Need some help and advice from the older guys.

[skEwb]

What you may have there is a girl who just wants someone to liven up her life, take her out of her doldrums and boring every day existence and save her from watching reruns of Will and Grace. Just file that in the back of your head while you're out with her and see if that's the case or not.

You're right, she works all day then goes home and exercises or watches TV. She does love music and concerts and I think you're right. I'm gonna take her allover town and I told her I'm taking her to the beach too (she loves the beach).

She got back to me today after work in a positive manner and I cracked some neg type jokes towards her and it seems all good, will find out tomorrow how it all turns out. Either way I'll keep you all posted.

 

[thedeparted]

caution - if she has no life, she is gonna be a drag weight in the long run

 

[skEwb]

caution - if she has no life, she is gonna be a drag weight in the long run

She has a lot of friends and has informed me that she's changing stages and she's getting sick of the clubbing/partying scene. Seems to be going on the right track, that's why I said she's at home more.

She still is very social. I only noticed because when we were out at the lounge having a few drinks every time I went to the bathroom I always found her with her phone out reading txt msgs when I came back.

 

[Mr. Me]

every time I went to the bathroom I always found her with her phone out reading txt msgs when I came back.

And if she's using you to take her out so that she can be seen, she may also be giving out digits to guys while you're in the bathroom.

 

[GolfGuru]

every time I went to the bathroom I always found her with her phone out reading txt msgs when I came back.

Ofcourse your gonna think she's talking to other guys. It's the only negative thing that comes to mind.

How about this - who cares if she is? What you should care about is showing her a good time next time you guys go out and continue to control the frame.

One thing I've learned in the 2000's.. Women will look & play with their cell phones all day. It's just what they do and is a habit - sort of a little kid playing with a toy.

 

[skEwb]

Even if she is doing that I don't care really. She said she's talking to friends and I believe her. I'm not one to doubt or get jealous, because after all I also have another plate I'm working on. So I'd be a hypocrite if I busted her chops over it.

I just like to believe I'm her #1 draft pick and I like to keep that mentality unless I'm drafted otherwise

She also has to drive like 20 minutes in my area and we went to my choice of locations, so if it's about being seen I seriously doubt this too. She comes from a wealthy family so using me for things seems unlikely as well. I agree she might be talking to other guys, but my job is to make sure she picks me and the only way I can do this is to keep up what I've been doing, which is be laid back and not eager and show her that I'm the best she can pick.

 

[Mr. Me]

You have to love this idea that as long as you believe you're "controlling the frame" that it doesn't matter what else is actually happening in real life, as if that has no consequence, no bearing. As long as I maintain my frame, my house isn't burning down in this blaze, no, not at all. As long as I maintain my frame, it doesn't matter of what the gal may really doing is using me to her own advantage, no not at all.

Bullsh!t. That's not maintaining a frame. That's maintaining a self delusion.

As long as I walk straight and true on this road, I am fine. Doesn't matter that I'm on the wrong road headed in the wrong direction...

She also has to drive like 20 minutes in my area and we went to my choice of locations, so if it's about being seen I seriously doubt this too. She comes from a wealthy family so using me for things seems unlikely as well. I agree she might be talking to other guys, but my job is to make sure she picks me

Let me say this: Boy, you really like to deny realistic possibilities, don't you? So, if a girl drives some 20 minutes to some place you recommend, it could never be that maybe she has in mind to be seen out at a public place where other guys may be available that she can meet? And because her family has money, that makes it not likely she could be using a guy. Really?

I have a friend who met this chick just the other night, her dad's apparently a doctor. She mentioned some AFC offered to take her to buy groceries for her and she cancelled plans with my friend in order to meet this other guy and do just that. This was after she used my pal to help move her stuff. Oh but wait, she has a wealthy family, so she's not likely to use people.

 

[Nutz]

Truth is, a guy doesn't have to TELL a woman that he's interested.

What matters more is if SHE'S interested. Otherwise it won't matter at all if you're interested or not.

And, if she's not sure if you're interested, but she is... that only makes her more interested. The only women that are put off by a guy not "making their interest known" right away are rigid, tight fisted, no sense of humor feminists.

So, what's the point in "making sure she knows" you're interested? Let her wonder.

Anyway, from what you describe about kissing, sounds like you were a bit aggressive before she was ready for it and wanting it. You slipped her your tongue, didn't you? And she didn't do likewise. Then you tried again later, same results. You took her from the club back to your place, but then you text her soon afterwards to tell her you don't want to "rush into anything"... just doesn't come off right.

