New Girlfriend logs into her ex's Facebook on my laptop

[omgwtfm8]

My current girlfriend of 4 months is in quite a bit of communication with her ex-bf from 2 years ago and she claims they are strictly friends. I've never asked details about him and just shrugged it off because I'm not trying to come off as jealous. I wasn't worried about him at all because he seems needy / AFC. I assumed he just wasn't over her (she's very attractive) and tried to to keep in touch.

I'm starting to notice a bit more that they constantly GChat, text, and he sometimes calls. I've overlooked convos before and they are about small chat but about each others day. Like about TV shows, clothing, etc.

She actually answered one time in front of me and a friend at a lunch with a 'What?', instead a 'Hello'. I know it was him and confronted her. I asked who that was and she claims it was a friend who wanted to buy her slippers or something.

Recently, she was sick at my place and I took a day off of work to take care of her because she had to go to the ER. She was using my laptop for a few hours while I did some work and I could tell they were chatting.

So today, I go to log in to Facebook and his e-mail address is prepopulated on the e-mail textbox ...

She totally is stalking this dude and logs into his Facebook.

She's mentioned awhile ago before that he's jealous of me. She said things like he's a old man child, chump, and better as just friends before. Now I can't trust her that she's not just trying to use me a jealous tool to get back at him...

I'd rather do this in person rather than over the phone. We're not going to meet until a few more days. Thoughts on how to bring this up?

 

[GameTime76]

I'd say something along the lines of... "I Know you and your EX still talk but, we been dating for 4 months now. I'm not the jealous type though, dont you think its time to move forward?"

There is a RED FLAG in this situation. I think its strange she is logging into his account.. Is she worried he might be talking to other girls? Is she really over him? Most girls wont go back with their ex. BUT, life is unpredictable. Keep doing what your doing. If it becomes more of a problem then start looking for another girl.

 

[Gray The Prince]

I think the answer is obvious on what needs to be done...

 

[IamJosan]

I say don't bring it up, but rather work up your game so she won't leave you. Make her want you more! How do you do that? Spend less time, and when you do spend time, make sure it's the time of her life!

 

[f283000]

I say don't bring it up, but rather work up your game so she won't leave you. Make her want you more! How do you do that? Spend less time, and when you do spend time, make sure it's the time of her life!

Wait a minute, he's the one that's supposed to be doing the work? I thought SHE was the one talking to her ex! She should be working so he doesn't leave her!

 

[backbreaker]

WTF is there even to be said? seriously? this is not up for debate. leave.now. no questions, onc confrontations.

trying to rationale this **** is trying to rationalize ebola. Do you know how strung up a woman has to be to check her Ex's **** on her new BF's laptop? she had to have her fix that bad.

I mean even the worse AFCs have limits to where they know the gig is up. the gig has shut down, packed and checked in the hotel for the night on this one.


in this situation, see this is what women do, and why we talk about "frame" so much, she's framing the argument in a way that makes her look innocent (by saying they are jsut friends) and you being the BETA that you are will say "well okay they aren't doing anything" but the truth of the matter is, the fact is you two chose to be exclusive when you said this is my BF and this is my GF, and as your GF, there is a certain code of conduct that comes with that. It's one thing for an ex to call every few months to check in and see how someone is doing, that's not that bad. but she shoudl not be seeing her ex like she is and she damn well should not be checking in his FB account. even if she is not technically cheating, she's disrespecting you by doing that


what's going to happen 5 months from now when one of her male friends wants to take her out. oh but it's okay because they are just friends. what happens when she doesn't come home on time a few hours later than normal and she just stayed over her girlfriends house to sober up before coming home. you are opening pandoras box.


seriously leave this broad.

I think its strange she is logging into his account.. Is she worried he might be talking to other girls?

saying this is strange is like saying OJ Simpson's DNA being found at the murder scene was conveniently ironic.


THIS ***** HAS TO GO. i mean is it seriously anyting to think about here? how can you not see she wants her Ex's ****? seriously? what is there to digest here? what else does she have to do to convince you she wants to blow her ex?

 

[Purple]

Get a keylogger for your laptop, hack into his facebook and start messaging her sappy love **** until she no longer thinks he has any balls.

Alternatively, just look at the messages and confirm for yourself if he's a chump. If he is, you should not be worried. I've never heard of anyone getting back together with an ex that they have constant communication with. Nothing kills the spark of attraction more for a girl than familiarity.

You should only really worry if he doesn't often contact her for weeks to months, and she starts contacting him.

My last suggestion is in humour, but the next time you're ****ing her, really play up the dominance, tell her you own that *****, and command her to call her ex up, right in the middle of sex, and set it to speakerphone. That would put an end to it for sure.

