No sex yet. Do I throw her out?

[Huffman]

1. Met this girl one week ago, was out at a party, we were introduced, hit it off. It was late, she seemed interested, we were drunk. I walked her to her car, we made out heavily, groping etc. I tried to get her to have sex in her car. She seemed averse and I didn't really press the issue. Made a smooth exit though, can't remember exactly. She called me next day already.

2. The iron is hot and 2 days later, Saturday, we meet up in some bar. We're only there for maybe an hour, and I say "ok so lets go to my place" to which she agrees with 0 resistance (as if she'd been waiting for me to say it). Cant go to her place unfortunately. My place is really far away and she doesnt mind. So I'm thinking 100% sex. BUT NO SEX! I keep fumbling for hours and hours! She keeps kissing and hugging, and it takes me FOREVER to touch her boobs, no touch at all down there. She says "I'm hoping you didn't expect it, sorry". So I only knew her for 2 days and said "Didn't expect anything, but you know I can't sleep like this". No further progress though, and I'm getting a VERY BAD night of sleep. Not going to do it again!

3. I'm going cold on her, she contacts me, is 100% interested it seems. So she wants to come over to my place and cook. During the week... ok. Food, Movie, Making out, fumbling. She's a bit more relaxed, but can't get my hand down there. She literally said "You're not at that level yet". It's a weekday so after a bit of trying I tell her I'm going to bed and she leaves.

I'm dead sure she's not a virgin, just think she wants me to commit to a relationship first. NOW she wants to come over on the weekend, and I'll be damned if I let her sleep over without sex or AT LEAST a handjob. I can't sleep and it's literally painful in the balls.

What's your strategy? Do I simply throw her out? Start wanking next to her? Or do you think it's childish?

 

[Huffman]

Please don't tell me I should have tried harder for sex. What you call "confident persistence", I know it and used it to great success in the past. But after several hours I'm just pissed you know.


I want girls to enjoy sex. She apparently enjoys cuddling mostly; everything more she just seems to do because of me. Maybe I'm not a super sex god, but I can get girls wet, and give them orgasms. I'm just infuriated; how can this girl be so attracted to me, but not desire me sexually?

 

[The_411]

She doesn't have enough fear that she'll lose you so she's stringing sex along like you speculated to try to get you to commit. She'll change her tune if she sense you're moving along and seeking other women because they'll have sex.

 

[_sideways_]

No need to get all hot and bothered. She knows you want it...she isnt giving it. Go cold.
In fact shes playing a cruel joke on you.

But dont stop seeing other girls.

I would let her do her thing...cook for me...entertainment, but now im getting my sex elsewhere. She will beg for it sooner or later.

She said yoyre nit at that level yet. For crying out loud shes playing with you.

She feels the hard cawk, she likes thw hard cawk. I say date her but never get hard for her. She will miss it.

When she asks whats wrong you say, oh youre not at that level. ..you took a step down.

 

[Thorninmyside]

You're not at that level yet = I'm controlling the frame and pace of this interaction. "I'm the captain now".

You need her to be in chase/fear mode now. How you do it is up to you, but I think the standard means would be being way way less available for any non personal communication, at least a weekend of ghost so it will do her head in what you're doing and with whom etc. hVe dinner with her somewhere with absolutely no flirting, then tell her you have to leave early to meet up with someone.

 

[pyros]

yes, she's trying to control the frame. And considering what she said about you not being in the right level yet or something like that, it seems she's the kind of woman that wants to control when and how you two have sex, now or in the future so keep that in mind.

Anyway, its ok if she does not want to have sex yet, her decision. So what can you do? I would just go on two more dates with her in which yo do not take her to your place, you do not go to her place, and you do not start anything sexual, just have fun. Then, after these two dates she should be willing to have sex with you cause you've 'proved' that you do not want her for sex only.
If she stills behaves the same way, I would just forget about her though.

P.S.
For the ones that suggested that she should be scared that you may leave her...silly really. She¡s not gonna be scared because they just went on two dates, and if he leaves, she can find another dude in a month probably so...no good strategy.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, did she say you're not at that level yet or we're not at that level?

If she said "you're" then she's playing you and controlling frame. If she said "we're" then she's a relationship girl, plain & simple.

 

[nismo-4]

She's controlling the frame, something she wouldn't do if you were a celeb OP.

It's as if she just wants to be friends. Or she doesn't find you attractive enough.

OP, if she were sexually interested, she would've been riding your pole. But, she either:

1. Friendzoned you
2. Wants relationship first, sex second, if ever
3. Is an attention wh0re/ certified diktease.

Whatever the case, women who are interested in you won't confuse you. Go after other women. This princess is likely in another castle. You will get sex from this girl on her terms later, if later even ooccurs.

Case closed.

 

[mrRuckus]

P.S.
For the ones that suggested that she should be scared that you may leave her...silly really. She¡s not gonna be scared because they just went on two dates, and if he leaves, she can find another dude in a month probably so...no good strategy.

