Neglecting social life in teens and early 20s means you're screwed for life.

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

I believe that most of the times when people neglect their social life growing up, it isn't really out of choice but more so out of circumstances. Circumstances being parents that never let you play with other kids as much, being an immigrant, going to a terrible school district where most kids didn't end up going to college but you were able to, or growing up in a close minded area which lacked any diversity (in thought or kinds of people, not necessarily race).

For some unknown reason, I feel that this is something you just can't recover from no matter how hard you try and how successful you become. I see it with some bloggers who write tales of their sexual conquests but in the end are still some of the most negative people. Even with friends I know who were late bloomers there is always that sense of anger and misery inside of them for having missed out on their developmental years. It isn't that you can't get the excessive amounts of sex when you are an adult or any of the outward things, it is more of a battle on the inside. The inner you is still angry and upset that you missed out on having the excessive sex and cool friends in your teens and early 20s and instead have it after that time when lots of people are past that lifestyle.

I can understand neglecting social life for high school due to special circumstances (home schooled, poor high school district, etc.) but college is when I feel it is vital to have an active social life especially if you want to be a Don Juan. Rush a fraternity, be a part of a sports club, or whatever it might be.

Once you miss that chance I don't feel that you ever recover. I also feel that if you are a virgin past a certain age like say 22, you are done for life. Not done as in you will never get laid but just in the sense that no matter how much sex you have you will still be miserable and long for the younger days. A part of you wishes you were living the life you are now as a don juan back when you were in high school or college, in a closed system, with kids your age, and having that reputation of being the don juan as opposed to now in the "real world" where people don't care about you.

It is like some never-ending quest for approval that you never had growing up. You get the approval whether it is through sex with a hot girl but you never really become satisfied. For some reason you feel that if you had the same circumstances in college (dated the hottest girl on campus or had sex with her), you would have been fulfilled and never be so angry about things. Yet in the real world you can plow through many 8s and 9s if you are a late bloomer but you will always have that thought in your mind that back in college when everyone was supposedly getting laid, you were still an AFC.

 

[Ruthless]

Build your social network when you are in high school and college. It will serve you better in your career and life than most any degree. Speaking from experience, my qualifications for a job are no match for another mans social networking. I thought working hard and good grades were my trump card in life. I have, on multiple occasions, been passed over for a significantly less qualified person who had connections to a higher up. Explicit policy against nepotism be damned.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

You are correct. Only because you believe it. If you believed something else then that would be true. You are letting the external dictate your internal. It should be the other way around. Things won't change until you learn to do that. Its a long road and not easy but worth it because it allows you to change all facets of your life. Take some responsibility and stop being a whiner.

 

[lanba]

It isn't that you can't get the excessive amounts of sex when you are an adult or any of the outward things, it is more of a battle on the inside. The inner you is still angry and upset that you missed out on having the excessive sex and cool friends in your teens and early 20s and instead have it after that time when lots of people are past that lifestyle.

Dude you are naive, teenagers are not having great sex. They're getting practice, sure, but I doubt many of them really had a great time.

The people you picture in your head who really did, are a very small minority. If you can get good sex now then there should be no problem.

 

[Ruthless]

You are correct. Only because you believe it. If you believed something else then that would be true. You are letting the external dictate your internal. It should be the other way around. Things won't change until you learn to do that. Its a long road and not easy but worth it because it allows you to change all facets of your life. Take some responsibility and stop being a whiner.

You're peddling some wishy washy, new age, horsesh1t. "If you believed something else then that would be true. " is one of the worst plans ever. True progress isn't based in "believing something else", it requires acknowledging reality and fact, then planning around it.
Take some responsibility and stop spreading your half-baked philosophy of wishes.

 

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

Well that's what I am getting at. The sex might not have been great but just having it for the first time at a young age, sneaking around from your parents and the thrill from all that are just certain kinds of rush and feelings you never feel again. It isn't as fun when you are in your late 20s going to bars hoping to land some slut and taking her home, she leaves the next morning and you pretend like nothing happened.

I think what really makes college and even high school so amazing is that you end up being close to a large group of people, become friends with them, are near them the entire time, and then you end up having that sense of a community. When you achieve something that community is behind you and when you get that hot girl, there are people there to boost your ego. I feel like that is why we do so much, buy nice cars or expensive jewelry, because we live for the validation we get from others but after college that validation ends.

 

[Ruthless]

I think what really makes college and even high school so amazing is that you end up being close to a large group of people, become friends with them, are near them the entire time, and then you end up having that sense of a community. When you achieve something that community is behind you and when you get that hot girl, there are people there to boost your ego. I feel like that is why we do so much, buy nice cars or expensive jewelry, because we live for the validation we get from others but after college that validation ends.

Keep up your social interaction with the group. You'll lose contact with some friends and gain others. Keep a core group as best as you can.

 

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

Keep up your social interaction with the group. You'll lose contact with some friends and gain others. Keep a core group as best as you can.

If you never had that core group in college then it is hard to be a part of it after college man.

 

[Mike32ct]

I can understand the OP's point.

