nicksaiz65 Odyssey

[LiveYourDream]

The whole reason I came to SS was "I hate my life. I'm gonna create a new self, destroy the old one, and have that be my facade"

Whether that's a good or bad thing is open to interpretation. That's just the way I see the world tbh.

That's your house on fire! Except you can't get rid of yourself. You are always with you. You can't throw you away. You can't bury your feelings so far that they are not still burning below the surface. no matter how you dress, your waves, etc. you can look away all you want. You are still you. You need to resolve what is unsettled IN YOU, not runaway from in, dress it different, hide it, cover it, put a facade over it. Resolve it! Make Peace with it. Truly = How you start putting out the fire

 

[nicksaiz65]

Alright, I'll be 100% transparent with you guys, no covering up, no trying to look cool, any of that.

This might be a pretty long response.

I really hate opening up my emotions and talking about how I feel and all that because that's me moving into my feminine and it makes me vulnerable. But I'll do it since this is a pretty big issue

 

[LiveYourDream]

@GrowingPains I'd like your post 100 times if I could. There is a HUGE amount in their for our friend. I hope he takes it and internalizes all the gifts you've offered him there. That would offer him more than 1,000,000 P/U videos!!!!

@nicksaiz65 I tell it as I see it. I am glad you stood forward for what you felt was unsaid. That's important. I honor that. I honor your courage for living out here in full display. It's big.

Your honesty with yourself is your ticket home. It will take you farther than anything else. Radical Honesty with yourself.
There is lots that has been said already. The answers aren't on these pages. The answers are in you.

Here is question for you to be honest with yourself about:

What do you know that you are pretending not to know????

 

[nicksaiz65]

I agree @nicksaiz65 you have made some efforts. They were steps in a better direction. I agree. You can be proud of those. I apologize that I did not acknowledge them. I was not intending to say you were the same in your efforts or worse.

To be frank, sometimes you put out 'excuses' that are frankly BS weak cover-ups, for what was a by-product of your own choices all along, adding up. When you engage outings or lots of P/U videos before getting your work done and then wonder what happened when you are at deadline and cramming or missing it. To be frank, you offer excuses sometimes, when you simply should own it. The fact that you act or suggest you are a victim to some outside thing is BS. No one here buys that. Why are you selling it to yourself? You create your world!!!!

I am not pushing you in any one direction. I am not attached or think one is better than the other. You are the captain of your ship. Your current results say the house is on fire. It's time to figure out why?????

You can repaint the house, reroof the house, put in new landscaping, add a pool, invite a bunch of 'hoes' over for a pool party. That is what you are doing @nicksaiz65 Meanwhile YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!!

Getting better at texting, approaching, brushing out your waves while you sit in a chair by the pool and YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

Trying to logically model and map out a successful diagram with picking up emotional females while YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

Trying to decide which P/U artist is the one to follow for day game, night game, "hoe" game, while YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

Cramming for exams and projects, worrying about your fraternity, while YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

I think you get the point. YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

You can runaround it, ignore it, look the other way, dress it different, it is still your house and IT IS STILL ON FIRE.

You can look away longer, you can ignore it longer, what do you think happens then????

Best handle it now. Not ion the surface. Not the facade. What is it, in the house that is on fire??? What needs to be attended to??? What is itr that will truly put it out???? What is REALLY NEEDED????

Ok... let's start with my victim mentality. Honestly I feel wronged. Why me? Why do I have to suck at everything when everyone else gets it so naturally? Everyone else with their perfect grades, hair, clothes, Natural Dating Ability.... all the motivation in my life comes from "I'm gonna one up these people if it's the last thing I do."

I'll own up to the cramming part on Databases Program 2. The one I barely finished. This hoe that I was a bit infatuated with invited me out and I went for the opportunity. That's 100% my fault. I'm an idiot, and I put going out ahead of doing my work. The slut didn't even like me back or have my number saved. 100% my own doing.