You are focusing on her instead of yourself. Going cold is for the man's benefit, not hers. She either chases and gets with the program or she doesn't care and he has moved on anyway. Whatever she thinks is irrelevant. She is irrelevant in 5-10 years anyway, and the OP can be banging the next generation (Banging: TNG)

OP, yes she can stay the first night if you really want her to and you really can't expect her to put out the first night just because it's such an ingrained rule of women, but if she isn't putting out after that then she doesn't stay over, but you don't do it butthurtedly. Make an excuse.

 

[Huffman]

it seems she's the kind of woman that wants to control when and how you two have sex, now or in the future so keep that in mind.

My thoughts exactly. I might have the power now (as it's really her wanting to get with me); I can go cold and play mind games. But imagine we're in a steady relationship, I would obviously lose the advantage and it'd be a constant fight for control.... doesn't sound good

You see, I'm a bit confused with the situation because her interest seems to be REALLY high. She texts me almost every day (which I mostly ignore), basically I have to beat her with a stick to go away. It seems she want a boyfriend really bad and doesn't care much about sex. That's a red flag if there ever was one.

She's kinda cool to hang out with, but I can't commit to a relationship like that, what would I get from it? Actually - yes! That's the solution! I'm going to friendzone her.

 

[Huffman]

Thanks everybody for your answers; you essentially confirmed what I thought. Goes to show that the gut feeling is mostly right.

Anyway, she invited me to a House Party at a friend's place tonight. First I didn't want to go, I fear she wants to show me to all her friends as if I were her boyfriend (no no!). But on second thought, I'll just go there, have a blast with everyone, ignore her and start flirting with the other girls there. See what happens

 

[Kailex]

Seriously, just go, have a good time at that party and talk to EVERYONE except her.

Second, I wouldn't spend any more $$$ on her. She can come to your place from now on. Or if you go out, split the bill or she pay for it.

If she insists on wanting to do something couple-like, you say to her, "You aren't at that level yet".

She needs to be your Plate Z, last in line until she puts out.

If she's controlling the relationship frame now, this can only become a dead bedroom situation later down the line.

 

[pyros]

I hope you're talking about a girl that lives in the us cause I had a similar situation some months ago, but I am not from there.

Just to let you know, I 'dated' this chick for over two months. We went on 12-13 or more dates I do not remember, but it was always super hard to have sex with her. Actually, we just had sex four times in all those dates, and it was always me the one to initiate it and I had to 'force' her every damn time, be super persistent, etc.
As you can imagine having sex in that scneario was boring and below average. However, she seemed into me, texted me everyday and told me twice that she wanted a serious relationship before having sex (eventhough we had it although it was quick and boring), she even asked me if I loved her? can you believe it? LMAO.

In the end she friendzoned me, then I went ghost, she initated contact several times, we had boring/absurd sex again; she wanted a serios relationship but I tried to avoid the topic...

Later on, I friendzoned her cause I got fed up with her, she got angry and started to behave pretty childlish...and after a few months of radio silence now we're kind of 'friends'. LOL.

Moral of the story? if she denies and tries to control sex beyond what anyone would consider 'normal'...I would drop her cause it wont be probably worth it.

Would it have been better the sex with this chick had I agreed to have serious relationship with her? I doubt it...

 

[hudpes]

First I thought it could be she had a string of guys who just banged her and she got sick of it so she's trying a different path this time, taking it real slow, making sure she can trust you. But then this observation irks me:

She apparently enjoys cuddling mostly; everything more she just seems to do because of me.

If that last bit is true, it's a red flag. Not sure what it means, but it's a big red flag.

And to those saying she's controlling the situation. When are women not controlling the situation? Men lead, yes, but women allow, in other words they set boundaries and men are only allowed to act within them and only push slightly. She has every right to set the pace she's comfortable with.

 

[skinnyguy]

Mans biggest weakness is his desire for sex.

Walking away is best option

 

[Huffman]

Agree. Haven't spent a single $ on her so far btw. Off to that party now!

 

[mangotot]

Yes throw her out. She is wasting your valuable time.

 

[Huffman]

Just for the record. Went to the party. Got drunk. Couldn't really ignore her as much as I wanted without being an ass. Then -

Her: Hey can I stay at your place later?
Me: Nah not tonight.
Her: What, why?
Me: You know - it's really hard for me to sleep if there's nothing happening. So I'm not too keen.
Her: Is it really that important for you?
Me: (YES GODDAMIT OF COURSE IT IS) Well not that important, but I mean exactly what I said. I can't sleep. So some other time, OK?
I leave her standing and we avoid each other for like 30min.

Half an hour later, she's back. I pour another drink. We're alone in the kitchen and start making out. Dry humping. She on fire! Can't even keep her hands out of my pants for a minute. I take her home and we f*ck. She made it worth my while! (altough later admits it was painful...)

 

[pyros]

what was painful...?

 

[jurry]

Well done, kept your cool and didnt let her see you sweat.. And you were sweating a lot at the beginning. It was only a couple dates not every girl is DTF that quickly.. Relax!