 

[backbreaker]

Get a keylogger for your laptop, hack into his facebook and start messaging her sappy love **** until she no longer thinks he has any balls.

Alternatively, just look at the messages and confirm for yourself if he's a chump. If he is, you should not be worried. I've never heard of anyone getting back together with an ex that they have constant communication with. Nothing kills the spark of attraction more for a girl than familiarity.

You should only really worry if he doesn't often contact her for weeks to months, and she starts contacting him.

My last suggestion is in humour, but the next time you're ****ing her, really play up the dominance, tell her you own that *****, and command her to call her ex up, right in the middle of sex, and set it to speakerphone. That would put an end to it for sure.

someone actually did this to me in real life

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Tell this broad straight up to get over her ex. That means no communication at all. If she can't do that then break up with her and tell her to holla @ you when she is done messing with that fool. I thought it was common ass sence not to talk to the ex when your dating someone else. That's straight up disrespectful.

 

[AlexDP]

You know what you have to do.

 

[change11]

It may be legitimate. They may be "just friends". She may be f*cking him right now. She may have no attraction to him right now but something could spark again in the future. But you will never know 100%.

Point is you will always wonder about this and it will get worse. Anytime something shady happens you will wonder about this. Anytime she gets mad at you for something (were you checking out that girl!?) you will think of this and get angry. I was in this position myself. I finally grew some balls and ended the relationship a little over a week ago.. I cannot explain how much better I feel already, like a massive load of stress off my shoulders.Yeah, it hurts to not see her anymore and it's hard. Yeah I want to believe it's legit (I do believe so) but the doubt in my mind became too much. I know I made the right decision.

If you're going to be exclusive with a woman SHE should not be giving you ANY doubts about her character, integrity for faithfulness. I know it's hard because you like the girl but just think, why would you want to be with a girl who is giving you doubts when you could be with a girl who doesn't need to be in contact with any of her ex's.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Uh, guys, there is no such thing as "just friends" when it comes to women. She is emotionally tied to this other guy, and she should be emotionally tied to you, OP.

OP, you are providing her with perhaps 70% of what she feels she needs. The other guy is providing her with the rest in order that she feels fulfilled. Between the both of you , she has the boyfriend she wants

Women cheat emotionally far in advance of cheating physically. You need to lay down the law NOW, but I can tell by the way you write that you don't really know what the law should be. So many of you young guys are afraid of appearing "jealous". You need to reframe that belief... You have EXPECTATIONS, and she is not meeting those expectations.

What should those expectations be? Well here's a clue - Would she or would she not go absolutely BALLISTIC if the situation were reveresed? Would she tolerate your doing the very same thing to her? She'd be out of there faster than you can imagine. Women today want to have their cake and eat it too, and it's beta men like yourself who are afraid to lay down the law and end this nonsense.

It is entirely preposterous for her to remain in contact with her other lover while she is with you. What are you going to do about it?

 

[change11]

you need to lay down the law NOW, but I can tell by the way you write that you don't really know what the law should be.

Is this really even worth it? Say he does "lay down the law", how is he ever going to KNOW that she isn't just going to be talking to this ex behind his back? She may comply right away, cry, apologize, then next week continue talking but be more careful doing it. Or, she's going to have her group of girlfriends (and probably guy friends) saying "oh he is sooo controlling/insecure/jealous". OR, maybe he starts talking to one of his ex's to let his girlfriend know how it feels and it becomes "oh he's an *******/jealous/doing it out of spite/acting like a baby".

After my experience with this situation I think I won't stand for it at all with future women. It seems like there is no solution to make it work for the man. I don't even feel it's worth it to 1. let the girl explain the history or 2. tell her to stop it. How will I ever believe she actually stopped it? How do I know that, a few months down the road she won't be doing it secretly behind my back? Maybe I'm too bitter after the last time but I feel like my own standards now are telling me "as soon as the ex boyfriend/f buddy/whatever shows any contact I'm gone", because I'll never be able to believe that a girl has actually stopped communication.

Just my feelings after my experience. If there is ANY guy that she has a physical past with you cannot win, best to walk away immediately, at least that's my take on it.

 

[st_99]

well, at the very least you need to stop labeling her your girlfriend because that she is not. anything beyond that is up to you..

