Need help, I'm needy through texts but not in person

[SeeThruIt]

So I've been practicing meeting new women and it's been going ok so far.

I'm now realizing some of my weaknesses and where I need to focus on.

My biggest problem is I come off needy and desperate when I'm reaching out trying to set something up. Sometimes I get caught up in the texting bs, trying to be funny etc thinking it's helping attraction.

When I'm actually with the girl I'm fine and naturally act the way I'm supposed to but then I blow it when I try reaching out again. I can feel my energy throwing the attraction off.

 

[VladPatton]

That's because you text a bunch of fluff talk, it's easy to get carried away. Text with a purpose, with an objective, and that is to set up dates with her.

Or don't text at all if it screws up your game and just call. Save the wit for the real thing.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Palm to face. Surprised 'ol Rex hasn't chimed in on this one yet. Not helping my cause OP.

To add on what Vlad said:

#1 rule with texting: Don't force it.

If you're sitting around trying to figure out how to respond, typing $ hit into your phone then deleting it......put the phone down. Walk away and do a lap, clear your mind, then start again.

If you're trying to be clever, it usually won't come across that way. It should come naturally. If it's not, the last thing you want to do is send something that you're unsure of how it will be perceived.

You'll find some girls will make it easy and simple for you to give good responses, some won't. Kind of like regular covo. Rapport comes into play here as well. If you're not feeling it then remember KISS: Keep it simple stupid.

 

[Blinkers]

I am no expert (these guys will back me up on that fact)

But text bluntly and shortly - if they want to discuss bunny rabbits, they have girly mates for that. Men just want to meet and hump. They know that already..

May sound self serving now but check out how confused this idiot got even though he done everything correctly...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211126

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

This reminds me of that guy who goes to the doctor and says "Hey doc, my arm hurts when I lift it over my shoulder."

And the doc says, "hmm, maybe you shouldn't lift your arms over your shoulder."

If you're killing attraction with texting, stop texting.

Or set up some rules like only 20 characters per day, or only text from within a strip club while getting a lapdance, or translate all your texts into klingon or something.

 

[SeeThruIt]

So what should I do, just text "let's get together on this day and this time" or try calling?

 

[Blinkers]

So what should I do, just text "let's get together on this day and this time" or try calling?

assuming you are known to her then pretty much that but not so vague with the "lets get together" Have a plan and TELL her where it is you guys are going and what time.

'Let's go to the quirky little Spanish bar on George st at 19:00 on Tuesday, grab some tapas and a few beers'

sounds a little more exciting than "get together"

 

[SamTheHobit]

assuming you are known to her then pretty much that but not so vague with the "lets get together" Have a plan and TELL her where it is you guys are going and what time.

'Let's go to the quirky little Spanish bar on George st at 19:00 on Tuesday, grab some tapas and a few beers'

sounds a little more exciting than "get together"

For the love of god don't use the word "quirky".

 

[SeeThruIt]

So I should just assume she's free on the day and time I suggest? I shouldn't ask what her schedule for the week is first?

 

[Blinkers]

HOLY SH1T-

(add me to your ignore list immediately)

 

[Warrior74]

So I should just assume she's free on the day and time I suggest? I shouldn't ask what her schedule for the week is first?

Of course. Which has more emotional impact? Making an immediate decision from the gut or checking your schedule? When you assume and ask directly she will check her gut and ladybits for tingles(sexual interest). The higher the tingles the quicker and more direct the response. If she truly has something to do she will tell you quickly if there are strong tingles. The polite thing would be for her to make a counter offer.

I used to do the invite along.

Hey, going to get a burrito from Mexicans. Lets roll.

Going to see Ron Burgand at 9. Lets go.


I don't ask questions. I give commands. And I ask them to do stuff I will do anyway. So if she flakes I can tell her how awesome burritos or burgandy was. He'll I once told a girl, lets go shopping and we went grocery shopping for me, made spaghetti and banged. I feel like if she is interested and free the Anwser is yes so I don't even have to ask the question.

Bring the movies game.

 

[SeeThruIt]

Nice. Never thought to invite them along to something I'm planning on doing already. Seems like it takes a lot of the pressure off.

 

[SeeThruIt]

Ok I just tried this. Amazed

Me: I'm going to see that American Hustle movie for the 7 o'clock show. Tag along
Her: I want to see that too! But wait, can you wait till Friday??
Me: Hmm. I'll wait if you buy my ticket
Her: Haha deal!

My question now is, do I contact her Thursday night to confirm or?

 

[trent_afc]

No, don't confirm! That gives her a chance to flake. On friday noon-ish, text her "I'll pick you up at X". Don't initiate any texts until then, not to confirm, not to chat, nada. If she texts you before then, keep your responses short/funny... leave her wanting more. Too much texting = too available

 

[abe0]

I too was guilty of that....trying to be cute and funny and trying to connect. Now....I use texting primarily to set date appointments and maybe brief reminder the day of. I may respond with something clever if she texted me...but I do not carry on. Let them come to you....let them initiate most of the texting. But do not carry a whole conversation back and forth ....eventually it is a turn off.
IMHO....Abe

 

[SeeThruIt]

No, don't confirm! That gives her a chance to flake. On friday noon-ish, text her "I'll pick you up at X". Don't initiate any texts until then, not to confirm, not to chat, nada. If she texts you before then, keep your responses short/funny... leave her wanting more. Too much texting = too available

Great!

 

[SeeThruIt]

I too was guilty of that....trying to be cute and funny and trying to connect. Now....I use texting primarily to set date appointments and maybe brief reminder the day of. I may respond with something clever if she texted me...but I do not carry on. Let them come to you....let them initiate most of the texting. But do not carry a whole conversation back and forth ....eventually it is a turn off.
IMHO....Abe

Good tip. I'm now realizing I can just drag/delay a response with interjecting that I'm going to do something if she wants to join.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

For the love of god don't use the word "quirky".

Off Topic Warning

Whenever I'm looking for movies to watch on Netflix, no matter how good the movie seems, how many stars it has, how many glowing reviews it has, if "quirky" is ANYWHERE in the official description, that is a DEAL BREAKER

carry on.

 

[Blinkers]

OK, alright, I'll only ever use that word to an all English audience in future...

But I like it...

Good work OP. Sift through the myriad of opinions, find what works for you and enjoy the game.

 

[pierce_r]

Nice. Never thought to invite them along to something I'm planning on doing already. Seems like it takes a lot of the pressure off.

You've just taken your first step into a larger world.