Great points. +1 rep for you!

 

[Nutz]

The next time she texts you, wait at least 4 hours to respond.

I like the genuity and analysis in your posts, but I can't help but see the all-too-familiar overzealous, overeager expressions of AFC'ism...I'm not saying that you're a bad guy. It just seems you're giving her way too much attention. It seems like you go through these cycles of her dissapearing and then suddently, briefly, her reappearing and texting you--and you're giddy about it.

Instead, ignore her texts. See what she does.

I dont know about the 4 hours thing. I try to stick with the rule of thumb to take as long to get back to them as they did to me. If that means waiting a day or two, then so be it. This prevents you from being too eager and forces you to match their interest level. If they're just taking that long because they're playing games, then they get put off by your seeming lack of interest, then so be it. I don't like dealing with women that play games.

 

[skEwb]

Jesus ****, are you bull****ting us? You say you aren't typically an AFC? You are about as AFC as it gets. The entire meaning of your life and happiness is dependent on your interpretations of what that days text from her meant. **** dude, you better wake the **** up. You have no chance in hell of ever getting in that honey hole.

The moment you go to the bathroom she is on her phone lining up some real man c0ck to ride that night. You are weak and she is toying with you. She has discovered that by simply not replying immediately to your stupid texts or saying certain things that she has the power to completely manipulate your emotions.



Your inner game ****ing sucks and you have no idea what generates attraction in women.

Bro, it is she who should be wondering about you. She should be trying to figure out how many other pusssy's you've got on rotation. You shouldn't give a flying **** about any of this ****. Why are you sending this chick multiple random texts about "how's her day going?" Woman are attracted to men with power, power in all its forms. The only thing you are sending out is weakness.

Name something you've done to demonstrate power; emotional control; emotional toughness; an unshakeable reality; high standards; or how about just leading this woman to her knees.

If you don't immediately drop this pusssy nice guy persona that you somehow picked-up, you will become an orbitor. You better check between your legs; see those? Good, start ****ing acting like a man.

First of all I didn't say anywhere I reply to her txt messages instantly. I ignored her txt messages more than once and 30mins later she'll ended up calling me. I also ignore her txt msgs when she sends them from work and I do answer her several hours later. I am not breaking any rules there.

The way I've shown power to her is that I have status. I have my own business. I am educated and I'm a genuine person. We've only gone out twice and it's not even over yet. She's called me when I'm out at bars, she's called me when I'm partying on the weekends with my friends. She knows I'm social and outgoing. She's seen other females call me on the phone... what the hell else can I do?

Sh1t man I took her to a coffee shop today and about 3-4 of my friends came around and I showed her I have some social status. Took her out to a secret spot and just showed her a chill time where I go surfing.

She finally opened up to me and she has trust issues with men due to her father leaving her mother. A guy she was with left her and she told me this and she doesn't want to be left again, she wants to make sure whoever she chooses next isn't just trying to get in her pants and throw her to the curb like the last *******. I can confirm this how? A message on her myspace left on june 2008 from her friends saying she's too much woman for the guy that left her and that they have her back. Tonight she told me herself back in June was the last relationship she had and she went in some minor detail as to how/why it ended.. Sure she might/has/probably ****ed guys between now and then. I have not been in an LTR in about the same time frame, but I've hooked up during this time too. As far as I'm concerned I'll take it for face value, why? Well why the **** not.. I used to be mr. jealous and doubt anything and everything people told me, I'm trying to change this about myself and I want it to build my self confidence so perhaps I don't act as AFC as you claim I am.

Yes my psyche might seem AFC, however you know nothing of my past. Assuming what someone is over one woman is a pretty big generalization. I like her a lot and maybe show it too much, fvck it this is AFC, but self control is hard and anyone in my position knows this.

I asked for help, perhaps this is your wake up call for me. I appreciate that. You do have 8 more years of experience with this than I do. I took it easy and I negged her a lot at the end of the night... It was her that went after a kiss for me and told me to call her and said she wants to hang out again.

She is taking it slow because she's been hurt before, she's not the average slut waiting to jump in bed with a guy. This could be the reason it's turning me AFC. I haven't dealt with this sort of woman before and I like every bit of it, good or bad.

