make yourself feel good without a woman....well to be honest I'm not sure how what you said will save us a lot of heart ache or time or anything? actually I really don't see your point. Are you saying we should all stay single, ignore women and learn to be happy on our own?

help me out here, what are you saying we should do exactly?..

No, I'm not saying to ignore or avoid women at all...I'm only saying that there are a lot of guys on here who really need to keep things in perspective...and this is the main problem for a lot of guys. They'll get so wrapped up in the infatuation and think they are in love. The problem that poses is that once a guy gets hooked on how good they feel about themselves they get it confused with real love...which it ain't. Because of this confusion about what they are really feeling they will hang on even when they should let go.

How many times do you see some guy posting about an absolutely horrible relationship or situation he's in with a girl where it's so obvious to everyone else that she's already got one foot out the door and her hand down some other guy's trousers? It's every day! If these guys just understood that it wasn't love and was just infatuation and it's history he would find it so much easier to just let go when he needs to.

I should have worded the part about finding that within yourself a little clearer...or the very lease elaborated a bit more. What I should have said is that if you work on building your confidence in yourself and bettering yourself that you won't feel so dependent on having those feelings...or trying to recapture them with someone once things go south. It's good to be able to enjoy and appreciate infatuation but you shouldn't cling to something that's not good anymore in a desperate attempt to get that feeling back again.

Did that explain it better?

 

[MindOverMatter]

I'd have to say this is one of the best threads a newcomer can read that's related to overcoming oneitis,as it really shows the psychological process behind developing an unhealthy dependancy on someone. If you can grasp the philosophy behind this simple tip, you will have amazing success with avoiding unhealthy infatuation and holding more power in your relationships.

 

[Wyldfire]

I'd have to say this is one of the best threads a newcomer can read that's related to overcoming oneitis,as it really shows the psychological process behind developing an unhealthy dependancy on someone. If you can grasp the philosophy behind this simple tip, you will have amazing success with avoiding unhealthy infatuation and holding more power in your relationships.

I posted this because I had read one too many posts from a guy grasping hold of a woman he needs to let go of today. I think the mods should delete the BS posts that are unrelated to the subject (including my own that fit the bill) and put this in the bible in whatever section addresses overcoming oneitis and unhealthy attachments.