Need some advice from someone outside the situation

[Itsjustme]

I've just been there. She was 23, cute and great in the sack.
The ego boost was sensational and when she ditched me for a younger man , I was crushed.
Not so much about being dumped, but that my young, little piece of fluff was gone, as was my increased feelings of self worth.
But I know if I keep improving myself, I'll get someone better and more worthy of my emotional investment.
She's texted and emailed a few times but I haven't replied. I had to email her once about a work issue but it was one line and very, very formal.
She even commented that she didn't like how I was so formal now and that she misses me.
I didn't reply. You gotta say goodbye to bad rubbish.

It is a huge ego boost and the thing is I always knew I had this one in my back pocket because no matter how hard I try I knew she would always be there. She always tries to get back togethor after some time apart. I think shes losing it because this time it's not working. She did manage to get me to let her come back over and I ****ed the **** out of her that night. that's when all this **** started again.

As far as keeping track of all emails, I have enough naked pictures that she's texted me with face and all, hell even videos, that i think I have the upperhand as far as that's concerned, sadly that's another thing i'll miss though. She would do anything I asked, I would tell her to go get naked in the bathroom at work and send me some pics and she would happily oblige. i've never had something like this before. I'd tell her to come out on stage and makeout in the closet with me and she'd happily oblige. I even stuck my **** in her at work before, wasn't full on sex because I didn't ***, just wanted to see if i could get that far and it took some coaxing but eventually she happily obliged. I'm fairly certain I could ask her tomorrow and she'd head right to that closet and let me **** the **** out of her in there.. It's hard not to do that and it's hard to let that go lol

Most of the people at work know our history and alot of them get on her case about all this breakup stuff she recently told me that the head honcho (whose also a woman) told her she needed to be fair with me if she wasn't sure what she wanted and it seems like this lady totally sympathizes with me and knows what i'm going through/dealing with even though I try my best to never show it. My ex told me how frustrated she was about this. I guess it's good to be surrounded with people like this. The boss lady is on my side. Damn i'm pathetic lol it would be a great situation if I could have kept my feelings in control.

 

[scrouds]

Every time I consider easing up on my self imposed restrictions on hitting on girls at work, I will read this thread again.

Bad. Idea.

If you really want to be a diick, you may want to have a discussion with your boss lady about the level of sexual harassment you're experiencing in the workplace.

 

[Iceberg]

It is a huge ego boost and the thing is I always knew I had this one in my back pocket because no matter how hard I try I knew she would always be there. She always tries to get back togethor after some time apart.

The thing you need to realize about your ego boost is, it's not about you. She will be like this with the next guy. And the next guy. And the next guy.

This is how SHE acts in relationships. It's not you bringing out these emotions in her. It's about her...to put it simply....being crazy. I've dated this girl before. No, not your girl. But once you've dated enough of these chicks, you realize they're all wired the same way. And what I've learned is, the highs and lows you experience with them....some other dude has dealt with the same thing.

And yeah, I'm sure she's given you the "I've never felt this way about anyone before." routine. But trust me, at 26 years old, this is not her first rodeo.

 

[Itsjustme]

It's true about the high's and lows, she even warned me when we first started dating that she was a rollercoaster and I should stay away..

I caved a little bit today..

She texted asking if I felt like kissing her today.. I brushed it off but told her to send me some naked pics and she went to the bathroom and undressed and sent me pics. She didnt take off her panties though and when I told her to she said the only way I was gonna see that is if i ****ed her lol

Its hard to resist.. It is fun and it is an ego boost, I managed to avoid any physical contact at least.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

It's true about the high's and lows, she even warned me when we first started dating that she was a rollercoaster and I should stay away..

I caved a little bit today..

She texted asking if I felt like kissing her today.. I brushed it off but told her to send me some naked pics and she went to the bathroom and undressed and sent me pics. She didnt take off her panties though and when I told her to she said the only way I was gonna see that is if i ****ed her lol

Its hard to resist.. It is fun and it is an ego boost, I managed to avoid any physical contact at least.

I don't see where the ego boost is coming from. Surely you can't think it's an amazing achievement to get a psycho, trashy girl to do things like this.

This is basically the "ego boost" from making a crackhead perform a dance routine for some crack money. She's an attention wh0re. You're giving her attention. The next man on her rotation will get the same treatment.

It's not like climbing a mountain or seducing a super model. You're just taking advantage of a character flaw in a crazy person. Not exactly a great accomplishment. And don't convince yourself that you're in control now. She's much better at this game than you are.