I've honestly dated damaged good girls, strippers and fvcked up girls with issues in the past. I'm trying to move forward and date a girl with higher self value and I'm just not used to it. So I am treating her like the sluts that jumped in bed with me on a first date and she's just hitting her brakes.

 

[skEwb]

The next time she texts you, wait at least 4 hours to respond.

I like the genuity and analysis in your posts, but I can't help but see the all-too-familiar overzealous, overeager expressions of AFC'ism...I'm not saying that you're a bad guy; and, you are learning from this.

It just seems to me that you're giving her way too much attention. It seems like you go through these cycles of her dissapearing and then suddenly, briefly, her reappearing and texting you--and you're supposed to feel giddy about it.

Instead, ignore her texts, or tersely command her to text you 24 hours later because you're busy right now and can't be disturbed. See what she does.

She's called me and I've told her I'm busy talking to a friend and I'll call her later. I'll give it a good hour and call her later. I've ignored her txt msgs longer than 4hrs.... I've done all this stuff. I just never clarified myself.

Anyway I have a backup this saturday and a new girl. Not as intriguing as the one I'm going after because she's basically already let me know she's interested enough in me more than I possibly am in her. (On a side note and after reflecting some, this is also probably what I've done with the girl I'm chasing. I just know I have not taken it to unrepairable levels.)

I am spinning plates and I am trying to tighten up whatever game is left in me. You guys might be better at it than me, but that's why I asked for help.

 

[skEwb]

You have to love this idea that as long as you believe you're "controlling the frame" that it doesn't matter what else is actually happening in real life, as if that has no consequence, no bearing. As long as I maintain my frame, my house isn't burning down in this blaze, no, not at all. As long as I maintain my frame, it doesn't matter of what the gal may really doing is using me to her own advantage, no not at all.

Bullsh!t. That's not maintaining a frame. That's maintaining a self delusion.

As long as I walk straight and true on this road, I am fine. Doesn't matter that I'm on the wrong road headed in the wrong direction...



Let me say this: Boy, you really like to deny realistic possibilities, don't you? So, if a girl drives some 20 minutes to some place you recommend, it could never be that maybe she has in mind to be seen out at a public place where other guys may be available that she can meet? And because her family has money, that makes it not likely she could be using a guy. Really?

I have a friend who met this chick just the other night, her dad's apparently a doctor. She mentioned some AFC offered to take her to buy groceries for her and she cancelled plans with my friend in order to meet this other guy and do just that. This was after she used my pal to help move her stuff. Oh but wait, she has a wealthy family, so she's not likely to use people.

I just want to know something. What do you do when you are courting a new female? Do you take her phone and check to see who's txting her or who is calling her? If something is happening that is out of my control then I can't really do something about it now can I? Unless you give me access to her phone records, you could be as wrong or as right as me.

It might sound idealistic. I just like to see it in a positive light. If she's using me then so be it. I wont be the first or the last man on earth a woman has ever used. I will admit I've used women in the past as well, so if this time around it happens to me I wont be too surprised.

You're right all the possibilities you've mentioned could be as correct as mine. Half empty or half full, only time will tell. She spent the whole day with me today from noon to 8:30pm. I didn't buy her anything I only spent money on gas for driving around and I have enough money to do that and I also enjoyed myself at all the locations we went. We went out, met some of my friends, hung out at the beach and came to my place and watched a couple of movies. At the end of the night I got a kiss and a reminder to call her because she wants to see me again. I don't think it went that bad.....

I will be the first one to admit I was wrong if in some time it gets cold or I don't get anywhere with her like I want to. I will come to this forum and tell you that you were right and I'm a total idiot that got used. Until that time comes I'll do my best to stay composed.

Thanks for analyzing my situation.

 

[jophil28]

You have to love this idea that as long as you believe you're "controlling the frame" that it doesn't matter what else is actually happening in real life, as if that has no consequence, no bearing. As long as I maintain my frame, my house isn't burning down in this blaze, no, not at all. As long as I maintain my frame, it doesn't matter of what the gal may really doing is using me to her own advantage, no not at all.

Bullsh!t. That's not maintaining a frame. That's maintaining a self delusion.

OH no, I am shocked. So PERCEPTION is NOT REALITY.. Wow !
That should rattle a few of the hippy drippy relativists here.

 

[skEwb]

You know what, I don't even know who I'm kidding. Here is the story straight.. She's an ex-cheerleader, ex partier, wh0re tag on lower back wearing hoe. Yet she wont give sh1t to me by the 2nd date? Fvck this sh1t You're all right, you're looking out for me and I'm being a fvcking AFC.

