New girl Need advice, taking it slow, i think i ruined it.

[crazy_panda]

Here's the story, i really need advice because i really like her but i think i messed it up already.

So there is a new girl i hooked up with in college, we hit it off she was flirty so i asked for her number and a date/"hangout".

On first date we went all was awesome she was cute and flirty and showing all the right signs, mid-date i took the lead of a men and kissed her, she was kinda shy said shes not "PDA" but went with the flow and we kissed without any sort of trouble. At the end we also kissed. After i get home she texts me that "we should take it slow for now", i said that's cool with me.

Days go by i see her in school and shes shows the right signs, talking, flirting, playfully hitting me etc. A week goes by and by now we know each other that we are comfortable together, again with no signs of loosing attraction.
Yesterday, after school she dropped me off in the evening, i kissed her and we took it in the back seat. We kissing, touching rubbing etc (the good stuff) with out her saying anything/pushing me, she enjoyed (even showed assets) .

After i get home she sends me a text late at night,
Her : "i don't think its going to work..i don't think we should talk anymore",
Me: " i know, we'll only end up making each other miserable..." . (**** test-amplify)

Morning comes and shes replies:
"its just its going way too fast... i have never been kissed without being their girlfriend... so we should just be friends and we cant do kissing or touching etc blah blah"

Tell me what could i do to save this, shes very cute reserved girl ( i want it), so now i don't reply to her or send anything just NC.
Gonna see her on Monday in class.. what to do ...?

I know there was chemistry between us i don't know what did happen and why you continue to make-out knowing if its bothering you and only tell me later on..?
WTF? is this a **** test or just not interested or just plain dumb?

P.s I know body language and very good with peoples vibe..

 

[Financed]

I wouldn't call or text but be friendly when you see her in class. Let her come to you and if she doesn't, oh well, she won't be the last woman you'll date. Also, start talking to other girls in school, especially ones that you don't normally.

My best guess is she felt the loss of control and is using that take-it-slow crap to regain it and if you act as a Yesman, comply and act as her BFF then she did gain back that control. If you do what I said in the first paragraph you remain in control.

 

[crazy_panda]

yes, i think your right. i had a feeling its because of that .. much appreciate it ill do that see what happens.

 

[asa_don]

After i get home she texts me that "we should take it slow for now", i said that's cool with me.

Her : "i don't think its going to work..i don't think we should talk anymore",
Me: " i know, we'll only end up making each other miserable..." . (**** test-amplify)

Morning comes and shes replies:
"its just its going way too fast... i have never been kissed without being their girlfriend... so we should just be friends and we cant do kissing or touching etc blah blah"

Tell me what could i do to save this

How much more does this girl need to tell you that she is NOT interested in you?

She felt unconfortable with your kisses and told you to "take it slow"

A girl that wants you will not take it slow

She said she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. How much more clear does she need to be?

She is making excuses to make out with you. What does that tell you?

She would be on top of a guy that she wants to be with in a minute. She is telling you no.

She doesn't want to be with you or to have sex with you.

Save what? There is nothing to save LOL. She told you she doesn't want you several times.

Take her advice and go find another girl.

 

[SJ413]

How much more does this girl need to tell you that she is NOT interested in you?

She felt unconfortable with your kisses and told you to "take it slow"

A girl that wants you will not take it slow

She said she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. How much more clear does she need to be?

She is making excuses to make out with you. What does that tell you?

She would be on top of a guy that she wants to be with in a minute. She is telling you no.

She doesn't want to be with you or to have sex with you.

Save what? There is nothing to save LOL. She told you she doesn't want you several times.

Take her advice and go find another girl.