But on the last two projects, I promise you I started early. I said I would do just a bit of Program 1 over Spring Break and do the rest once I got back and could get help. Should've pored over the program the whole break and forced it to work.

I can see that Inner Game is a huge issue. I've been saying that too. But how tf do you work on it if not fixing the sh*t in your life? I don't know and I don't understand. I'm not retorting, I'm honestly asking. All the PUAs say to fix the sh*t in your life and the inner game solves itself.

Let's hypothetically say this was a perfect universe. I had a 4.0 GPA and went to an Ivy League School, I was rich, rocked nice duds, had perfect waves, was a musical prodigy, had super tight Game, and was a bodybuilder with huge muscles and rock hard six pack abs.

That's what I aspire to be but that's another conversation.

Would we even be having this conversation right now if that were the case?

I'm honestly curious. I think the answer to that question will help frame some other ones.

 

[GrowingPains]

Yo bro I'm at the gym rn about to eat some mf plates. But I wanted to get this quick response in since I saw your message.

The challenge I pose isn't to be transparent with us. It means almost nothing to do that. It's like keyboard jockeying in a way. Even though I understand thats not your intent. We can't hold you accountable. We don't have a face. You can't let us down. The people physically in your life and yourself are the only ones who can. My challenge for you is to live out your honesty in those relationships because that's what will change.

 

[nicksaiz65]

What do you think she's going to do if you talk to her and tell her, your advisor, that you need her advice? Do you think she'll berate you for going through a hard time? Don't be so proud that it keeps you from succeeding. Your support system is there to support you. If you don't interact with your support system... You're all on your own. And you may feel that you have one here but your friends, family and academic advisors can do so much more for you if you than we can if you give the same honesty that you do here to them.

So inner game, right... Let's talk about it. A while back I said shared a quote - nothing new. But I think you missed the point and I didn't really acknowledge it. It was "I redefined myself, first I had to find it". To me this means that in order to become a better version of yourself, you need to be brutally honest with who you are currently. Identify the demons and then face those motherfvckers head on. This takes an immense amount of self relfection, consideration of your own observations and others, and action.

I agree with your friend, you are hiding from who you really are. And it's been presented by myself and others here that this is your true issue. In fact, I'd argue that because of your desire to be something you're not so strongly, you've missed the essence of being a DJ. Which is being comfortable with yourself. This is not to say stay where you are and never improve. But that you should be doing things for your own and not other's approval. If you build a beautiful home on a crappy foundation, it will fail. And that is what you're setting yourself up for. Do you cut your hair a certain way because it makes you feel like a champion? Or do you do it for the hoes? Do you workout because it's good for your well-being? Or do you do it for the hoes? Do you make songs because you enjoy the creative process and want to make music you enjoy even if no one else does? Or do you do it for the hoes? Do you improve because you see it necessary for what you deem a worthwhile life.. or do you do it for the validation of others?

You have run from the inner game improvement for too long. And it is what's truly hurting you. You know I've also gone through similar experiences from what I've briefly detailed here and in more in-depth PM's. So I'm coming to you from a place of understanding and relatability. Your ego is too big, and it's because of it's size that it is so fragile. Your pride is self-limiting, you put on a facade for those around you to believe you're something you're not. Your mind is in the wrong place. Whether you claim you spend most of your time on classes or not, it is clear by what you talk about that the distribution of your thoughts is mainly non-academic/purpose related. I can relate. But you need to find a way to flip the script. You cannot take on the world until you take yourself on. And you are taking on too much to realize that.

So why do you run from yourself? Are you afraid of what you'll find? Why are you afraid to share with others? I think you'll find it much more liberating, as I have, to share who you really are and what you're really experiencing than to hide it from others and yourself.

It will only truly get better when you decide to be honest with it.

Okay, 100% honest on this one too.

I don't wanna go to that office, get chewed out by a teacher that I respect and have her tear into me, "why are you even a student with grades like this" because it'd hurt too badly. I can't have that in my life. She's a really cool teacher, and I can't show my face in that office since I failed a class that she taught. I know it's dumb but that's my reasoning.