 

[Robert28]

if there's one thing I've learned to be 1000% true about women it's this, they NEVER EVER speak in a negative tone about their "friends". however, if they do it about an ex, that's bad news. that means she still has feelings for him, they might be negative sounding feelings but they're feelings nonetheless! if I had $1 for everytime I heard some girl call her ex all sorts of names, put him down, etc only to get back with him in the future then I'd be a rich rich man. also, if they are "just friends" then she sure is putting alot of effort into this supposed "friendship". I have friends, but I don't log into their facebook, I don't talk badly about them, I don't talk to them ALL the damn time.

there's two ways to go about this. now that you know what's going on you can keep the sex going while looking for another girl, don't dump her yet cause you'll cheat yourself outta some @$$. if you plan on keeping her(I wouldn't but that's just me) then what you're going to have to do is take some pics of yall getting it on, take a video, etc. send it to this guy. sure she'll be pissed but oh well, it will be fun.

 

[omgwtfm8]

if there's one thing I've learned to be 1000% true about women it's this, they NEVER EVER speak in a negative tone about their "friends". however, if they do it about an ex, that's bad news. that means she still has feelings for him, they might be negative sounding feelings but they're feelings nonetheless!

I believe this.

This is also a girl that is in 24/7 texting communication with quite a few people (guys only), friends with all guys, and seeks attention. Albeit she is very attractive HB9.0. A lot of people are obsessed with her. People have gushed out feelings to her many times that she thought were friends. She still entertains these people and let's them buy her dinners / drinks, etc.

I've always kept my distance because of this. She spends all her weekend time with me and we're very physical which I can deal with since I've gotten out of a 3 year a few months ago. I doubt this girl has the ability to connect emotionally since she's got her guy's she's always talking about every little detail about her day with. Literally talking about pooping, shopping, work, etc. We really only talk about dates, plans, and sex.

We're not Facebook official, but have committed exclusivity and we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend etc. but I believe she's probably a girl who thinks that only sexing is cheating.

She is always into talking about my past, asking about my #, things I've done, etc. I don't quite understand it. She's told me she's browsed my ex's on Facebook etc.

And bonus: I think she hacked into my Gmail while she was on my laptop as well due to a auto-sign on that I might have been had enabled by accident when I let her use my computer for a few hours unsurpervised while I did some work. I'll update with a confirmation later tonight once I check cache.

 

[Iceberg]

I believe this.

This is also a girl that is in 24/7 texting communication with quite a few people (guys only), friends with all guys, and seeks attention. Albeit she is very attractive HB9.0. A lot of people are obsessed with her. People have gushed out feelings to her many times that she thought were friends. She still entertains these people and let's them buy her dinners / drinks, etc.

I've always kept my distance because of this. She spends all her weekend time with me and we're very physical which I can deal with since I've gotten out of a 3 year a few months ago. I doubt this girl has the ability to connect emotionally since she's got her guy's she's always talking about every little detail about her day with. Literally talking about pooping, shopping, work, etc. We really only talk about dates, plans, and sex.

We're not Facebook official, but have committed exclusivity and we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend etc. but I believe she's probably a girl who thinks that only sexing is cheating.

She is always into talking about my past, asking about my #, things I've done, etc. I don't quite understand it. She's told me she's browsed my ex's on Facebook etc.

And bonus: I think she hacked into my Gmail while she was on my laptop as well due to a auto-sign on that I might have been had enabled by accident when I let her use my computer for a few hours unsurpervised while I did some work. I'll update with a confirmation later tonight once I check cache.

I guess your reaction to this depends on what you expect out of this situation.

A) If you consider her a girlfriend, then you should dump her. If the girl you're in a relationship with is secretly communicating with her ex, then something is rotten at the foundation. And if the foundation is rotting, then there's no fixing it. She's trying to have her cake and eat it too.....She gets you as the boyfriend, and at the same time, she's establishing a branch to swing to whenever you get sick of her (or vice versa)

B) If she's just a temporary sex partner, then keep screwing her, and find other plates to spin.

Just understand that this woman cannot be trusted emotionally. You cannot put yourself in a position to be hurt by her. Whatever feelings you might have had for her need to be replaced with the logic of this situation - which is, you're dating a woman who is still keeping her ex (or multiple ex's) on the hook.

 

[omgwtfm8]

Update: Guys I have an update for you. This may be a good lesson on when not to jump to conclusions. Basically, the reason I assumed she logged on her ex's Facebook was when I double clicked the Email textbox, it suggested his e-mail address. I browse some cache settings and noticed Netflix, Hulu, and Pandora was used as well. I went to each of those sites ... and she was using her ex's Netflix account to watch some TV shows because his account was still signed in.

I signed out of that account and it auto-populated his e-mail address on Netflix. It also had the same suggested values in it as the Facebook. I came to the conclusion that she did not log in his Facebook after all.

Great thing I didn't automatically accuse her an start a conflict.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

dump That B1tch!

 

[Robert28]

Ask yourself this. Would SHE or any woman for that matter mind if YOU still talked to your ex on a regular basis and were admitted friends with them?