Need quick help: she showing back up

slugey_dude

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hey guys quick story here. Im 28-shes 21. Met on tinder, we dated for about 8 months. In those 8 months broke up once for 3 weeks and got back together. Few months ago she became more and more distant and i begun chasing her more untill she said she thought abt it and we broke up. I never really felr she was ready to commit and although at the begginign of the relationship she was highly into me with a high interest level. Mid august she officially leaves me alone, we stop talking. 10 days ago she liked a facebook post of mine, Abt a week ago she texts me : im at the old port ( a place where we used to go alot) made me think of you, hope your doing ok. To which i responded: Yeah cool place im great hope your ok as well. And pretty much stopped there. Fast forwRd one week, ( 3 hrs ago) she texts me : beeen thinking of you alot lately. And well i genuinly have feelings for this girl stilll.... Is this enough for me to respond and how or is this sinply an ego stroke? Please any advice. Funny how i can give others advice but when my feelings are invilved i dont think rationaly. Any insight please guys. Thanks
 

SgtSplacker

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Interest is low homie. And your giving way too many fuucks right now to turn her back on.

If you want any chance at all just be outcome independent and be ****y no fuucks given...
 

Alvafe

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taking serious a girl you meet on tinder? not good, get more more busy with other things, best you can do right now is go out again, only answer single word text or none at all if is not a question, never answer her too soon, but the real part here you should be doing is going out and you will not care about her anymore
 

slugey_dude

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Yeah. Tbh i like her but iv dated other gurls since her and picked some up and also banged some ... Its not like im sitting in bed crying over her: i wouldnt mind getting her back on MY terms. I can live withouth her at this point, withouth it affecting me. But hey if she wants in on my terms, id be interested. So what do you guys think shes id doing here? Seing to see if she still has me wrapped? Aka a ego stroke? Or testing the field for a potential or us dating again? If its option 1, how would i know if it could be option 2? What would differ? She texted me to say: shes been thinking about me alot lately. Its obv not enough but should i even answer? I was fhinking something along the lines of: better be great things;-)... See in my head as im still into her somewhat, im thinking shes been thinkign abt me alot in the past week to the point where she cant contain herself anymore. and had to text me? Heading home now gents. Can someone here please stear me straight? Thanks community so appreciative! And alvafe. I know man tinder, BUT since my ex and i broke up 2 yrs ago i probably have dated 10 women, ( few dates minimum) and shes the only one that made m feel remotely like my ex did. Ps: keep in mind, this girl im talking about in this post, i treated her like gold; i was super thoughtfull and she always had a great time when we would he together
 

Arcturus

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Yeah. Tbh i like her but iv dated other gurls since her and picked some up and also banged some ... Its not like im sitting in bed crying over her: i wouldnt mind getting her back on MY terms. I can live withouth her at this point, withouth it affecting me. But hey if she wants in on my terms, id be interested. So what do you guys think shes id doing here? Seing to see if she still has me wrapped? Aka a ego stroke? Or testing the field for a potential or us dating again? If its option 1, how would i know if it could be option 2? What would differ? She texted me to say: shes been thinking about me alot lately. Its obv not enough but should i even answer? I was fhinking something along the lines of: better be great things;-)... See in my head as im still into her somewhat, im thinking shes been thinkign abt me alot in the past week to the point where she cant contain herself anymore. and had to text me? Heading home now gents. Can someone here please stear me straight? Thanks community so appreciative! And alvafe. I know man tinder, BUT since my ex and i broke up 2 yrs ago i probably have dated 10 women, ( few dates minimum) and shes the only one that made m feel remotely like my ex did. Ps: keep in mind, this girl im talking about in this post, i treated her like gold; i was super thoughtfull and she always had a great time when we would he together
Hooking up again with women you had strong feelings for, who left you is a very dangerous game generally. As strong as you think you are now, or as over her as you feel, just by reading the way you wrote things I can tell you really are not. Add to that the insane head rush when you guys have sex again for the first time and you think the relationship is back on, and you are really going to be sent to a pretty emotionally vulnerable place. Basically it looks like she had reasons for breaking up with you and has now dated around a bit more. She probably had some really bad experiences with guys and is remembering your old relationship through a positive filter and thinking "hmm he wasn't so bad." Now if you're REALLY changed ALOT, and think you an handle this AND she's THAAAAAT important to you, you can give it a shot, but you're really playing with fire here.

She's probably not looking for an ego stroke, new guys are much easier for that. More like testing to see if you guys could give it another round. You want to talk to her as little as possible while getting her to come over and meet you in person. Text her with something short and to the point, "hey would be great to get together and catch up, come over to my place at 8pm on Thursday, I want to show you something you're going to go wild for." Don't actually tell her what that thing is. The curiosity + her interest should be enough to tip her over the edge and get her to show. Don't express how you feel about her. She is desperate for the validation of a "I've been thinking about you too, I miss you too." If you give it to her, you will loose a lot of power. Keeping it ambiguous or just out of reach, will be the most seductive frame. She has to EARN that.

