Need new advice

Romjuan

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so since ive broken up with the ex been going out with tons of girls. nothing great bunch of 6s or 7s. met this one girl that is an 8. weve been on the same page and been bonding great. both of us on the same page. been getting great vibe from her. ive been out with her for about 4 dates. tonite she invites me over for dinner. she said she wants to cook for me to show me "her domestic"side. I go over, we had a good time, went in the hot tub at her apartment. our conversation was not anything exciting, but not anything bad. we get back into her apartment, but for some reason vibe changes. it was almost like she was no longer interested. Ive never gotten this vibe before, so it really stood out. i can honestly say i have no idea why? when we go back, she pretty much hints that i should leave. so with no oblige, i say im leaving. she doesnt try and say "stay longer" or anything. As i leave i go in for a kiss and for the first time, she doesnt let me get the lips. up until this point i have always got make out, easily. so this adds to my suspicion of different vibe....anyway i dont get the kiss on the lips, i leave, and her knowing im drunk, all she says is "do you want gum". (to show i havnt been drinkin). i dont get it. i guess at this point my move is no contact for 2 weeks to see if she comes to me but do you guys have any advice of anything else i should do? and also do you have any idea why things might have changed? thanks in advance
 

jophil28

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Dupe post
 

jophil28

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Romjuan said:
... she invites me over for dinner. she said she wants to cook for me to show me "her domestic"side. I go over, we had a good time, went in the hot tub at her apartment. our conversation was not anything exciting, but not anything bad. we get back into her apartment, but for some reason vibe changes. it was almost like she was no longer interested.
Clue #1 When a woman invites you into her living space she is signalling to you that she is comfortable enough with you, and interested enough in you, to allow you to proceed past that symbolic boundary at her front door. After 4 dates she was ready to take it up a notch or two.

Clue #2. She invites you over to her place to cook you dinner . THis is her way of qualifying herself to you as LTR material . "The way to a man's heart...and so on."

Clue #3. She leads/ invites you into her hot tub. This is a blatant sexual offering. It was her way of intending to moving the relationship into sex.

So did you read the situation correctly ? NO you didn't.
She practically threw herself at you, and you limited your response to having a bland conversation in the tub with a near naked woman , and getting drunk .

She wanted you to take her and when you did not she shut you down.

Maybe you have one last shot with this woman, maybe not. BUT she is ready to slam the window of opportunity shut forever.

(And learn to be with a woman without the false courage from too much alcohol )
 

Warrior74

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Yup. That's the first thing I thought...the hot tub was your time to move. Women don't do anything more than setting up an opportunity for things to happen, the hot tub really has only one meaning...unless it's also a time machine. But that is a tale for another day.
 

Romjuan

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jophil28 said:
Clue #1 When a woman invites you into her living space she is signalling to you that she is comfortable enough with you, and interested enough in you, to allow you to proceed past that symbolic boundary at her front door. After 4 dates she was ready to take it up a notch or two.

Clue #2. She invites you over to her place to cook you dinner . THis is her way of qualifying herself to you as LTR material . "The way to a man's heart...and so on."

Clue #3. She leads/ invites you into her hot tub. This is a blatant sexual offering. It was her way of intending to moving the relationship into sex.

So did you read the situation correctly ? NO you didn't.
She practically threw herself at you, and you limited your response to having a bland conversation in the tub with a near naked woman , and getting drunk .

She wanted you to take her and when you did not she shut you down.

Maybe you have one last shot with this woman, maybe not. BUT she is ready to slam the window of opportunity shut forever.

(And learn to be with a woman without the false courage from too much alcohol )


i was glad you responded jophil because you always seem to hit me with advice that is dead on, however with what you said here i have to give you a lil more detail. so after date 2,3 and 4 ive made my moves as far as sex goes. weve gone through the make out, lay with each other naked, and actually last time we were together a week ago i went down on her. she keeps holding the sex out because in her words, she wants " to make it special and thinks we should wait till 2 weeks worth of dates." since then, this was the first time we hung out since she said the two week thing so thats why i did not try anything in the hot tub. also there were other people there too that live in the apartment thatwere in the hot tub. the only two things i can think about that stand out that had to make a change in the hot tub are 1. she was not atracted to my body because i do not have a flat stomach, i have a gut. or 2. she thought i finished college and she was suprised while we were in the hot tub i was still working on my degree. she kept saying she thought i finished. those are the only two things that stand out that could have made a difference from our hot tub.
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