The fact that you're responding to her already means that you're going to give her another chance. Because you think there's hope, and you miss her, and blah blah blah random excuses blah. It's a shame....a lot of people tried to help you, but sometimes people have to learn the hard way.

 

[Itsjustme]

Maybe i'm an attention ***** too? I don't know... She sent me a picture today she has about 20 post it notes with my name and various other things written on them stuck up behind her desk...It's crazy. She's not coming over and were not getting back togethor don't worry but I still have to work with her so i'm going to see her and she's going to keep begging, I guess I have to learn how to deal with it.

 

[lgbs2004]

It's true about the high's and lows, she even warned me when we first started dating that she was a rollercoaster and I should stay away..

I caved a little bit today..

She texted asking if I felt like kissing her today.. I brushed it off but told her to send me some naked pics and she went to the bathroom and undressed and sent me pics. She didnt take off her panties though and when I told her to she said the only way I was gonna see that is if i ****ed her lol

Its hard to resist.. It is fun and it is an ego boost, I managed to avoid any physical contact at least.

Some people can never learn! Stop doing it now, go no contact with her as soon as possible. Leave her behind she's no good for you!

 

[Reyaj]

Here is a more realistic perspective on this thing man...

Most of us would love to have a semi psycho trashy girl for a booty call... If you are a real pimp I would bang the hell out of here and live out your kinkiest fantasies on her.... then let her loose when you are bored.

However if you really can't control your feelings... then I guess all the other advice on this thread is legit.

I know what I'd do if I were in your shoes though

 

[Reyaj]

Here is a more realistic perspective on this thing man...

Most of us would love to have a semi psycho trashy girl for a booty call... If you are a real pimp I would bang the hell out of here and live out your kinkiest fantasies on her.... then let her loose when you are bored.

However if you really can't control your feelings... then I guess all the other advice on this thread is legit.

I know what I'd do if I were in your shoes though

 

[Itsjustme]

I don't know is she's psycho or trashy or just confused or young...honestly i'm already getting detached from the whole situation. I got her in our little secret place today at work she was blowing me but stopped and said this wasn't enough for her.

then some text ensued:

"I can't be just some girl from work that you flirt or mess around w..

That's why i couldn't do it... I want more than that if that's what you were offering.

And if that's all you have to give. That's fine and i'm glad I know. But I can't do that.

I've changed I think.

Lol. Like I said, Bad timing..

When I'm not ready, you are... Once i've started to get my head straight. You're not interested lol life is funny

Anyways, i've said too much go backto work"

Then I responded:

V, i've put up with more **** from you than I should have to from anyone in a lifetime lol

Her:
OK. I'm sorry.

Me: Your living with another dude now.. What's different? Because it seems like everything keeps getting worse

Her:
I'll stop now I promise.
The living situation is temporary. What's different is me. I've taken time to evaluate what's important. But it's alright. I get the saying "too little too late."

Me:
Look, I love you but I gotta draw the line somewhere and all your doing is talking

Her:
Ok pls advise the actions you would need to see.. And no I don't think ****ing at work counts.

Me:
The Facebook and changing your number got my attention.

But then I found out you got a dude living with you. I don't care if he's ****ing PeeWee Herman. You know better than that.

Her:Like I said in my email - I'm in no rush. If things are meant to be, they will find a way. I'm not giving up on trying to be with you.

Me:
Remember when you asked me the rules? And I told you just don't do anything you wouldn't want me to do?

Her:
I understand. I'm aware of the situation I've put myself in.

Me:
I know for a fact you would freak the **** out if I got a girl roomate.

Her:
your right I would, I was being retarded and told myself it was ok because we weren't talking and he's one of ******'s(Her girl roomate) friends and it was only for a little while sigh. I'm extremely apologetic for being so thoughtless in my actions.

Me:
I know you are but here's the thing. You don't just **** up and then ask me to deal with it for the next 30 days.

Her:
Ok i'm sorry. I believe you wanted space. I know I can do that for you. Like you said we'll see how things are in a month.

Me: Did you read what I just wrote?

Her: I get it i'd rather keep your friendship than lose you completely after all is said and done. I apologize again for everything.

Me: Repasting text: I know you are but here's the thing. you don't just **** up and THEN ASK ME TO DEAL WITH IT FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS.