You wanna hear a really funny story? I've been going to a different advisor all the way across campus who isn't even in my department so I can avoid her. And my current advisor sent me an e-mail. I read the first few sentences "Hi Nick, I took a look at your transcript and..." I instantly closed the e-mail and had to delete it. This CS stuff is already crazy challenging and if I hear that kind of talk it's just gonna discourage me even more. But now that I'm using books, the internet and so on, as long as I start early there's zero reason I shouldn't make it through this program.

And honestly bro, I'm still a loser. I joined this site because I didn't want to be one anymore. I've failed at so much shyt in my life it's honestly impressive. I'm less of a loser than the year ago I started this journal, yes. But this is gonna take fvcking YEARS to get to where I want to be. It's not a lack of knowledge like it used to be. I know what I need to do.

I talk a lot on this website because I told myself that I'm not gonna feel emotions anymore and I'm gonna be a logical, masculine robot. I can't tell the people in real life this stuff. If there's one thing I hate, it's looking weak, vulnerable, or needy. I try to portray myself as an emotionless robot who has his life under control to the general public anyways. The root cause is that my sh*ts not together. If it were, I guess that it would solve at least 60% of the problem.

And honestly bro, my mind does wander a lot. I'll give you that. But I honestly truly don't spend all day on Game sites or videos. I'm in class, studying and whatnot. I just do this on my breaks. Why would I want to think about school during my breaks? I honestly hate it. It's soooo stressful. Not that the classes aren't kind of cool, but I'll be damned if I'm not a CS Graduate. Gotta do what you gotta do. I don't want this stuff in my breaks. I'll be working, reach the point where I want to tear my hair out, post on SS or watch 5 minutes of a Game video, then back to it. C'est la vie, right? I feel like I'm either attacking school, which is haunting me, or working towards having Game(not having Game haunts me too.) But I'm rambling again.

You guys are tearing into me on a C grade, but my average is like a 78! I honestly don't think that's horrible, and I've honestly been studying. I could do better, yes, one step at a time.

I don't even know how I'd share this stuff with others. The closest I've come is accidentally breaking down crying when I was with my friends. I swore I'd never let something that embarrassing happen again.

These extra years in school will be my new start.

I was hoping I could confide in you guys, fix my sh*t, and then do the same as I always have with dealing with others. Not good enough, huh?

If my academics weren't so sh*t, this wouldn't even be happening... I've really let my life become a mess. It was so good before.

I WILL FIX THIS BULLSH*T IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO. I'm supposed to be killing my academics and slowly be learning Game. Lmao that failed. But I'll fix it if it's the last thing I do

 

[GrowingPains]

Would we even be having this conversation right now if that were the case?

Yes. Because none of that can fix your inner game.

That's paint on a burning house. The problem is elsewhere. Consider big Dave as an example. He claims to be fit. Attractive. Wealthy. And well off socially. Let's assume all of that is true. Where do you think his issue is if he's not having success?

 

[nicksaiz65]

Yo bro I'm at the gym rn about to eat some mf plates. But I wanted to get this quick response in since I saw your message.

The challenge I pose isn't to be transparent with us. It means almost nothing to do that. It's like keyboard jockeying in a way. Even though I understand thats not your intent. We can't hold you accountable. We don't have a face. You can't let us down. The people physically in your life and yourself are the only ones who can. My challenge for you is to live out your honesty in those relationships because that's what will change.

Like who? My parents? My siblings? My fraternity brothers? Ideally, I am supposed to be able to tell them anything.

I haven't talked to my Mom or Dad in nearly 3 weeks. I talk to my sister pretty much every day.

I could talk to my frat brothers(we're supposed to be able to tell each other anything) but I'm so tired of looking like a weak. lazy, no game little b*tch.

