Negative advice could be destroying your chances with women, your mind and your life

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,417
Reaction score
288
Location
UK
I'm not a religious person. I'm not a believer in fate or luck or superstition, and I don't believe that positive thinking has any magical powers.

However, I have enough experience to prove that positive thinking does produce positive results and negative thinking produces negative results.

When you're in a negative frame of mind, your mind releases chemicals into your body and your whole physiology will begin to reflect how you're feeling. Your expression, enthusiasm, attitude and interaction with others is highly determined by how you feel.

You can try all the PUA trickery you can think of to mask your insecurities, cynicism and resentment towards the world, but there is only so much you can control consciously. You may be able to consciously master conversation, but trying to regulate your breathing, expression, tone of voice, posture and composure at the same time is one hell of a challenge and sooner or later you're going to slip back into habit.

Another, very important, thing about negative thinking is that it inspires negative and destructive actions. Let's say you're dating or in a relationship with a woman and one day she starts to seem a bit distant and not her usual self. If you get into thinking negatively about her behaviour, taking it to mean she's losing interest in you, she's seeing another guy or looking to branch swing and so on, you're likely to make yourself insecure and paranoid and take destructive actions based on this line of thinking.

I've seen so many guys here (and I'm one of them) who talk about "calling her out" or confronting her about her disrespectful behaviour, or playing mindgames to increase interest or doing something to make her jealous...or just "nexting" her or pre-emptively dumping her.

And yet, for all you know, she might have family problems, work stress, illness or any other worries that are totally unrelated to you. She might be trying to avoid dumping her problems on you and have good intentions at heart.

By jumping to negative conclusions and taking action, you show yourself to be paranoid, insecure and stand a high chance or ruining a perfectly good thing with a genuinely good person.

Unfortunately, this forum is full of negative advice and inspires so much paranoid thinking that it's no wonder so many guys are struggling with women and keep returning to this forum.

You also have to ask yourself, if you're harbouring bitter feelings and distrust towards women, how can you genuinely engage in enjoyable conversation and fun interactions with them? And why would you want to?

Most times, negative thinking can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Let's just say you suspect your girlfriend of losing interest. This may be entirely false, and yet the more you project your insecurity, the less attractive she will find you. The more negative and suspicious you act, the less she's going to enjoy your company. And then one day she actually does lose interest and you convinced yourself your suspicions were right all along.

Worse still, because this happened with one girl, maybe two, you start to project that negativity onto all women you date and interact with, and each of these women see you as insecure and negative...and they too reject you. And now you're locked in this self-perpetuating cycle and you don't even realise that you are the one causing this to happen.

But this doesn't just apply to women. It applies to everything and can ruin your life! You think negatively, you feel negatively. It can make you perceive the world as a horrible place, perceive people at their worst, cause you to live in fear, drive people away, cause you to overreact and create a stream of problems for yourself, and it can make you physically ill.

People are so afraid to think positively, especially guys here who have been hurt, betrayed and continue to hold onto bitterness. They are so worried about being made a fool of, they are always prepared for the worst and are always ready to protect their wounded egos and pride.

But while negative thinking causes negative feelings and negative consequences, positive thinking can have the exact opposite effect. When you think and feel positive, you're more magnetic, charismatic, sociable and more enjoyable to be with. You are more understanding and tolerant of other people's problems and behaviour, you feel confident, inspired to take control and achieve your goals, you respect yourself more and life is just so much better.

And let's just say the woman you're dating is losing interest or is a low quality person and is looking to get with another guy...will it really help you in any way to confront her and flip out at her? Wouldn't it be better if you could just be grateful for being out of the situation? If you could just walk away and get on enjoying your life and thinking positive?

There are a lot of things in life we have no control over, but if we can master our thinking, we can control our perception and that in itself will bring great things into your life.
 

adam225

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2013
Messages
730
Reaction score
32
Location
UK
Very good thread. Positive thinking is the key to everything. If you can maintain a positive mindset no matter what the situation, then you'll truly be able to enjoy life for what it is. This is the reason why I practice mediation/self hypnosis. It keeps my thoughts positive, and gives me an optimistic outlook on life.

