Needs Time Alone?

[kingxxxman]

High School student here going to a boarding school. I was getting heated with a girl who had just come out of a LTR. She was really into me but then one day, just before we were going on vacation, she tells me she's not ready for a relationship and she needs time alone. She mentioned that she "missed" the guy that she used to be with who broke up with her. Now after vacation, we're back to flirting and I feel attraction but I don't want to chase. What should I do? Should I try to heat things up, ignore her or? We're going on Christmas break soon. Is this the correct approach? I still have feelings for her.

 

[C-quenced]

High School student here going to a boarding school. I was getting heated with a girl who had just come out of a LTR. She was really into me but then one day, just before we were going on vacation, she tells me she's not ready for a relationship and she needs time alone. She mentioned that she "missed" the guy that she used to be with who broke up with her. Now after vacation, we're back to flirting and I feel attraction but I don't want to chase. What should I do? Should I try to heat things up, ignore her or? We're going on Christmas break soon. Is this the correct approach? I still have feelings for her.

She was on the rebound dude. The worse thing you can do is to catch feelings (easier said then done but definitely not impossible). If you have multiple girls (on the same level of attractiveness if not better) to focus on and spend your time with she won't be on your mind 24/7. Right now you are playing into her game and you are going to torture yourself if you allow it to happen. It's up to you if you want to persue this but don't try to go hopeless romantic unless you like pain (and many guys do). **** her really good and you may get her to fall in love with you but I wouldn't take her for anything more then sex. Why? First of all she already seems flaky, immature and inconsiderate as hell and secondly you want nothing to do with her baggage and stupid decisions regarding the guy(s) she affiliates herself with.

Needing time alone generally means she's not interested for whatever her reason. It's a strong possibility that her ex guy is back and whether he is or he isn't really doesn't matter. The flirtatiousness also means nothing. She probably just needs your attention. If you want to gauge the situation make your moves and judge her behavior. Report back on what goes on and we can try to help you out dude.

 

[Boilermaker]

Work on that issue of having feelings for someone who rejected you once.
No feelings in the beginning. They just get in the way. Try to think of her as just another chick, which she is.

Keep flirting, if you "feel" attraction it means you are doing something correct.
You shouldn't "try" anything at this stage if they are not happening naturally.
There's not much you can do to force attraction, unfortunately. You could try and ask her out, but why rush?

Just play with her, and get lost, and make an effort to forget her. Don't put too much thought into holidays, and breaks and times you won't see her.

Do something else, you're a kid! You'll have many girls, don't worry

 

[kingxxxman]

If you want to gauge the situation make your moves and judge her behavior. Report back on what goes on and we can try to help you out dude.

What moves do you recommend I make so I can get a clear idea of whether she's gaming me or not?

 

[kingxxxman]

You shouldn't "try" anything at this stage if they are not happening naturally.

When you say naturally, what do you mean by that? Should I try to ask her to study with me or stuff like that or should I have her make the first move?

 

[Boilermaker]

She probably already knows you are sensitive with her.
So you need a strategy if you are going to ask her to study with you.

One effective strategy is to try to be her friend. Like you will study with your sister. Talk about girls, ignore her attraction, play stupid if she initiates kino.

Something like " Hey, let's study for such and such final I really need help" could work.

But if you are going to initiate something, you have to play foolish. Act genuinely disinterested.

Otherwise you'll screw it up, by getting serious, touchy, moody and she'll pick it up and you'll be dead.

 

[C-quenced]

What moves do you recommend I make so I can get a clear idea of whether she's gaming me or not?

Pay attention to her body language to start. Look at basic things such as eye contact and make it natural when you decide to initiate any touching and gauge her reaction. If her reaction seems positive and not like you had no right to invade her personal space then take it as your green light to proceed.

During your time togethor does she seem happy to see you and be around you? When its time for you to depart and you embrace pay close attention to her lower body. Whats it like? If she seems like she's leaning over to hug you instead of keeping her lower body CLOSE to yours then consider that she isn't truly interested. If her lower body is pressed against yours then you're in.

