New girl, racism arrives with her parents

[Recon]

Ive been seeing a girl for about a 2 months or so, close to 2 to 3 times a week. We've had sex about 10+ times, (she is only the second girl ive been intimate with), and we became official about a week ago.

I'm black, and she's white.

So yesterday she says "we need to talk", and cries and tells me her parents and friends don't approve of me and she doesn't know what to do, and after about 5 minutes I figured out it was because of my race.

The convo went like this :

Her:"Recon..we need to talk"
Me: "Ya sure, whats up?"
Her: (Sobbing) "My parents don't want us to be together...and my friends agree too.."
Me: (shocked) "Wait what?...why?"
Her: BS <-----to much crying and sobbing to remember exact details
Me: Tell me now.
Her:"Well you know...they hold very traditional southern values, and I don't know what to do.."
Me: (Pissed, and confused, I met her parents before with no problems) "Well good luck with that, when your not controlled by your parents give me a shout, until then, things are done."
Her: Wait,
Me: (Hang up)



Now i feel like crap, and I have no idea what to do. What I do know is, I'm not going through the emotional turmoil my last girlfriend put me through. (See my post history). I feel like what she said could have been BS, but I have no clue. I never thought of her parents disliking me, though I only met them in passing. Her friends, definitely didnt like me because I consumed alot of her time.

What should I have done?

 

[Warrior74]

What should you have done? Nothing. That's their problem, not yours. You can't change how they feel. If she's telling the truth and she's choosing family over you, let her. But if she chooses you over family, then be with her. Brave girl.

You have no control over this situation and putting pressure on her to go against her family is really not the way you want to go. She has to choose you.

 

[Tazman]

Had a friend who was with a girl about 5 years younger than he was, but it wasn't a problem when they first hooked up. When she was ready to move on to the next guy she started telling him that her family "spontaneously" developed a problem with the age difference.

Soon after he found out she was with another guy. I say leave the girl alone, if your race wasn't a problem in the beginning it isn't a problem now. She's just trying to swing to the next branch and that's probably the easiest excuse she could come up with so you wouldn't be upset with her.

 

[WaterTiger]

Wow!

Rude move by her folks and friends...

TOTALLY insensitive move by you!:nono:

Right now they are all telling her "See? We told you he was a loser! Look how he dumped you!"

(I haven't gone back & looked at what you suffered with the last girl. Nor do I know how emotionally invested with this girl you were.) But DAMN! Would a "little" compassion been out of the question?

There is a tendency in the south, that not only do races not date/marry, but once a white girl has been with a black man, no white man will date her ever again. Ugly but true.

 

[Recon]

Wow!

Rude move by her folks and friends...

TOTALLY insensitive move by you!:nono:

Right now they are all telling her "See? We told you he was a loser! Look how he dumped you!"

(I haven't gone back & looked at what you suffered with the last girl. Nor do I know how emotionally invested with this girl you were.) But DAMN! Would a "little" compassion been out of the question?

There is a tendency in the south, that not only do races not date/marry, but once a white girl has been with a black man, no white man will date her ever again. Ugly but true.

Considering we live in Maryland, and her parents seemed fine when i met them, I'm not sure how i'm being insensitive..

I just felt like it was BS, so i got pissed.

 

[Tazman]

If it's any consolation I live in Maryland too. There are a lot of mixed couples around here. In fact most of the girls I've been with have been white because they make up the majority where I live. Her story sounded like BS, don't worry about what you did. There are racist people everywhere, but it sounds like she used a typical excuse to push you away.

She doesn't need any compassion, if anything you do. Her folk's racism is not your problem (which I think was either an exaggeration or a lie). I've seen this before.

 

[women haze]

Interracial Relationships do not work ...I saw a statistic that about 65% of them fail.

You probably are better off without her ,because the pressure of her parents, and friends will drive her towards another man anyways. You might be safe if she has a history dating Black men you may be safe otherwise...get out of that situation. I do not see a happy ending there

 

[speakeasy]

Interracial Relationships do not work ...I saw a statistic that about 65% of them fail.

