Negative advice could be destroying your chances with women, your mind and your life

[jaybred]

Great overall message. Positive thinking is great as long as its rooted in reality.

Many negative thinkers were originally positive thinkers. Their delusional positivity is what landed them in bad situations. Its like the person who doesn't wear a seat belt because doing so is "negative thinking".. the same as "assuming you will have an accident". Then when you crash and fly through the windshield you have regret.

As far as dealing with women goes... a man simply needs to know whats good for him and what he will tolerate. Then he should refuse to settle for anything less. Even if this means being alone.

One could argue that beta fag behavior is based on negative thinking. The man kisses the woman's ass because he fears rejection. He fears any kind of blunt, rude, or demanding behavior will send her packing. So he puts on a fake smile, talks in a high pitched voice, and lets the woman do whatever she wants.. whether he approves or not. :crazy:

I say--> be as realistic as possible. Positive when appropriate and negative when appropriate. Life has a good mix of both and you have to acknowledge both to be well balanced.

^^^ strong agree.

while any rational person approaches things in a positive manner (its good for YOUR overall well being - which is what matters in the end) but realistically speaking you going to have to put deal with those who (try to) throw shade in their place accordingly, it's inevitable.

now far as the woman goes. treat her well as you should but keep the brown nosing to a minimum. if she wrong, she wrong. she needs to be educated. communication is what it is. just know this: if she cares about you, after voicing your disapproval, she will take things into consideration and start to fall in line. if not, charge it to the game!

 

[DJ Bax]

Couldn't agree more, too much negativity and distrust here it seems like sometimes. +rep.

 

[He-Man]

There are, of course, no "African proverbs" any more than there are "European proverbs", "Asian proverbs" or "Amerindian proverbs".

If I asked any African immigrants where I live if they had heard of "their" proverb about axes and trees, they would probably just stare blankly at me. But this one has been printed on bumper stickers and the like in the U.S., in different variations such as "The tree long remembers what the axe soon forgets." Probably someone just made it up and decided to call it "African proverb" to make sure people would think it was exotic. Much like Chinese Checkers was invented in Germany, and was then called "Chinese" complete with pictures of Chinese rural life printed on the board to appeal to the exotic-hungry American market.

I know a girl, a foreign student, who comes from the ruling class in Kenya, and who speaks very fondly of her Parrot Clan. And not so fondly about some other groups. To think that she would share proverbs with, say, nomads in Somalia or Moçambique, on account of living on the same continent, is something only someone with a public-school-inspired postcard picture of non-Western countries would do.

There you go. Always happy to assist in the sweeping away of feel-good beliefs.

There really is such a thing as "African proverbs" for all I know, coined by ancestors and passed on to the generations.
I know this because it's where I live. You hear proverbs spoken in local dialects I can bet you haven't heard in any part of America , Europe or Asia.

 

[Jariel]

I've had a new essay brewing in my brain that I wanted to present to SS at the right time. It involves proposing that in view of the fact that the problems we face today have been well-identified, how can we move forward in a more positive light?

I look forward to that! I definitely think it's something we need. On one hand, you do have a lot of negativity and defeatism on this forum, but on the other hand, you go to other forums and they're delusionally optimistic and suggest winning back an ex by turning up on her doorstep with flowers and all that crap.

What I've always valued most from SS is the self development aspect. To me, this is a very positive course of action for anyone to take in order to deal with the negative events in their lives.

Of course, we are going to get messed around and hurt by low quality women (and people in general) and we have to be prepared for that. Unfortunately, mass paranoia and proclaiming all women are b1tches and need to be treated cautiously really doesn't help much. But, telling a guy she's no good for him and he should walk away and never look back, is great advice that will really serve him well.

What a lot of people don't realise is that you can walk away from awful relationships with a positive attitude and it can even turn that whole situation around. You can curse out your ex, for example, tell her you hate her, bang her sister, ruin her car and so on, and she will respect you less for it and get off on your attention. But if you tell her how much you enjoyed the time you spent together, wish her well in her future and then leave without any drama, you minimize the hurt you cause yourself, you gain her respect and you walk away with dignity.

If we could master our emotions and deal with all negative situations in a positive way like this, they would have a lot less power over us and we would live with less fear.

