No sleepovers policy

[Pierce Manhammer]

For those of you that live alone, I’m wondering how many of you have a clear no spending the night policy at your place?

I have had gals that are allowed to in the past and it was fine, they’re rare.

This is MY space, not your second home. Some just start assuming they can leave their stuff or “have a drawer”, no you can’t. They then also start assuming they’re the gf, when you’ve not discussed it. Start messing with my environment, saying “hey I did this! What do you think?” Nope.

Also, because of my background, I also do not sleep soundly if there is a new factor in my environment - situational awareness is an issue that keeps me awake with someone new, it fades with familiarity but takes time. Likewise going to gals place to spend the night can be unnerving for the first few times.

If you’re seeing more than one person having a strict no stayovers policy makes it easier to schedule for the next day like Friday to Saturday what if the Friday gal gets it in her head she wants to have a late breakfast - NOT. It also avoids needing to put your foot down. I find it solves many issues.

Just something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you rapscallions…

Sound off.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Smart policy, sleepovers = boyfriend vibes. Depends on your priorities.

 

[Gamisch]

I love this!

Didn't think about it and this is why i love sosauve. Yet another jewel in my arsenal.

Nah most men are EAGER to get her to sleep over. Because sleeping = more p00sy from her.

And like you said, that is when the power of the dynamic (if it ever was in your favor) will definitely shift toward her. You just "momma boi-ed " yourself and it wont take long before you'll pay the price.

OP, two questions: 1.what about sleeping at HER place? What are your thoughts about that?

2. How do you deal with one who lives fuar away

Oke 3. How we deal with the pushy ones?
@Pierce.Manhammer

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

OP, what about sleeping at HER place? What are your thoughts about that?

I mentioned it briefly in the post, maybe you missed it. It affects me the first few times.

Some women do not have environments that are conducive to a good nights sleep. It takes me a while to adjust. It is also affected by the person you’re with, are they a calming loving influence or not.

My pad is set up to entertain, I have lots of fresh linens, nice fluffy towels, a spare bath robe - my fridge is stocked with just about anything someone might want. Intake great pride in being a gracious and caring host - everyone that comes over remarks on it. This juxtaposes a gal’s environment and frankly if I - the man - have a nicer more welcoming home than she does it’s a red flag. It’s not like it takes a lot of money to set up your place that way.

 

[Gamisch]

I mentioned it briefly in the post, maybe you missed it. It affects me the first few times.

Some women do not have environments that are conducive to a good nights sleep. It takes me a while to adjust. It is also affected by the person you’re with, are they a calming loving influence or not.

My pad is set up to entertain, I have lots of fresh linens, nice fluffy towels, my fridge is stocked with just about anything someone might want. Intake great pride in being a gracious and caring host - everyone that comes over remarks on it. This juxtaposes a gal’s environment and frankly if I - they man - have a nicer more welcoming home than she does it’s a red flag.

I am sorry I did miss it.

Yeah again spot on. Perfectly worded! I love this thread already.

It is also affected by the person you’re with, are they a calming loving influence or not.

For those who dont get this; a woman might say;" yeah you can stay here" and yadiya. You feel like THE MAN and tell all your homies you stay at Stacy's house. Then comes the night .

No spooning . No huggin, maybe a forced rapey like feck session. Tons of sighs and puffing and huffing. Blankets getting pulled away from you completely ( where you would lovely and gently cover her if you notice the blanket fell off her body, ya know?)

But you're STUCK for at least that night...she suffers from the same thing that OP described in the opening post: she aint used to ,and unwilling to have your presence in her holy bed for THAT long.

I've learned to assume she WON'T be as loving and gentle during the night as during the day. Again, if you live at some distance from her, and there's alcohol involved you cant just get away by car and you're STUCK.

IF big IF i sleep at a woman's house ,imma make sure she treats me like a KING.

That includes morning BJs and breakfast.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I have overnighted and just grabbed a pillow and gone to the living room couch in the past. Just can’t be bothered. They then feel bad and make things nicer or open up more. When a woman suggests spending the night together, I always say I hope you realize that means that we’re going to fnck to sleep, and then I’ll wake you up at about 3 AM and bang you again. Set the expectations up front.

 

[Westminster]

I've always felt a bit odd because I don't actually like sleeping with women.

By that I mean I like banging them, of course, but I don't really enjoy sleeping in the same bed as a woman. Never have to be honest, I prefer to slep alone. Problem is, they don't like it if you move to another room to sleep after doing the business.

Maybe it's not that unusual to feel like this, I dunno.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

There are a lot of homeless chicks that subsist off dating apps, I know a few personally, hell my cousin is one of them, presents so normal it's scary.

I guess if you can get some and ask her to leave in the morning, do it?

Boundaries are best set before any sort of confrontation happens, like in the dating app before you meet. Expectation must be managed early, since many will be trying to love bomb you early on and most men are gonna take it if it's presented as free

 

[soulforge]

For those of you that live alone, I’m wondering how many of you have a clear no spending the night policy at your place?

