New girl I'm seeing... And male friends.

[grinder]

I did not see clarification, but if you’ve known her a very short time then, um, why do you already care so much about the orbiter friends? Dropping other plates and being invested in the outcome with her are signs you may have lost your objectivity already here.

Good job not reacting when she told you as in this early phase women are looking for their own red flags, AKA sh!t test. You passed that one.

You can’t act indifferent, you have to BE indifferent. Dropping plates and worrying about the outcome of something so new is not indifferent. You attracted her and then you changed what you are doing. Why? You are now not the same guy that peaked her IL.

Be that guy! Its not too late.

 

[STR8UP]

What I get out of it:

- Invites to events
- Cool crowd to hang out with
- Designated drivers to get my drunk arse home
- Glowing recommendation to their hot single friends
etc.

Kind of like my male friends, minus the sports playing & BS macho talks.

Bingo!

Some guys don't want to have or can't handle having female friends, but I feel bad for them.

Sure, there might be times when you have to put up with a little chick BS along the way, but really, are all of your friends perfect?

The whole ideal is that you are friends with someone (male or female) because you enrich each others lives. If it's a one sided arrangement you have no business being friends. Same as if a guy you are "friends" with constantly tries to mooch off you.

I couldn't see myself without female friends. The social proof I get from some of them is worth its weight in gold. There simply is no better way to attract women than with other women.

It's kind of like the old adage that says "What's the best way to make a million dollars? Start with 2 million". Women attract women like money attracts money.

And there really is no better way of building a social network. Women are "connected". If you know one you know ten. If you know ten you know a hundred.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear WJH,
Why pursue very attractive girls who are out of State?And then there's Tyler,Frankly I'd give him the same short shrift his namesake got from Richard II,so you want to be another fawning acolyte of this woman?you will get nowhere with her...accept a plainer less devious woman WJ,you'll be a lot happier.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

I can't remember who posted this, but a guy on this forum did just that to his girlfriend when she went away for vacation, her friends said she was such a drag because she was paranoid about what he was doing while she was gone, lol funny stuff.

Yo TAZ,

I believe you might be referring to me----and a post I made a while back.

First of all, I agree with what many of the troops here have already said. No exclusivity conversation has been had yet. So it's much too early to use the technique that I wrote about. In fact, if a man lays down his expectations about the type of behavior that he wants in a relationship FROM THE BEGINNING, then he won't even have to use the strategy that I proposed.

But-----just in case a man DIDN'T have the foresight to set a plan in place to "dissuade" his girl from going out kicking it, I'd urge him to at least try my technique because he has nothing to lose at that point.

And I'm convinced that it CAN work whether or not the girl wants to go kick it with her girlfriends OR her GUY-friends.

Here's that post:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I concur with the majority of the men here: You cannot force a woman NOT to have a girls' nite out or take a weekend trip without you.

But you CAN influence her decision whether or not to do so by applying what I call my---

See You-Raise You-Stealth Maneuver!

What is the SY-RY Maneuver? It is a form of emotional judo. It is a romantic strategy that allows you to "flip the script" on a babe that you feel is on the verge of disrespecting you by going on a girls' night out or having a weekender without you.

It is a counter attack escalation move designed to inject doubt and insecurity into the babe in question. Thus, effectively but SUBTLEY, throwing her sh!t test back at her. And the beauty of it is that you will have COMPLETE deniability.

Troops, the is the gist of how this works:

Whenever you SEE that your woman is thrilled about leaving your @ss at home, you show her by your ACTIONS (more than your words) that you are EVEN MORE thrilled that her @ss is leaving!

As the time/day approaches for her departure, you gradually RAISE your enthusiasm that she's leaving.

IMPORTANT: Subtley is the KEY here, Troops. If you play it ANY OTHER WAY, the jig is up, and she'll KNOW that you are throwing her sh!t test back at her. And if she figures it out, guess what? Game over. She'll be on her way to losing respect for you.

In order to stay off that slippery slope, understand this: Most women giving these specific kinds of sh!t tests EXPECTING for you to react with AFC-type behavior. They expect you to sulk, to be suspicious, or to even become so emotiionally fragile that you ASK her not to go!!!!

All bad moves. I'm sure we all agree on this one.