jophil28

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Romjuan said:
i was glad you responded jophil because you always seem to hit me with advice that is dead on, however with what you said here i have to give you a lil more detail. so after date 2,3 and 4 ive made my moves as far as sex goes. weve gone through the make out, lay with each other naked, and actually last time we were together a week ago i went down on her. she keeps holding the sex out because in her words, she wants " to make it special and thinks we should wait till 2 weeks worth of dates." since then, this was the first time we hung out since she said the two week thing so thats why i did not try anything in the hot tub. also there were other people there too that live in the apartment thatwere in the hot tub. the only two things i can think about that stand out that had to make a change in the hot tub are 1. she was not atracted to my body because i do not have a flat stomach, i have a gut. or 2. she thought i finished college and she was suprised while we were in the hot tub i was still working on my degree. she kept saying she thought i finished. those are the only two things that stand out that could have made a difference from our hot tub.
Rom, a lot of what is going on with you and this woman is a little difficult to unravel with any certainty ,from your account. However, it appears to me from the post above that she knows that your IL is sky high, and she feels in control of you enough to make you wait for "two weeks worth of dates". Right now she owns the frame. From you first post I am also sure that she wanted to grow a relationship with you . Now, i just don't know.

It bothers me that you and she have discussed sex at all - talking about, or negotiating anticipated sex can kill (or at least deflate ) any sexual tension that you should have built up with her. It is always best to allow a woman's imagination to play havoc with her hormones. I never, ever discuss any sexual aspects with a new woman ..if you are doing it right, words are totally unneccessary.
The first sex with a new woman should be mutually impulsive and explosive, not a previously discussed and arranged genital confrontation after certain agreed conditions have been met.

You had the hot tub setting to fondle her and get flirty . WTF were you talking about school for ? The more that you tell a woman about your life BEFORE you fukk her, the more ammunition you give her to shoot you down.

DO you have any plans to try to rescue this, apart from radio silence ?
 

BobMo'

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My guess, especially in light of the abruptness of her turnaround, is that she's asserting control and power. It was (and still is - I don't entirely think it's over) a test. I agree with the two weeks of silence. No grovelling, and wondering what you did wrong (I hope you were kino-ing her in the hot tub, for God's sake!). Give her one more chance at your cvnnilingus skills.

If she balked at the not-being-done-with-college-yet story, she may be a golddigger, and you're better off walking away from that particular female retirement plan.
 

Romjuan

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yeah i feel i should have fondled her in the hottub however everytime ive seen her before that ive done the kino thing so i figured i was going to wait until we got back to her apartment, plus there were other people in the hottub. jophill- you are right, i did see that she wanted a relationship with me up until last night. shes mentioned it multiple times that she really likes me and that she is looking for a relationship. the only course of action i can think of is the no contact for two weeks to see if she comes to me. unless you guys have any other recomendations.
 

jophil28

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Romjuan said:
yeah i feel i should have fondled her in the hottub however everytime ive seen her before that ive done the kino thing so i figured i was going to wait until we got back to her apartment, plus there were other people in the hottub. jophill- you are right, i did see that she wanted a relationship with me up until last night. shes mentioned it multiple times that she really likes me and that she is looking for a relationship. the only course of action i can think of is the no contact for two weeks to see if she comes to me. unless you guys have any other recomendations.
Rom, her sudden shutdown after her displaying buying signals is still a mystery. Because there is no clear cause there is no clear solution available to you . You have to rely on SOP here.
"When a woman pulls back, you should pull back twice as far.".. That is essentially what you are proposing anyway by going NC for two weeks.

However I do have a sneaking suspicion that you blabbed a little too much about your academic progress (or lack of it ). She was not entitled to know that until after you and she had entered a sexual relationship and she had passed your tests and met your requirements for her to be you G/f.

I am assuming a lot by saying this but, IF indeed she pulled back because you are still on the short side of graduation ( and therefore, in her mind , not earning big $$) ,then she is declaring a lot about herself and you need to decide whether you wish to proceed with a woman whose main criterion for selection is a man's income.

Certainly, she pulled back for a reason - what that reason is may take some time to be revealed.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear RomJuan,
You were boxing over your weight.......She is an eight she was obviously considering you,but the revelations in the Hot Tub just depressed your status...No undergraduate with poor conversation,a fat gut and the tendency to let his guard down when drinking can be an eight....Boxers fight at their own weight,so should you.
 

Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Romjuan

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just out of curiosity,
assuming things changed because of the lack of degree, do we still have a chance or is it done from what you guys have experienced?
 

game.r

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Romjuan said:
lay with each other naked, and actually last time we were together a week ago i went down on her.
Why would you lay with someone naked and not have sex?
Why would you go down on someone and not have sex? did she go down on you as well? to completion?

