Need some help and advice from the older guys.

[skEwb]

I'll try to make it short I'm 26 and went out on a date with 23yr old girl. We got along real nice during the date, non stop conversations and laughing and having fun. On the way out of the club I did try to kiss her and she didn't push away or refuse she went for it and we kissed, but no tongue.. she just opened her mouth and didn't wanna use tongue. Anyway, we go back to my place to watch a movie and we're hanging out, she's leaning on my chest and I have my arm around her. At the end of the night she leaves and I tried kissing her again with the same result.

About 10minutes go by and I get a txt msg saying "I had a really good time with you tonight =)" I sent one back along the same lines.

The next day I tried to ask her how she's feeling since we were both drinking and get very short answer like "tired fine" instead of the usual long answer with her typical smiley faces. I decided to leave her alone and call her later to make sure she knows I'm interested in seeing her again, I told her I didn't want to rush into anything but wanted to get to know her better. She let me know that she's interested in the same sort of thing.

The whole day went by today and I haven't heard from her, no txt no call no nothing... I'd think that if someone has the same level of interest in a person they'd at least say hi for the day or something like that? Or am I just being impatient? At the same time I don't want to appear eager so I've decided to leave her alone since she knows how interested I am and the ball is in her court. Any thoughts?

 

[KarmaSutra]

Perhaps she has better things to do than stare at her cell phone all fvcking day?

You need options.

 

[skEwb]

Perhaps she has better things to do than stare at her cell phone all fvcking day?

You need options.

I have options and I have other dates coming up. I was just trying to figure out if this one is a lost cause or worth waiting on.

I got mixed messages I'm trying to figure out.

I guess my past experience has been to get a girl right away and I don't know if she's playing hard to get or she's just not that interested. I'm not used to this I guess... I've always gotten what I wanted....

It makes me think if I didn't get it out of her on the first night that it's a botched ****ed up mistake made by me because I was trying to be respectful since for whatever stupid reason I was...

So I'm trying to make up my mind and think if I should call her again or leave her alone, because I understand women want to be chased, but at the same time not overwhelmed. I supposed it's my job to follow up and call her in a couple of days? Or just leave it alone? If someone could just smack me in the face with the proper way to handle this I'd really appreciate it.

 

[The Bat]

Why are you totally infatuated and obsessed with this girl? You've been on what 1 date? Whoop dee doo.

This is how a girl should be acting and thinking and analyzing. You are a Man, so act like one by not giving a flying fvck about whether she likes you or why she didn't slip you the tongue or why she forgot to use the smiley face.

The only other help we can give you is by buying a gift card for Tampax.

Seriously bro, chill out. Get in touch with her in few days to see her soon. As a general rule, I give new plates 3 chances (dates) to put out. After the 3rd strike, they are out. But you don't have to follow to this guideline if you don't want. Make your own rules.

 

[squirrels]

Perhaps she has better things to do than stare at her cell phone all fvcking day?

:crackup:

 

[decades]

you had her on your couch with her head on your chest and you didn't Escalate! :cuss:

 

[GolfGuru]

About 10minutes go by and I get a txt msg saying "I had a really good time with you tonight =)" I sent one back along the same lines.

This text message means that she likes so far and wants another date. If she didnt like you she would have not sent anything back to you.

At the same time I don't want to appear eager so I've decided to leave her alone since she knows how interested I am and the ball is in her court.

Balls is not in her court anymore after that text message IF she sent you that text message FIRST. That was the queue to be a man, wait a few days and ask her out again.

Also, don't send alot of text messages - pick up the phone and call to set up the next date etc...

 

[NewMan]

to much communication - to much thinking.

Get on with your life. give it a few days, then CALL HER.

drop the text - it's to much back and forth. Give her the space, let her perculate and think about you - you've got to let her miss you.

 

[skEwb]

Why are you totally infatuated and obsessed with this girl? You've been on what 1 date? Whoop dee doo.

This is how a girl should be acting and thinking and analyzing. You are a Man, so act like one by not giving a flying fvck about whether she likes you or why she didn't slip you the tongue or why she forgot to use the smiley face.

The only other help we can give you is by buying a gift card for Tampax.

Seriously bro, chill out. Get in touch with her in few days to see her soon. As a general rule, I give new plates 3 chances (dates) to put out. After the 3rd strike, they are out. But you don't have to follow to this guideline if you don't want. Make your own rules.