Uhhh, most SAME RACE relationships fail. Maybe you have some sort of axe to grind?

 

[Tazman]

^^Really. Where did you get those stats? It makes no sense.

My whole family is one big melting pot.

 

[Solomon]

Yeah I'm curious to know myself Haze were you getting these stats from

 

[Da Realist]

Ok, recon, you messed it up. I've been through it, so i know what I'm talking about.

First lesson learned is that no parent or friend will tell you they don't like you to your face. It's not 1960 when they could have just hung you in a tree. These folks are actually afraid of being called out or punched out if you look intimidating. So they may have grinned in your face, but as you can see, they were ready to throw a knife in your back.

Second, that girl really cared about you and she wanted some kind of comfort. I know acting with a little sensitivity is considered weak in this day in age, but that was what this situation called for. See, how you did it made you come off as some scared little boy who can't handle pressure. If she was interested in pursuing a real relationship with you, she needed to know that the man she was with was strong enough to stand all that crap because they are going to give her a hard time when you're not around. Now she probably feels really alone now since she sees how the people around her really are.

To sum it up, you have to be the rock in these kind of relationships. You deal with her folks civilly, but don't ever think they love you for a second, at least yet. But if I were you right now, I'd call that girl back ASAP, apologize, hear her out, and console her. That is if it's not too late or you just don't care. My guess is you got a good chance since it's early and she has shown you her parents.

Oh yeah, don't apologize like a sissy or a robot. Put a little feeling into it, but don't overdo it.

 

[thedude4242]

honestly most white families with any kind of integrity dont want their white daughter dating a a black guy. go find a black girl homes.

 

[ashrivas]

honestly most white families with any kind of integrity dont want their white daughter dating a a black guy. go find a black girl homes.

lol and who makes these rules. This ain't 1930 brah. Get over your insecurities

 

[Da Realist]

honestly most white families with any kind of integrity dont want their white daughter dating a a black guy. go find a black girl homes.

Are you kidding? I saw much so crap going on behind the scenes it didn't make any sense.

 

[Semtex]

honestly most white families with any kind of integrity dont want their white daughter dating a a black guy. go find a black girl homes.

By saying white families with 'integrity' it seems like you agree with the notion of judging someone based on their race is what really matters.

The reality 'homes', is that most white families with any kind of integrity care about the character and prospects of the guy more than his race. I cant see any family preferring a white loser bum over a successful and great black guy who makes their daughter happy.

 

[ashrivas]

By saying white families with 'integrity' it seems like you agree with the notion of judging someone based on their race is what really matters.

The reality 'homes', is that most white families with any kind of integrity care about the character and prospects of the guy more than his race. I cant see any family preferring a white loser bum over a successful and great black guy who makes their daughter happy.

THIS!

 

[thedude4242]

how many white girls have you seen with black men and had a long-term relationship with success. I am not saying black men are bad they just pick some of the crappiest white woman to be with.

 

[909pua]

THis girl is BS'ing you. She's just finding an excuse not to be with you anymore!

 

[Warrior74]

how many white girls have you seen with black men and had a long-term relationship with success. I am not saying black men are bad they just pick some of the crappiest white woman to be with.

How many have I seen. Probably about 10-20 that have lasted over 10 years. How may of my friends who are white have been in same race relationships or marriages over 10 years...only about 10-20. How many of my friends who are black who have been in same relationships over 10 years, probably about 10-20. It's not about race all the time. We live in a pretty ****ed up generation as far as relationships go. Any relationship that last more than a few years is a success these days.

Also you make the assumption that all black men date trailer park white trash, and that happens alot, I see it around here every day. But not everyone does this. I understand you're just generalizing, but if you do that enuff you'll start to believe it as fact. Watch yourself.

 

[Commandante]

Me: "Well good luck with that, when your not controlled by your parents give me a shout, until then, things are done."
Her: Wait,
Me: (Hang up)

What should I have done?

You gave the best answer ever. Having parents with "traditional southern values" is her problem, not yours.