I wouldn't say all that. Her words convey that she wants to take it slow, but her actions speak otherwise. Talk is cheap, trust by actions. It seems as though to me that perhaps with her reserved attitude she doesn't want to come across as slutty, although as I have previously said, her actions say otherwise. She is probably just trying to save face and regain the frame in the process.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

Here's my take on this:

If she is a reserved girl it would be very difficult to get to second base in the back-seat of your car. She had a high interest level in the beginning and gave you a chance. You probably did some things wrong or she didn't like the way you advanced towards her and therefore she want's to be friends with you. A woman who's interested in you but wants to take it slow won't tell stuffs like not going to work out together and not talking anymore. She'd be more like "Don't you think it's too fast?" and you reply with "No, it's just perfect the way it is." If she ever mentions being friends it's over already. Friends and lovers don't mix in the sexual game.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

However the best thing you can do right now is to take it slow and don't give her too much attention. Don't ask her why she's behaving like this. They'll always give a sh*t answer which is the furthest from the truth. See how she behaves and watch her actions. Never pay attention to her words but watch closely how she acts towards you because that is the perfect indicator of how she feels for you. Actions speak louder than words. Words are fickle and don't bear any weight unless backed by actions. Actions are always backed by THOUGHTS and thereby is an indicator of what the person thinks.

 

[Purefilth]

How much more does this girl need to tell you that she is NOT interested in you?

She felt unconfortable with your kisses and told you to "take it slow"

A girl that wants you will not take it slow

She said she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. How much more clear does she need to be?

She is making excuses to make out with you. What does that tell you?

She would be on top of a guy that she wants to be with in a minute. She is telling you no.

She doesn't want to be with you or to have sex with you.

Save what? There is nothing to save LOL. She told you she doesn't want you several times.

Take her advice and go find another girl.

This.... +1

 

[zinc4]

it's difficult to tell without seeing you two kissing and stuff...she could just be trying to relationship close you so she doesn't feel guilty and doesn't have the confidence to outright ask you....is she very religious? if she is and she told her parents about the back seat thing you can bet they probably told her any boy who really likes you should be asking you to be his gf before making out with you...especially the backseat of the car scenario...shocker some young girls actually listen to their parents...

but on the flip side, she could just not be that attracted to you and used you to make herself or ego feel better about something like recently being dumped or whatever...it could be a whole number of scenarios....but overall, it does sound negative...

How much did she look like she enjoyed the touching and making out? All you have to risk is rejection because if she aint into you then no amount of ignoring will change it...if she is into you, you can get to the truth quickly.

I would try one more time before all this no contact crap...because if she ain't interested in the first place then all the no contact and ignoring her in the world ain't going to help....i would ask her out on a friendly basis and put the moves on her or at least talk to her...when/if she rejects it be persistent and then ask her what she really wants if she makes a stand...about boyfriend and stuff.....and if you want her as your gf then tell her...get to the bottom of it....don't worry about losing the control/power to her...that is VERY easy to get back once she commits her feelings to you...trust me.....i have gotten them acting afc style before and then had them in the palm of my hands merely a few weeks later begging me not to leave them...

but you should at least try because her actions at the time were speaking that she was into you...ignore what she said for now...like i said...be the man and take the bull by the horns and find out her real intentions...all this waiting around and game playing is puss% stuff that insecure afcs do and none of it will change the outcome provided she isn't into you...if she aint feeling it when you two are kissing it isn't ever going to change no matter how aloof you act, trust me....so you can either be a man and find out now or be a gameplayer and find out later or never...

To be honest, if i had to bet money, i would go on that she just isn't really into you...but i could very well be wrong...i have been wrong about this same type of situation involving myself before...had a girl tekll me she didn't want to see me anymore and ignored my calls messages only to tell me one week later she wanted me to commit to a relationship with her instead of treating her like i was a player just having fun. So just try.

 

[YAboi]

damn dude! she is asking indirectly to be ur girlfriend. text her saying "then be my girlfriend"

 

[Uncharted]

Does anyone else think this is a sh!t test? She doesn't want you to think she is a slut.

I would not contact her for a week. Then call her and ask her out. If she makes up some BS she's not interested and just lose her number. If she goes out with you DEFINITELY make a move again.

Rule - don't listen to what a woman says, watch her ACTIONS. She wants you.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

The short-version response: She's not interested.

The long-winded-but-explained-out-so-you'll-get-it response: What I have learned recently is that men will often feel a certain way about a girl, and project those same feelings onto her, i.e. assuming that since he feels a certain way about her, she must also feel that way.