Trust me, men, the SY-RY Stealth Maneuver can work wonders on the field of battle in the War between the sexes.

Here's a Field Report.

A few years ago, I was dating this babe. She got a phone call from one of her girlfriends when she was over @ my apartment. They were talking about an upcoming trip--a cruise that I knew nothing about. She hung up and looked at me---expecting me to ask her about it. I did not. I continued on with our previous conversation.

She interrupted me and then told me about the trip rather casually and nonchalantly. The trip was a week away, and this Biitch hadn't even mentioned it to me. And she probably wouldn't have mentioned it to me even then IF her friend hadn't called.

I believe to this day that she was just going to casually drop this info on me RIGHT BEFORE she left, so that I wouldn't be able to stop her. Or so that she wouldn't have to listen to ME biitch and moan about her going. I'm sure this was the type of behavior she was expecting. She obviously didn't know WHO she was dealing with.lol

Anyway, when she mentioned the trip, I said "Oh really? That sounds cool."
She seemed shocked, but pleasantly surprised that I didn't react negatively.

As the week went on, everyday she talked about the trip, and I would talk about it WITH her with slightly more enthusiasm than SHE did. I would get on the internet, suggest places they could go, ask her to bring me souvenirs, etc.

In each convo, I was just a little MORE enthused about her leaving than SHE was. Then on the day she left, I had suggested that I drive her to the airport instead of letting her friends pick her up---after all, I DIDN'T WANT HER TO BE LATE FOR HER BIG TRIP. LOL

I showed up at her house early, dressed in brand new clothes, fresh haircut, fresh new cologne, etc. She was taken aback, but didn't say anything. I RUSHED her out of the house, making sure she had packed everything. I drove her to the airport, casually mentioning how my cell phone was acting up.

I dropped her off and projected strong masculinity and sexual state in the presence of her friends. I kissed her good-bye and told her "Enjoy yourself!". Then I drove the hell out of there so fast that you would have sworn I had a number on my hood and the word "'valvoline" written on the side of my car. lol

All weekend, I NEVER called her. She would call ME from the boat. I would NEVER answer her calls to my cell phone during the night to "check on me"(it was still CONVENIENTLY on the fritz guys, remember??).

I would only call her when she called my apartment phone, and guess what? I was rarely there to answer it. I was out with MY friends, doing a whole lot of NOTHING---but she didn't know that.lol And whenever I WOULD return her calls, I would be extremely upbeat, but brief. I made sure I always ended the convo first.

When she came back to town I greeted her in my 'same OLD clothes". I was happy to see her, but I looked 'exhausted", she said. lol

Over the course of the next few weeks, I found out from her friends that they didn't have as much fun because my girl was ruining it for the rest of them. Turns out, she was too busy obsessing over ME and what I was doing to enjoy HERSELF. This babe of mine never went on ANOTHER weekender. And more importantly, her HOE @ss friends didn't want her tagging along with them again!

This babe stuck to me like CRAZY glue for months after that. Why? Because she knew her motives were fvcked up in the first place. Her lack of acknowledging me BEFORE she made those plans were blatantly disrespectful. The SY-RY Stealth Maneuver worked like a charm. She had projected all the naughty crap SHE was probably planning on doing that weekend on to ME. And the anxiety of it all was more than she could bare! Serves her conniving @ss right. LOL

The SY-RY Stealth Maneuver jerked the slack out of her. The beginnings of a pattern of disrespect was broken. And in her mind, I was reaffirmed as the PRIZE.



MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.








Peace...well not that day.lol

 

[decades]

the real red flag here is that she Told you about it. think.

 

[Mr. Me]

Why do you imagine she felt the need to tell you that Tyler was on his way?
Secondly, why do you think that Tyler is going to all this trouble ?

My thoughts too. It's always troubling when a woman needs to mention other men she's seeing because you do have to wonder what the motivation is for that. Maybe you're a plate?

So pull back and make her chase after you. While she's away, if you've gone silent, maybe she'll wonder if you're getting more interested in a new harem of girls.

Is this the chick you met recently in a club you were dj'ing in?

Jeffst1980, I've been reading your posts on several threads and I have to say, for a guy under 30, you're really ahead in your insights.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Thanks, Mr. Me...but really, I post here for selfish reasons. Reading other posts and formulating my own conclusions on paper (pixels?) is just my way of learning and figuring out some sort of concrete philosophy for myself. I don't know if anything I write will be of use to anyone else, just because it's based on theory and only about a decade of personal experience. In ten years, I could have a completely different view.