I re-iterate, IF I JUST HAD GOOD GRADES THIS WOULDN'T EVEN BE HAPPENING. So stupid. So fvcking stupid

 

[nicksaiz65]

Yes. Because none of that can fix your inner game.

That's paint on a burning house. The problem is elsewhere. Consider big Dave as an example. He claims to be fit. Attractive. Wealthy. And well off socially. Let's assume all of that is true. Where do you think his issue is if he's not having success?

On the inside. Boy, that sounds familiar. So even if my sh*t was perfect it'd just come out in other areas of my life?

 

[nicksaiz65]

@GrowingPains I'd like your post 100 times if I could. There is a HUGE amount in their for our friend. I hope he takes it and internalizes all the gifts you've offered him there. That would offer him more than 1,000,000 P/U videos!!!!

@nicksaiz65 I tell it as I see it. I am glad you stood forward for what you felt was unsaid. That's important. I honor that. I honor your courage for living out here in full display. It's big.

Your honesty with yourself is your ticket home. It will take you farther than anything else. Radical Honesty with yourself.
There is lots that has been said already. The answers aren't on these pages. The answers are in you.

Here is question for you to be honest with yourself about:

What do you know that you are pretending not to know????

Can you be a bit more specific? I don't know exactly what you mean by that question.

 

[nicksaiz65]

That's your house on fire! Except you can't get rid of yourself. You are always with you. You can't throw you away. You can't bury your feelings so far that they are not still burning below the surface. no matter how you dress, your waves, etc. you can look away all you want. You are still you. You need to resolve what is unsettled IN YOU, not runaway from in, dress it different, hide it, cover it, put a facade over it. Resolve it! Make Peace with it. Truly = How you start putting out the fire

So even if I had everything I wanted in life, I'd still be unhappy?

My God, I'm having deja vu. This is the exact conversation I had with my friend. He said "you could have all this stuff you want, and you'll still be unhappy. You hate your life and you won't admit it to yourself." This conversation is after I ghosted them for 3 months. My reason being "I have awful grades, I'm not wavy and I can't even dance. What good is it hanging out? I'll come back after I get my shyt in line this summer."

I honestly can't even begin to tell you. If I asked myself why I'm unhappy, I'd just list the same surface reasons that I've already said in this journal. I honestly, truly, don't know. I define my worth in my grades, waves, music, money, Game, fashion, muscles, and all that stuff. That's the best answer I have for you.

Hence why I'm still a loser. I've taken major steps forward but it could take 3 years to get the rest of this sh*t in line.

Here's another question. Do you think that this unresolved emotional mess has any bearing at all on my academics, no matter how slight? I'm not looking for excuses for my behavior. I'm just wondering if this stuff is linked.

 

[nicksaiz65]

How Did it Evolve to This?

I really hate how this was supposed to be a simple Game Journal with a splash of inner game and then it evolved into a full intervention lol. I never ever would've expected this when I made the first post. I hope this isn't annoying for you guys.

Maybe I should re-apply for school.... I don't know. I'll look into that. But I'd have to leave school for 4 years and forfeit every credit I've earned. NO. I'm just gonna finish strong. That's what I have to say about that.

Instead of crying, how about I find out the answer to my academic questions, finish my degree, cope with these people, and do what I gotta do?

Let's say that my GPA is too low to get an internship. Well f*ck them then. I'll get experience through personal projects. And I'll knock on peoples' door and ask for work just like y'all said.

I will succeed. I don't care what anyone says anymore.

 

[marmel75]

[QUOTE="LiveYourDream, post: 2631420, ]
I really appreciate the write-up and I agree with much of what you say: this time I'm going to defend myself a bit though. I honestly think I've been doing much better.

As for starting last minute, I've been doing much better about that. The issues I was having were with OOP Program 1 and Databases. I started OOP 2 Weeks out and Databases a week out. I couldn't figure out OOP for the life of me. I got tutoring, I sat in front of the screen for hours... Just nothing doing. I was able to finish Databases but that was one of the most obnoxious programs I've had the displeasure of doing. I just couldn't solve the program in OOP, it didn't work. So idk what to say on that. I passed everything else and my average was looking like a 78. But take away Program 1 and it becomes a 68. Fvck.