However, this is oftentimes far, far, faaaaar from being true. Just because you think things are going well on a date, from your perspective, doesn't mean they are from hers.

Let's break down your scenario, shall we?

So there is a new girl i hooked up with in college, we hit it off she was flirty so i asked for her number and a date/"hangout".

You didn't give us details as to what these "flirty" actions looked like. Guys often misread a girl being nice to them as being "flirty." The easiest way to tell what her interest was would have been to ask her on a date by calling it a date, not a "hangout." By calling it a date, she would have either said "sounds great" or "a date? Hmm, I dunno..." and you would've had your answer sooner.

On first date we went all was awesome she was cute and flirty and showing all the right signs, mid-date i took the lead of a men and kissed her, she was kinda shy said shes not "PDA" but went with the flow and we kissed without any sort of trouble.

Again, what were the signs? Anyway, when you kissed her and her first response was "I'm not PDA," you were OUT. True, not all girls like showing affection in public (and, to her credit, you shouldn't be kissing her when others are around anyway); however, this shouldn't have been a first-response thing - it should have been something she told you later on.

Also, just because a girl isn't pushing you away when you kiss her does NOT mean she wants to kiss you. She could not want to hurt your feelings, or is just being nice by going along with the agenda. But that doesn't mean she liked it or wanted to do it. How can you tell? Well...

After i get home she texts me that "we should take it slow for now", i said that's cool with me.

That's how.

Days go by i see her in school and shes shows the right signs, talking, flirting, playfully hitting me etc. A week goes by and by now we know each other that we are comfortable together, again with no signs of loosing attraction.

:crackup: Wow, you knew each other for a whole week?? You guys are life-long lovers now!

But seriously - aside from being in class with her, you shouldn't have been seeing her or talking to her everyday. Unless you're on a date with her, you need to be as scarce as possible between meetings.

Yesterday, after school she dropped me off in the evening, i kissed her and we took it in the back seat. We kissing, touching rubbing etc (the good stuff) with out her saying anything/pushing me, she enjoyed (even showed assets).

Now, at this point in the story you haven't told us who initiated the back-seat relocation. Regardless, if she agreed to go to the backseat and voluntarily showed you her assets (as opposed to you pulling her shirt and/or pants down, and her just being a silent participant), she was being a tease, and shame on her.

But again, just because a girl does these things doesn't mean she's interested in you, or wanted to do them in the first place. How can you tell? Well...

After i get home she sends me a text late at night,
Her : "i don't think its going to work..i don't think we should talk anymore",
Me: "i know, we'll only end up making each other miserable..." . (**** test-amplify)

Morning comes and shes replies:
"its just its going way too fast... i have never been kissed without being their girlfriend... so we should just be friends and we cant do kissing or touching etc blah blah"

That's how.

Now, someone commented that this could just be her way of trying to get you to commit. Yeaaaaah... I call B.S. on that. A girl that wants to be your girlfriend isn't trying to tell you not to talk to her anymore - it's counter-productive to the results she wants. She may tell you to slow down (though, again, I've rarely found this to be true with girls that are seriously into me), but she's not going to try and completely get rid of you.

And now, to answer your questions:

Tell me what could i do to save this, shes very cute reserved girl (i want it), so now i don't reply to her or send anything just NC.
Gonna see her on Monday in class.. what to do ...?

There's really nothing you can do. This girl's not interested in you in that way. At least she's one of the few that told you this instead of just suddenly disappearing or ignoring you without explanation. Consider what she told you girl-talk for "I don't want a relationship with you." If you accept this now, it will be much easier to start looking for another girl vs. pining over this one for no reason.

I know there was chemistry between us i don't know what did happen and why you continue to make-out knowing if its bothering you and only tell me later on..?

Again, you were projecting your feelings about her onto her thinking she had the same ones. YOU felt chemistry; SHE, however, did not. She may have made out with you just for fun - heck, who doesn't like making out or having the feeling of someone wanting you that badly? - but it doesn't mean she really liked you.

WTF? is this a **** test or just not interested or just plain dumb?