I'm realizing, though, that our goal should not be to attract the most women, or generate the most options (although both are means to an end), but simply to have that part of our life exist and perpetuate itself, without a second thought and without any great expenditures of energy. Sex and intimacy is really more of a need rather than an achievement, and we wouldn't spend all this time online discussing how great it is not to be hungry all the time, would we? The goal for me, moving forward, is to make women a CONSEQUENCE and BYPRODUCT of my life, with little time actually spent focusing on them...but then, I've been in a happy relationship for nearly a year, so it could just be complacency talking..

 

[Mr. Me]

>>The goal for me, moving forward, is to make women a CONSEQUENCE and BYPRODUCT of my life, with little time actually spent focusing on them>>

Not that I think this book is the end all, yet you may enjoy reading "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida, if you haven't already.

 

[Tazman]

Yo TAZ,

I believe you might be referring to me----and a post I made a while back.

First of all, I agree with what many of the troops here have already said. No exclusivity conversation has been had yet. So it's much too early to use the technique that I wrote about. In fact, if a man lays down his expectations about the type of behavior that he wants in a relationship FROM THE BEGINNING, then he won't even have to use the strategy that I proposed.

But-----just in case a man DIDN'T have the foresight to set a plan in place to "dissuade" his girl from going out kicking it, I'd urge him to at least try my technique because he has nothing to lose at that point.

And I'm convinced that it CAN work whether or not the girl wants to go kick it with her girlfriends OR her GUY-friends.

Here's that post:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I concur with the majority of the men here: You cannot force a woman NOT to have a girls' nite out or take a weekend trip without you.

But you CAN influence her decision whether or not to do so by applying what I call my---

See You-Raise You-Stealth Maneuver!

What is the SY-RY Maneuver? It is a form of emotional judo. It is a romantic strategy that allows you to "flip the script" on a babe that you feel is on the verge of disrespecting you by going on a girls' night out or having a weekender without you.

It is a counter attack escalation move designed to inject doubt and insecurity into the babe in question. Thus, effectively but SUBTLEY, throwing her sh!t test back at her. And the beauty of it is that you will have COMPLETE deniability.

Troops, the is the gist of how this works:

Whenever you SEE that your woman is thrilled about leaving your @ss at home, you show her by your ACTIONS (more than your words) that you are EVEN MORE thrilled that her @ss is leaving!

As the time/day approaches for her departure, you gradually RAISE your enthusiasm that she's leaving.

IMPORTANT: Subtley is the KEY here, Troops. If you play it ANY OTHER WAY, the jig is up, and she'll KNOW that you are throwing her sh!t test back at her. And if she figures it out, guess what? Game over. She'll be on her way to losing respect for you.

In order to stay off that slippery slope, understand this: Most women giving these specific kinds of sh!t tests EXPECTING for you to react with AFC-type behavior. They expect you to sulk, to be suspicious, or to even become so emotiionally fragile that you ASK her not to go!!!!

All bad moves. I'm sure we all agree on this one.

Trust me, men, the SY-RY Stealth Maneuver can work wonders on the field of battle in the War between the sexes.

Here's a Field Report.

A few years ago, I was dating this babe. She got a phone call from one of her girlfriends when she was over @ my apartment. They were talking about an upcoming trip--a cruise that I knew nothing about. She hung up and looked at me---expecting me to ask her about it. I did not. I continued on with our previous conversation.

She interrupted me and then told me about the trip rather casually and nonchalantly. The trip was a week away, and this Biitch hadn't even mentioned it to me. And she probably wouldn't have mentioned it to me even then IF her friend hadn't called.

I believe to this day that she was just going to casually drop this info on me RIGHT BEFORE she left, so that I wouldn't be able to stop her. Or so that she wouldn't have to listen to ME biitch and moan about her going. I'm sure this was the type of behavior she was expecting. She obviously didn't know WHO she was dealing with.lol

Anyway, when she mentioned the trip, I said "Oh really? That sounds cool."
She seemed shocked, but pleasantly surprised that I didn't react negatively.

