No Contact Works

[Telemear]

I posted on here a few weeks ago about a girl who had totally baffled me by her behaviour and managed to get me doing some really silly AFC stuff. After consulting on this forum and getting some excellent advice, I decided to go completely NC.

I made no attempt to call or txt, ignored all her txts and only answered the phone to her after she had tried at least 3 times that day. The transformation in her behaviour has been quite dramatic. Whereas before she would make little or no effort and basically make me do all the running around, the roles have completely reversed. She is now frequently sending me messages, calling me many times a day and keeps arranging to meet up.

While it feels good to have her behaving like this to me, there is one distinction I'd like anyone reading this to know. I feel probably 10% of what I do for her now compared to before. By going NC it forced me to focus on myself and my behaviour, rather than waiting to feel good based on whether she contacted me or not. Being more detached from the outcome with her has helped immensely and I think the ability to not care (as much) and be willing to walk away makes such a difference.

 

[Igetit!]

I posted on here a few weeks ago about a girl who had totally baffled me by her behaviour and managed to get me doing some really silly AFC stuff. After consulting on this forum and getting some excellent advice, I decided to go completely NC.

I made no attempt to call or txt, ignored all her txts and only answered the phone to her after she had tried at least 3 times that day. The transformation in her behaviour has been quite dramatic. Whereas before she would make little or no effort and basically make me do all the running around, the roles have completely reversed. She is now frequently sending me messages, calling me many times a day and keeps arranging to meet up.

While it feels good to have her behaving like this to me, there is one distinction I'd like anyone reading this to know. I feel probably 10% of what I do for her now compared to before. By going NC it forced me to focus on myself and my behaviour, rather than waiting to feel good based on whether she contacted me or not. Being more detached from the outcome with her has helped immensely and I think the ability to not care (as much) and be willing to walk away makes such a difference.

+1 rep.



Now this is what I like to see.



You may not understand WHY this changed happened in her,but at least you know WHAT to do to cause that change to happen.




It's good you have and know about this no contact "tactic",but it's better to eliminate afc behaviors you had that contributed to her being a flake/acting unruly in the first place.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

No contact is really just a band-aid fix in the long run. As soon as you start to show interest again, she'll back off, think of a teeter-totter....LOL


However, glad to see you were able to restrain yourself and regain your composure.....

What's your goal with this chick??? What's the background story?? How did you go AFC etc???




PIMP

 

[Slick101]

Broke up with GF 10 days ago... NO CONTACT since then.. she never called or texted me in any way...

I guess it takes time for it to hit her,, and time for me to recover

 

[Igetit!]

Broke up with GF 10 days ago... NO CONTACT since then.. she never called or texted me in any way...

I guess it takes time for it to hit her,, and time for me to recover

Slick...I know you still have feelings for your girl even after all the pain,heartache,hurt,agravation,yelling,hollering and screaming,hanging up on you,disrespect,mental anguish,mental abuse,and everything else she's put you through,but I don't think "it" is going to hit her.



There's a misunderstanding here.


The "no contact" in my signature is for FLAKING.



It's for when you first meet a girl,set up a date,then she comes out with...


"I had to work"
"I lost my phone"
"I overslept"
"My cell phone battery died"


The "no contact" the OP and I are talking about is in the initial stages of dating...NOT after you've been in a relationship with someone for a while.



"No Contact" isn't a magic wand you can wave over EVERY SITUATION and make it all better.

 

[Slick101]

Slick...I know you still have feelings for your girl even after all the pain,heartache,hurt,agravation,yelling,hollering and screaming,hanging up on you,disrespect,mental anguish,mental abuse,and everything else she's put you through,but I don't think "it" is going to hit her.



There's a misunderstanding here.


The "no contact" in my signature is for FLAKING.



It's for when you first meet a girl,set up a date,then she comes out with...


"I had to work"
"I lost my phone"
"I overslept"
"My cell phone battery died"


The "no contact" the OP and I are talking about is in the initial stages of dating...NOT after you've been in a relationship with someone for a while.



"No Contact" isn't a magic wand you can wave over EVERY SITUATION and make it all better.

i know what you guys are talking about... But NO CONTACT can also be done in a LTR when it is broken

 

[Igetit!]

i know what you guys are talking about... But NO CONTACT can also be done in a LTR when it is broken

True,but in order to fix the relationship,THE PROBLEM must be repaired.


Generally when a relationship is broken,IT'S NOT BECAUSE there was a lack of "no contact".

Therefore adding "no contact" won't fix anything.


It a car has a bad battery,then guess what?

THE BATTERY needs to be repaired/replace.


If the alternator is the problem,then THE ALTERNATOR is the problem.