+1 :up:
 

adam225

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2013
Messages
730
Reaction score
32
Location
UK
Where are you from in the UK ? I practice "mindfulness" mediation (I have done for around 4 years now). I was taught self hypnosis by Peter Fields hypnotherapy (in Birmingham). When I get chance I'll get some better info for you. I'm stuck on my phone at the moment.
 

TheGambino

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
2,704
Reaction score
930
Location
Somewhere
Thats why I say: Don't let your mood change by the way a woman acts towards you. Don't call her out, if you don't like behaviour just quit contacting her, reward her with attention and withdraw it when she does something you dont like. Dont get mad or call her out on stuff or ignore her, just be positive always anytime and withdraw your attention when she behaves bad. Dont let YOUR mood go up and down by her actions, if she does something unrespectfull walk away or just tell her in a respectful way what she did wrong in your eyes and walk.

I like your thread though, you got it right
 

Groverz

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 28, 2013
Messages
134
Reaction score
11
Age
43
Location
Rochester, NY
Jariel said:
I've seen so many guys here (and I'm one of them) who talk about "calling her out" or confronting her about her disrespectful behaviour, or playing mindgames to increase interest or doing something to make her jealous...or just "nexting" her or pre-emptively dumping her.

And yet, for all you know, she might have family problems, work stress, illness or any other worries that are totally unrelated to you. She might be trying to avoid dumping her problems on you and have good intentions at heart.

By jumping to negative conclusions and taking action, you show yourself to be paranoid, insecure and stand a high chance or ruining a perfectly good thing with a genuinely good person.

This right there I see a lot and I have done. To me when you see someone pissed off or acting negative or just doing something that makes you upset most people just get mad at that person and call them an ass or whatever, INSTEAD of thinking, maybe there is something causing this person to act like this and they could use help.

I am getting better at things like this and I wish others would to, I can't really think of anyone who purposely wants to be mean or a **** to someone they care about or hardly know, but sometimes other factors in a persons life make them act not like themselves. Been there done that, learned from that.

Positive thinking is key, it's hard to do all the time but is awesome. Ever see a redneck, happy as ****? Drinking beer, living in a cheap trailer with hardly any money and a rusty truck? Then you see the rich dude with the nice house and fancy car always pissed of and stressed out. It's amazing sometimes.
 

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,417
Reaction score
288
Location
UK
Coincidentally I've just seen a post on Facebook that relates to what I've written...


"‘The axe forgets; the tree remembers.’
- African Proverb

At some time or another we all fall victim to our ego – our fears and our insecurities. We allow them to speak for us, from a place inside of us that is not truly our own. As a result we can say things we do not mean or hurt those who we only want to love.

So remember, the next time you feel as though you’re about to say something you may later come to regret, ask yourself – is this me or my fears talking? Do I really want to hurt this person, or am I just feeling hurt myself?

Choose your words carefully. One person’s momentary slip may become scars on another person’s heart."

Sounds a bit cheesy, but it's true. A lot of the negative actions we take are the result of us feeling negative, but once the damage is done, it can't be taken back.
 

Serenity

Moderator
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
5,065
Reaction score
4,916
Age
33
Location
Eye of the storm
This is why I force myself to silence when I slip into a bad mood, I know I will say something unhelpful.

Some days are just sh!t, accept it and don't let it grow inside you. Know that you will come back better!

Your post is absolutely true. There's so much to gain from this.
 

Solomon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 28, 2008
Messages
5,535
Reaction score
2,688
Location
Inside her mind
Good stuff Jariel

You also have to ask yourself, if you're harbouring bitter feelings and distrust towards women, how can you genuinely engage in enjoyable conversation and fun interactions with them? And why would you want to?

Most times, negative thinking can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Let's just say you suspect your girlfriend of losing interest. This may be entirely false, and yet the more you project your insecurity, the less attractive she will find you. The more negative and suspicious you act, the less she's going to enjoy your company. And then one day she actually does lose interest and you convinced yourself your suspicions were right all along.

Jariel

I love your post and you know I always respect. Your posts resonate deeply with me because "You get it". I usually post in 6 month increments and take breaks and I can honestly say this forum has been overrun by KBJ's and rep mongers. It's like I see the same guys make the same posts but never post anything different or a real life field situation to pertain to their situation.

