NEG-HITS screwed me over!!

[Duke]

I met this HB a couple months ago. Her bytch shield was always on full-blast. Went to the movies with her and some friends. On the way out, I said, "Hey you look good tonight." She says, "Thanks!" I say, "What happened?"

Turns out she held onto that little comment and has been building hate for me like a pressure cooker. A little while ago on an IM, she went into this big rant and among other things told me to NOT treat women like that for future reference. Then she said I was annoying her and to go speak to someone else.

I tried the "lighten up, I was only joking" retort, but it failed. In my experience, it's ok to be moderately ****y and unpredictable, but making direct negative comments about THEM gets me nowhere fast. So what is with the guys on this board preaching neg-hits? HAVE YOU ACTUALLY TRIED THEM? Do they only work on 1% of women? What's going on?

The neg-hit I used can be found in the DJ Bible appendices, and the chick now hates me.

 

[WatchMeWalk]

Neg hits are meant to be used on exceptionally beautiful HBs. The point is to knock them off thepedestal that her past AFC suitors have placed her. If she is any less than a 9 on the scale, she'll take neg hits personally.

 

[whatsupwiddat]

C+F doesn't work.

Confidence is overblown.

Neg hits; DON'T use them.

I need to clear these things up, and will do so shortly.
Stay tuned.

 

[LoBo]

Well if she was such a BIATCH, who cares? You don't need that BS. She can go take her stuck-up, socially-retarded, sex-less ass and set it in some deep, dark hole somewhere to never be bothered by society again.

Seriously dude, if she got all worked up over that, be glad she hates you. It saves you the trouble of trying to get rid of her later when you realize the horrible mistake you made by ever going out with her.

 

[Duke]

Watchmewalk: She IS VERY HOT. She is the type that goes out dancing and gets mondo attention from guys. This is why my expression was one of shock and horror when she got pissed at me.

whatsupwiddat: Please, please clear this up sometime. You could save us from trial and error.

 

[Duke]

Lobo: That is my only consoloation. Maybe she has low self-esteem and takes herself too seriously, but I couldn't tell it. She is clearly sending me stuck-up bytch signals... that's why I thought neg-hit would work.

 

[Deep Dish]

Originally posted by whatsupwiddat
C+F doesn't work.

Confidence is overblown.

Neg hits; DON'T use them.

I need to clear these things up, and will do so shortly.
Stay tuned.

I positively agree!

 

[Grey Fox]

You can try for a rebound and invite her out for coffee, saying that you would like to make it up to her if her feelings were truely hurt.(This should knock her way off balance.) Tell her again you were kidding and tell her your sorry she has a poor sense of humor and that you don't need her to tell you how to talk to women. Tell her exactly how she comes off, and that the only mistake you made was going out with someone who lacks the confidence and good natured attitude to take a little "playful teasing." Tell her that you honestly expected more out of her, but you'd like to try another date now that both your expecations and perceptions of each other have adjusted.(Only if you want to try again.) If not and she is to crabby to do anything then say, "I was right, something did happen because your phyiscall appearance really covered up your hideous attitude."

The only reason she may be so angry with you is because she likes you and is really hurt, or she lacks a normal sense of humor and humility.

But if this is just to much trouble, chalk it up to experience, carefull how you play with neg-hits, they do work but its got to be natural and she has to already know your kidding with each other. But you said she was a ***** so you might as well NEXT her.

-Grey Fox

 

[TesuqueRed]

Why did you wuss out and apologize (I was only kidding!)--??

What were you doing with her on AIM (or IM--whatever)--??

You either didn't deliver it right or she has issues or she wasn't all that HB as you say..

Besides, you're listed as 17---is she that age or close? At that point she's still ripping thru more hormones than most of us will ever see the remainder of our lives, still learning how to wrap guys around her finger, and the other finger, and the one next to that, and ...

Does neg-hitting work on someone as undeveloped as that??? I mean, she's still a GIRL -- with pert tyts, but still a GIRL, just 2 years out from the pig-tail look, right?

 

[Duke]

Originally posted by Grey Fox

The only reason she may be so angry with you is because she likes you and is really hurt, or she lacks a normal sense of humor and humility.

-Grey Fox

Well now that you mention it, whenever she flew into the rant, she said:
"I don't even know why I'm talking to you. Normally if people treat me like that, I don't talk to them for a LOOONG time."

The movie we saw was "Dumb and Dumberer" and she seemed to enjoy it, so I believe she has a semblance of a sense of humor. She might be lacking in the humility department, though.

Thanks for the date suggestion.