Romjuan said:
[also there were other people there too that live in the apartment thatwere in the hot tub.
I saw this on television dating shows a few years ago. And i'm still confused by it. I thought maybe they just do it on those shows for ratings..near naked bodies and all, but apparantly not. Why whould you go into a hot tub with a women without knowing there's sex on the agenda? or without having been intimate (sex) with the woman before?

crzy.
 

The Grue

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I have to be honest.
I don't understand the concept of being in a hot tub or in a bed with a woman and not f@cking her.
I mean it has never happened to me. Every time I got them in bed, it went down!
Totally foreign concept.
And what's this with you going down on her?
I mean, has she actually done anything for you to do that?
Personally, I don't like eating out women, but if I nibble a bit, you can be sure a hell that beforehand, she has been doing great work in bed.
 

Romjuan

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i think you guys are reading too much into the laying naked and hot tub thing. this girl has mentioned she doesnt want to be like evrry girl and give it up to me first night, she wants it to be special first time yah dah yah dah. so third daate we go back to her place and we were both drunk so we are fooling around. i thought i was going to have sex which is why i went down, not to mention how drunk i was. i was trying evrything to get her in the mood but she was still holding out. thats the story on the whole "being nked" thing. the hot tub thing was casual too. obviously if we were alone the dynamic would have changed and more kino wuld be involved. but there were 3 other people there. its an apartment hot tub.
 

game.r

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dude you're 29 not 17, when u get into bed with a woman there should be no doubt. You should not being trying to get her in the "mood"... everything should just flow. And if she's playing games get up and get out... don't stay there trying "everything"... wow!

It sounds like you asked her to go "all the way" or something lol. what is she, a virgin? That line about wanting it to be special is sooo much crap... oh and like someone said u need to stop getting drunk.

tease her, toy with her
pull away first
be aggressive, then gentle
look her in the eyes, hold, hold, say I want to **** you so bad right now, then proceed,
make her stop you, don't stop yourself, don't seek permission

If she stops you, don't plead. immediately stop all physical contact! go nornal, but disinterested, after 5-10 minutes of talking about the weather, leave. if she say's you just want sex, admit it. look her in the eyes and say yes, i want to **** the hell out of you and i'm not sorry for that. Then get up and leave... u should be pissed that she played with your emotions at this point.
 

jophil28

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Romjuan said:
this girl has mentioned she doesnt want to be like evrry girl and give it up to me first night, she wants it to be special first time yah dah yah dah. so third daate we go back to her place and we were both drunk so we are fooling around. i thought i was going to have sex which is why i went down, not to mention how drunk i was. i was trying evrything to get her in the mood but she was still holding out.
You know Rom, the more I read about your story the more I am leaning towards believing that she was just dangling you from the outset for her own reasons.
She told you that she wants it to be "special the first time..." That usually means," There is a long wait ahead for you, buddy. "

And then by the third date (both drunk) it is obvious that she had no intentions of getting laid.
After the hottub thing she found some 'reason' to do a 180 and here we are - you with blue balls and all bewildered.

My best guess is this- from date#1 she was auditioning you for the role of B/f. You were on a job interview . In fact you went along to 4 interviews with her until the hottub incident and that was when she decided that you are not getting the job and the salary(sex) that went with it.

IF I were you I would withdraw your applicantion.

You and she wanted quite different things - she wanted a committed b/f with a decent current income who was in the kind of physical shape that women feel entitled to , and you just wanted to bang her.

Not gonna happen.

All reasonably attractive women can snap their fingers and get a zillion men willing and eager to bang them. For a woman, sex is always a CHOICE- which guy. So your fairly obvious attempts to fukk her placed you in that long line of horny ****heads.
The way to bang a woman like this is to NOT try - build sexual tension slowly and dial up her IL in you.

Women are all different in some ways, BUT they mostly all respond to indifference and a "slow hand" .
 