When she comes it can be anything, a simple dish you cooked, a movie, whatever. Get a few drinks into her and then sleep with her as soon as you can. Before a woman sleeps with a man shes thinking of all the reasons why she shouldn't, but after she is thinking of all the reasons why she did and filters everything through that. Watch out for how you feel about her, after you two get physical. You'll feel emotional, you need to push that feeling away. She is not yours, she is not fully back, she is not the one, the battle has just begun.

You said you treated her like gold and yet she left you. If I had to guess 99/100 times that sounds like a guy who was too weak or too boring. Don't worry about being so "good" to her. You already tried that and if FAILED. Be strong, don't let her see you more than 2x a week, leave her wanting more, be exciting. When you do hang out, do wild, fun interesting stuff, not bs netflix and chill every time.
 

slugey_dude

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Arcturus thank you that is exacly what i was looking for. Havent answered all day and she said... I"m sorry. What the helll
 

Speculator E

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She an ex from 2 years ago. Probably in a bad spot in her life. I was gonna give you advice to give her a chance if you still like her but she from 2 years ago. If she had strong feelings for you why did it take 2 years?
 

dude99

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Yeah. Tbh i like her but iv dated other gurls since her and picked some up and also banged some ... Its not like im sitting in bed crying over her: i wouldnt mind getting her back on MY terms. I can live withouth her at this point, withouth it affecting me. But hey if she wants in on my terms, id be interested. So what do you guys think shes id doing here? Seing to see if she still has me wrapped? Aka a ego stroke? Or testing the field for a potential or us dating again? If its option 1, how would i know if it could be option 2? What would differ? She texted me to say: shes been thinking about me alot lately. Its obv not enough but should i even answer? I was fhinking something along the lines of: better be great things;-)... See in my head as im still into her somewhat, im thinking shes been thinkign abt me alot in the past week to the point where she cant contain herself anymore. and had to text me? Heading home now gents. Can someone here please stear me straight? Thanks community so appreciative! And alvafe. I know man tinder, BUT since my ex and i broke up 2 yrs ago i probably have dated 10 women, ( few dates minimum) and shes the only one that made m feel remotely like my ex did. Ps: keep in mind, this girl im talking about in this post, i treated her like gold; i was super thoughtfull and she always had a great time when we would he together
Once the milk has gone bad dude it can never taste good again. But you will say how you remember it being good. And she is thinking about you and you are remembering the good times.

Sorry bud but when she dumped you she wasn't thinking about the good times she was thinking about the next guy. Leaving you to ponder the good tasting milk. The memories the fun. Then when things went gor $#IT with the new guy and she realized she was alone then you got the text.... thinking of you.....

She is banking on you waiting on her. Trust me dude...the milk is bad. If you entertain getting back with her you may have a few weeks of phoney good times but you will be right back into crapsville with her in no time.

Walk away on this one.
 

slugey_dude

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Thanks for the sound advice gentlemen. As of right now im staying in control. Dude and Arcturus you guys both raise super valid points. I realize she failed a few relationships in the past 2 months we were appart and now realizes her mistake. Im making it hard on her. So far. After she texted me i replied : its ok to remember the good memories. Do you think you are in mine? To which she replied i dont think so, and after she wrote again: actually, i really dont know. Im trying to corner her here. Make sure i am always in charge
 

Denny19

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Its a tough call...i would be very weary shes not looking for an ego strone personally. Because if you give in, and she pulls the same thing... she wins.

I know its hard but your attitude should be "you had your chance, peace!"

And i know its hard, in the past i gave 2nd chances out like candy on halloween. Took me years to be able to walk and not look back.

In this case, i know you have strong feeligs for her...but i dont think i could trust that what shes seeing is legit. Women will say anything to get what they want at that moment. Maybe thats what she wad feeling at that moment, but how do you know shes not feeling lonely and wants an ego boost? Proceed with caution
 

slugey_dude

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thanks for all the help , i feel like ow you guys some updated, she texted me a few days ago once more, said she misses me, tried to find out if i missed her, but i didnt budge, she said she was thinking alot and she wants us to perhaps try again..! i set up a meeting with her next week, tentative. going to try to bang her right there and then!
 

slugey_dude

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i am not saying you are wrong., but i am working on it, been running so hard last few days, signing up at the gym this week, moving out of my parents in the next 3 months. getting this **** on track boys! this community is absolutely awesome!
 

RangerMIke

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You need more women in your life, plural. That way if one doesn't work out you have others. WHen you have options you do not come off as needy, which could have been what is driving her away.
 

Trump

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i am not saying you are wrong., but i am working on it, been running so hard last few days, signing up at the gym this week, moving out of my parents in the next 3 months.
Bro before you even think about thinking about girls, you have to move out of your parents place and get your own place. 28 and still living with the parents? How do you even get dates?

Brutal.
 
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