I suppose the infatuation comes from our matching ideals and the things we stand about. Our matching tastes and just how cool she is. She's also very hot.

Yes I need some tampax. I know I'm providing you guys with comedy with my total AFC ways. But in all seriousness this isn't me typically. I usually am very laid back and leave things alone and girls come easy, this one is just different that's all.. something more special.

I did get positive feedback today from her so I feel a bit better, but who knows we'll see.

Thanks everyone for reassuring me and reminding me of my AFC ways!

 

[skEwb]

This text message means that she likes so far and wants another date. If she didnt like you she would have not sent anything back to you.



Balls is not in her court anymore after that text message IF she sent you that text message FIRST. That was the queue to be a man, wait a few days and ask her out again.

Also, don't send alot of text messages - pick up the phone and call to set up the next date etc...

Yeah I called her and told her I'd like to see her again but also told her I don't want to rush into anything, I'd like to get to know her better. She really liked that and said we should meet again the next day she gets a day off work.

Good nuf.

 

[skEwb]

you had her on your couch with her head on your chest and you didn't Escalate! :cuss:

haha in all fairness to me I was caressing her arm.. I did try to make out with her and she pushed my hand from her chest and would only let me make out with her. After all this was just the first date!!!

I know there are no excuses, I've hooked up with girls on the first date, but as you can all see from my OCD psychoness not getting it on the first date makes me wanna chase her more...

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I got mixed messages I'm trying to figure out.

The medium IS the message.

I hate the term 'Mixed Messages'. More often than not there's nothing 'Mixed' being communicated and rather it's a guy's failure to read what a woman is communicating. The average guy tends to 'get' exactly what a woman has implied with her words - on some level of consciousness you know what her message is - but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own. When a girl goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message - she's got buyers regret, you're not her first priority, she's deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, she's playing the 'Coquette' etc. - the message isn't the 'what ifs', the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? This IS the message. No communication for a week and a half? This IS the message.

Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to ƒuck she'll find a way to ƒuck. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently wile away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame and ONEitis. Thie is the Cardinal Rule of Relationships. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attention.

What most guys think are 'mixed messages' or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (for whatever reason) to make an accurate interpretation of why she's behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl (i.e. ONEitis) that he'd rather make concessions for her behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. THIS is the position you find yourself in now. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would jeopardize her status with him.

Let this one go son. Spin more plates. You're saying how hot she is, fine. That's your benchmark. If you can hook up with this hot girl, you can hook up with others. You're already too available for her. You keep repeating to her that you don't want to rush things - but, you do so repeatedly, thus conflicting and defeating yourself. You are too available and prove that you would in fact like things to progress. Her hesitancy to kiss you fully IS the message. NEXT her and move on. If she pursues, then you can reassess, but I doubt she will.

 

[Mr. Me]

I decided to leave her alone and call her later to make sure she knows I'm interested in seeing her again

Truth is, a guy doesn't have to TELL a woman that he's interested.

What matters more is if SHE'S interested. Otherwise it won't matter at all if you're interested or not.

And, if she's not sure if you're interested, but she is... that only makes her more interested. The only women that are put off by a guy not "making their interest known" right away are rigid, tight fisted, no sense of humor feminists.

So, what's the point in "making sure she knows" you're interested? Let her wonder.

Anyway, from what you describe about kissing, sounds like you were a bit aggressive before she was ready for it and wanting it. You slipped her your tongue, didn't you? And she didn't do likewise. Then you tried again later, same results. You took her from the club back to your place, but then you text her soon afterwards to tell her you don't want to "rush into anything"... just doesn't come off right.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Don't be a Mikey

 

[Mike32ct]

I think this girl likes you, but wants to take things a little slower. There's nothing wrong with that. You may have closed other girls on a first date, but some won't go for that. Every girl is different.

Relax and call her in a few days.

 

[skEwb]

I think this girl likes you, but wants to take things a little slower. There's nothing wrong with that. You may have closed other girls on a first date, but some won't go for that. Every girl is different.

Relax and call her in a few days.

Thank you for saying this! She has been txting me all day asking me how my day has been and the usual happy tone is back in her messages and she's joking around too.

She also called me and cleared things up a bit. She said if she weren't interested in me further she'd stop answering my txt or calls and even tell me to leave her alone, but she said this isn't the case and she does want me in her future... We'll see..