If the battery is the problem,but your repair/replace the spark plug,the problem still persist.



You seem to be wanting to use "no contact" on your broken relationship in order to repair it,but not having "No Contact" wasn't the problem.



You're trying to repair THE WRONG THING.



You have a bad battery,so what's your solution? You want to get new spark plugs.



Change out the spark plugs. Get brand new ones.

It won't matter.

And it won't matter because the spark plugs aren't the problem.

The battery is.




You're trying to apply "no contact" to your situation,but it won't matter.



I told you this LAST YEAR.



The problem you had with your relationship was you weren't being a MAN in it.


You weren't standing up for yourself. You weren't putting your pride,self-respect and well-being #1.



And since you didn't put your self-respect first,she didn't either.

That's where all that disrespect out of her came from.

If you didn't bother to have respect for yourself,then why should she?

THAT'S what needed to change.


If you were to re-establish contact AFTER THAT CHANGE being made,that might be your best bet for reconciling.



Other than that,you're just wasting your time.

 

[lazikia]

No contact doesn't work at all. It doesn't get you laid. It doesn't help improve your game. And the girl makes you feel like an awkward retard for ignoring her. No contact has never done anything for me.

 

[Furyguy]

I used it successfully. Took only a week to get her begging me to take her back. Slept together for another week and then I remembered why it didn't work between us in the first place.

Now I just want to ****ing forget about her altogether. Does NC work for this, too?

 

[1337]

no contact has to be used with the right intentions. For LTR breaks ups you use no contact to heal and move on and forget the past, using it in hopes of getting the girl back is only fooling you to think you've moved on. The OP's no contact dropped his feelings for her to 10% meaning he's close no longer focusing on the girl.

 

[JCballin88]

In my relationship experiences, No-contact hasn't really worked, simply because the reason things fell apart between us was due to a new guy on the scene. I'm the last thing on her mind while he's wining, dining, and 69'ing her.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

No contact doesn't work at all. It doesn't get you laid. It doesn't help improve your game. And the girl makes you feel like an awkward retard for ignoring her. No contact has never done anything for me.

Ignore this stunted slime, he hasn't learned a thing.

A girl can only make you feel like an awkward retard if you ALREADY feel like an awkward retard. A Man is whatever he decides he is, and brings into reality.

No Contact is a ridiculously overanalyzed concept of DJhood. When a guy first discovers it, he relishes in this newfound game of mental chess. "When will she call? I'll have her under my thumb!" But No Contact is just forgetting about a woman and moving on.

Trust me guys, go after your dreams, see them materialize in your life, and you will put much less thought into your dealings with women.

 

[ENIGMA16]

No Contact is a ridiculously overanalyzed concept of DJhood. When a guy first discovers it, he relishes in this newfound game of mental chess. "When will she call? I'll have her under my thumb!" But No Contact is just forgetting about a woman and moving on.

This is definitely the truth. No contact isn't a game; it's a mindset. The point of no contact is that this girl doesn't consume you, and that if she doesn't call then that's okay because you have better things to do than chase her.

No contact is great in certain situations. Like I've been stringing this girl along for a pretty long time now by being distant and giving her just the amount of attention that she needs to keep her attraction in me (and maybe even build it, because she did one day straight up say "I like you" and "I miss you" right before asking me if I don't want to talk to her anymore haha).

She invited me to come out to dinner with her and a bunch of friends. She's going out to the bars, too, but I already had plans so I told her I could only come to dinner. Planning on kiss closing because I feel like if I don't she'll lose interest.

 

[Telemear]

No contact is really just a band-aid fix in the long run. As soon as you start to show interest again, she'll back off, think of a teeter-totter....LOL


However, glad to see you were able to restrain yourself and regain your composure.....

What's your goal with this chick??? What's the background story?? How did you go AFC etc???




PIMP

In the initial stages, yes my goal was to get her back because I had this huge infatuation with her. We had been together for a month, sleeping together regularly, she would buy me gifts, constantly txt me "i love you/miss you" and I was really happy seeing it turning into a LTR. Then she went totally cold on me almost overnight, flaking on many occassions and barely replying or answering my calls which I guess fried my brain as it made no sense to me which is why I went AFC and sent her many txts when she didnt reply and would do likewise calling her.

What was fascinating is she came over last night so I thought out of curiosity I would broach the subject about her previous behaviour. Her reasons as to why she behaved like that were she "didn't know what I wanted from the relationship and that I hadn't established we were in a serious relationship".

I found this response quite amusing but my goal now is to give myself choice. I could keep seeing her as her recent behaviour is the same as in the beginning which is fine by me, but the key is I'm not attached to her like before. I don't wait around for her to call and now make sure I'm keeping myself busy and focusing on my life. Also since I went NC on her I did find someone else.