I don't worry about missed opportunities anymore. I'm past that. BUT, I don't have the same skills/confidence with women that a guy that had a gf at 16 would have. Sometimes you're just late to the party. It is what it is.

You can learn languages later in life. But you'll probably never have the exact pronunciation and precise grammar of a native speaker that started as a child. That's the best analogy I can use with regard to skill with females. You can (and should if necessary) learn skills with females later, but you may have a slight handicap relative to a "natural" (analogous to a native speaker). It is what it is.

 

[GS750]

I had a crew in college. I still see or keep in touch with about 1/2 of them. I agree with Mike, you can't dwell on what you missed out on. Go out and create opportunities, forget about the missed ones.

 

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

Well Mike, except later in life you can't use that language to efficiently communicate and people will give you a tough time for your accent. I just feel that this is more mental than external at the age of 25 but it is still there. How does a guy my age create opportunities? How does he make cool friends who have similar interests regarding women that he does like an 18 year old who has the chance to rush a frat would be able to?

 

[YAboi]

you are a kid OP. Grow up and quit whining.

 

[Ruthless]

If you never had that core group in college then it is hard to be a part of it after college man.

You just have to believe you had it.

I understand. I am in the same basic situation. Living in the rural area that I do, joining a club of some sort is about the only option for non work related friendship. Get out and do things that you enjoy. Eventually you'll notice that you keep crossing paths with the same people. See if you click with any of them and go from there.

 

[RedScorpion]

There's the opposite side of the spectrum too to think about. Having nothing but a social life, in your teens and early 20s, ALSO means you're 'screwed for life'. Think of the people who did nothing but party and drink all through that time, and are now in their late 20s, working minimum wage with no education or skills. No life experiences outside their crappy little town. Some people are very content living that lifestyle, right up to their 40s and 50s. They never grow up, and they never experience what the world can be. Drugs play a factor as well.

The mantra of 'screwed for life' is weak and defeatist. If you want the pleasure of having your past as an excuse for failure, it's a definite option. This is a case of 'the grass is greener on the other side'. Some people have literally everything, from baby to adult, and are still miserable. It's why you'll see millionaires with a beautiful house, job, wife, kids - and then they have suicided, for to outsiders, no apparent reason. They have not found the value of life, and of living. And truthfully, people do not value what they have not earned.

There's a thread on this page with a 5 year oneitus. According to the story, he has pretty much everything - good looks, two bachelor degrees on the way, great social life, can pick up any girl easily, hb 7-8.5 - and yet he is driving himself nuts over one girl. To a point of uncertainty and neediness. Yes, he can **** any time he wants. Do you think he values it? No. It's because it's easy for him - no effort for it, no value for it. He could **** 3 girls at this moment - and yet he pines for this one girl.

If your biggest worry is 'I didn't get sexed enough as a teen', you're doing alright.

 

[skinnyguy]

You're forgetting that those people are missing out on getting girls pregnant, contracting STDs, relationship drama, drug addiction, divorce, alimony, and dying early from drunk driving.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Yeah, and it's not impossible to be a late bloomer. I always had a solid social circle but never got laid in highschool. I smoked weed and partied, but did good academically and always had a job. I felt like the biggest beta for never getting more then a *******.

Went to college, my social skills were developed but sexual skills weren't. Luckily, the former carried me to the latter in no time.

Focus on what you do have and use it to develop the others.

At one point as a teenager I hated my dad for making me ahve a job and get good grades. Now I thank him as I get promotions at work, have a new social circle in a major city, get laid every weekend (something I couldn't have imagined even 3-4 years ago). Never too late.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

You're forgetting that those people are missing out on getting girls pregnant, contracting STDs, relationship drama, drug addiction, divorce, alimony, and dying early from drunk driving.

I'm glad I don't have any kids or STD's, thankful for that, and for avoiding drunk driving, but the others, I wouldn't mind going through the pain and frustration just to get laid

 

[HowardHughesDicaprio]

I just want to know about the social circles. Seems like after college you are left with co workers and that is about it. Would love to know how to make friends with guys that love to party and get laid rather than lame AFCs. In college you can join a frat and do that ****, what about life after it?

 

[backbreaker]

what's going on ambitious player. nice to see your new handle

 

[backbreaker]

what's going on ambitious player. nice to see your new handle

I'm past that. BUT, I don't have the same skills/confidence with women that a guy that had a gf at 16 would have. Sometimes you're just late to the party. It is what it is.

It works both ways. a guy who is in his 30's and partied and had a kick ass social life will never have the lifestyle that I have because i worked my ass off while he was partying. I used the time where I had no responsibilities, no kids, no wife, no mortgage, nothing, to take a risk and start a business and it worked out.

Even in my best / most plate spinning of times I can be somewhat awkward. My saving grace is that I'm a natural salesman so talking to women isn't that complicated for me to do, but just, i have quirks because i'm not a social butterfly. I always will. But you know what else I have? A Jag XJL lol, a Mercedes CLK sitting in the driveway and a 4 bedroom house in LA.

You're life is whatever you make of it. You're going to have to give to get something. Whatever it is you want. If you ant to be a super duper mack you are going to have to put a lot of resources into that. If you want to be a successful business person your social life is going to suffer. That's life.