The answer would be (b) just not interested. Sh!t test are only given to guys that a girl likes but she wants to test something about him to see if he's the guy he says he is (i.e. doing something to anger a normally chilled guy to see how bad he flares up). Telling a guy she doesn't want him talking to her anymore is not a test - its a statement basically saying "go away so other guys can approach me and vice-versa."

Hope this helps!

 

[crazy_panda]

Thanks guys i think your right about its over..

The mind is a dangerous place and it will create things just to make you happy.
Ill let you know what happens on Monday.. for now delete number and get over it.

Plus to the reserve thing, she is like a pretty smart geek very modest.
I am just so confused by that... i thought she was giving me all the right sings asking me "where i parked my car ".. with a hint; was very eager to go out , trying to get us alone,complementing me "you look like a model", sit with me and spending time , initiating a good night kiss when i was going for a hug.. even in the car she was all over me..giving me the right signs...

She did tell me that she broke up with her 2 year BF recently, and that he too was taking it slow..

I think am attractive, lots of girls look at me even hit on me and she did too, with me projecting and being a MAN.

I Don't know, its confusing as hell now because i don't know where i gone wrong or where i didn't notice it.:nervous: for the future..

But anyway, thanks all I appreciate for giving me a second look on the situation.

 

[zinc4]

Thanks guys i think your right about its over..

The mind is a dangerous place and it will create things just to make you happy.
Ill let you know what happens on Monday.. for now delete number and get over it.

Plus to the reserve thing, she is like a pretty smart geek very modest.
I am just so confused by that... i thought she was giving me all the right sings asking me "where i parked my car ".. with a hint; was very eager to go out , trying to get us alone,complementing me "you look like a model", sit with me and spending time , initiating a good night kiss when i was going for a hug.. even in the car she was all over me..giving me the right signs...

She did tell me that she broke up with her 2 year BF recently, and that he too was taking it slow..

I think am attractive, lots of girls look at me even hit on me and she did too, with me projecting and being a MAN.

I Don't know, its confusing as hell now because i don't know where i gone wrong or where i didn't notice it.:nervous: for the future..

But anyway, thanks all I appreciate for giving me a second look on the situation.

I can see where Harry is coming from with his advice....but never underestimate a woman's insecurity about being a slut or her fear of a guy using her just for sex and not wanting her as a GF....this is huge with some of the girls who are actually decent and are desiring a serious relationship. I mean she could just be worried that you are a big time player. It happens to me often when i run into girl's who are actually of some quality.

Like i said...you should definitely try one last time as you have nothing to lose.

I had one girl pull the same exact thing on me and i was convinced she wasn't interested only to find out later she wanted me to commit to her for a relationship....you never know with women based on them flapping their gums...can only go by their actions. It could be an indirect relationship close tactic....at least try one time and then if that fails then no big deal, at least you tried and kwno for sure.

 

[Purefilth]

Zinc4 i agree, I may have been overly hasty, but if its huge confusion. So big that only the internet has the answer - then its never normally the happy ending man.

 

[casaanova]

She has a guy. Whether it's a bf or just another main guy that she's dating. Guilt eventually got the better of her and that's when she "just wanted to be friends because we're taking it too fast".

After i get home she sends me a text late at night,
Her : "i don't think its going to work..i don't think we should talk anymore",
Me: " i know, we'll only end up making each other miserable..." . (**** test-amplify)

That wasn't a test, she was pretty clear.....when women make overt statements they're basically going for broke verbally, meaning they don't want you to misinterpret what they're saying

 

[crazy_panda]

Ok so i got my answer and the winners are!!

Here what she said :
I don't want to be your girlfriend ..at least not know..I still feel like I dont know u..we should just be friends and not like friends who kiss or anything .just friends..

So i was thrown into the LJBF category..
Next..

Peace all !

 

[Purefilth]

thanks for the feedback

 

[Purefilth]

Winner. When I first read this I disagreed with it too.

i called it back then :cheer: :cheer:

 

[Purefilth]

Its always Occam's Razor here, the simplest answer is always the right one lol. I must have been overanalyzing. Women are not that complicated.

It's all good, as long as we can all keep learning.

Overanalysis is a killer - pretty sure we all go there sometimes.