This wh0re has half nude pictures on her photobucket, but claims she's better than that..... I've had enough, you guys are right, the 3rd date I will fvcking push it hardcore I don't care if she smacks the hand away or if she doesn't wanna do it, it's my way or fvck it.

Thanks all, I need to reclaim my balls over this fvcking hoe. I'm sick of being idealistic.

 

[Nutz]

You know what, I don't even know who I'm kidding. Here is the story straight.. She's an ex-cheerleader, ex partier, wh0re tag on lower back wearing hoe. Yet she wont give sh1t to me by the 2nd date? Fvck this sh1t You're all right, you're looking out for me and I'm being a fvcking AFC.

This wh0re has half nude pictures on her photobucket, but claims she's better than that..... I've had enough, you guys are right, the 3rd date I will fvcking push it hardcore I don't care if she smacks the hand away or if she doesn't wanna do it, it's my way or fvck it.

Thanks all, I need to reclaim my balls over this fvcking hoe. I'm sick of being idealistic.

Sounds like she was buck wild back in the day and now is looking for Mr Reliable and isn't giving it out like she used to.

 

[NewMan]

She finally opened up to me and she has trust issues with men due to her father leaving her mother. A guy she was with left her and she told me this and she doesn't want to be left again, she wants to make sure whoever she chooses next isn't just trying to get in her pants and throw her to the curb like the last *******.

This is so BS.

what a fvcking excuse.

open up another fortune and spin me another.

This chick is nothing but a rash of issues and drama. If you can hit it, hit it - but I would not put any investment into her.

 

[Nutz]

/facepalm.


Women that cut back on the sex for fear of losing men stop doing that crap when they realize that the act of holding out on him will cause him to leave her.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have to be willing to show her the door.

 

[skEwb]

Sounds like she was buck wild back in the day and now is looking for Mr Reliable and isn't giving it out like she used to.

I think she's still wild and had I not found a photobucket with her posting pics of herself (recently) in bras with tits hanging out and showing off her lower back tattoo online but telling me she can't show me because "she'd have to lift her shirt" she's giving all these BS excuses to try to appear like a good girl to me, but truth is she's just a hoe in disguise.

It's like you said Nutz, next time it's either give it up or she's gonna get the door. I'm tired of her pretending like she's a good girl to try to persuade me to think of her differently.

This is all in new light to me as I just found more stuff about her. I didn't know and I guess I was falling for the "good girl", "educated girl" with an engineering degree soon to have a real good job! :crackup:

 

[skEwb]

This is so BS.

what a fvcking excuse.

open up another fortune and spin me another.

This chick is nothing but a rash of issues and drama. If you can hit it, hit it - but I would not put any investment into her.

Yeah no more investment going. I think I'll play the game of not calling her or giving her the attention I've been giving her the past few days. If she calls me back and wants to hang out, fine, otherwise I'm moving on to the 2nd girl that's showing more signs of openness early on.

Why should I have to put up with some fake hoe that sees me as a prized possession because I'm treating a hoe like a housewife. I bet she loves the attention and loves feeling good that a guy is chasing her and she's holding out to convince me that she's good for me.

 

[GuanYu]

You know what, I don't even know who I'm kidding. Here is the story straight.. She's an ex-cheerleader, ex partier, wh0re tag on lower back wearing hoe. Yet she wont give sh1t to me by the 2nd date? Fvck this sh1t You're all right, you're looking out for me and I'm being a fvcking AFC.

This wh0re has half nude pictures on her photobucket, but claims she's better than that..... I've had enough, you guys are right, the 3rd date I will fvcking push it hardcore I don't care if she smacks the hand away or if she doesn't wanna do it, it's my way or fvck it.

Thanks all, I need to reclaim my balls over this fvcking hoe. I'm sick of being idealistic.

I've read this whole thread and I think it's the best advice you've given to yourself. Follow this and you'll be fine. Also good to see you keeping it real instead of trying to make her out to be a good girl which she isn't.

Whatever you do, if you do hit it try to keep her on as a FWB. You shouldn't invest any real emotions in her if you can program yourself not to she doesn't sound trustworthy.

Also, it's been said many times before in various threads, but if you feel the need to keep tabs on her (checking her messages, phone, facebook, etc) then that's your gut telling you something. Follow that gut - it never fails.