Her:
I read that

Me: well that's what your doing right now. Your not doing anything to fix it your just asking me to wait.

Her:
I don't mean to ask you to wait. You told me you won't date me if I have a guy staying in my apt.. I can't kick him out. Idk how to fix that at this moment.

Me: it's pretty simple.
If that's more important to you then that's what you should do.
I'm done being second best to everything else in your life.

Her;
You're not second best.
So your telling me to kick ******'s guest out of our apt to prove that you really are my top priority correct?

me:
You ****ed up, you figure out how or if you want to fix it. I'm just telling you i'm done taking a backseat to everything else.
I love you but I deserve better than that.

Her: ok i'll work on that

Me: And I hate to ask right now but can you fax something for me?



LOL I don't know how to fax so I honestly needed her to fax this paperwork.
She came out to get it from me and we actually made out a little bit then she asked in some subtle way i don't remember if she could come over tonight, that she just didn't want to do that at work.. I told her i'd think about it.

i don't know if i'm going to answer when she calls but i'm not going to let her come over tonight.

i know y'all are saying to go ghost but there's alot to learn from this and the only way i'll ever know for sure is to see it for myself. the more I learn the more detached I become. Kinda seems like it's all becoming a game and I really don't care who wins or loses at this point either way i'm gonna come out of it a better man in the end. I will never beg, plead, grovel or anything like that, that's not me, i just want to learn and that's what i'm doing.

And just for the record, we've texted on and off but aside from last Thursday i haven't physically seen this girl for over a month mostly of my own doing. i've turned her offers to come over down numerous times.. It's only because of work that we eventually started seeing each other again recently.

Maybe i'll look back on this all eventually and realize how silly I was but that's what it's about right? The experience?

 

[Die Hard]

Oh, the joys of a cluster B bytch!

Go ahead, dude. Wallow in the constant push-and-pull, embrace the mindfvck and enjoy the constant chase for certainty!

Not dizzy from it all yet? Don't worry, it'll come... It takes some time, the draining of your energy is going slowly...but you'll wear out eventually.

We'll be here to help you recover afterwards...

 

[Itsjustme]

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the advice, that's why I keep posting, it helps me keep my head on straight and I would love to keep recieving it. It's just the way I am i'm stubborn, I have to learn things on my own even if it means hurting myself. It really helps to see it through another person's eyes more experienced than myself. Let's just call it an accelerated learning process.. I really am becoming detached from the situation. The more I learn it feels like the more detached I become and as a side effect the more control I have. Sometimes it hurts but lately for the mostpart it just feels pretty damn empowering.

 

[Iceberg]

I don't know is she's psycho or trashy or just confused or young...honestly i'm already getting detached from the whole situation. I got her in our little secret place today at work she was blowing me but stopped and said this wasn't enough for her.

We went through the "young and confused" bullsh*t a few days ago. She's not confused. You're just not sharp enough to see through it.

i know y'all are saying to go ghost but there's alot to learn from this and the only way i'll ever know for sure is to see it for myself. the more I learn the more detached I become. Kinda seems like it's all becoming a game and I really don't care who wins or loses at this point either way i'm gonna come out of it a better man in the end. I will never beg, plead, grovel or anything like that, that's not me, i just want to learn and that's what i'm doing.

Dude. You didn't go from heartbroken and obsessive about this girl to "not caring who wins or loses" in a few days. That's bullsh*t. I'm not mad at you...it's your life. But you're not being honest with yourself.

It's not about you learning from this. It's about you not being strong enough to do what needs to be done.

I mean, I'm not surprised. You didn't seem like you were serious about this. You can always tell the difference between the guys trying to make a serious change in their lives and the guys who just come here to vent for a bit and then go back to their old ways.

And what's worse is, your girl is legitimately awful. This isn't just a case of a somewhat b*tchy girl in a bad mood. Your girl is a freakin psycho. Like, one of the BAD ones. And again, you're just not strong enough to keep this pace. You think you have her where you want her, but you're not the type of guy who can control this girl. Which is why the best advice is to go find yourself someone who's NORMAL.

Maybe i'll look back on this all eventually and realize how silly I was but that's what it's about right? The experience?

Well, no. That's just what you're telling yourself to justify it.

It's like getting burned by the same hot stove 10 times, and saying that the the 11th time is "about the experience."

My point - It's not about the experience when you're making the same dumb mistake for the 20th time.

