Nick's asking for your help guys...

[Nicholas Hill]

The last time I asked for help must have been ages ago! I seem to be giving more advice, normally over PM and updating DJB articles etc...

There's something that has been bugging me for YEARS now, and I think its time to talk about it. Its all about confidence.

There have been days when I have been incredibly confident. Everything would go perfectly - people would respect me, men buy me drinks, and that cute blonde would slowly rub my shoulder as she leaves the area...

Those types of day are the best in my life.

And there have been those days where its difficult to even confidently ask to pay for items in a shop, where a damned meek voice begs to pay for goods.

My problem is not being able to force myself into one of those two states. I've tried EVERYTHING - I think about confidence a lot and how to "instantly" become confident - NOT because I'm trying to be confident when I'm generally not a confident person (ie, lying to myself and others) - BUT because I HAVE been a GENUINELY confident person on lots of occasions.

Lots of you know that this summer "holiday" has been pretty bad for me - I've survived (and here's the list again...) hospitalisation due to migraine, losing my job, sunburn and most recently, chickenpox, ALL IN THE PAST SIX WEEKS!

I am now half way through my holidays, as there are about seven weeks until the new University year where I intend to be the DJ again, the guy I know I can be. At the moment, I have been surely less-than-DJ-like.

How quickly do we forget our successes? Far too easily. All those dates, hot blondes, workout results, exam results, leadership qualities...

Lots of you have gathered that I don't swear, but I really wish I could run down the street naked shouting how incredibly pi**ed off I am at my unpredictable nature - do I wake up confident today? Do I wake up unconfident?

Yea I've gone off on a tangent again. Any person who tells me that will get their head ripped off!

I only have the simple yet not-so-simple question that I see as the ONLY barrier between me and my old-time-success, and indeed, also my future successes - and the question is this: How can I be REALLY confident all of the time?

There's one free 9.5 rated stripper for the guy (or girl...) who gives me the best answer. Please see disclaimer.

Thanks in advance men, I'll be responding to most of your responses because this is a big one for me,

Nick

 

[killerasp]

This is something ive been wondering myself. Would anyone care to post some tips?

 

[Walden]

Hmmm (sound of Walden thinking).

I found when I was scared , doing parachute training I'd hum/sing some De La Souol and I'd be in a more relaxed state.

When I'm out DJ training I hum/sing sinatra and it makes me feel confident and outgoing.

When I'm about to go on at the comedy club I hum/sing "Momma said knock you out" by LL Cool J.

Maybe soemthing along those lines whatever music you like , so you can voluntarily go into a confident state.

 

[squirrels]

You're not the only one who feels that way...I swear, I get on the same kinds of weird swings, where one week I'm on top of the world and the next I'm struggling to hold on to my "DJ-hood."

I think we all work in cycles. But a friend of mine always used to tell me that, "in order to be happy, you must know 'sad' ". So maybe it's healthy.

I just try to remember that I'm in control of my own life and take advantage of the upward momentum when it's present.

As for answers, I have none for you. If you find out, let me know.

Do you like rollercoasters?

 

[sonick182]

Ahh, same here... Though not as dramatic as the events you went through, the last few weeks have been rough on my confidence/esteem.

All of my 'prospects' i had for the summer are out of reach for one reason or another (some went on trips, and one i just cant get ahold of, maybe shes gone too).

For the last week i haven't gone out with friends as I was on vacation... WITH MY PARENTS, so no DJing with girls or whatever could be done.

I had work yesterday, and my confidence and energy was just so low, i just couldnt do my job (salesperson).

Today there was this cute girl workin at this food court place who was new. Even though I couldn't DJ her (my little bro was there, I have an odd habit of keeping my personal/love life far away from my family life), I just didnt feel I expressed confidence/suaveness in a perfectly good situation, i just ordered in an average, bland voice like any other customer she had/would have.

Hey, my name is Nick too

Anyways, its good to know others are in the same situation, so we dont feel we're alone in this.

 

[iqqi]

You are going to have days where you feel like ****. Sometimes your day will get better, sometimes it won't.

On days like these, just go solo. It is good for the soul. Mask your uncomfort with silence. Introspection can lead to growth. Sit in a dark room and drink tea.

You can't escape all of your bad days, so just learn and grow. These days are actually valuable to you as a person.

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Nick i can relate to a lot of your situations, its pretty damn tough.

I cant be bothered to write a long post, but i think ive stumbled across something that will help you out MAJORLY.

Toss me a PM if you're interested, and no it isnt cheap cocaine lol.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by SLIKKER_THAN_AVG
Nick i can relate to a lot of your situations, its pretty damn tough.

I cant be bothered to write a long post, but i think ive stumbled across something that will help you out MAJORLY.

Toss me a PM if you're interested, and no it isnt cheap cocaine lol.

Is it EXPENSIVE cocaine?

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

damn you!! givin away the secret and all lol.

 

[waldo]

Have you tried anchoring?. I have a problem where I sleep on top of the world, and wake up very AFC, lazy and depressed. I seem to lose the positive mindset whilst sleeping.

Having read your post try doing the following.... when your in a great mood and feeling very good about yourself, take a minute to write down exactley what you feel, smell, see and imagine, what are you thinking about?, what has happened that day?... then put that piece of paper to one side.

When your next feeling down about yourself get out the piece of paper and take a few minutes to relive what you were feeling, make sure you get excited and passionate about how good your 'vibe' was back then. Think about what your reading, pick the most positive events of that great day and go over them time and time again.

Hopefully within a few minutes you'll be pumped up and re-energised after reliving some great moments of your past.