I know it seems all I talk about is DJing from here. But on a real day of my life, I'm actually just running around doing school stuff, classes, et cetera. My mind just tends to wander to Game when I take my breaks so I end up posting on here. I promise I'm not just sitting around watching Game videos lol. It's just my mind tends to wander to it throughout the day and I like to post here to gather my thoughts. As I go throughout the tedium of my day, y'know? The Game stuff helps me take my mind off things for a few minutes. Game is dynamic so I always have new stuff on it. Classes? Study... Do the programs... Not much to say

I'll go ahead and make the discussion public that I was having about these classes. I made a D in Calculus 2 the first time. So I'm retaking it now. But I was looking at the Undergraduate Path and that may be enough to move on. I'd just have to take MATH 3070 instead of MATH 3410. If that's the case, I'm done with Cal 2. Out of every class I've ever taken, there's been none I hate more than Cal 2. It's the most frustrating, annoying, obnoxious class I've ever dealt with.

I hope I don't make a D in Databases. I SHOULD make a C if things go according to my plan. But I'm just preparing for the worst case scenario in case my program bombs or something like that. And if it does, do I have to retake it? If I pass, I'm not looking back. That class is frigging hard and I don't wanna do it again.

I'm sorry but I can't ever give up on this CS degree. If it's not CS, I don't wanna do anything at all. I love music, and cutting hair is cool, but my dream is to be a programmer AND musician. My transcript is pretty bad but I'm just gonna do the out of sight out of mind thing on this one.

I realize I've fvcked up with the money. As soon as I graduate and get a job, I'm gonna live on half my income. With the other half, I will pay off student loans and give my parents $40,000 as an apology.

As for getting thrown out? I'd have to fail absolutely everything next semester. I'm still in the clear for this semester.

And as for getting help I don't have a defense for that. I'm still running from my problems and barely staying afloat with classes.

In high school, I had a 3.6. I was determined to prove to everyone that I was the best. I did that my first semester of college but then the CS stuff got frustrating and I gave up.

I honestly feel like I'm doing better this semester thanks to you guys.

I've been avoiding my advisor like the plague. My transcript is cancer lol. I can't go see her with grades like that! She teaches a lot of the classes I fvcked up in!!! How embarrassing! I told myself I won't talk to her until I have a really good semester.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm not open to feedback or abrasive, but I honestly think this semester I have some things to defend towards myself

@LiveYourDream

OOP helps if you think of it in real world terms. At least it helped me when starting out.

Let's take vehicles for instance.

You could create an abstract Vehicle class with certain property fields and methods:

int numWheels;
int maxSpeed;
double highwayMPG;
double cityMPG;
book isHybrid;

public void Drive();
public void Reverse();


Etc, etc

You cannot create a vehicle, its an abstract base class which the derived classes inherit from.

class Car:Vehicle
class Truck:Vehicle

Then you could have makes which would inherit from the appropriate vehicle type

class Toyota:Car
class Chevrolet:Car

Etc etc...

Each of the derived classes inherit the property and methods of the base class

Since you can't have multiple base classes, the only way to allow multiple inheritance is through implementing interfaces. An interface can be thought of as a contract between the interface and the class using it. In effect, its like a franchise agreement....the interface allows the class to use ot but it requires it implements all of the properties and methods in it. It doesnt care HOW you implement them, only that you do in some way...

 

[GrowingPains]

On the inside. Boy, that sounds familiar. So even if my sh*t was perfect it'd just come out in other areas of my life?

I believe so. Its the same reason that a woman should not define your happiness. You should be happy with yourself. If you do all these things for people in your life, and they leave your life, then what was it for? Improve for you, it's your life. But engage your purpose for others - every ant contributes something to the ant hill. Think of most influential people, their message is not a selfish one but one of benefiting the greater good.