 

[Itsjustme]

Iceberg, I love your advice man, it's pretty harsh but your wrong, this has been going on for the last year and i've been learning the whole way. Just because I've only been here a few days doesn't mean that i've gone from not caring who wins or loses within the last few days. I've just gained alot more experience from the insight of others in the last few days than I probably have in the entire last year of my life.

Cheers man.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

He'll learn when she takes his money and breaks up with him. Ice gave some of the best advice I've seen to this forum and your still messing with this chick. I'm telling you OP this girl is going to get you fired from your job and your going to be S.O.L.

This thread is sad as hell. This is going to be tragic.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

He'll learn when she takes his money and breaks up with him. Ice gave some of the best advice I've seen to this forum and your still messing with this chick. I'm telling you OP this girl is going to get you fired from your job and your going to be S.O.L.

This thread is sad as hell. This is going to be tragic.

 

[Itsjustme]

Hmm. The money thing is really off base, she's actually spent more on me in the last year than I have on her and as far as work is concerned i'm fairly certain she'd be the one to go not me..and if I was the one to go I wouldn't mind a bit, I'm freelance and I can make more money elsewhere the only reason i'm here is because i'm loyal to the guy i'm working for.

I'm not here to argue though, honestly i'm just here to soak up some advice.. So keep it coming please.. I really do appreciate the insight.

 

[Iceberg]

Iceberg, I love your advice man, it's pretty harsh but your wrong, this has been going on for the last year and i've been learning the whole way. Just because I've only been here a few days doesn't mean that i've gone from not caring who wins or loses within the last few days. I've just gained alot more experience from the insight of others in the last few days than I probably have in the entire last year of my life.

Cheers man.

A long story, but I'll tell you why I'm harsh.

It's because I had to make sacrifices to get to the point where I am in life. I had a very tall, very educated, very sexual girl who I liked a lot....actually I worked with her too....just like you. And she was batsh!t crazy just like your girl. And we'd fight, and we'd break up. She'd throw **** in my apartment. She'd accuse me of cheating. Flirt with other guys. Argue with me in public.

And at some point I looked myself in the mirror and basically said, "Is this the man you thought you'd grow up to be?" So, I broke up with her. Not only did I break up with her, I dumped her in the middle of a party, never to speak with her again. I didn't have plates. So just like you would be, I was lonely. I had no girls, limited friends, and no life. But I knew that all of this pain would build me into something better for the future. I had faith in myself.

In fact, it extends beyond women. I had a great job and great apartment in my previous city. But I was bored, and getting too comfortable. So last summer, I quit the job, emptied the apartment, and backpacked across Europe. Then I came home with $1500 left to my name, lived in my mom's house for a month, and then moved to NYC and tripled my salary. The point being...I understand that to become greater, I have to give up certain comforts. (women. sex. job. home.)

So when I hear some guy talking about. "It's okay if i f**k around with my BPD, psycho, girlfriend a little bit, right? Because all of life is an experiment, right?" I see it for the nonsense that it is. I made the sacrifice that you aren't willing to make. I accepted that I'd have to suffer some temporary pain in order to become something better. You're unwilling to accept that pain, and worse, you're trying to call it something else. Detachment. An experiment. A learning exercise...It's none of those. That is why I'm harsh. I have the scars, and you don't.

And seriously, I'm not trying to kick you around. I want to see you do well. But yeah, nothing pisses me off more than when I see that someone isn't trying. Because I tried very hard, and the work paid off. Anyway, I seriously hope you continue coming back. I'm sure we'll all be willing to help you, should you need advice in the future. We all learn at different paces.

 

[Itsjustme]

I appreciate your ability to empathize, so i'll reciprocate.

I was living in my mom's house for the last 5 years..I went through some serious depression..on my own. I've only recently got my **** togethor. I've never depended on anyone else ever in my life since i've been able to support myself because I had no one even while i was staying with my mom I was helping her more than she was helping me, I sacrificed myself way more than she helped me by having me live there. I recently bought my own house I'm at the perfect place in my career and have at least what I think is a great future ahead of me. I'm finally coming out of that place.

This girl came along at the perfect time, I was already happy and she made me even happier but here's the thing, nobody will ever take me back to that place I don't care who they are. I'm a friggin grown man, no little girl is ever going to ruin me, I can promise you that I've been through far worse than this.

P.S. Your statement about looking in the mirror really hits home. This song has been my motivation the last few days lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-Hpeb4Bb4s

 

[Itsjustme]

Double..