I always post this video of a 10 year sosuave member who is highly respect here

Can you seriously tell me a guy with this negative mindset is successful with women morso while ranting these things in the middle of a popular bar with tons of beautiful women?

I feel sad when I see that most posters here would rather complain about looks, money, status etc. Instead of taking actions to improve their lives so they can have an awesome lifestyle. If you post a field report here you're lucky to get 5 replies but if you post something on women are crap, or pof baffnoery those threads get mad views.

This is why I take advice with a grain of a salt. Especially from the "vets" you see guys post so much negativity but why do we seldom here a success story from the guys who claim to be successful? I have been honest with members here and got recently flamed by a few KBJ's for struggles with weight gain which has caused me to fall of a bit in the women department. It's like if you're not a KBJ then you're a fraud here. Which is backwards, go to RSD or even 10lifestyle and these guys will tell you to improve but continue to pursue women etc.

Posting in 6 month increments is very healthy for me and I will continue to do so It's dangerous to post continually because you fall into a negative head space and start posting KBJ threads like these trolls and come of bitter and argumentative like a beta when people don't agree with you because you start to believe your online persona is real

But while negative thinking causes negative feelings and negative consequences, positive thinking can have the exact opposite effect. When you think and feel positive, you're more magnetic, charismatic, sociable and more enjoyable to be with. You are more understanding and tolerant of other people's problems and behaviour, you feel confident, inspired to take control and achieve your goals, you respect yourself more and life is just so much better.
Jariel this post of the year, Pook may be gone but thank God you're still here

:rockon:
 

skinnyguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 2, 2013
Messages
3,447
Reaction score
1,258
Yes.

Positive thinking helps. Whenever I'm out I think to myself "I'm a boss...I'm a player...I'm a pimp" and that causes me to be less desperate around women. I used to think stuff like "man I'm too ugly to get her" but that made me more hesitant to approach. Thinking you're a God does wonders.

I love how you call it "PUA trickery" cause I feel the same way. That guy David Dewhatever his last name is should be shot.
 

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
8,723
Reaction score
6,667
Age
67
Location
The 7th Dimension
Great post, Jariel. Repped.

Unfortunately, the very nature of the forum is to address some very serious sociological issues, issues that many men ("blue pill") have no concept how to cope with. While it's good and necessary to identify the issues and come up with some strategies, all too often a negative mindset creeps in and overcomes, the result being what you so brilliantly articulated in your post.

The reality for men in this day is very, very tough. For most men out there it's a no-win situation, and suicides among men are through the roof. There needs to places where these things need to be discussed, and we simply can't avoid discussing these matters for the sake of "positivity" (I'm not saying you're saying this).

Collectively it is our responsibility to discuss the realities we face while avoiding descending into the negative mindset that tends to paralyze. Most strategies and tactics that are expressed here are expressed in a very straightforward, blunt manner, as men will do. But as individuals we need to recognize that these are "training wheels", and are extreme when taken at face value, but nevertheless contain an essence that we can incorporate into our own being in proper balance.

I've had a new essay brewing in my brain that I wanted to present to SS at the right time. It involves proposing that in view of the fact that the problems we face today have been well-identified, how can we move forward in a more positive light?

I think the negativity here has been an absolutely necessary (though unpleasant) step in the evolution of SS as relates to our culture, and I think that this phase needs to evolve into a more constructive phase. This can't be forced, but as the idea is posited I think perhaps the time is ripe for the subtle change to start occurring.

It cannot be denied that a war has been declared on men by the powers that be in order to emasculate them and thereby control them, and to get women out in the work force paying taxes, but now that the light has been turned on we need to work together to come up with ways to reclaim our authority as nature intended and to restore proper balance. The issues are real, and they are ugly. War is an ugly business. I stress that we are not at war with women, but rather with the influential powers that have them in emotional bondage.

I think it would benefit us all to remember that the principles expressed here at SS are generally accurate, but we need to leverage these bluntly expressed principles into an effective, positive lifestyle, taming our angry emotions and recognizing that we can make a difference in our day-to-day interactions with both men and women.
 

sph21

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 27, 2013
Messages
279
Reaction score
179
Age
42
Jariel said:
Coincidentally I've just seen a post on Facebook that relates to what I've written...