 

[El Campeon 56]

In all honestly ****y and Funny plus neg hits work marvels. They are the single best way to make a chick who normally views you as an average joe as someone who has something different about him, since you out of many have the balls to screw around with her. Only a gutsy man with something special about him would do this and girls interest soars while this is used. But again its all in context, you have be known for being ****y as hell and calling it as you see it and being playful. That has to be your character the entire time you speak to a girl, and they will be receptive.

 

[Duke]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
Why did you wuss out and apologize (I was only kidding!)--??

What were you doing with her on AIM (or IM--whatever)--??

You either didn't deliver it right or she has issues or she wasn't all that HB as you say..

Besides, you're listed as 17---is she that age or close? At that point she's still ripping thru more hormones than most of us will ever see the remainder of our lives, still learning how to wrap guys around her finger, and the other finger, and the one next to that, and ...

Does neg-hitting work on someone as undeveloped as that??? I mean, she's still a GIRL -- with pert tyts, but still a GIRL, just 2 years out from the pig-tail look, right?

I apologized because she was REALLY offended. I heard from a friend that she told her friends about what I said and sounded pissed. Then she came out and told me, so yeah.

Pretty much everybody my age uses AIM. I *DO* have her number, and I seem to fare better with girls over the phone, so I'll try that next. The stoic "computer voice" doesn't work for me since I rely so much on inflection. Do you reccomend NOT using AIM to chat to girls at all? Like I said, it doesn't seem to be as effective as the phone, but it's more convenient.

My delivery was fine. I sounded serious througout but I cracked a slight grin as I said "What happened?" She gave me that "I can't believe you just said that!" look and smiled on the way to her car and said bye. I didn't realize anything had gone wrong until days later when my friend informed me that she was pissed with me.

Yeah, she's 17 too. That's true. Maybe girls need more field experience before neg-hits can become effective. This issue needs clarification as it's praised by many but has the potential to totally backfire.

 

[trajhenkhet]

What can I say either you were too ****y or she had a stick too far up her ass for it to be pleasurable.

 

[Duke]

El Campeon:
I've used C&F to some success. Being enigmatic also works. But neg-hits... the act of actually insulting someone to throw her off kilter. It's just been bad news except for the girls that I have great rapport with (the ones that can instantly tell I'm just messing with them).

 

[Duke]

trajhenkhet

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by Duke
I apologized because she was REALLY offended.

I am almost ready to believe you, but on what evidence?

I heard from a friend that she told her friends about what I said and sounded pissed. Then she came out and told me, so yeah.

Ok. That's evidence. But not enough. Use your own judgment here (this is tough to do at first) whether you were or were not out of line. If she's the one who should lighten up, recognize it and don't budge. Listen to the response you get back, but don't take that as your only guage for measuring whether you were out of line or not.

Pretty much everybody my age uses AIM.

Yes, they do. So? A bad deal is a bad deal--if 1000 people do it or 450,000 from Miami to Seattle do it, is it less of a bad deal? WTF does "everyone my age" have to do with justifying it?

Those that use AIM here are young and say the exact same thing ("everyone around me does it!") and the rest of us repeat "you're too available"---"she knows you're at home doing nothing better"---"you become GF #37 to her like all the rest of her GFs..."--"you can only weaken your game here..." etc.

Does "everyone my age does it" make any of that invalid?

It's a new tech, I'll grant that. But we all adapt to new tech (men and women) differently and use if for different purposes.

Case in point: the phone was new tech once--for a long time, too. I remember the rotary dial, btw-before push-buttons came along!

Everyone my age uses the phone. Women get cell phone plans of 300, 400+ minutes and use it all up and pay extra. But guys soon learn NOT TO USE 300 MINUTES talking with a potential date!

How is AIM different? How---??????? What does "everyone my age uses it" change the equation--???

I don't see it. Please explain.

It's simple: what you are doing is causing you harm. Don't do it. The younger you are the more "herd animal" you are and MUST do what everyone else does (this explains fashion for women, btw...) Yet, in this case, it hurts you. You will have to define your own way now or 10 years from now. This is the key--by staying off AIM (regardless of everyone else) using the phone briefly and setting up active dates, you will pull so far ahead of others and learn much more in that time.

That's preachy--can't help it, but it's still true.

I *DO* have her number, and I seem to fare better with girls over the phone, so I'll try that next.

Next??? Huh??? If you do better on phone, do it first!!! You're dead right about that, though...

The stoic "computer voice" doesn't work for me since I rely so much on inflection.

You and me both. Why aren't you playing to your strength?

Do you reccomend NOT using AIM to chat to girls at all? Like I said, it doesn't seem to be as effective as the phone, but it's more convenient.

Absolutely--don't use AIM. Call (phone), set up date, meet. Keep it real.