And likewise if you have a bad day, try to forget it quick!.

-waldo

 

[digitalrat]

Man, I always have a way of focusing on the bad that has happened. I have to really think to think of something positive that happened.

I mean I have a lot of chicks looking at me etc.. and DJ things I do around chicks. But I only go over and over the things that arent working out. It sucks and brings me down.

 

[rastlin2021]

hi, as most ppl, I share this prob also...

we are all human, besides gals, we hv our jobs. family, love etc...

when we are down due to one of these reasons...it will of cos affect your confidence...

I think I read in one of the articles on "having a good rest the night before" is very important also...if you are feeling tired...no matter how confident you are, as long as you are not happy...inconsistency slips in...

I always tell myself to be happy and playful... as well as confident. Happy people is popular everywhere...

Hope this helps.

 

[dionysius_d]

watch

Observe the meekness, lack of confidence and shyness when it manifests (eg. in a shop).

Just watch it.. then start to watch your anger at it and yourself.

If you do both right, and stay centred, it will pass.

What you resist, persists.

 

[Oxide]

In order to asnwer this question, we need to realize one thing,
and this thing is :

We are humans We are creatures that change our moods everyday, we go from black to grey to black to white to black all the time. we get affected by things all the time, things that bring us down or up, depending on the situation.


Here is what id recommend doing

Look for a good thing in every bad thing that happens to you. Realize that something good is always there, you just need to search for it.

Take tonight for example. I was invited to a party by a girl. I couldnt go right away, because i had to work (bad thing? no, because i earned money). i called the girl afterwords, and she said party sucks (bad thing? perhaps, but if i showed up and it sucked id just waste more of my time), so instead i went to the pool with 2 girls, which led to a lot of kino and rubbing

And just NOW, as i was typing this post, i hit the power switch with my leg, and my comp shut off... (bad thing? not really, ive realized i was hungry, so i went upstairs and made a sandwich , and now enjoying it while retyping this).


So here ya go nick, try to be optimistic and remember, it is our nature to be moody.

Your bro Dennis

 

[GirlCrazy]

The answer is you can't, and if you were REALLY confident 100% of the time you'd come across as mechanical or on drugs or an alien or something.

Sounds like you are a normally confident person who's having a moment of doubt and making a mountain out of what should be a mole hill. Let it be a mole hill.

 

[bp1974]

Originally posted by GirlCrazy
The answer is you can't, and if you were REALLY confident 100% of the time you'd come across as mechanical or on drugs or an alien or something.

Sounds like you are a normally confident person who's having a moment of doubt and making a mountain out of what should be a mole hill. Let it be a mole hill.

This is the answer. No-one only ever feels one thing. Some people go around pretending that they're happy all the itme, or sad or angry or confident or whatever, but no human that's ever walked has had only one emotional state. You're a real person. Sometimes you feel confident, sometimes you don't. If you accept these shifts and pulses as a normal part of the rhythm of your life, you'll be better off for it.

Sure some states are preferable to others - I'd rather be confident than anxious, or happy than depressed, but the truth is, sometimes I'm any one of those things and I don't know which I'll be until I am it. If I was never anxious, I wouldn't know what confidence was.

That's life.

bp1974

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Originally posted by squirrels Do you like rollercoasters? [/B]

Yeah!

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Originally posted by sonick182
Ahh, same here... Though not as dramatic as the events you went through, the last few weeks have been rough on my confidence/esteem.......
.......Anyways, its good to know others are in the same situation, so we dont feel we're alone in this.

Theres a website called "confidenceworld"(.com) that apparently has good articles on confidence. One of the exercises for becoming so-called "instantly" confident involves taking two very deep breaths then doing ten star jumps shouting "yes" at the top of your voice after each one.

I can't get the image of a flapping turkey out of my mind.

But nonetheless, guess what? I've tried it...

The effects? They don't last too long, but I'll continue my research, surely.

 

[Imbrondir]

Anchoring and some NLP'ing on myself has helped me alot. But as the other says. You can't be on top all the time. To feel an emotion is probobly to feel it MORE THAN USUAL. Emotions are chemical drugs inside your body. And like any drugs that affect your mood, they might need to be used in cycles. I think my happiest days in my life, has been days where I've been sad just before this.

For instance, take a look at the different responses between a rich dad's boy, and a poor african kid, when given a gift. The rich boy is used to gifts and won't be happy. While the poor kid will be having the time of his life when he gets a free snickers.

I think Jester wrote something about crying once in a while, in the tip section. Perhaps one of those days you feel really unconfident, and you're off to bed, you call forth all sadness, all your insecureties...etc untill you make yourself cry. I tried it recently, and it actually made start laughing of what I call forth when I was finished.

.... Oh, and you can't be thanked enough for your work on the DJ-bible.

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Originally posted by waldo
Have you tried anchoring?.....

I have tried simply remembering the successes I have had.

In fact, what you say has a lot of relevance...

I visited my university yesterday and there are, of course, no students still on campus because we are in the dead middle of the long 12 week holiday (13 weeks for me). While it would take more than 12 hours to make me feel "normal" after six weeks of feeling "terrible", being at Uni did have a positive effect on me. As I walked around campus, I felt better because each building / area bought back thoughts of how I had spoken to strangers / led meetings / taken exams that went well / kissed girls. I felt as though I was still around.

So I guess that it is anchoring to the extreme. I suggest this sort of thing as a tip, to go and actually visit those places.

I'm also starting to think that the less you have in your schedule, the worse you feel and hence the less confident you are. Work does not count as a "busy schedule" - the items in your schedule must be pleasurable to do.

Nick