New girl Need advice, taking it slow, i think i ruined it.

Sandow

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This one is pretty simple. You moved way too fast and she freaked out. Girls freak out and lose attraction for guys that are too agressive or too engaging. There is no mystery in you, no challenge, you're very predictable.

You had a perfect chance in the beginning to set the hook. When she was showing signs of interest, that was the perfect time to set the hook and have her WORK for it. But you didn't and it's safe to say it's too late now. Learn from it and move on.
 

asa_don

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SJ413 said:
I wouldn't say all that.
why wouldn't you say all that? I was right wasn't I?

Not sure why anybody thought there was any interest on her part.

The tip off was the PDA thing. Girls like that stuff with guys that they like. That shows if they like you or not. She didn't want that with you so that tells you that she is not interested in you no matter what she says.

She even directly told you more than once she didn't see you as anything more.

Which proves another point of mine. Girls that are friends with guys have done at least something with them.

At least you got to make out with her once.
 

floydb25

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This kind of stuff sucks, and messes with your head, but it's just how (immature, indecisive, fleeting) girls are. That's why recognizing this crap is so important, so you don't get sucked in by AW's, or girls who toy with you and send mixed signals. This is also why you don't give away your power, make it all about them, hang on to a linger of hope, etc.

But I think you moved too fast - especially with regards to sexual escalation. Any kind of moving too fast, pushing too hard, or showing too much interest too soon, and not allowing them to chase, results in low interest and rejection - as you witnessed here. ****, you even made your intentions well-known, were aggressive, pushed for the physical right away - and STILL got FZ'd. Completely going against the claims made... everywhere. That's why you always gotta play the game - even as you're showing bits of interest and escalating.

It's not just what you do (ie, being sexual and assertive), but how you do it (ie, presenting a challenge, having value, letting them chase and win you over). It's all part of the same game.

I learned this one after being the passive nice guy who never escalated or asserted himself... I switched extremes, and became the super aggressive sex hound. Yea, didn't work. Still got rejected and FZ'd for trying too hard and coming on too strong... Just in a different way.

It wasn't what I was doing that resulted in failure, but how I was doing it. I had a lot of game - without actually having any game. I was just very shy, insecure, distant, aloof, and passive (with attractive women)... But very social, attractive, out-going, etc (with everyone else). So, girls would approach, talk, flirt, escalate, and I'd just sit there like an oblivious dumbass. Never struck when the iron was hot, acted way too friendly, and they eventually found out my true colors (needy, insecure nice guy), which went against why they were initially attracted (in-demand, indifferent, high status guy with options and game). All based on perception vs reality; interest vs non. Sad... Shallow... But that's how it is.

Just gotta put the pieces together, and find the right balance.
 
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