If you truly want to know if she's legit invite her to hang out with you when you have something going on. Just don't go out of your way to make plans revolving around her and if she doesn't show up then so what? It's always better to be turned down then to have done nothing at all. Don't take it personal. I've had girls initially turn me down only to be über interested months later. Then again it doesn't really matter if they do but make it a priority to persue more then one woman at a time to increase your odds. All it takes is one decent looking woman in your arms and all of a sudden more girls become interested.

As I said earlier though. Shift gears and invite her for some coffee or something. If she seems hesitant or flaky shift back to first gear and just forget about it. After all if you are chasing girls that are just as attractive if not more so then why would you even care?

 

[kingxxxman]

Pay attention to her body language to start. Look at basic things such as eye contact and make it natural when you decide to initiate any touching and gauge her reaction. If her reaction seems positive and not like you had no right to invade her personal space then take it as your green light to proceed.

During your time togethor does she seem happy to see you and be around you? When its time for you to depart and you embrace pay close attention to her lower body. Whats it like? If she seems like she's leaning over to hug you instead of keeping her lower body CLOSE to yours then consider that she isn't truly interested. If her lower body is pressed against yours then you're in.

If you truly want to know if she's legit invite her to hang out with you when you have something going on. Just don't go out of your way to make plans revolving around her and if she doesn't show up then so what? It's always better to be turned down then to have done nothing at all. Don't take it personal. I've had girls initially turn me down only to be über interested months later.

I think 75% of the stuff there is true. Would asking her to study for a final be a good way to legitimate this? Usually my interactions with her are limited to me flirting with her. She sometimes pretends(I think) to be offended and gives me a glare but I just play it off by turning it into a staring contest.

 

[C-quenced]

I think 75% of the stuff there is true. Would asking her to study for a final be a good way to legitimate this? Usually my interactions with her are limited to me flirting with her. She sometimes pretends(I think) to be offended and gives me a glare but I just play it off by turning it into a staring contest.

Remember that nothing is written in stone and you shouldnt follow theory written on these boards as if one was reading a manual. Feel free to get creative and don't become mentally stiff. It's best not to overthink these things and to go out there and get a feel for interacting with the opposite sex for yourself. I personally don't see anything wrong with asking her to study for finals (others may cry that you'll friend zone yourself) but I personally dont think that its a good way to judge if her interest is for real. Your main goal is to take the interaction outside of school. Inviting her to study at least gives you an excuse to get her contact info if you don't think you can gather up the courage just yet to ask for it. A few days after finals you can always text and ask her how it all went and then take things from there. If she accepts your invitations outside of school then she is genuine and not just being a tease.

 

[kingxxxman]

Remember that nothing is written in stone and you shouldnt follow theory written on these boards as if one was reading a manual. Feel free to get creative and don't become mentally stiff. It's best not to overthink these things and to go out there and get a feel for interacting with the opposite sex for yourself. I personally don't see anything wrong with asking her to study for finals (others may cry that you'll friend zone yourself) but I personally dont think that its a good way to judge if her interest is for real. Your main goal is to take the interaction outside of school. Inviting her to study at least gives you an excuse to get her contact info if you don't think you can gather up the courage just yet to ask for it. A few days after finals you can always text and ask her how it all went and then take things from there. If she accepts your invitations outside of school then she is genuine and not just being a tease.

I see. I just want to be clear though...we basically acted as if we were in a relationship in the two weeks that I saw her so I obviously have her contact info already...

 

[Boilermaker]

You'll get there with experience,

Go out and have some fun now.

No more theory for you,

Return here with some meat, and stop posting...!

 

[Tictac]

Simply agree and then go dark as in NO CONTACT.

When she tries to come back, you will have moved on having invested your time in yourself and your life.

 

[C-quenced]

I see. I just want to be clear though...we basically acted as if we were in a relationship in the two weeks that I saw her so I obviously have her contact info already...

Forget about those two weeks and the way she behaved. If she just got out of an LTR she was probably having you as her temporary replacement for validation, attention and to not feel lonely and she also hooked you in the process.

The reasons as to why you're confused is because she is probably confused herself OR she's just a tease and an attention seeker so she's doing that **** unpurpose. I would say its the latter. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist but women attempt to stir up confusion in males simply because they can. In other words we allow them to. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that it's intentional the happier you will be.