Romjuan

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"My best guess is this- from date#1 she was auditioning you for the role of B/f. You were on a job interview . In fact you went along to 4 interviews with her until the hottub incident and that was when she decided that you are not getting the job and the salary(sex) that went with it."

i think your right on with that jophil. i remember her saying she is looking for a relationship so its clear i am on a job interview with her.
so update. she calls me saturday morning and asks me to go to the beach with her and her friend. i couldnt becausei had work. she says she really wanted me to go with her but since i can t go she will call me when she gets back later on in the night to hang out. not that it mattered to me cuz i went out regardless but she never called. this morning she texts me "im soo sorry i feel so bad. we were drinking at the beach the hole time and i passed out by 8pm. i feel so bad because i told you i was going to call." i responded saying not a big deal that i had plans anyway to hang out with some friends. she then said she just hates it when people say they will call and they dont so thats why she wanted to apologize. she then asked me to go see a movie. so i picked her up couple hours ago and she paid for her and i. we kissed but nothing much more. i just dropped her off but im just wondering where this is going. i dont want to ask her because i figure when im with her i dont want to talk about relationship talk. since she gets up every morning for work at 6am on weekdays the only time i can see us having sex if we did would be on the weekend. im just tired of waiting for ***** with this girl. if this weekende we dont do it i might cut her out.
 

boomerick

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She's a 'rules' girl looking for a omega-cart-mule-relationship-sucker. If it's this much work to try and figure out what's going on and where you stand, why bother. Imagine how much better off you'd be if you spent all this wasted time with a girl who didn't play control games. She's not worth your time. Seems to me your treading water waiting for the 'alluded to' sex to be 'allowed' to happen. She's calling the shots. Move on. NEXT.
 

jonwon

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Romjuan said:
i was glad you responded jophil because you always seem to hit me with advice that is dead on, however with what you said here i have to give you a lil more detail. so after date 2,3 and 4 ive made my moves as far as sex goes. weve gone through the make out, lay with each other naked, and actually last time we were together a week ago i went down on her. she keeps holding the sex out because in her words, she wants " to make it special and thinks we should wait till 2 weeks worth of dates." since then, this was the first time we hung out since she said the two week thing so thats why i did not try anything in the hot tub. also there were other people there too that live in the apartment thatwere in the hot tub. the only two things i can think about that stand out that had to make a change in the hot tub are 1. she was not atracted to my body because i do not have a flat stomach, i have a gut. or 2. she thought i finished college and she was suprised while we were in the hot tub i was still working on my degree. she kept saying she thought i finished. those are the only two things that stand out that could have made a difference from our hot tub.
I think and this is from personal experiance.

This girl is simply dangelling the carrot on a string to you, she probably as no intention to put out but for reasons women know, she loves the attention.

These to me are the worst type of women you can date, they offer you snippets of sex and like a lap dog they watch the guy jumping at each chance to get the se* and then they pull it away, it's like one big game.

No healthy normal women acts like this chick does, unless she is simply playing you. now do you have to conform or slot into a certain frame or come out with something magical or romantic to fuc* her?!!

Don't bother trust me on this, the sex wont be anything amazing and if anything your first fumble with her, she will no doubt act like a sack of potatoes and expect you to do all the work.

These women are out there and I believe 100% you have found one.

Now some guys will blame you, I wont - Simply because when a women makes you work for sex, like this, the sex is never worth it and neither is she.

Yes women take work to fuc*, but having some broad lie naked next to you, get a bath with you and freeze you out too - is a straight example of a blue balling, ball teaser who takes alot of power in pulling this shi*, more so than actually fuc*ing you.

Could you break down the defences?! Dont bother like I said, your time would be better invested elsewhere.

Probably a total freeze out is the way to go-

It will go two ways, if her IL is high enough she will initiate contact, at that stage, you should play it coy, like your a busy man and she is encrouching on your time, and then and only then will she probably put out, because she will sense that sex is the only thing to reel you back in, then 100% definate about this, she will freeze you out again.

I predict this with 100% certainty.

Edit - Just the simple case of her allowing you to go down on her tells me without any doubt in my mind what is going on here.

In truth your supplicating to her sexual demands and lowering your own personnal power - but on the other hand this is the type of girl who would make you do those things - it's not really a reflection on the type of guy you are, more of what your willing to tolerate.

Further edit - it's not that these women value sex, or the institution of marriage or some other moral code BS - like we need to excuse her action of that of a dainty flower, it's simply better for her and more rewarding to see you jump through her hoops and get the power over you -

A little bit like offering a dog a snack and pulling that snack away - it's a fun game, some women do this with sex - This is one of them! The snack isn't worth it and if anything if that dog had any sense he'd learn to open the fridge door and get his own.
 

boomerick

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By the way keep this in mind as far as the rules and "special first time sex" goes --- if Brad Pitt or George Clooney just asked this chick she'd loose the 'rules' and spread eagle naked on a busy street for them. Her 'rules' are there not to protect her but to 'rule' YOU !!!
Over and Out.
 
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