I guess not being pushy and leaving her alone probably gave her time to think, at the same time I went out with another girl today and had a great time with her too. Sow now I have a couple of options and I do feel better actually.

Don't be a Mikey

haha yes that's funny a friend actually sent me that earlier in the day... unfortunately I was slight Mikey but ultimately I did get a positive answer

Truth is, a guy doesn't have to TELL a woman that he's interested.

What matters more is if SHE'S interested. Otherwise it won't matter at all if you're interested or not.

And, if she's not sure if you're interested, but she is... that only makes her more interested. The only women that are put off by a guy not "making their interest known" right away are rigid, tight fisted, no sense of humor feminists.

So, what's the point in "making sure she knows" you're interested? Let her wonder.

Anyway, from what you describe about kissing, sounds like you were a bit aggressive before she was ready for it and wanting it. You slipped her your tongue, didn't you? And she didn't do likewise. Then you tried again later, same results. You took her from the club back to your place, but then you text her soon afterwards to tell her you don't want to "rush into anything"... just doesn't come off right.

No no! She left my house and txted me telling me she had a great time. Next day we spoke on the phone and I just told her I didn't want to rush. I felt I had to tell her this due to my aggressive actions the previous night. Just to sort of put her at ease so she doesn't think I just want sex, that's all.

 

[skEwb]

The medium IS the message.

I hate the term 'Mixed Messages'. More often than not there's nothing 'Mixed' being communicated and rather it's a guy's failure to read what a woman is communicating. The average guy tends to 'get' exactly what a woman has implied with her words - on some level of consciousness you know what her message is - but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own. When a girl goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message - she's got buyers regret, you're not her first priority, she's deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, she's playing the 'Coquette' etc. - the message isn't the 'what ifs', the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? This IS the message. No communication for a week and a half? This IS the message.

Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to ƒuck she'll find a way to ƒuck. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently wile away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame and ONEitis. Thie is the Cardinal Rule of Relationships. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attention.

What most guys think are 'mixed messages' or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (for whatever reason) to make an accurate interpretation of why she's behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl (i.e. ONEitis) that he'd rather make concessions for her behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. THIS is the position you find yourself in now. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would jeopardize her status with him.

Let this one go son. Spin more plates. You're saying how hot she is, fine. That's your benchmark. If you can hook up with this hot girl, you can hook up with others. You're already too available for her. You keep repeating to her that you don't want to rush things - but, you do so repeatedly, thus conflicting and defeating yourself. You are too available and prove that you would in fact like things to progress. Her hesitancy to kiss you fully IS the message. NEXT her and move on. If she pursues, then you can reassess, but I doubt she will.

I think perhaps I overlooked the tone of it all and it wasn't mixed messages it was just my stupid OCD brain that likes to over analyze and figure out every possibility before it's even reality. It's sad but I'm trying to do the best to correct this as much as I can to my abilities.

 

[skEwb]

Just as I was replying to you all I got a txt from her saying she wants to see me again on Wednesday and hang out with me all day. I am a happy Mikey!

 

[skEwb]

Keep us posted...this is highly irregular female behavior.

I think there is a screw loose up in there with her (been hurt too many times, is my guess). Yesterday she's all having fun and her typical pattern is back and txts me to setup a date for tomorrow. I know she works every day I just shot off a txt her way today (few hours ago), nothing major just something random like how's work type thing and haven't heard from her all day, she might be busy and whatever the reason I'm not too worried.

At this point I'll just use the I don't care method and just leave it the hell alone kuz I got better things to do and call her tomorrow and tell her to get her butt over here for the day date. I wont call tonight to set it up either, I'll return the favor of no communication the best I can. If I don't feel some pretty strong and clear feedback from her that she likes me as much as I do her I will put that good old blackberry down and move to the next girl.

It's a 2nd date so I think if I play it cool and just have fun with her and do some push and pull she'd appreciate it more than if I tried to hump her leg.

We'll see.

On the other hand the other girl I had a date with is super interested and tells me to call her any time I want and has a positive attitude and I feel more of a 2-way positive vibe between us of fairly mutual interest. We speak every day and it's her eager to setup another date rather than me and I dig that.

Thing is I always want what I can't have :/ Don't we all?

 

[Mr. Me]

What you may have there is a girl who just wants someone to liven up her life, take her out of her doldrums and boring every day existence and save her from watching reruns of Will and Grace. Just file that in the back of your head while you're out with her and see if that's the case or not.