As the week went on, everyday she talked about the trip, and I would talk about it WITH her with slightly more enthusiasm than SHE did. I would get on the internet, suggest places they could go, ask her to bring me souvenirs, etc.

In each convo, I was just a little MORE enthused about her leaving than SHE was. Then on the day she left, I had suggested that I drive her to the airport instead of letting her friends pick her up---after all, I DIDN'T WANT HER TO BE LATE FOR HER BIG TRIP. LOL

I showed up at her house early, dressed in brand new clothes, fresh haircut, fresh new cologne, etc. She was taken aback, but didn't say anything. I RUSHED her out of the house, making sure she had packed everything. I drove her to the airport, casually mentioning how my cell phone was acting up.

I dropped her off and projected strong masculinity and sexual state in the presence of her friends. I kissed her good-bye and told her "Enjoy yourself!". Then I drove the hell out of there so fast that you would have sworn I had a number on my hood and the word "'valvoline" written on the side of my car. lol

All weekend, I NEVER called her. She would call ME from the boat. I would NEVER answer her calls to my cell phone during the night to "check on me"(it was still CONVENIENTLY on the fritz guys, remember??).

I would only call her when she called my apartment phone, and guess what? I was rarely there to answer it. I was out with MY friends, doing a whole lot of NOTHING---but she didn't know that.lol And whenever I WOULD return her calls, I would be extremely upbeat, but brief. I made sure I always ended the convo first.

When she came back to town I greeted her in my 'same OLD clothes". I was happy to see her, but I looked 'exhausted", she said. lol

Over the course of the next few weeks, I found out from her friends that they didn't have as much fun because my girl was ruining it for the rest of them. Turns out, she was too busy obsessing over ME and what I was doing to enjoy HERSELF. This babe of mine never went on ANOTHER weekender. And more importantly, her HOE @ss friends didn't want her tagging along with them again!

This babe stuck to me like CRAZY glue for months after that. Why? Because she knew her motives were fvcked up in the first place. Her lack of acknowledging me BEFORE she made those plans were blatantly disrespectful. The SY-RY Stealth Maneuver worked like a charm. She had projected all the naughty crap SHE was probably planning on doing that weekend on to ME. And the anxiety of it all was more than she could bare! Serves her conniving @ss right. LOL

The SY-RY Stealth Maneuver jerked the slack out of her. The beginnings of a pattern of disrespect was broken. And in her mind, I was reaffirmed as the PRIZE.



MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.








Peace...well not that day.lol

As entertaining as the first time I read it.

I've never had an opportunity to use this particular tactic (I would so enjoy it though), but it's one of the fundamentals that works quite well. I think the mistake a lot of guys make is in thinking that you can "talk" to a girl about these things. Any time I've needed to make a strong statement without using words or being obvious, I simply "showed" them that I wasn't hung up on them and 9x out of 10 it worked like a charm.

If anything it will also weed out the chicks who aren't that into you anyway.

 

[wjh]

Hey everyone, I haven't had a chance to respond to everything I want to, but I did want to point out that no, it's not the chick I met DJing. This is a totally new girl.

Is this the chick you met recently in a club you were dj'ing in?

 

[guru1000]

VU

 

[wjh]

Well, it seems distancing myself is working fairly well.

She's texted me, called me, etc. She seemed a little annoyed yesterday that i wasn't giving her all the attention in the world. I had a good attitude on the phone, and she was telling me a lot of good things.

About the Tyler thing, well apparently they just went to an aquarium and had a quick bite to eat and that was it. She said she was in bed before 10:00p. I didn't ask about that specifically, just how her day went.

I brought up something happening in March, and she practically wanted to invite herself. I didn't ask her to come, I just mentioned it was going on. I could tell she wants to go. I thought it was kind of funny. I'm sure she'll come with me, assuming she works out. When I'll formally invite her, I have no idea.

Anyhow, I'm still staying a bit distant, emotionally. Work has me all over the place right now so it's not like my time is wasting idly while my mind goes into overdrive (which is good).

I'll update as it goes along.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[jophil28]

Well, it seems distancing myself is working fairly well.

She's texted me, called me, etc. She seemed a little annoyed yesterday that i wasn't giving her all the attention in the world. I had a good attitude on the phone, and she was telling me a lot of good things.