You say none of this would be happening if you didn't have bad grades. But it's not really about the grades. The reason for the bad grades is because you haven't mastered yourself. From my point of view anyways, you may think differently and if so lmk. But the way I'm seeing it is that it all comes back to inner game.

So I'm reading through the above posts... let's dive in.

First, thanks @LiveYourDream . I find that we often think similarly and I wish I worded things the way you did.

Honestly I feel wronged. Why me? Why do I have to suck at everything when everyone else gets it so naturally? Everyone else with their perfect grades, hair, clothes, Natural Dating Ability

So with all you know from reading this website, you still think there's people who just wake up and they've got 'it'? The myth of the natural is that they just started woo'ing women the second they were born. No... they just got started earlier, possibly had more opportunities, whatever whatever. Everyone is a product of their environment. We discussed this before. It's the same in other areas of life. Did Kobe Bryant, even though he's one of the greats just become the best without practice? LeBron? Jordan?

Like who? My parents? My siblings? My fraternity brothers? Ideally, I am supposed to be able to tell them anything.

I haven't talked to my Mom or Dad in nearly 3 weeks. I talk to my sister pretty much every day.

I could talk to my frat brothers(we're supposed to be able to tell each other anything) but I'm so tired of looking like a weak. lazy, no game little b*tch.

Yes. You confide in your sister, because you feel comfortable with her. But if you share it with people who you think are judging you - parents, fraternity brothers, randoms - I think you'll find a couple things. 1. They're not judging you and if they are it's because you're not making any effort to change your situation or they have an issue themselves and their judgement is to make them feel better. So fvck 'em. You'll be better for it. For not hiding your problems and embracing them. You, and many people, are confused by what it means to be masculine. Taking it to an extreme. You can be masculine and still have problems. I would say the difference between a man and a little b!tch is a man handles his sh!t. If there's a problem, he fixes it. Nuff said. A little betab!tchboi complains about it and does nothing. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - MLK Jr back at it again. 2. People will be supportive of you if show them you are making an effort to change through your actions. Sharing your demons makes you stronger. Bottling them up is a false interpretation of stoicism and masculinity. Stoicism, to me, is 'yes I'm dealing with a hardship. But I'm figuring it out and best believe I will come out on top. I'll show you through my actions. Don't expect me to make any excuses for myself or whine because I'm too busy making moves to have any.'

Can you be a bit more specific? I don't know exactly what you mean by that question.

I think what @LiveYourDream is saying is what are you hiding from and pretending isn't a problem? For example, you know you should go to therapy, but you don't.

Do you think that this unresolved emotional mess has any bearing at all on my academics, no matter how slight?

Unless you truly believe you operate like a logical machine, which I don't think you do, then yes. Your inner being is responsible for how you perform unless you're just extremely great at compartmentalizing which is only a good short term coping mechanism and not long term.

Well f*ck them then

Careful. You started down the correct path at the beginning of this sentence. But then took a wrong turn. It is not their fault that you're not qualified for their internship. It is yours. You have to own that. They didn't take your tests for you. They didn't decide your focus for you. Eliminate all traces of the victim's mentality. It is your responsibility to make the best of your situation. Sure, some people are dealt sh!tty situations. Poor, abused, disabled. But you are none of those. And even if you were, it is within your power to deal with them and make them as best as you can. A friend of mine likes to say "all wounds are self inflicted" and while it wasn't meant for this context, I find it relevant here. You have to make the most out of your environment. No one is going to do that for you. Motivation is over rated. Create a plan that you believe in and stick to it, even when you don't feel like it.

 

[nicksaiz65]

OOP helps if you think of it in real world terms. At least it helped me when starting out.

Let's take vehicles for instance.