"‘The axe forgets; the tree remembers.’
- African Proverb

At some time or another we all fall victim to our ego – our fears and our insecurities. We allow them to speak for us, from a place inside of us that is not truly our own. As a result we can say things we do not mean or hurt those who we only want to love.

So remember, the next time you feel as though you’re about to say something you may later come to regret, ask yourself – is this me or my fears talking? Do I really want to hurt this person, or am I just feeling hurt myself?

Choose your words carefully. One person’s momentary slip may become scars on another person’s heart."

Sounds a bit cheesy, but it's true. A lot of the negative actions we take are the result of us feeling negative, but once the damage is done, it can't be taken back.
Maintaining positive thinking all the time is hard. I slipped because I had some bad days and left some scars.

Great post! :up:
 

GS750

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 28, 2013
Messages
1,565
Reaction score
192
Jariel said:
Coincidentally I've just seen a post on Facebook that relates to what I've written...


"‘The axe forgets; the tree remembers.’
- African Proverb

At some time or another we all fall victim to our ego – our fears and our insecurities. We allow them to speak for us, from a place inside of us that is not truly our own. As a result we can say things we do not mean or hurt those who we only want to love.

So remember, the next time you feel as though you’re about to say something you may later come to regret, ask yourself – is this me or my fears talking? Do I really want to hurt this person, or am I just feeling hurt myself?

Choose your words carefully. One person’s momentary slip may become scars on another person’s heart."

Sounds a bit cheesy, but it's true. A lot of the negative actions we take are the result of us feeling negative, but once the damage is done, it can't be taken back.
Great post. I've always been one to choose my words carefully. I think the world would be a much better place if some people would think before they open their mouth and spew something negative.
 

Serg897

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 19, 2001
Messages
1,194
Reaction score
20
Age
37
Location
North America
Great post. I have been very negative lately (my current living situation has contributed to this) and I have no doubt that this has affected my social interactions and especially my success with women.

Anyway, I am fresh out of an LTR (for good this time) and I will be posting a bit more like the good old days...
 

Serenity

Moderator
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
5,065
Reaction score
4,916
Age
33
Location
Eye of the storm
Atom Smasher said:
Great post, Jariel. Repped.

Unfortunately, the very nature of the forum is to address some very serious sociological issues, issues that many men ("blue pill") have no concept how to cope with. While it's good and necessary to identify the issues and come up with some strategies, all too often a negative mindset creeps in and overcomes, the result being what you so brilliantly articulated in your post.

The reality for men in this day is very, very tough. For most men out there it's a no-win situation, and suicides among men are through the roof. There needs to places where these things need to be discussed, and we simply can't avoid discussing these matters for the sake of "positivity" (I'm not saying you're saying this).

Collectively it is our responsibility to discuss the realities we face while avoiding descending into the negative mindset that tends to paralyze. Most strategies and tactics that are expressed here are expressed in a very straightforward, blunt manner, as men will do. But as individuals we need to recognize that these are "training wheels", and are extreme when taken at face value, but nevertheless contain an essence that we can incorporate into our own being in proper balance.

I've had a new essay brewing in my brain that I wanted to present to SS at the right time. It involves proposing that in view of the fact that the problems we face today have been well-identified, how can we move forward in a more positive light?

I think the negativity here has been an absolutely necessary (though unpleasant) step in the evolution of SS as relates to our culture, and I think that this phase needs to evolve into a more constructive phase. This can't be forced, but as the idea is posited I think perhaps the time is ripe for the subtle change to start occurring.

It cannot be denied that a war has been declared on men by the powers that be in order to emasculate them and thereby control them, and to get women out in the work force paying taxes, but now that the light has been turned on we need to work together to come up with ways to reclaim our authority as nature intended and to restore proper balance. The issues are real, and they are ugly. War is an ugly business. I stress that we are not at war with women, but rather with the influential powers that have them in emotional bondage.