I say give this girl another shot but I stick to what I said earlier. Whether she accepts to spend time with you or not shouldn't matter because you'll also be persuing females that are just as attractive if not more so. If you get over your fears and do this I promise that you'll leave your mind no other choice but to forget about her.

 

[kingxxxman]

Forget about those two weeks and the way she behaved. If she just got out of an LTR she was probably having you as her temporary replacement for validation, attention and to not feel lonely and she also hooked you in the process.

The reasons as to why you're confused is because she is probably confused herself OR she's just a tease and an attention seeker so she's doing that **** unpurpose. I would say its the latter. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist but women attempt to stir up confusion in males simply because they can. In other words we allow them to. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that it's intentional the happier you will be.

I say give this girl another shot but I stick to what I said earlier. Whether she accepts to spend time with you or not shouldn't matter because you'll also be persuing females that are just as attractive if not more so. If you get over your fears and do this I promise that you'll leave your mind no other choice but to forget about her.

Will do. My concern is that she said she needed space and time alone. If I initiate something outside of school after break, wouldn't she think I'm chasing her?

 

[C-quenced]

Will do. My concern is that she said she needed space and time alone. If I initiate something outside of school after break, wouldn't she think I'm chasing her?

Ofcourse thats what she's gonna be thinking. Let her think whatever she wants. It's always better to seem a little aggressive then to be coward and not go after what you want. Needing space and time alone is just chick talk for not being interested. Whatever happens from here take it as a learning experience. I don't think I can emphasize the fact that you need more women lined up for yourself. It's the only way to win in a mating system that's rigged against you.

 

[kingxxxman]

Ofcourse thats what she's gonna be thinking. Let her think whatever she wants. It's always better to seem a little aggressive then to be coward and not go after what you want. Needing space and time alone is just chick talk for not being interested. Whatever happens from here take it as a learning experience. I don't think I can emphasize the fact that you need more women lined up for yourself. It's the only way to win in a mating system that's rigged against you.

Interesting. I think either way, indifferent(ignore) or being a little aggressive will work to my advantage. I see her everyday in class and we worked on a group project together. After finishing our project, everyone left but she just hung around making conversation with me. I think if I went in for the kiss she probably would have allowed it. However, I just kind of finished flirting with her and walked away without saying bye. Was this a good way of ignoring her or was it just rude?

 

[C-quenced]

Interesting. I think either way, indifferent(ignore) or being a little aggressive will work to my advantage. I see her everyday in class and we worked on a group project together. After finishing our project, everyone left but she just hung around making conversation with me. I think if I went in for the kiss she probably would have allowed it. However, I just kind of finished flirting with her and walked away without saying bye. Was this a good way of ignoring her or was it just rude?

Without over thinking things I would take it as a good sign that she stuck around after. Don't over think these things man. Life tends to have a funny way of preventing us from getting what we want when we want it too much. You're asking the wrong question though. What you should be asking is if you have enough attractive girls in your rotation.

As far as ignoring goes some girls really like it others require the push/pull game less. It really depends on the girl. No amount of ignoring will do you any justice unless the girl really thinks you're a catch or she's missing out on something. Give her a taste of how pleasant life is when someone is around you and then withdraw. She should start wanting some attention, come around and up the ante some by playing the same game. Don't get your mind to involved in this game. Get more girls in your life.

 

[kingxxxman]

I see. My plan was on studying with her and flirting with her before my last exam. I would leave and hopefully that would create attraction that she will miss over break.

 

[kingxxxman]

Without over thinking things I would take it as a good sign that she stuck around after. Don't over think these things man. Life tends to have a funny way of preventing us from getting what we want when we want it too much. You're asking the wrong question though. What you should be asking is if you have enough attractive girls in your rotation.

As far as ignoring goes some girls really like it others require the push/pull game less. It really depends on the girl. No amount of ignoring will do you any justice unless the girl really thinks you're a catch or she's missing out on something. Give her a taste of how pleasant life is when someone is around you and then withdraw. She should start wanting some attention, come around and up the ante some by playing the same game. Don't get your mind to involved in this game. Get more girls in your life.

I see. My plan was on studying with her and flirting with her before my last exam. I would leave and hopefully that would create attraction that she will miss over break.

 

[C-quenced]

Just pm me bro.