 

[Jariel]

You need to find decent classes by you that you can attend. These are the classes I attend http://meditateinbirmingham.org/ (if you're not far from me then I'd highly recommend them) The thing is you're not just learning to mediate, there is a lot of discussion on "life in general" which helps shift your outlook on life towards a more positive and optimistic outlook
(I like to call the classes a "reality check"). I feel just by reading your posts you'd like the classes, so I highly recommend you give them a try.

As for hypnosis, I went and seen Peter a while back now when I was going through a load of sh1t in my life. I can't honestly recommend him enough, he has completely flipped my life around. I think he can teach you self hypnosis in 1 session. A lot of it is person dependent though, what was for me, maybe different for you, if you know what I mean (You can discuss this over the phone with him first) . http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk/

Self hypnosis is all about being in control of your life and not letting your emotions get the better of you. It's not no bull sh1t as well, IT WORKS, take it from me .

Also, there are two audio books that I've just listen to that I feel you'd enjoy : "The Power of Now" & "The Power of your subconscious mind" Both are an EXCELLENT listen. I'm sure you'd get just as much listening pleasure out of them as I did. They are both available to download off "Itunes" ...

Thanks for all the advice mate. I'm not far from Birmingham at all, so I might look into some of those classes more and I'm very interested in trying hypnotherapy.

It's funny you should recommend those audio books as I listened to both of them just last month. Maybe they helped inspire this post on some subconscious level.

 

[Jariel]

Maintaining positive thinking all the time is hard. I slipped because I had some bad days and left some scars.

I have difficulties with this too and it's quite rare for anyone to think happy thoughts all the time. But the best thing we can do is recognise those negative thoughts when they arise and question them.

One you recognise paranoia and insecurity for what it is, you can stop yourself from acting on it and making those destructive mistakes.

Great overall message. Positive thinking is great as long as its rooted in reality.

I agree. The big problem is that most people's negative thinking is not based on reality. I also believe that your attitude influences reality in many ways.

People who carry a victim mentality will usually get bullied, pushed around and betrayed a lot more than someone who is confidence, because of the vibes they're giving off. Reality to these people is that life sucks and the world is full of horrible people and the more they think that, the more it happens.

As far as dealing with women goes... a man simply needs to know whats good for him and what he will tolerate. Then he should refuse to settle for anything less. Even if this means being alone.

Yep, again I agree. When a relationship is positive, it can really enhance our lives...and that's the point in being with a woman. However, many guys cling to bad relationships or to women who are dragging them down. Deluding yourself into thinking everything is fine is not going to help much, but this is the point where you start to look at the positives of breaking free and moving on.

One could argue that beta fag behavior is based on negative thinking. The man kisses the woman's ass because he fears rejection. He fears any kind of blunt, rude, or demanding behavior will send her packing. So he puts on a fake smile, talks in a high pitched voice, and lets the woman do whatever she wants.. whether he approves or not. :crazy:

Absolutely true and I think this is an important point to remember. Even though the actions may be considered "positive" in the sense that he's trying to make her happy and please her, they come from a mindset of insecurity. It's the typical behaviour of the "nice guy" who does favours for women, but holds it over their head like a debt that must be repaid.

 

[Lotus Effect]

But if you tell her how much you enjoyed the time you spent together, wish her well in her future and then leave without any drama, you minimize the hurt you cause yourself, you gain her respect and you walk away with dignity.

Thanks again Jariel!

At least this made me feel better for sending her an decent goodbye email. I was being too hard on me about it. But I told her exactly as you told in the above Quote.

Always spot on!

And by the way, those are real good books. An addition to this list is Anthony Robins' Unlimited Power. Awesome read

 

[adam225]

Thanks for all the advice mate. I'm not far from Birmingham at all, so I might look into some of those classes more and I'm very interested in trying hypnotherapy.

It's funny you should recommend those audio books as I listened to both of them just last month. Maybe they helped inspire this post on some subconscious level.

Sounds good man. Drop me a pm sometime in the future and let me know how you've got on. I highly recommend you see Peter though if you're after Hypnotherapy. He is THE REAL DEAL - there are a lot of practitioners out there what don't know what they are doing, so be warned. You get what you pay for... Peter ain't cheap, but he get the results.