I think it would benefit us all to remember that the principles expressed here at SS are generally accurate, but we need to leverage these bluntly expressed principles into an effective, positive lifestyle, taming our angry emotions and recognizing that we can make a difference in our day-to-day interactions with both men and women.
+1
Good post! The hard part is to lead the lost ones in the right direction. It was hard getting there for me, it was the greatest mindfvck I have ever experienced.

I would say that the message we send is not the problem, it's just the way we send it. It also depends how resistant the receiver is to the whole idea. Change doesn't come before resistance is killed.
 

adam225

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2013
Messages
730
Reaction score
32
Location
UK
Jariel said:
Thanks mate! What kind of meditation and hypnosis do you do? Any recommendations?
You need to find decent classes by you that you can attend. These are the classes I attend http://meditateinbirmingham.org/ (if you're not far from me then I'd highly recommend them) The thing is you're not just learning to mediate, there is a lot of discussion on "life in general" which helps shift your outlook on life towards a more positive and optimistic outlook
(I like to call the classes a "reality check"). I feel just by reading your posts you'd like the classes, so I highly recommend you give them a try.

As for hypnosis, I went and seen Peter a while back now when I was going through a load of sh1t in my life. I can't honestly recommend him enough, he has completely flipped my life around. I think he can teach you self hypnosis in 1 session. A lot of it is person dependent though, what was for me, maybe different for you, if you know what I mean (You can discuss this over the phone with him first) . http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk/

Self hypnosis is all about being in control of your life and not letting your emotions get the better of you. It's not no bull sh1t as well, IT WORKS, take it from me ;) .

Also, there are two audio books that I've just listen to that I feel you'd enjoy : "The Power of Now" & "The Power of your subconscious mind" Both are an EXCELLENT listen. I'm sure you'd get just as much listening pleasure out of them as I did. They are both available to download off "Itunes" ...
 

SamTheHobit

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2011
Messages
1,521
Reaction score
95
Location
South Africa
Good post.

To bad as soon as I have a positive mindset someone, something or even myself destroys it.
 

Wolfgang D

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
242
Reaction score
23
Jariel said:
"‘The axe forgets; the tree remembers.’
- African Proverb
There are, of course, no "African proverbs" any more than there are "European proverbs", "Asian proverbs" or "Amerindian proverbs".

If I asked any African immigrants where I live if they had heard of "their" proverb about axes and trees, they would probably just stare blankly at me. But this one has been printed on bumper stickers and the like in the U.S., in different variations such as "The tree long remembers what the axe soon forgets." Probably someone just made it up and decided to call it "African proverb" to make sure people would think it was exotic. Much like Chinese Checkers was invented in Germany, and was then called "Chinese" complete with pictures of Chinese rural life printed on the board to appeal to the exotic-hungry American market.

I know a girl, a foreign student, who comes from the ruling class in Kenya, and who speaks very fondly of her Parrot Clan. And not so fondly about some other groups. To think that she would share proverbs with, say, nomads in Somalia or Moçambique, on account of living on the same continent, is something only someone with a public-school-inspired postcard picture of non-Western countries would do.

There you go. Always happy to assist in the sweeping away of feel-good beliefs.
 

PlayHer Man

Banned
Joined
Dec 22, 2012
Messages
1,708
Reaction score
189
Location
East Coast USA
Great overall message. Positive thinking is great as long as its rooted in reality.

Many negative thinkers were originally positive thinkers. Their delusional positivity is what landed them in bad situations. Its like the person who doesn't wear a seat belt because doing so is "negative thinking".. the same as "assuming you will have an accident". Then when you crash and fly through the windshield you have regret.

As far as dealing with women goes... a man simply needs to know whats good for him and what he will tolerate. Then he should refuse to settle for anything less. Even if this means being alone.

One could argue that beta fag behavior is based on negative thinking. The man kisses the woman's ass because he fears rejection. He fears any kind of blunt, rude, or demanding behavior will send her packing. So he puts on a fake smile, talks in a high pitched voice, and lets the woman do whatever she wants.. whether he approves or not. :crazy:

I say--> be as realistic as possible. Positive when appropriate and negative when appropriate. Life has a good mix of both and you have to acknowledge both to be well balanced.
 
Top