M@sturbation is convenient.

'nough said.

Then again, maybe not. Time to rant--here goes:

Convenience isn't--by itself--absolute justification. A car is convenient. Fast food is convenient. Malls are convenient. Result? America is the land of soulless shopping malls with bland, bovine-figured SUV-driving (because nothing else will carry that carcass!) water buffaloes--66%+ of us are overweight or obese! Go from NJ to CA and you haven't missed anything or seen anything new--why bother? That's what convenience gets you.

My delivery was fine. I sounded serious througout but I cracked a slight grin as I said "What happened?" She gave me that "I can't believe you just said that!" look and smiled on the way to her car and said bye.

Usually that's good. In fact, it's always good.

I didn't realize anything had gone wrong until days later when my friend informed me that she was pissed with me.

Really? I'd say you're being tested or she's a head case. Don't crack. This is one of those stepping up to the next level (meaning you can take the heat..) and riding through it.

Yeah, she's 17 too. That's true. Maybe girls need more field experience before neg-hits can become effective. This issue needs clarification as it's praised by many but has the potential to totally backfire.

Good point--neg hits can really backfire because they require spontaneity and judgment and daring and risk-taking. These are not guaranteed for success. You cannot plan these (IMO) either. The rewards are great, the costs (by definition) likewise.

She's young. 17. It'll be another decade before she's lost her "girl-ness" for good. She'll be a 100% unqualified woman at that point. Women hate the word "girl" because it was used against them for so long, but it's like guys or boys: you don't become a full-fledged man untill a good while after turning 18.

She's got hormones and different personalities racing through her so fast, I wouldn't be worried.

 

[whatsupwiddat]

Originally posted by Deep Dish
I positively agree!

So Deep, after so many years of doing this, you have come to the same conclusion as I?

Let's not tell the others, I'll clean out my inbox for you.

 

[Oxide]

bah, u just want to get the love letters from him.. well fine!

 

[MikeYikes122]

I disagree with this. I don't really understand why you guys are all so afraid of using AIM. Well maybe you guys are older than I am, but you all still should hear me out. I am just barely two years older than this guy, and I think it's great for him to be using AIM.

Let me tell you about how my last girlfriend and I got together. She was extremely shy, and she was still kind of dating a guy who went to school very very far away. She was in an awful relationship, but was almost too embarrassed to let anyone know about the condition of the relationship. So naturally, she would get very very defensive of anyone who accused her of being with me. Well anyway, the point is, IMing me was a whole lot easier for her to do than picking up the phone and calling me because of her shyness or walking up to me during class and conversing with me. The vast majority of our conversations for probably two or three months while she was shedding her old boyfriend took place online. Granted, I would call her or meet her or go visit her anytime I had something important or serious to tell her about. But the point is, I consider this girl my most serious girlfriend. I have never gotten closer to a girl.

So what I am getting at is, AIM is perfectly fine to use so long as you're using it in moderation and balancing it with phone use. And to be honest with you, the idea that you're going to standout by not using AIM is a little far-fetched to begin with, especially at the age of 17. As you said before, everyone is using AIM, so I'm sure if you don't use it twenty-four hours a day, no one will think you're a computer geek. Wait till you start college, everyone will be on AIM. In fact, AIM will become a part of your life because it is the only way you can communicate with friends from home.

So by not using AIM, I think you're missing out on a few things. First off, you're missing out on the shy/weird girls who really may be into you, but they just don't know how to respond to your approaches. Second, girls are constantly leaving me messages just to kind of flirt with me. As odd as that may sound, it is real easy to pick up on. And third, it's pretty easy to get a hold of any girl, anywhere, anytime. I'm not sure where this girl is telling you this stuff about how she is offended, but if it's on AIM, it may indicate that she is too shy or too inexperienced to say something like this on the phone or in person.

Just a few thoughts..... I'm probably going to get off of work tomorrow to find three guys telling me I'm wrong. At least three more guys telling me I'm an AFC, and maybe one of these guys will tell me to go back to high school. And possibly, although I haven't seen it yet, one person assuming that I am a social outcast who has never taken out a girl in his life.

 

[Igor]

Originally posted by Duke
On the way out, I said, "Hey you look good tonight." She says, "Thanks!" I say, "What happened?"

Well, personally I think this is not even a neg hit, imho it's really an insult. Not crossing the fine line between insults and neg hits is quite difficult, and this is one of the reasons that negs are suggested for experienced guys only. Not that I really am one, but, you know, so I read...

From memory:
A neg hit is NOT an insult. It is a compliment or statement, honestly delivered. It just isn't what she wants to hear.

Read this really good article:
Sir Chancealot's Neg Hit Post