I think based on some of the responses here about no contact not working for them, I would say that's probably because the girl had very low interest from the start. If you go NC and she doesn't get back in touch, that should be pretty obvious as to how much she cares.

I believe NC is infinitely more useful as a tool to help focus on yourself and your behaviour rather than allowing a girl's flaking behaviour to screw with your mind. You could argue getting the girl back is more of a bonus than the actual outcome you should be seeking.

 

[Slick101]

True,but in order to fix the relationship,THE PROBLEM must be repaired.


Generally when a relationship is broken,IT'S NOT BECAUSE there was a lack of "no contact".

Therefore adding "no contact" won't fix anything.


It a car has a bad battery,then guess what?

THE BATTERY needs to be repaired/replace.


If the alternator is the problem,then THE ALTERNATOR is the problem.




If the battery is the problem,but your repair/replace the spark plug,the problem still persist.



You seem to be wanting to use "no contact" on your broken relationship in order to repair it,but not having "No Contact" wasn't the problem.



You're trying to repair THE WRONG THING.



You have a bad battery,so what's your solution? You want to get new spark plugs.



Change out the spark plugs. Get brand new ones.

It won't matter.

And it won't matter because the spark plugs aren't the problem.

The battery is.




You're trying to apply "no contact" to your situation,but it won't matter.



I told you this LAST YEAR.



The problem you had with your relationship was you weren't being a MAN in it.


You weren't standing up for yourself. You weren't putting your pride,self-respect and well-being #1.



And since you didn't put your self-respect first,she didn't either.

That's where all that disrespect out of her came from.

If you didn't bother to have respect for yourself,then why should she?

THAT'S what needed to change.


If you were to re-establish contact AFTER THAT CHANGE being made,that might be your best bet for reconciling.



Other than that,you're just wasting your time.

So what are you trying to say.. contact her and tell her I changed?

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Hence, my .sig. People use "no contact" far, FAR too often to replace the phrase "ignoring for a while" or "i'm going to hold my breath until I turn blue". "No Contact" seems to be seen as a magical incantation to straighten out a girl.

No, it's not. It's so the guy can move on and straighten himself out because HE'S the problem. He can't straighten out and improve himself when he's in the middle of indecisive emotional turmoil.

 

[tafakna]

I think the bottom line is that NC, or any feeling of loss, can only develop if there was a relationship to begin with.

It can do nothing to cure delusions or imaginary relationships. A real relationship and a real bond only happens over many months of dating and active talking.

Everyday we see people here that fall in love with the girl they met a bus stop 2 days ago, or with a girl who they never took to a single date. Obviously NC will not work.

You can't make a person feel like they lost something that they never had. Period.

 

[Warrior74]

No Contact is a ridiculously overanalyzed concept of DJhood. When a guy first discovers it, he relishes in this newfound game of mental chess. "When will she call? I'll have her under my thumb!" But No Contact is just forgetting about a woman and moving on.

This guy gets it.

I had a oneitis that dragged on for a couple of years off and on. She'd come around, get attention, validation,let me pump up her ego...when I would make a move on her she'd say "we're friends, I see you like a brother". So I would go NC. Then she'd come back looking to repeat the cycle again. I'd be an idiot and think, oh see NC worked! She came back. After two or three times of this I finally said, fvck it! I'm tired of this, the next time she came over I went for the kiss and the lay and she shut me down. I politely agreed we should be just friends and I never called or took her phone calls again. She blew up my phone for a couple of weeks, sent me emails and facebook messages...and eventually figured out that it wasn't going to happen and moved on. A few years later I saw her out while I was on a date and she started back with the calling and email...I just went NC and she eventually stop. Of course I got texts that I was a *******. But seriously...I can't be bothered wasting my time and energy on a chic I want but can't have.

Law 36

Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

Even showing contempt is too much to give. Complete indifference is the key. I would do well to remember that, and so would you.

 

[AMDG]

I can't be bothered wasting my time and energy on a chic I want but can't have.

Unlike girls, time is irreplaceable.

 

[jdollarthegreat]

Wait I don't understand, so no contact is a good thing to use as a strategy here? Lol its funny because I actually no contact inadvertently cause I just be forgetting about these girls man. You gotta know wat you want from these pros from the beginning bro and if she ain't wit ya plan then forget about her and on to the next one. I mean, I can't really relate to some of you guys cause yall live in small towns and stuff so its different getting girls but i'm from new york where theres millions of ppl and hella girls so you basically meeting new ppl everyday. No contact means i forgot about you real talk.