I have had gals that are allowed to in the past and it was fine, they’re rare.

This is MY space, not your second home. Some just start assuming they can leave their stuff or “have a drawer”, no you can’t. They then also start assuming they’re the gf, when you’ve not discussed it. Start messing with my environment, saying “hey I did this! What do you think?” Nope.

Also, because of my background, I also do not sleep soundly if there is a new factor in my environment - situational awareness is an issue that keeps me awake with someone new, it fades with familiarity but takes time. Likewise going to gals place to spend the night can be unnerving for the first few times.

If you’re seeing more than one person having a strict no stayovers policy makes it easier to schedule for the next day like Friday to Saturday what if the Friday gal gets it in her head she wants to have a late breakfast - NOT. It also avoids needing to put your foot down. I find it solves many issues.

Just something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you rapscallions…

Sound off.

Have experienced some girls that simply gave themselves the girlfriend status, without even the subject matter coming up.

Leaving her clothes at my place etc. I had to remind her that we are only fvking when things got out of hand.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’m pro-sleepover.
I’ve noticed if we have intercourse. It’s almost always s sleepover.
Something less, Like just a BJ, it’s often not.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Kick her out as soon as you bust a nut. Rinse & repeat

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

@Gamisch

missed your other 2 q’s

Far away: I try not to date far away, it’s not conducive to what I want, which is regular access. I do have a gal that drives 2 hours to spend a day and leaves in the evenings, it’s her choice as she has other obligations, it’s worked this far.

Pushy ones: well inset expectations up front. Ya know I have a demanding schedule etc. a man can come up with all kinds of ways of explaining it. PTSD, the wounded eagle blah blah. Father: must see kids tomorrow early. Demanding work schedule that includes weekends…if they begin pushing one must make a decision. Upgrade her status or push back.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I hate sleepovers. I usually tell them this, and they leave. If they're LTR potential I'll let them stay over though after a few weeks, especially if it's a long drive for them.

I will always hate it. I always sleep like shvt sharing a bed.

 

[SW15]

It depends on the relationship and your goals.

In a casual sex type arrangement, no sleepovers is a good idea.

In a monogamous, committed relationships, sleepovers are likely to happen at some point. It's possible to put boundaries in place around them. I like the idea of no sleepover in the first few instances of sex. I prefer fewer than more sleepovers.

My perceptions are close to @Pierce.Manhammer 's overall perceptions.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Even with one that checks or comes close to checking all the boxes, I always feel it’s best to have them have a goal to aspire to. Women who feel like they “won” become complacent and bored.

Either you give them a project, or they will make YOU a project. Which would you rather?

 

[FlirtLife]

Also, because of my background, I also do not sleep soundly if there is a new factor in my environment - situational awareness is an issue that keeps me awake with someone new, it fades with familiarity but takes time. Likewise going to gals place to spend the night can be unnerving for the first few times.

"Why We Sleep" (by neuroscientist Matthew Walker) has been the most insightful book I've read concerning insomnia. Not saying the book is a cure, just that tools and knowledge may prove helpful.

I recall a night with my ex-gf where I knew if we slept interwined / holding each other, I'd suffer insomnia. But I did it anyways for pleasure of it. It's possible I got more emotionally involved from that, which is something you avoid with a "no sleepovers" policy.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

It's possible I got more emotionally involved from that, which is something you avoid with a "no sleepovers" policy.

I certainly do want to sleep intertwined with a woman I see a future with, I just have not found one in a longish time. I tend to foster very intimate relationships with women I can see a future with. In my last multi year LTR sleeping with her head on my chest, legs intertwined and torsos in contact was one of my greatest pleasures outside our very active and delectable sexual intercourse.

And yes I keep the rest of the women at arm’s length by not allowing for sleepovers, and maintain my primacy in said relationships not to mention it makes them aware of where things stop dead in the water.

 

[BadBoy89]

If she is 18-24 -> it's your home
If she is 25-29 -> it's your second home
If she is 30+ -> don't leave anything over
If she is 40+ -> $100 cover charge to enter the home

As usual, everything depends on the woman's youth.

 

[Learning Curve]

Yes this is typically my go-to when i have a rotation and not interested in anything in sort of LTR.

No sleepovers for any of the rotation chicks i have. If i decide i want LTR and some chick is worth the shot then it's fine.

Slowly and steadily not every time.

 

[anonymous12345]

One girl of mine always left/forgot ear rings and stuff at my place, it was kinda cute.

Most recently I lost one girl, and I'm pretty sure it was because I kicked her out, twice in a row. She basically fell asleep after our session, I should have put her to bed. She needed more relational/emotional contact, and I didn't provide that, so I think it felt empty/absent for her. That's my assessment. Requirements are high, you need to function on that level too.

There's not one single answer, the key is to adapt. Read her. It's a bit Machiavellian but If the answer to keeping her is cultivating a relational/emotional bond, then that is the way forward.