Hi everyone, not been internetting much recently. Need advice now
So there's this woman I've been seeing for five weeks. Pretty, very intelligent - psychologist, have a lot of laughs, great sex - though at first the sex was problematic as I was coming off some anti-depressants due to my brothers suicide attempts. Heavy, but relevant.
Four (quite intense, heavy contact) weeks in she says she doesn't want to continue if there's no emotional attachment from me. I say there have been some doubts, I check out my potential relationships before emotionally investing, and maybe was emotionally distant due to these anti-depressants (which I stopped taking when I realised they were affecting my libido - I wasn't depressed anyway, stressed yes about my bro, and I wanted to try them so I could get my brother onto them, to save his life.)
So I said I would search my feelings,m address my doubts and let her know if I was into this relationship, or wasting her time. I concluded I was into her, and told her. A great weekend followed.
Then the next day I had to go to my exes to drop off some of her stuff. I knew the new one had jealousy issues about her, and thought I was still into her, or she (the ex) might be into disrupting our relationship, but neither of those are true. We are just friendly with each other now. So, out of honesty I tell her, and she flips out.
I say fine I will do it as quickly as possible, or put it off, I just wanted to clear out anything that will be in the way of 'us' and give the ex no more reason to call. Not good enough. We're finished.
We talked all night, I reassured her I had feelings for her, was into our relationship, and even conceded if it meant that much to her I'd avoid any more contact with ex. She vacillated, but stuck to the break-up. She said she'd been into me when I wasn't, felt rejected, and now is feeling it less, and doesn't want a bf with some ex lurking about or the bond isn't strong enough for the hassle. I sensed tests and I think I passed them. But still she is saying it's over.
Soooo... what do I want to avoid in any relationships - jealousy, controlling behaviour, unfairness, drama... and I got it all last night. An ideal problem solver would say 'hey, I'd rather you didn't see your ex, ok?' and I would've listened. A woman with high-interest would not be playing the break-up card, twice. Unless she was scared of getting hurt. A cliche which is rarely the case, but could well be in this one.
So I should Next? We have a lot in common (including both being adopted, a big deal that you non-afopteds might not realise) and I sense a rare, great relationship is possible... and will be sad if this ends like this, over nothing. I rarely find a decent LTR candidate, so am not going to walk away at the drop of a hat - and neither can I beg her to give me another chance of course.
She's been texting me today, she's confused, I'm sensing she's open to another try if I keep saying the right things, but I have my DJ way of looking at this whole situation too. As do you I hope, and I'd like to hear it.
So there's this woman I've been seeing for five weeks. Pretty, very intelligent - psychologist, have a lot of laughs, great sex - though at first the sex was problematic as I was coming off some anti-depressants due to my brothers suicide attempts. Heavy, but relevant.
Four (quite intense, heavy contact) weeks in she says she doesn't want to continue if there's no emotional attachment from me. I say there have been some doubts, I check out my potential relationships before emotionally investing, and maybe was emotionally distant due to these anti-depressants (which I stopped taking when I realised they were affecting my libido - I wasn't depressed anyway, stressed yes about my bro, and I wanted to try them so I could get my brother onto them, to save his life.)
So I said I would search my feelings,m address my doubts and let her know if I was into this relationship, or wasting her time. I concluded I was into her, and told her. A great weekend followed.
Then the next day I had to go to my exes to drop off some of her stuff. I knew the new one had jealousy issues about her, and thought I was still into her, or she (the ex) might be into disrupting our relationship, but neither of those are true. We are just friendly with each other now. So, out of honesty I tell her, and she flips out.
I say fine I will do it as quickly as possible, or put it off, I just wanted to clear out anything that will be in the way of 'us' and give the ex no more reason to call. Not good enough. We're finished.
We talked all night, I reassured her I had feelings for her, was into our relationship, and even conceded if it meant that much to her I'd avoid any more contact with ex. She vacillated, but stuck to the break-up. She said she'd been into me when I wasn't, felt rejected, and now is feeling it less, and doesn't want a bf with some ex lurking about or the bond isn't strong enough for the hassle. I sensed tests and I think I passed them. But still she is saying it's over.
Soooo... what do I want to avoid in any relationships - jealousy, controlling behaviour, unfairness, drama... and I got it all last night. An ideal problem solver would say 'hey, I'd rather you didn't see your ex, ok?' and I would've listened. A woman with high-interest would not be playing the break-up card, twice. Unless she was scared of getting hurt. A cliche which is rarely the case, but could well be in this one.
So I should Next? We have a lot in common (including both being adopted, a big deal that you non-afopteds might not realise) and I sense a rare, great relationship is possible... and will be sad if this ends like this, over nothing. I rarely find a decent LTR candidate, so am not going to walk away at the drop of a hat - and neither can I beg her to give me another chance of course.
She's been texting me today, she's confused, I'm sensing she's open to another try if I keep saying the right things, but I have my DJ way of looking at this whole situation too. As do you I hope, and I'd like to hear it.
)
