The Final Life Update: I Feel Enlightened; Chasing my Dreams
Okay guys, I promise that this'll be the last life philosophy update for a while and after that I'll go back to beasting/making progress in my life. But I just had so many epiphanies today that I can't not put this in my journal. I feel like I'm actually discovering life and learning where my mistakes lie. The path isn't as smooth as I would have liked, but in the end I will be the nicksaiz65 that I envision and everything will turn out great. Not doing headers this time, I'm just gonna type whatever comes to my mind, really. I'm writing this more for myself at this point anyways. But I promise that I'll have some field reports and successes coming up very soon.
I'm not going to go into details here. But I was considering lying to a teacher to get a better grade. I decided against that, it's against my moral code. My conscience just wouldn't let me do it. I ended up going to talk to a therapist and it turns out that I was honestly depressed. That's probably why I haven't been able to focus on my grades like I need to. But along with talking to her and this site, I feel so much better. I really appreciate this site, it has helped me get through a lot of really difficult issues in my life. And as for this semester, as long as I get through at least a couple of classes moving towards my major, I will be okay with that. If I graduate in 5.5 years, that's fine. It'll give me more time to do what I need to do(like actually applying my programming) as well as fix my life. I'm going to stop stressing, I laid out a plan and I can still graduate just fine. But from this moment on, no more mistakes.
I honestly need to work towards becoming a bodybuilder if I'm going to be happy with myself and 100% confident. This is something I worked really hard on when I was younger, but recently I've been slacking. I'm gonna be ripped as all hell and be a charismatic, confident, sexy bodybuilder. 100% Natty of course. Now that I know exactly who I am in life, I can work extremely hard 24/7. No more pandering, sucking up to people, or considering myself lesser.
I've got to save for these classes so that I can do what I need to do to graduate and get my full degree. No more buying frivolous shyt. Including wave brushes. This dude on the pages had some of the best waves I'd ever seen, and he never used any crazy brushes at all. I'll buy a new article of clothing once every 3 weeks so that my wardrobe can stay fresh while I am fvcking these hoes. Also, I can't be scared to lean on people and ask for help.
I seriously do want to be a musician. A violinist and an EDM Musician. I need to actually start taking my career in those seriously. Listening to more music out there would actually be a good start. I need to become a literal virtuoso on the violin. I'm actually happy that I'll be taking more time in school: I can spend my time practicing and writing music. I am seriously trying to monetize this and make a career out of it. But I HAVE TO be responsible and hard working or it's just not going to happen.
As much work as I have to do to make my life what I want, I'm pretty much going to be working 24/7. But I do see some value in taking breaks every now and again so that I don't end up hating my life. As long as those breaks are planned. So whenever I get a chance, I'm going to buy myself another 3DS. Maybe I'll do it as a reward for after I'm being responsible. Listening to as much music as I can while I work is pretty much going to save me, too. It'll also help me move on from my past. I truly believe that I get all the issues in my life now.
Gonna keep watching more haircut videos to save even more money and refine my technique as a barber. Being a barber is another dream that I am chasing. Also, I really hope that I actually have friends after the friends that I have now graduate lol. Gav's Guide to Motivation will help a ton here.
I'm gonna get FL Studio and lots of better synths. I really want to become a great producer. I have so many more tracks that I need to make before I do that.
I feel like I've learned so many lessons from this. Everything does happen for a reason. Maybe God is just trying to show me how to be a responsible Man?
I really love you guys on here, even though I know it's just a forum. I can honestly say that this website has helped me though some tough times. Although I do feel enlightened, sometimes I question the meaning of life, as weird as that sounds. Like what's the point of going through all these trials and learning all these lessons? That's some really deep food for thought, I guess I'll think about that later.
I've said this before, but there is literally nothing in this world that you can't learn on the internet.
I'm sorry for the wall of text, you guys. But I just have to get all these crazy thoughts that are in my head on paper. Now I feel like I can go out and take on the world. Which I will do, starting by going to the gym and then going on this date later today.