You could create an abstract Vehicle class with certain property fields and methods:

int numWheels;
int maxSpeed;
double highwayMPG;
double cityMPG;
book isHybrid;

public void Drive();
public void Reverse();


Etc, etc

You cannot create a vehicle, its an abstract base class which the derived classes inherit from.

class Car:Vehicle
class Truck:Vehicle

Then you could have makes which would inherit from the appropriate vehicle type

class Toyota:Car
class Chevrolet:Car

Etc etc...

Each of the derived classes inherit the property and methods of the base class

Since you can't have multiple base classes, the only way to allow multiple inheritance is through implementing interfaces. An interface can be thought of as a contract between the interface and the class using it. In effect, its like a franchise agreement....the interface allows the class to use ot but it requires it implements all of the properties and methods in it. It doesnt care HOW you implement them, only that you do in some way...

Right, that makes sense. We went over that in class last week. I was struggling a bit with the subtle difference between abstract classes and methods.

I know I shouldnt do this, but let's make this discussion practical. I'm going to post the instructions to my program 1. I just couldn't get the damn thing to work, I didn't understand how the pieces fit together.

Just so you guys have more context.

I'll take it down in a couple days just like I did with my looks thread

 

[nicksaiz65]

Instructions

http://imgur.com/a/FAin1Eu

I'll remove this in a couple days so I don't get in trouble.

@marmel75
@Papa_smu

Any thoughts? This is the program I couldn't do, I just want to have context for this discussion.

I just don't understand how this data structure is supposed to look or how I'm supposed to get info from next_pizza_item

 

[nicksaiz65]

I believe so. Its the same reason that a woman should not define your happiness. You should be happy with yourself. If you do all these things for people in your life, and they leave your life, then what was it for? Improve for you, it's your life. But engage your purpose for others - every ant contributes something to the ant hill. Think of most influential people, their message is not a selfish one but one of benefiting the greater good.

You say none of this would be happening if you didn't have bad grades. But it's not really about the grades. The reason for the bad grades is because you haven't mastered yourself. From my point of view anyways, you may think differently and if so lmk. But the way I'm seeing it is that it all comes back to inner game.

So I'm reading through the above posts... let's dive in.

First, thanks @LiveYourDream . I find that we often think similarly and I wish I worded things the way you did.



So with all you know from reading this website, you still think there's people who just wake up and they've got 'it'? The myth of the natural is that they just started woo'ing women the second they were born. No... they just got started earlier, possibly had more opportunities, whatever whatever. Everyone is a product of their environment. We discussed this before. It's the same in other areas of life. Did Kobe Bryant, even though he's one of the greats just become the best without practice? LeBron? Jordan?



Yes. You confide in your sister, because you feel comfortable with her. But if you share it with people who you think are judging you - parents, fraternity brothers, randoms - I think you'll find a couple things. 1. They're not judging you and if they are it's because you're not making any effort to change your situation or they have an issue themselves and their judgement is to make them feel better. So fvck 'em. You'll be better for it. For not hiding your problems and embracing them. You, and many people, are confused by what it means to be masculine. Taking it to an extreme. You can be masculine and still have problems. I would say the difference between a man and a little b!tch is a man handles his sh!t. If there's a problem, he fixes it. Nuff said. A little betab!tchboi complains about it and does nothing. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - MLK Jr back at it again. 2. People will be supportive of you if show them you are making an effort to change through your actions. Sharing your demons makes you stronger. Bottling them up is a false interpretation of stoicism and masculinity. Stoicism, to me, is 'yes I'm dealing with a hardship. But I'm figuring it out and best believe I will come out on top. I'll show you through my actions. Don't expect me to make any excuses for myself or whine because I'm too busy making moves to have any.'


I think what @LiveYourDream is saying is what are you hiding from and pretending isn't a problem? For example, you know you should go to therapy, but you don't.


Unless you truly believe you operate like a logical machine, which I don't think you do, then yes. Your inner being is responsible for how you perform unless you're just extremely great at compartmentalizing which is only a good short term coping mechanism and not long term.


