Hi guys. I'm new here and going through something I never have before. The past few weeks my girlfriend of 8 months and I have been up and down until we reached a breaking point the other night.
I had noticed her becoming distant, and one morning I get a text saying that she was unhappy with our relationship. I would occasionally backslide into AFC mode, but catch myself doing it and correct myself, so I thought it through and believed that this just stemmed from her two best friends going through break ups and she just absorbed their emotions of hatred and resentment towards men and relationships. I kept calm, told her I understand, and she explained that she thinks we should go on a break. I tell her OK and then go no contact for half a day. When i re-engaged her I asked her if this break was just time apart or if we weren't in a relationship. She responds with "why?" and I drop out no contact for a day and a half. To which she texts me saying that she wants me back, really loves me, just wanted things to change and not that we wouldn't talk, yada yada yada. We get back together.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago and I find out she's hanging out with this 18 year old kid that she works with. (I'm 26, she's 22) I've met the kid and he came of as this scrawny AFC that I had nothing to worry about. She would tell me when they would hang out, except this one night I catch her lying about being with him. She explains she didn't want me to be angry that she was spending so much time with another guy...yada, yada yada. I brush it off after a long talk about how I'm not gonna put up with her lying to me. (Mistake #1) The next week, I get out of work to find her drunk at home. I catch her lying again about hanging out with this kid and two mutual friends of ours. I walk out on her, but after a day long talk about lying to me I brush it off again, figuring it just had to do with her being drunk. (Mistake #2...I know.)
Then it was this past week I feel her going distant again. I don't feel like I backslide, but maybe just ended up coasting borderline. But I see texts over her shoulder to her friend saying that shes unhappy and she doesn't know if its because of me or not, and that she's just had so much fun with this kid. I tell her maybe we need some time apart, but I end up back at her house the next day and hook up with her. That night she goes to a night class and I end up hanging out with my friend. She texts me to come over, but I explain that I can't ditch my friend. She had a job interview the next morning so she had to be to bed early. Before I went home around 3am from hanging with my friend, I dropped by and left a note on her car for her to wake up to, wishing her luck on her interview.
I wake up to texts of her being sour towards me, not letting her know i got home alright and not even acknowledging the note I left. That night, whikle I was at work she was acting oddly. One word answers and just basically falling off the radar. I tell her I might make a pit stop at the bar for my other friends birthday, but change my mind, and I tell her I'm gonna come by her place. She says not to, and that she's about to go to bed. I tell her I'll come by for only like a half hour, and she says "no goodnight", to which I get angry and reply "really?". She says, "ill see you tomorrow goodnight". Now she would always pop by my house unannounced, and I just wanted to talk to her for a few minutes about how she was acting and I head over to her place. As, I'm driving by its lights out, tv on in the living room, and that kid's car in her driveway.
I text her furious, telling her that I'm done with her. And she's texting back how if I wasn't gonna ditch my friend for her, why should she ditch hers for me?. I go home and change my facebook status and remove everything on it that had to do with her. I stay furious and have her come get all of her stuff the next morning, but now that the anger has subsided, I don't know if i was acting purely out of anger. For all I know, nothing was going on, beings too that night was typically they're hang out night. But, it was always with other friends and never lights out like that. I just broke at the thought of her not telling me she was hanging with the kid, and all signs point to cheating.
I've tried to text her but she's go some sort of block on my number. All my texts work fine except when sending one to her. It's three days later now, and she hasn't removed me from any of her social networks, and still has herself listed as in a relationship. And, her family has posted on my wall, so I don't think shes mentioned it to them. I gave her a ring on Christmas that she wears every day and I can see she's still wearing it in a photo posted today.
I just don't know how to approach this. I've left her 2 messages on facebook, but I don't want to keep contacting her, because I don't want to push her away if this is salvageable. Was I in the right? Was I wrong? I feel like I was disrespected.
(Sorry for the long post.)
I had noticed her becoming distant, and one morning I get a text saying that she was unhappy with our relationship. I would occasionally backslide into AFC mode, but catch myself doing it and correct myself, so I thought it through and believed that this just stemmed from her two best friends going through break ups and she just absorbed their emotions of hatred and resentment towards men and relationships. I kept calm, told her I understand, and she explained that she thinks we should go on a break. I tell her OK and then go no contact for half a day. When i re-engaged her I asked her if this break was just time apart or if we weren't in a relationship. She responds with "why?" and I drop out no contact for a day and a half. To which she texts me saying that she wants me back, really loves me, just wanted things to change and not that we wouldn't talk, yada yada yada. We get back together.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago and I find out she's hanging out with this 18 year old kid that she works with. (I'm 26, she's 22) I've met the kid and he came of as this scrawny AFC that I had nothing to worry about. She would tell me when they would hang out, except this one night I catch her lying about being with him. She explains she didn't want me to be angry that she was spending so much time with another guy...yada, yada yada. I brush it off after a long talk about how I'm not gonna put up with her lying to me. (Mistake #1) The next week, I get out of work to find her drunk at home. I catch her lying again about hanging out with this kid and two mutual friends of ours. I walk out on her, but after a day long talk about lying to me I brush it off again, figuring it just had to do with her being drunk. (Mistake #2...I know.)
Then it was this past week I feel her going distant again. I don't feel like I backslide, but maybe just ended up coasting borderline. But I see texts over her shoulder to her friend saying that shes unhappy and she doesn't know if its because of me or not, and that she's just had so much fun with this kid. I tell her maybe we need some time apart, but I end up back at her house the next day and hook up with her. That night she goes to a night class and I end up hanging out with my friend. She texts me to come over, but I explain that I can't ditch my friend. She had a job interview the next morning so she had to be to bed early. Before I went home around 3am from hanging with my friend, I dropped by and left a note on her car for her to wake up to, wishing her luck on her interview.
I wake up to texts of her being sour towards me, not letting her know i got home alright and not even acknowledging the note I left. That night, whikle I was at work she was acting oddly. One word answers and just basically falling off the radar. I tell her I might make a pit stop at the bar for my other friends birthday, but change my mind, and I tell her I'm gonna come by her place. She says not to, and that she's about to go to bed. I tell her I'll come by for only like a half hour, and she says "no goodnight", to which I get angry and reply "really?". She says, "ill see you tomorrow goodnight". Now she would always pop by my house unannounced, and I just wanted to talk to her for a few minutes about how she was acting and I head over to her place. As, I'm driving by its lights out, tv on in the living room, and that kid's car in her driveway.
I text her furious, telling her that I'm done with her. And she's texting back how if I wasn't gonna ditch my friend for her, why should she ditch hers for me?. I go home and change my facebook status and remove everything on it that had to do with her. I stay furious and have her come get all of her stuff the next morning, but now that the anger has subsided, I don't know if i was acting purely out of anger. For all I know, nothing was going on, beings too that night was typically they're hang out night. But, it was always with other friends and never lights out like that. I just broke at the thought of her not telling me she was hanging with the kid, and all signs point to cheating.
I've tried to text her but she's go some sort of block on my number. All my texts work fine except when sending one to her. It's three days later now, and she hasn't removed me from any of her social networks, and still has herself listed as in a relationship. And, her family has posted on my wall, so I don't think shes mentioned it to them. I gave her a ring on Christmas that she wears every day and I can see she's still wearing it in a photo posted today.
I just don't know how to approach this. I've left her 2 messages on facebook, but I don't want to keep contacting her, because I don't want to push her away if this is salvageable. Was I in the right? Was I wrong? I feel like I was disrespected.
(Sorry for the long post.)