About the Tyler thing, well apparently they just went to an aquarium and had a quick bite to eat and that was it. She said she was in bed before 10:00p. I didn't ask about that specifically, just how her day went.

I brought up something happening in March, and she practically wanted to invite herself. I didn't ask her to come, I just mentioned it was going on. I could tell she wants to go. I thought it was kind of funny. I'm sure she'll come with me, assuming she works out. When I'll formally invite her, I have no idea.

Anyhow, I'm still staying a bit distant, emotionally. Work has me all over the place right now so it's not like my time is wasting idly while my mind goes into overdrive (which is good).

I'll update as it goes along.

Thanks again everyone.

Sounds good to me.

Perhaps you can use the upcoming March event as a gentle reminder that she needs to EARN your attention.

I get the impression that she is just doing with Tyler what a lot of women do. They extract all the attention they can, from as many men as they can. This positions them perfectly to play the age old game of , " Lets you and him fight over me" ...However, these same women will become very annoyed if YOU hang out with a female friend of your. Women hijacked the "double standard " eons ago.


Tyler sounds like just a typical orbiter. He is in her life for HER AW benefits.


WHen she brings up the March event, say something like this with a sly grin , " It is down to a short list of you and two of my other ....umm.. "friends ".

 

[guru1000]

Keep her as a FB and if she one day decides to covertly disrespect you again, drop her.

Exclusive or not, a woman needs to be respectful. If a FB does not understand the ground rules of respectful rapport, she is hardly worth the effort.

 

[Mr. Me]

bout the Tyler thing, well apparently they just went to an aquarium and had a quick bite to eat and that was it.

I've been around women long enough to know that what they tell you may not always be the whole unabridged story but quite the edited, tailored for its particular audience version. So maybe the whole aquarium thing is fishy and a whale of a story...

 

[Jitterbug]

About the Tyler thing, well apparently they just went to an aquarium and had a quick bite to eat and that was it. She said she was in bed before 10:00p. I didn't ask about that specifically, just how her day went.

If that's all you asked, I'm rather curious that she had to tell you how ordinary it was and that she was in bed before 10pm, as if to assure you absolutely nothing happened between them.

Would a sane guy drive a few hours to see his friend at a conference only to have a quick bite to eat and go visit an aquarium with her and for his friend to go to bed as early as a middle schooler?

Fishy indeed.

 

[Nutz]

Here's how you proceed...

Fvck her for as long as you can and keep your emotions out of it.

She's a fvck buddy/summer fling and nothing more.

If you'd like to get into real relationships in the future though and are that type of guy that loves being in a relationship you have to set the frame for what you want in that relationship in the very beginning.

You and the girl need to go over your individual do's and don'ts.

If guy friends are a no go for you tell her that.

If she gives you sh!t about it and tries to turn that into an epic argument look her deeply in the eyes and take her hand.

Shake it.

Then say thank you for not wasting my time.

Then walk away.

She wasn't right for you.

You need a girl that agrees with you on issues that are major to you.

That's great advice....if you're banging her. Otherwise you're just going to frustrate yourself and end up one more orbiter she collects.

 

[slaog]

This is a good thread.

If that's all you asked, I'm rather curious that she had to tell you how ordinary it was and that she was in bed before 10pm, as if to assure you absolutely nothing happened between them.

Would a sane guy drive a few hours to see his friend at a conference only to have a quick bite to eat and go visit an aquarium with her and for his friend to go to bed as early as a middle schooler?

Fishy indeed.

He could be just a big AFC. If he's not an AFC then she'd be more attracted to him AND he wouldn't have gone all that way just for a chat.


I'd advise the OP to find out a little more about Tyler. Try getting a few details and try look for his MySpace profile etc if he has any.


It sounds like the girl has high IL. As the others said, wait untill she wants a relationship to set the boundaries. Don't invest too much emotionally into her before then. She might be a good honest girl who just needs to be shown how to behave by a man. The OP will find that out eventually. She has to earn your trust.

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds to me like the fact that she TOLD you about Tyler should be a red flag and, this early in the relationship, is a preliminary sign that her interest level is about to decrease.

Back up and keep your distance. There's been much good advice from others in this thread.

 

[slaog]

Is it so bad that she told him she was meeting Tyler? A few posters have said that. Isn't she just being honest?