Careful. You started down the correct path at the beginning of this sentence. But then took a wrong turn. It is not their fault that you're not qualified for their internship. It is yours. You have to own that. They didn't take your tests for you. They didn't decide your focus for you. Eliminate all traces of the victim's mentality. It is your responsibility to make the best of your situation. Sure, some people are dealt sh!tty situations. Poor, abused, disabled. But you are none of those. And even if you were, it is within your power to deal with them and make them as best as you can. A friend of mine likes to say "all wounds are self inflicted" and while it wasn't meant for this context, I find it relevant here. You have to make the most out of your environment. No one is going to do that for you. Motivation is over rated. Create a plan that you believe in and stick to it, even when you don't feel like it.

I think another reason I struggled is because I didn't know why I was in college. I was just there.

Now at least I know: I want to be a CS Professional and make money.

And exactly. I've got to commit to fixing this instead of complaining and crying. I honestly think I have a good plan in place though. I do talk about this stuff with my sister, but that's it. How would you even broach conversations like this?

It's 100 percent my fault: I wish I had stayed on this website since freshman year. Then I would've realized the truth sooner. My point is, I'll be a CS Professional even with my awful grades. One of the members in my band is an engineer. His grades were awful: he still succeeded. I'm not excusing poor grades, I'm just saying I'm going to graduate and succeed no matter what.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Let's hypothetically say this was a perfect universe. I had a 4.0 GPA and went to an Ivy League School, I was rich, rocked nice duds, had perfect waves, was a musical prodigy, had super tight Game, and was a bodybuilder with huge muscles and rock hard six pack abs.

That's what I aspire to be but that's another conversation.

Would we even be having this conversation right now if that were the case?

I'm honestly curious. I think the answer to that question will help frame some other ones.

About ten years ago, a client of mine referred a friend/business associate of his to me. Short rough version goes something like this...
This business man, late forties or so, could not figure out how to get and sustain true happiness. He was on a quest. He was seeking true lasting happiness. He couldn't catch it and sustain it. He was at a loss. He researched it and consulted lots of experts about it. He tried everything he could think of. He was at a loss. His business associate referred him to me. That person had it. He could see it. He said he could see I had it also. He wanted to know what he could do to have it and sustain it too. He explained...

He had tried all kinds of things throughout his young life. Couldn't get it.
He made his first million thought that would finally make him truly happy. Nope
Found a himself a beautiful woman. Nope.
Got Married. Nope.
Had Kids. Nope
Founded a Company. Nope.
Got Divorced. Nope.
Was worth ten million dollars. Nope.
Got a new upgraded wife. Nope
Sold a company. Nope
New kids with the new wife. Nope.
Started another company. Nope.
on our conversation went....

I am not a who's who person. I didn't see him any differently or relate with him any differently than any other client.
A few days later I saw the man who referred him to me. He told me that the man who had come to see me was currently worth over a hundred million dollars. There he was in my office the previous week...still trying with all that he was, and all that he had available too him, to find true happiness.

So @nicksaiz65 Read what you wrote again... What do you think now???

Let's hypothetically say this was a perfect universe. I had a 4.0 GPA and went to an Ivy League School, I was rich, rocked nice duds, had perfect waves, was a musical prodigy, had super tight Game, and was a bodybuilder with huge muscles and rock hard six pack abs.

That's what I aspire to be but that's another conversation.

Would we even be having this conversation right now if that were the case?

I'm honestly curious. I think the answer to that question will help frame some other ones.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Hilarious how this program makes ten times more sense AFTER it's due. If I just understood the shape of this data structure and how you pull info from next_pizza_item I could totally do it. I knew how to do everything else

 

[LiveYourDream]

Can you be a bit more specific? I don't know exactly what you mean by that question.

Ask it and the answer will come in an hour, in a day, in two...who knows. Just ask it and see what answer pops up FOR YOU??? There may be many. Take note of them and then the next. There is no wrong answer! Just truth between YOU and YOU!!!